Chapter 6 - Platform

The bottle sparkled. The light of the moon through the curtains made dancing patterns like Phil had never seen. His head swum with everything beautiful; nothing concerned him but the growing swirl in his belly. Tentative fingers reached out to trace the glass. He poured more. Deep ruby splashed onto the table top. He giggled, wiping a finger to catch the droplets and sucking the juices off. With mock contempt he stared at the kitchen door. In his mind's eye he saw her; lying with a hand over her swelling belly. He could not dare to hate it – but he could loathe its vessel.

He drank deeply, swallowing until the last droplet slid into his thirsty throat. He couldn't hate her. She was his. His best friend. His home.

Except not really, not anymore. Not with those filmy blue eyes, sickeningly blank with the lies of the government.

He poured again, tipping the bottle until even the air ran out. Another gulp. Another swirl of placation in his belly.

He thought of things he didn't want to feel. Brown eyes. Warmth. Beauty. Passion.

His lip curled back. He could never be with Dan. The truth hit him now, over and over until his head hit the table. That scrap of happiness, that minute possibility, was gone. Deflated, he rose shakily from his chair. The empty bottles were scooped into the waste bin. Phil staggered toward the door.

The white walls of the BBC encircled Phil as he worked. His body fixed on autopilot as he edited footage, clicking and clicking until his eyes dried out. His fingers couldn't even tingle, the typing numbing too harshly. If a thought other than white walls or crappy footage entered his mind he would blink frantically and focus harder. The world blurred until the luminescent screen burned into his vision so that even closing his eyes would not diminish it.

If the clock could tick, Phil would scratch his ears until blood stained the floor.

He worked until his iHolo shut off and the room announced that it was time for Phil Lester to go home. His ears deemed a subtle malice in the words; an underlying threat.

The blue portal light flashed around Phil and for a second he longed again for that eternal womb. Instead the urgent voice in his ear made him step off the plate and back into reality. He glanced back at the portal now, and his eyes gleamed as the possibilities that each portal guarded paraded through his mind. He headed out of the building and toward the row of portals to head home to his wife when a dark figure entered his vision. Dan had been leaning against the building wall, awaiting Phil's arrival.

"Church Hill Library," he hissed at Phil as he marched toward a portal, quickly dissolving into light and air. Phil stood agast, wondering where he should go. The thought of being alone with Dan when Phil knew he shouldn't be loomed greatly over his dark head.

V would find him and castrate him if he didn't come back to the Inbetween.

Church Hill Library was a gorgeous building, with blossoming statues and a riveting water feature. Phil looked around to see the deserted patio steps. He supposed reading wasn't such a hot commodity anymore, especially when it could be downloaded to your tablet in the blink of an eye.

Dan emerged from behind a white pillar with a grin on his face. "I used to come here all the time when I was little," he admitted. Phil swallowed roughly.

"It's very quaint," he said softly. "Are you sure it's safe to transition here?" Phil glanced warily around, half expecting a Mn-Chstr representative to burst from the doorway.

"It's fine," Dan promised. "This is an acknowledged safe spot." He pulled the odd device from the satchel slung over one shoulder and fiddled with it. "Let's hope the portal won't fuck up and suspend us in limbo," he joked.

"Thanks for that," Phil grumbled. He found he could not look Dan in the eye. "Don't we have to jump in from the top?" he asked as Dan fiddled with the device.

"Nah, it was just a bit of dramatics," Dan snorted, giving a crooked grin. "Really, we just walk into the orange light and then we're set."

"Will it still feel like I'm falling through space and time?"

"Oh, yeah."

They landed with a jarring "Oof", but Phil managed not to fall on his face the second time around. He surveyed the stretching plains ahead, littered with tents and the unimaginable towers. "I forgot to ask, what about the other tents?" Phil asked as they walked out of the crumbling building.

"Those are for the people who live in the Inbetween," Dan said with a sad smile.

"People live here?" Phil gasped. "But why?"

"To rebel against Mn-Chstr," Dan sighed. "The government started tracing some of them, so they decide it's better to disappear altogether. There are some horrible stories to be found here."

Phil stared at the dingy tents, picturing a scarred face and a harrowing tale in each one. "It's terrible," he whispered.

"Hm," Dan conceded. "Will actually lives down here as well. V too, and a couple of the others you've met. That's why they need people like us," he said, shooting Phil a glance. "To do all the work upstairs."

Phil thought about that for a second, before grabbing Dan's arm and stopping him mid-stride. "How did you get involved in this?" he asked, eyes searching Dan's youthful face for a deeper meaning.

"Just lucky, I guess," Dan said with an upside-down smile. "Well, no. Not really. Um."

Phil was about to press him for details when Will's head popped out of the tent just metres away. "Dan! Phil! Meeting's about to start!"

Phil gave Dan a quick grin before scuttling inside.

V was waiting impatiently for them. She held the packet of information containing Phil's mission in a balled fist. "Thank you for joining us," she clipped. "Lester, read this." She thrust the papers into his hands. "I expect there to be no questions afterward. Alright, let us start the meeting."

The group, which Phil had determined were the leaders of the operation, began to discuss things Phil had never heard of. He tried to focus on the words he was reading as they gestured to various maps and spoke in lowered tones. The words bled in his mind's eye until a tear prickled there. He noticed Will glance his way so he blinked frantically and stared harder at the page.

The guy's name was Charles O'Dowd. He had a husband called Nicholas Merriweather and together they had been assigned a little girl called Allison. He was an engineer at the BBC. Charles looked happy to Phil, happy with his job and life. He couldn't conceive being able to convince this man to rebel against a government that provided so well for him and his family.

When the meeting had finished, and Phil had hyped himself so far into tension that he was quaking, V turned to appraise Phil. "Lester," she said with a wry grin. "No questions?"

He nodded quickly, despite the buzzing words trapped under his tongue.

"Dismissed," she called. The five or so ringleaders rose from their seats and filed out into the night.

Dan pulled Phil away from the others with a knowing glimmer in his eyes. Phil kept thinking, "You have to tell him. You have to tell him." The words couldn't rise past the block in his throat. Dan looked so beautiful tonight, with his hair left curly and his cheeks rosy.

The two stood, breathing heavily in unison, away from the lantern lights illuminating the far-off tents. "So," Phil tried, acutely aware that Dan was inching closer and trying to delay the inevitable. "What's your next mission? I didn't quite hear."

"Oh," Dan said, halting his movements. "I have to learn about radio broadcasting from my job, because we want to set up a covert station for the Rebels. I'm thinking of using my job as a way of resistance, try to get people to think differently, you know?"

"That sounds dangerous," Phil said with a grimace.

"It is," Dan admitted.

"Can you tell me how you got here?" Phil asked, as Dan began to lean in again. Dan narrowed his eyes. "I'm just curious," Phil said defensively.

"Alright, fine." Dan said, rolling his eyes. "About a year ago I woke up to hear noises in the house. I wasn't frightened, at first, because we had set our portal to private. But the noises continued and I began to get frightened. So I snuck out of my room and crept downstairs to where the noises were coming. I saw this dark-headed guy I had never seen before so I attacked him. He took me down so easily – I didn't stand a chance. I was lying there, gasping, and this guy was staring down at me. It got kind of weird. Then he helped me up and asked me not to scream for help. Then he told me who he was."

"Who was it?" Phil asked, enthralled.

"Will," Dan said.

Phil's eyes widened. "What was he doing in your house?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"I'm not too sure," Dan confessed. "Something Resistance related, I gather. Anyway, he whispered all these things to me, things that I had thought about for years… about being your own person and not blindly following the government and I agreed with everything he was saying. He promised to fetch me the next night to show me the Inbetween, as long as I promised to never tell anyone about it. V wasn't happy about it, but she allowed it. I was trained a bit, in combat and such. They'll probably train you too. Only when I turned eighteen did they start giving me missions, small ones. Now that I've recruited you," Dan smiled, "And have an actual use in the BBC, I'm finally getting to do something amazing. I'm finally getting to help."

His dimpled smile wrenched all of Phil's feelings to the front again and he couldn't help but kiss Dan. Their lips' movement and their happy sighs were all that could be heard for a while.

When Phil broke away with swollen lips, he took Dan's face in his hands. "Dan," he exhaled.

"Yeah?"

"Angela's pregnant."

An orchestra of emotion played across Dan's face. "You're still sleeping with Angela?" he asked in a small voice. Phil dropped his hands in exasperation.

"For God's sake, Dan, of course I am. How suspicious would it be if I didn't? Are you honestly telling me you haven't slept with your wife yet?"

Dan's face said enough.

"That's not what matters, Dan, can't you see that?" Phil cried. "Yesterday, it was easy to forget about Angela and fall into this Resistance. Now there's a baby. There's a tiny human who I'm responsible for, and it changes everything!"

"What does it change?" Dan pressed.

"Us!" Phil snarled.

Dan flinched, his eyes screwing as he tried to calm down. "No," he said lowly. "Not again."

"Huh?" Phil asked.

"We are not going through this crap again. I have had enough of not getting what I want. I want you-" his eyes snapped open, "-and I will have you. Fuck it, Phil. You know we should be together. You can feel it, I know you can."

"I- I can't leave Angela!"

"And? You can't rebel against the government either!"

Phil bit his lip as he studied the ground. The heat emanating from Dan's tensed body wrapped around him, fogging his mind and his judgement. "I'm not leaving Angela," he said at last. Dan opened his mouth to speak, before Phil held up a hand.

"You're not leaving Francesca," Phil said firmly.

"It's Chessie," Dan mumbled.

"Chessie, then," Phil allowed, unsure why this admonition of a nickname bothered him. "We are going to continue living our lives as normal. At least when we're up there."

Dan's eyes brightened.

"We're already rebelling down here," Phil whispered, leaning closer to Dan. "It can't hurt to rebel just a little bit more."

Dan couldn't stop smiling as they kissed.

The next day at work went slowly as always. When the hour Phil received as break arrived, instead of eating at his desk like he always did, he took the portal to the lunch room. He hadn't come in here often since working for the BBC, as he was always intimidated by the crowds of people. Although many still remained absorbed by their tablet screens, there were those that chose to band together and talk. The idea of trying to find a clique to sit with terrified Phil to no end.

He scanned the room surreptitiously. He began to walk through the room, trying to look as if he wasn't searching for someone specific. The bag of food he held in his hand became heavier and heavier. He reached the other end of the room with no success. Disheartened, he took a seat at a table away from the others.

"I can't do this," he thought to himself. "I'll never be able to do this stupid mission."

He ate his food slowly, keeping his eyes on his knees.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" a shy voice asked. Phil glanced up, prepared to politely nod and move aside when he froze. It was Charles, the engineer. He wore thick glasses and had a lovely smile.

"Yeah, no, go ahead," Phil said, indicating the seat opposite him.

"I usually sit alone," Charles said as he slid onto the bench. "It was nice to see someone else at the table of solitude, as I like to call it."

Phil laughed. Charles had a slight stutter but it did not affect his charm. "I'm Phil," he introduced himself.

"Charlie, Charlie O'Dowd," he said with a grin.

"It's great to meet you, Charlie," Phil said, a tiny bubble of glee forming in his chest.

It seemed things were finally starting to fall into place in Phil's life, he thought privately to himself as he laughed at a genuinely funny joke Charlie made. Except, of course, for the baby.

Hi guys. I'm almost finished with my exams and then I'll be able to concentrate on this. Thanks for reading!