Chapter 6: Change
"What's with her?" asked James when he watched as Alex hurried to leave upon seeing Sirius enter the room. Lily shrugged.
"She hasn't talked to me about it." She said. The both looked at Remus who was studying at the other side of the table with Peter.
"She hasn't spoken to me either." He said, and then looked up at Sirius. "Is something wrong with Alex, Sirius?" he asked. Sirius gave him a
glare and sat down.
"I don't want to talk about, Lupin." He said, opening a book. Remus went back to studying knowing that the only times Sirius used last names
was when he was joking or upset. Lily glanced back up the stairs where Alex had disappeared.
"Maybe I should try and talk to her?" she asked, glancing at Sirius who merely shrugged. "Or better yet, why don't you try Remus?" she asked,
still looking at Sirius, "She's always willing to talk to you." Sirius sat up straighter in his chair.
"I'll go talk to her." He said, vehemently, slamming his books down on the table and stalking up the stairs.
Sirius tapped on the door which was already open. Alex sat at the windowsill, looking out over the lake.
"Alexa, we need to talk." Alex didn't so much as turn to look at him.
"No, we don't." she said.
"Yes, we do." Said Sirius, striding over.
"Why?" she asked, turning to look at him.
"Because we can't go on avoiding each other for the rest of our natural existence!" he said, shutting the door behind him.
"So we need to talk so that people can see we're okay?" she asked, dripping sarcasm.
"Dammit Alexa, we need to talk and that's it." He said, turning to look out the window with her. "Just tell me why. Why won't you…?" his hands
twitched in a helpless gesture.
"Because Sirius, I won't be one of those stupid little girls who gets their heart broken because their unwilling to look past how damn gorgeous
you are." She said, still looking at him.
"But Alexa, you must know I wouldn't do that to you." He said, simply.
"It doesn't matter Sirius. Relationships end. Friendships don't. Just be my friend, Sirius." She said, almost pleadingly.
"I don't understand you Alexa. I really don't. But it really is too late for me. I can't be your friend because it kills me to be next to you and not be
able to hold you the way I want to." He said, then turned to walk out when she simply remained silent.
"Remus, you must do something." Said Lily after running into the common room.
"What's wrong?" he asked, getting up.
"She's not coming down. She refuses to come down. She keeps telling me she'll just be late for class, but Remus, I don't know, she doesn't
want to leave the room!" cried Lily, upset and confused. Remus followed Lily up the stairs but instead of turning into the girls dormitory he went
to his room.
"But Remus!" Lily said, pointing down the other hall. Remus shook his head.
"No Lily, the problem isn't in that hall, at least not fully." He walked into his room where Sirius was pretending to read a book and pulled his
friend up out his bed.
"You, go over there and tell her you love her!" he shouted, pointing towards Lily. Sirius looked confused.
"Uh, sorry pal, but that's James you're talking about." He said. Lily flushed and looked at James who was in his bed, then left the room. James
followed her out.
"I'm not talking about Lily. Just go tell her you love her." He repeated.
"It's no use, Remus. She doesn't want to be with me." He said, shrugging helplessly.
"No, you idiot, she doesn't want to be with that guy inside of you that refuses to settle down for the briefest second. She wants you to tell her
you love her so she can trust you. Dammit," he said, shoving Sirius towards the door, just go tell her.
Sirius walked hesitantly towards the girl's dormitory but didn't have to go far. Lily was physically dragging Alex down the steps.
"Uh, Lily?" he asked, Lily turned around so sharply she pulled on Alex. Alex teetered precariously over the edge of the steps. Sirius grabbed her
just before she fell. Looking at Lily he smiled, "May I have a word with Alex for a moment?" he asked, so kindly that Lily looked at him in mild
surprise.
"As long as you make sure she is not, I repeat, not late for potions." She said, walking away as Sirius nodded.
"What do you need to talk to me about this time?" asked Alex, turning around to face him.
"I wanted to tell you something." He said awkwardly, but instead of saying anything he merely pulled her to him. "I really don't know how to go
about saying this so I suppose I should just be out with it. I've been in love with you since the day I met you." He said, taking a deep breath,
"When you ignored me and started flirting with Remus, when all I could get from you was a quirky smile or a raised eyebrow. I don't know how
it is I became your friend, I'm only glad it happened. But please give me a chance Alexandria. I can change. For you I can change." He whispered
in her ear. His heart fell when Alex shook her head.
"I don't want you to change Sirius." She said, "I don't want you to change for me. Changing for someone else never lasts long. If you're going to
change Sirius, I'd rather not be the one you do it for." She said.
"I don't understand…I thought you didn't want to be with me because of the way I am?" he said. Alex shook her head and shrugged.
"I don't know what I want Sirius. I want you, but I don't want this…this version of you. You're still nothing more than a boy Sirius. You should be
doing whatever you can to have fun. Don't force yourself to grow up for me. Just come for me when you're grown up." She said, sighing, "Does
that make any sense?" Sirius nodded reluctantly.
"I guess so. But you know," he said, tilting her face towards his, "it simply makes me want you more now than ever." He said, kissing her lips
lightly before descending the stairs. He stopped at the bottom and looked up at her. "You coming? Evans'll have my head if you aren't in class
on time." He smiled weakly up at her and she smiled back and followed him to class.