Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin. Happy Birthday, Gilbert.

Five Awesome Things that Gilbert Beilschmidt Did as a Ghost

Being dead, thought Gilbert Beilschmidt, has its perks after all. He had thought, at first, that being dead meant having no more fun. But that wasn't the case now.

Death never could stop the awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt, anyways.

Awesome Thing Number One: Haunting Roderich

Roderich Edelstein thought he was going to spend an afternoon playing Chopin on his Steinway and Sons grand piano.

He should have thought again.

"Ooooooo, I'm the ghost of the awesome Gilbert, oh yes I am," a voice resounded through the air, cutting through the beautiful classical melodies. Roderich slammed his hands onto the keys, abruptly ending the piece.

"Will you stop that?" he demanded of thin air. "He is dead, and you're not going to trick me into thinking otherwise!" And with that, he started to play Chopin's Prelude in E minor.

"You played that piece at my funeral, didn't you?" Gilbert's ghost asked, grinning from ear to ear as he floated to a rest on top of the piano. Roderich looked up and paled.

"Gilbert?" he asked, frowning. "What reason do you have for coming back?"

In a very Cheshire Cat-like way, Gilbert faded until all that remained was his leer. "I don't know, but you're being haunted by the most awesome ghost ever! Kesesesese!"

Awesome Thing Number Two: Annoying Peeves

It was another normal afternoon for Peeves the Poltergeist, resident terror of Hogwarts Castle. He bounced from wall to wall, loosened up the carpets, and taught the new first years some dirty jokes.

"Kesesese! That's not what that means!" a new voice broke in, and Peeves straightened up to glare at Gilbert Beilschmidt's ghost, who had appeared out of nowhere with his usual grin.

"Ahaha, so the new ghostie thinks he knows better?" Peeves demanded, whizzing backwards and looping around tauntingly. Gilbert cackled and dive-bombed through the first years before rising up and tackling Peeves.

"Ja, of course the awesome me knows what 'that's what she said' means." Gilbert grinned happily.

"Well, then, out with it, ghostie!" Peeves exclaimed, sticking his tongue out at Gilbert.

Gilbert dropped him into the students and floated away with a laugh, yelling "THAT'S WHAT YOUR MUTTI SAID LAST NIGHT!" over his shoulder.

Peeves zoomed after the cackling Prussian, teaching the first years some new swear words as he went.

Awesome Thing Number Three: Bothering Arthur

"I am Arthur, your new Potions Master," Arthur Kirkland intoned as he stepped up to the chalkboard, writing out his name before whirling around to face the students, a smirk on his face. "I was in Slytherin during my time at Hogwarts; I became a Prefect and then Head Boy. I am considered a friend of Harry Potter's. And if you make one crack about unicorns in my class, I will have you in detention faster than you can say 'faerie'."

"What is it with you and unicorns anyways, Artie?" Gilbert demanded. Arthur stepped back, eyes wide with surprise as Gilbert hovered above his cauldron with a grin. "I mean, did you have an affair with one or –"

"That's quite enough from you, Gilbo," Arthur snapped, reaching out and trying to swat him away. Gilbo giggled, rising up and sitting on Arthur's head. The class giggled. Arthur glowered up at the Prussian ghost, but continued with his lecture.

"Today, we will be going over the basic ingredients in Potions making," he began to say, but Gilbert poked him.

"Bother!"

"Stop," Arthur growled, and in a louder voice he continued, "Some essential ingredients to Potions are: newt eyes, frog toes, bat wool, dog tongues, blind-worm stings, lizard legs, owlet wings, Mandrake roots –"

"Bother! Bother! Bother, bother, bother!"

"Gilbert!" shrieked Arthur. "Gilbert, if you don't behave I'm calling the Bloody Baron!"

"That silly old Baron would be no match for the awesome me! Bother! Bother! Bother!"

Awesome Thing Number Four: Reuniting with West

Ludwig hadn't been himself for days.

Gilbert knew, because he overheard Feliciano talking to Lovino about it.

"Why did Gil have to go? Why did he die and not me? He was the best friend I ever had. Why him?" Survivor's guilt weighed on Ludwig's heart, and while part of Gilbert loved the attention, the other part felt guilty.

Oh so fucking guilty. And feeling guilt was unawesome.

"Luddy," he whispered to the room, and Ludwig turned around, rubbing his eyes. They were bloodshot, and even as Gilbert neared he could see the tears threatening to spill. "Luddy, you all right?"

"Nein," Ludwig choked out, and Gilbert sighed.

"I'm sorry, Bruder. I'm so sorry."

"You can't be sorry for dying, Gil," Ludwig replied, his voice stuffy with emotion.

"Then don't cry, you unawesome turd! Come on, smile a little! The awesome me's still here!" And Gilbert reached out, but his fingers poked right into Ludwig's cheek. The German laughed, and Gilbert couldn't help but smile as well.

"Ich liebe Dich," Ludwig mumbled through a watery smile.

Gilbert laughed. "Ich liebe Dich auch."

Awesome Thing Number Five: Confessing to Elisabeta

"Hey, Eliza! Didja miss me?"

Elisabeta Hedérváry looked up from her camera to see a transparent figure bearing a likeness to her dead ex-boyfriend, Gilbert Beilschmidt.

"Gilbo!" she exclaimed, setting down her camera and walking over to him. "You came back!" There were so many emotions on her face, each one running across her features like a fast-paced film. Gilbert smiled, reaching out for her.

Her hand slid through his, but she smiled at him nonetheless. "How does it feel?" she asked quietly. "Dying. Was it painful?"

"Naw, it's actually rather awesome. It's like sleep, but longer. Don't be too sad about the awesome me, okay?"

"I'm not that sad," she replied with a pout. "I mean, you should have seen me at the funeral. That was sad."

"I did see you there," Gilbert replied, his transparent face getting a little more opaque as he said that. "Elisa, you know I'll never leave you, right?"

"Pff, but you did, you dolt," she snapped good-naturedly, trying to punch his arm but only managing to punch through it. Gilbert cackled.

"So I did, but now I'll never leave you, ever again." And there was so much honesty in that sentence that Elisabeta felt tears spring into her eyes; she wiped them away quickly and tried to smile again.

Gilbert smiled simply – not a leer, not a smirk, not a Cheshire Cat grin. Just a smile.

"You idiot," Elisabeta muttered as he tried to kiss her forehead. "I love you, too."

So while at first Gilbert thought it was the worst state of affairs yet, he eventually realised that being a ghost was probably one of the awesomest things ever.

Going through walls, haunting people, even being there for those who needed him still – all in all, Gilbert Beilschmidt thought he was still pretty awesome, even as a ghost.

The awesome Gilbert laughed in the face of Death, after all.

Notes: So sorry about the latest development in ND. Happy Birthday, Gilbo. (or should that be deathday now? hurhur /bricked)

And if you hadn't picked it up, the third Awesome Thing was inspired by the Potter Puppet Pals.