Second Day
Tara King awoke to the feeling of a warm tongue lapping her hand. Cute Luddy was perched precariously on the cot, intent on rousing the beautiful woman who he trusted implicitly. Miss King's head pounded as if she was suffering from a hangover. In a way she was, for the sedative she had been given often left those side effects on its patients. She moaned audibly and rolled over on her side. This movement caused the German Shepherd to lunge off the bed onto the floor.
Tara cautiously opened one of her long lashed eyes before managing to pry open the other one. She struggled to a sitting position and spotted Herr Siegfried staring sharply at her. She wondered if anyone had dropped dead at the sight of seeing Conrad Siegfried first thing in the morning.
"Velcome back to ze real world, mein prisoner." Siegfried handed her a tin plate with crusty bread and a slice of cheese. "You vill need your sustenance if you are to survive zis capture."
"It's very thoughtful of you," Tara began half caustically and half earnestly. She realised her wig was positioned at an oblique angle on her head. It was now the second wig in twenty-four hours to be ruined.
She swallowed a piece of the dry bread and gazed reproachfully at a sneering Siegfried until he handed her a mug full of water that he had been hiding behind his back. Not only did she want to protest about the bland food, but she also wanted to complain about her unfair treatment from the previous evening. Tara found it most unnecessary to have been injected with a sedative, but she knew that objecting to Conrad's methods might infuriate him more. Instead she plucked up enough courage to say, "I want to apologise for my provocative behaviour last night. I was tired, cold, frightened, and-" she grappled for the right word.
"Und a little desperate to escape, eh Fraulein?" Siegfried finished. "I have been down zat road before, zough I never tried your techniques."
Tara was relieved that she didn't have to explain any further. "Thank you for being so understanding and not killing me yesterday after I acted so stupidly and perversely."
Conrad Siegfried's face was filled with confusion. "I don't remember ze last time someone zanked me."
Miss King finished eating, gave several remaining scraps to an expectant Luddy, and climbed out of bed. She tied the belt of her terry cloth robe tighter before announcing, "I'd like to wash up a bit if that's all right with you. Do you have a shower or a bathtub I could use?"
"Ve have a vashroom on ze ozer side of ze building. I vill escort you zere right now." Siegfried clapped his two heels together and bowed curtly. Yesterday his voice would have been filled with malice, but today he just sounded like an impartial host.
Tara King grabbed her suitcase before following her kidnapper out of the unlocked door. She felt every goon's eye upon her as she ventured down the corridors in nothing but pyjamas and a robe. Agent 69 tried not to blush at all the whispers and whistles emerging from the mouths of the henchmen.
Ludwig von Siegfried ignored the clamour his thugs were making, but it was a difficult task. He came to a door and stopped, causing his captive to run into him. In a booming voice, he bellowed to the assemblage of KAOS men, "Miss King is taking a baz, so shtay avay from ze vashroom. After noting the leering from his thugs, he added critically, "Und I vill be guarding ze door, so get back to vork!" In a gentler tone, meaning not as loud and satirical, he addressed Tara. "You vill not be disturbed, Fraulein, not while I am alive and vell."
For the first time Tara felt protected under the watch of Herr Siegfried-almost anyways.
***************
The Avengers and the Smarts were deciding what actions must be taken to rescue their comrade and fellow spy.
"I do not want to travel to a foreign land and run the risk of being murdered right before my wedding!" Dr. King declared vehemently.
"I don't wish that either," agreed his fiancée, "but if you are planning to go, Mrs. Steed, then I will gladly watch Katie." Catherine Gale enveloped her namesake in strong, dependable arms.
"I will only be content if I am a part of the battle." Emma's brown eyes had that hungry look they always got right before she fought an enemy.
"It appears, Steed, that you are stuck with Mr. Smart," Cathy observed wryly.
John Steed tried in vain not to show his disappointment and alarm. He gulped several times before he managed to blurt out, "I suggest then that we leave immediately."
"Splendid," began the enthusiastic Maxwell, "but where are we going?"
"We are going to Germany, where do you think you imbecile?" barked Steed as he flailed his arms.
"I know that," Max snorted, "but *where* in Germany?"
Steed opened his mouth to respond but quickly shut it. Smart had outwitted him for once, something he hoped would not occur often. While he puzzled over that apparent imponderable, Emma spoke up.
"Why don't we bring Herr Starker with us as a sort of tour guide? After all, which one of us can boast that he or she knows German?"
The entire group, except Mrs. Smart, admitted that they were not acquainted with that language. "I know the language quite well," 99 began, "but we do need Starker, because he will more likely be able to tell us at which KAOS outpost Ziegfried is hiding."
"Mrs. Peel, your brains are thoroughly needed on this trip," Steed congratulated his wife. "I suggest we pack lightly and head to the ministry to find this half-witted henchman!"
"Don't tell me I have to leave one of my four suitcases behind!" Smart said.
"I'm afraid you'll have to leave at least one of your suitcases, Max," his wife replied.
"I asked you not to tell me that, 99," Max Smart whined. "Oh well, I guess it's on to Germany!" Agent 86 charged towards the door. Everyone groaned as he ran right into the wall, his nose making a frightful cracking sound. "99," his muffled voice murmured, "do you think the Steeds will mind painting their walls red?"
"Don't tell me you got blood on my walls!" pleaded Steed in displeasure.
"My nose splattered blood on your wall," Max answered, falling prey to his own trap.
In unison, Steed, King, Peel and Gale chorused, "I ASKED YOU NOT TO TELL ME THAT!"
****************
Tara smoothed the miniskirt of her sky blue dress, removed fuzz from her long sleeve, and sighed. She was sitting at the wooden table that was situated in the middle of the room. After washing up, she had been led back to the room to do absolutely nothing except glower at Siegfried every few minutes. Miss King patted her ruined wig gingerly as she calculated how many pounds it would cost to repair it. After that monotonous meditation, she turned to the interesting thought of Conrad Siegfried.
He had been most congenial this morning, more so than she could have imagined, but despite his hospitable behaviour, Tara still longed to escape immediately. There appeared to be no way to wear down the unconquerable Ludwig von Siegfried. He had an iron will, but fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on which person, so did Tara King.
While the minutes ticked by relentlessly, Tara began to weigh the pros and cons of her captor. His good characteristics were that he was extremely intelligent, authoritative, and strong. He also had not murdered her in cold blood though the opportunity had presented itself more than once. Miss King got no further than rattling off his redeemable qualities, for her mind wandered once again. How could Siegfried live a life of violence and crime when he had such gifts? This question had to be spoken aloud, which Tara did accordingly.
"Siegfried, have you ever thought using your talents for the good of the world?" she asked timidly. "Think of all the people you could help and save!"
"People? PEOPLE!" shrieked the temperamental German, much to the anxiety of Tara. "Ven have people ever showed me any compassion? From ze very beginning of my life, I have never been treated with the decency everybody deserves. Ever since Vorld Var I ze Americans have been suspicious of Germans, so it vas only natural zat zey hate my family. Ven I vas a child, I lived in a Suburb in America vhere our neighbours despised ze very ground ve valked upon. If ve merely said hello, ze whole neighbourhood panicked zat ve vere going to shtart Vorld Var II." Siegfried gazed bitterly at Miss King, as he demanded, "Do you know vhat it is like to be scorned by all just because of your nationality?"
Tara swallowed around the lump in her throat, causing her silk, multicoloured scarf to bob up and down slowly. "I had no idea your childhood was that unpleasant."
"To make matters vorse, my mozer disappointed me ven she refused to by a sled for me for Christmas. All I vanted vas a bobsled to go sliding down ze hills, but she never gave me vone."
"Where did you live during your early years?" Tara King asked politely.
"I vas born in Souz America and vas raised in Florida."
Tara decided not to explain to him the impracticality of using a sled in a warm area such as Florida. Instead, she proclaimed, "We all suffer disappointment in our lives, but it's how we deal with it that makes us stronger." Leaning back in her chair, she recalled an event from her own childhood.
"I grew up on a farm where there was always plenty to do. My family wasn't the richest, but we didn't care. Every summer we used to visit London; that was the best time for me. I think I always was a city girl at heart, even when I was in braids and had scads of freckles all over my face."
"I vould have liked to see you in braids," Siegfried teased her in his solemn manner.
Tara laughed giddily before she said, "One summer when I was about twelve, I saw the most gorgeous dress in Harrods's. It was meant for the fashionable woman, not a tall, gangly youth like me, but I wanted it so badly."
"Vhat colour vas zis silly frock?"
"I believe it was pink, which was all the rage that particular summer. It had a full skirt that bellowed out and long, gauzy sleeves. Anyway, my birthday was June 18th, so I was certain if I hinted about the gown to my mother she would buy it. My birthday came and went, and naturally I did not get that dress. I was positive it was the end of civilisation, but I lived to purchase many pink gowns for myself." Miss King toyed with her scarf, declaring, "When we are young we want so many impractical things, but we learn later that we did not need those things as badly as we had professed."
Siegfried seemed to be mulling over her tale, but he quickly declared, "Not getting a sled for Christmas vas not ze main reason for my rebellion. Ven I vas in my teens, Vorld Var II officially began and zen came all ze nicknames. I would valk to ze drugstore for a soda only to be bombarded by unruly kids calling me a 'Kraut' and a 'Nazi.' My mozer told me to ignore zem, but how can you vhen you are at that critical stage vhere you vant to be accepted?
"I began to dream of becoming a Nazi just so I could have ze pleasure of blowing up all zose prejudiced children. I informed my mozer of my plans, but she begged me not to betray my country. I was torn between love and devotion for her and hate and embitterment toward my fellowman. Zen came the moment that decided it all for me: I vatched my fazer as he was murdered by an American spy. It became apparent after his deaz zat Dad vas in league vith enemy agents, but ze blow vas shtill hard for me. I undershtood vy my mozer hadn't vanted me to be a Nazi; vone traitor in the family vas enough." Siegfried's eyes were hollow, not revealing the acute pain and grief that he obviously felt inside himself.
He cleared his throat and commenced his dialogue, "I remember ze glistening of ze sword zat killed him. I vas filled vith such anger zat I ran blindly at the despicable spy, using profanity and curse words zat a normal, happy child should have no knowledge of. Ze next zing I knew, he was using his sword on me in self-defense. As a reward for my shtupidity, the spy slashed my left cheek-a scar I still have today.
"That cut made the vocation of my life perfectly clear. I vould join ze Nazis and seek revenge on anyone who had ever hurt me."
"But the Nazis murdered thousands of innocent people!" Tara protested. "There were many who died in that war who had no prejudice against ethnic groups like Germans and Jews and whomever else."
"I vas filled vith vengeance, not concerned vith triviality."
Miss King was about to inform him that the human race was not a triviality, but she decided against it.
Conrad stared at his brawny hands before he began his melancholy story once again. "In ze Var, I vas taken prisoner in El Alamein, but I escaped vith an inept soldier by ze name of Herr Shtarker. He owes his life to me, vich is vy I keep him around. I vent to Souz America for a while, but zen returned to America vere I joined KAOS. After I became ze Vice President of Public Relations and Terrorism, I met up vith Shtarker again, who immediately became my right-hand-man.
"Don't you see vy I have to perform all zis mayhem? I vas treated terribly all my life, so now it's time someone else pays!"
"Even if you were physically abused as a child, that gives you no right to mistreat your fellowman!" Tara began adamantly. She softened as she added, "You evidently don't understand the concept of love."
"If everybody loved me, I vould try my best to feel affection for zem."
"No, you don't understand the type of love I'm referring to. I'm talking of an unconditional love, where you care for a person no matter what pain and misery they cause you." Tara's haunting blue eyes pierced Conrad's hardened heart as she finished, "When you love a person completely and wholeheartedly, you will forgive them no matter what."
Siegfried always found away to avoid the comments that were directed at him. "I suppose zis is how you feel about your Shteed?"
"How did you know about my infatuation?"
"Ve KAOS agents are vell avare of our enemies shortcomings, Fraulein."
Miss King softened as she responded, "I thought I loved Steed that way, but lately I've found myself searching for something more fulfilling-an attachment to a man that is more than just a bunch of superficial emotions."
"I suppose falling in love vith a hardened criminal is not part of your agenda." Siegfried was mocking her in order to make himself feel important and confident; when in reality, he was sorely bewildered.
"You needn't worry," Tara began haughtily, "because there is no possible chance of me falling in-in love with . . ." her voice trailed off as she stared at his hazel eyes. "Why, Siegfried, you have brown eyes, not blue!"
"Vatever gave you ze notion zat I had blue eyes, girly?"
"I guess I just assumed you were like those stereotypical Germans from the movies with the blond hair and blue eyes."
"It's amazing how incredibly shtupid you can be sometimes, cutie."
"At least you still admit that I'm cute," Tara countered playfully.
Herr Siegfried and Miss King both inwardly breathed a sigh of relief at having broken the awkwardness that seemed to be a reoccurring affair. Being a spy had its advantages-like hiding your feelings even when the rest of you didn't want to.
**************
Mr. and Mrs. Steed and Mr. and Mrs. Smart exited the German airport terminal with Herr Starker in tow. He blinked stupidly as he gazed at his motherland for the first time in two days. "I finally vill be home shveet home!" he pronounced.
"I say good riddance," muttered Max to his wife.
"But, dear, we can't let Shtarker go as soon as he reaches his destination," Mrs. Smart reminded him. "He is a criminal who needs to be tried and convicted according to our American laws."
Agent 86 deliberated over this information before asking, "Is banishment to a foreign country considered good punishment for a KAOS agent?" Agent 99 gave him her most sincere aggravated look, which was not lost on the inept spy.
"Mr. Starker," began Emma, "Is there a restaurant nearby where we can eat? That meal on the plane was unpalatable."
"I thought it tasted a bit like chewy steak when you got passed the glue," Maxwell Smart declared.
99 fought out the words, "Max, the entrée was supposed to be chicken with cream of mushroom sauce."
"But the meat was pitched-black!" Mr. Smart protested. Nobody had the heart or stomach to explain to him that the chicken had been scorched beyond edibility.
"Since Germany is so well known for its sausage, why don't you take us to a hotdog stand?" 99 suggested to Starker.
"You Americans and Germans actually eat man's best friend?" Steed cried, utterly appalled. "I know cat is a rare delicacy in China, but I draw the line at eating dogs!"
"Steed, a 'hotdog,' is what Americans call a 'frankfurter'" Emma Peel informed the repulsed Englishman.
"Well, I certainly could go for a banger right about now," said Steed. He placed a strong hand on Herr Starker's shoulder. "Lead on, my good man."
"Is a banger some sort of gun?" enquired the German politely.
"It's what we Englishmen call a 'hotdog,'" Steed barked.
"Don't you mean a 'banger,' Steed?" Mrs. Steed reminded him.
"I think the correct word you would use when speaking to a German would be 'frankfurter,'" Max interjected in an attempt to help.
"Wait a minute; I'm trying to think!" snapped John Steed as he raised a hand to his temple.
"Don't tell me you have one of chief's headaches, Mr. Steed?" Maxwell asked in alarm.
"Steed, if you answer him, I'm filing for a divorce!" warned Mrs. Peel dryly.
Starker watched the quibbling agents with utmost interest. "Zese Americans and Englishmen certainly are a shtrange lot."
An hour and a half later, the Avengers, Smarts, and Herr Starker had eaten and checked into a motel "zat all KAOS agents shtay vhen zey are in town."
After examining his vermin infested room, Steed asked sarcastically, "Shall I call for room service to send Rover up? Perhaps he can remove some of the fleas from the bed."
Emma chafed her arms that were underneath a forest green business coat. Her green and cream coloured checked skirt waved as she gently rocked back and forth on her heelless shoes. "Perhaps we ought to leave for the KAOS headquarters and have done with this whole scheme."
"You do remember the complicated plan we discussed on the plane?" Steed asked as he placed two loving hands on her arms.
"We will pretend to hand over the papers. After they shoot a heavily bulletproofed Maxwell Smart, we fight off the villainous scoundrels and rescue Tara. Then we take all into custody and live happily ever after."
"You make it sound so incredibly easy, my dear." Steed grinned in his flippant yet charming way.
"It should go off without a hitch, unless-"
"Unless Mr. Smart forgets to put on his chain mail and doesn't remember the plans?" completed John Steed.
Emma grimaced at the thought of an extremely dead Maxwell Smart. "I just hope the Smarts are insured."
"I don't think life insurance covers murder, but maybe CONTROL has a special coverage for deaths on duty." Mr. Steed clapped his hands together before he exclaimed, "Oh well; shall we see what the American spies are up to?"
"Perhaps they've found Rover for us." Emma Steed exited the grisly motel room before her husband.
To Be Continued!
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Tara King awoke to the feeling of a warm tongue lapping her hand. Cute Luddy was perched precariously on the cot, intent on rousing the beautiful woman who he trusted implicitly. Miss King's head pounded as if she was suffering from a hangover. In a way she was, for the sedative she had been given often left those side effects on its patients. She moaned audibly and rolled over on her side. This movement caused the German Shepherd to lunge off the bed onto the floor.
Tara cautiously opened one of her long lashed eyes before managing to pry open the other one. She struggled to a sitting position and spotted Herr Siegfried staring sharply at her. She wondered if anyone had dropped dead at the sight of seeing Conrad Siegfried first thing in the morning.
"Velcome back to ze real world, mein prisoner." Siegfried handed her a tin plate with crusty bread and a slice of cheese. "You vill need your sustenance if you are to survive zis capture."
"It's very thoughtful of you," Tara began half caustically and half earnestly. She realised her wig was positioned at an oblique angle on her head. It was now the second wig in twenty-four hours to be ruined.
She swallowed a piece of the dry bread and gazed reproachfully at a sneering Siegfried until he handed her a mug full of water that he had been hiding behind his back. Not only did she want to protest about the bland food, but she also wanted to complain about her unfair treatment from the previous evening. Tara found it most unnecessary to have been injected with a sedative, but she knew that objecting to Conrad's methods might infuriate him more. Instead she plucked up enough courage to say, "I want to apologise for my provocative behaviour last night. I was tired, cold, frightened, and-" she grappled for the right word.
"Und a little desperate to escape, eh Fraulein?" Siegfried finished. "I have been down zat road before, zough I never tried your techniques."
Tara was relieved that she didn't have to explain any further. "Thank you for being so understanding and not killing me yesterday after I acted so stupidly and perversely."
Conrad Siegfried's face was filled with confusion. "I don't remember ze last time someone zanked me."
Miss King finished eating, gave several remaining scraps to an expectant Luddy, and climbed out of bed. She tied the belt of her terry cloth robe tighter before announcing, "I'd like to wash up a bit if that's all right with you. Do you have a shower or a bathtub I could use?"
"Ve have a vashroom on ze ozer side of ze building. I vill escort you zere right now." Siegfried clapped his two heels together and bowed curtly. Yesterday his voice would have been filled with malice, but today he just sounded like an impartial host.
Tara King grabbed her suitcase before following her kidnapper out of the unlocked door. She felt every goon's eye upon her as she ventured down the corridors in nothing but pyjamas and a robe. Agent 69 tried not to blush at all the whispers and whistles emerging from the mouths of the henchmen.
Ludwig von Siegfried ignored the clamour his thugs were making, but it was a difficult task. He came to a door and stopped, causing his captive to run into him. In a booming voice, he bellowed to the assemblage of KAOS men, "Miss King is taking a baz, so shtay avay from ze vashroom. After noting the leering from his thugs, he added critically, "Und I vill be guarding ze door, so get back to vork!" In a gentler tone, meaning not as loud and satirical, he addressed Tara. "You vill not be disturbed, Fraulein, not while I am alive and vell."
For the first time Tara felt protected under the watch of Herr Siegfried-almost anyways.
***************
The Avengers and the Smarts were deciding what actions must be taken to rescue their comrade and fellow spy.
"I do not want to travel to a foreign land and run the risk of being murdered right before my wedding!" Dr. King declared vehemently.
"I don't wish that either," agreed his fiancée, "but if you are planning to go, Mrs. Steed, then I will gladly watch Katie." Catherine Gale enveloped her namesake in strong, dependable arms.
"I will only be content if I am a part of the battle." Emma's brown eyes had that hungry look they always got right before she fought an enemy.
"It appears, Steed, that you are stuck with Mr. Smart," Cathy observed wryly.
John Steed tried in vain not to show his disappointment and alarm. He gulped several times before he managed to blurt out, "I suggest then that we leave immediately."
"Splendid," began the enthusiastic Maxwell, "but where are we going?"
"We are going to Germany, where do you think you imbecile?" barked Steed as he flailed his arms.
"I know that," Max snorted, "but *where* in Germany?"
Steed opened his mouth to respond but quickly shut it. Smart had outwitted him for once, something he hoped would not occur often. While he puzzled over that apparent imponderable, Emma spoke up.
"Why don't we bring Herr Starker with us as a sort of tour guide? After all, which one of us can boast that he or she knows German?"
The entire group, except Mrs. Smart, admitted that they were not acquainted with that language. "I know the language quite well," 99 began, "but we do need Starker, because he will more likely be able to tell us at which KAOS outpost Ziegfried is hiding."
"Mrs. Peel, your brains are thoroughly needed on this trip," Steed congratulated his wife. "I suggest we pack lightly and head to the ministry to find this half-witted henchman!"
"Don't tell me I have to leave one of my four suitcases behind!" Smart said.
"I'm afraid you'll have to leave at least one of your suitcases, Max," his wife replied.
"I asked you not to tell me that, 99," Max Smart whined. "Oh well, I guess it's on to Germany!" Agent 86 charged towards the door. Everyone groaned as he ran right into the wall, his nose making a frightful cracking sound. "99," his muffled voice murmured, "do you think the Steeds will mind painting their walls red?"
"Don't tell me you got blood on my walls!" pleaded Steed in displeasure.
"My nose splattered blood on your wall," Max answered, falling prey to his own trap.
In unison, Steed, King, Peel and Gale chorused, "I ASKED YOU NOT TO TELL ME THAT!"
****************
Tara smoothed the miniskirt of her sky blue dress, removed fuzz from her long sleeve, and sighed. She was sitting at the wooden table that was situated in the middle of the room. After washing up, she had been led back to the room to do absolutely nothing except glower at Siegfried every few minutes. Miss King patted her ruined wig gingerly as she calculated how many pounds it would cost to repair it. After that monotonous meditation, she turned to the interesting thought of Conrad Siegfried.
He had been most congenial this morning, more so than she could have imagined, but despite his hospitable behaviour, Tara still longed to escape immediately. There appeared to be no way to wear down the unconquerable Ludwig von Siegfried. He had an iron will, but fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on which person, so did Tara King.
While the minutes ticked by relentlessly, Tara began to weigh the pros and cons of her captor. His good characteristics were that he was extremely intelligent, authoritative, and strong. He also had not murdered her in cold blood though the opportunity had presented itself more than once. Miss King got no further than rattling off his redeemable qualities, for her mind wandered once again. How could Siegfried live a life of violence and crime when he had such gifts? This question had to be spoken aloud, which Tara did accordingly.
"Siegfried, have you ever thought using your talents for the good of the world?" she asked timidly. "Think of all the people you could help and save!"
"People? PEOPLE!" shrieked the temperamental German, much to the anxiety of Tara. "Ven have people ever showed me any compassion? From ze very beginning of my life, I have never been treated with the decency everybody deserves. Ever since Vorld Var I ze Americans have been suspicious of Germans, so it vas only natural zat zey hate my family. Ven I vas a child, I lived in a Suburb in America vhere our neighbours despised ze very ground ve valked upon. If ve merely said hello, ze whole neighbourhood panicked zat ve vere going to shtart Vorld Var II." Siegfried gazed bitterly at Miss King, as he demanded, "Do you know vhat it is like to be scorned by all just because of your nationality?"
Tara swallowed around the lump in her throat, causing her silk, multicoloured scarf to bob up and down slowly. "I had no idea your childhood was that unpleasant."
"To make matters vorse, my mozer disappointed me ven she refused to by a sled for me for Christmas. All I vanted vas a bobsled to go sliding down ze hills, but she never gave me vone."
"Where did you live during your early years?" Tara King asked politely.
"I vas born in Souz America and vas raised in Florida."
Tara decided not to explain to him the impracticality of using a sled in a warm area such as Florida. Instead, she proclaimed, "We all suffer disappointment in our lives, but it's how we deal with it that makes us stronger." Leaning back in her chair, she recalled an event from her own childhood.
"I grew up on a farm where there was always plenty to do. My family wasn't the richest, but we didn't care. Every summer we used to visit London; that was the best time for me. I think I always was a city girl at heart, even when I was in braids and had scads of freckles all over my face."
"I vould have liked to see you in braids," Siegfried teased her in his solemn manner.
Tara laughed giddily before she said, "One summer when I was about twelve, I saw the most gorgeous dress in Harrods's. It was meant for the fashionable woman, not a tall, gangly youth like me, but I wanted it so badly."
"Vhat colour vas zis silly frock?"
"I believe it was pink, which was all the rage that particular summer. It had a full skirt that bellowed out and long, gauzy sleeves. Anyway, my birthday was June 18th, so I was certain if I hinted about the gown to my mother she would buy it. My birthday came and went, and naturally I did not get that dress. I was positive it was the end of civilisation, but I lived to purchase many pink gowns for myself." Miss King toyed with her scarf, declaring, "When we are young we want so many impractical things, but we learn later that we did not need those things as badly as we had professed."
Siegfried seemed to be mulling over her tale, but he quickly declared, "Not getting a sled for Christmas vas not ze main reason for my rebellion. Ven I vas in my teens, Vorld Var II officially began and zen came all ze nicknames. I would valk to ze drugstore for a soda only to be bombarded by unruly kids calling me a 'Kraut' and a 'Nazi.' My mozer told me to ignore zem, but how can you vhen you are at that critical stage vhere you vant to be accepted?
"I began to dream of becoming a Nazi just so I could have ze pleasure of blowing up all zose prejudiced children. I informed my mozer of my plans, but she begged me not to betray my country. I was torn between love and devotion for her and hate and embitterment toward my fellowman. Zen came the moment that decided it all for me: I vatched my fazer as he was murdered by an American spy. It became apparent after his deaz zat Dad vas in league vith enemy agents, but ze blow vas shtill hard for me. I undershtood vy my mozer hadn't vanted me to be a Nazi; vone traitor in the family vas enough." Siegfried's eyes were hollow, not revealing the acute pain and grief that he obviously felt inside himself.
He cleared his throat and commenced his dialogue, "I remember ze glistening of ze sword zat killed him. I vas filled vith such anger zat I ran blindly at the despicable spy, using profanity and curse words zat a normal, happy child should have no knowledge of. Ze next zing I knew, he was using his sword on me in self-defense. As a reward for my shtupidity, the spy slashed my left cheek-a scar I still have today.
"That cut made the vocation of my life perfectly clear. I vould join ze Nazis and seek revenge on anyone who had ever hurt me."
"But the Nazis murdered thousands of innocent people!" Tara protested. "There were many who died in that war who had no prejudice against ethnic groups like Germans and Jews and whomever else."
"I vas filled vith vengeance, not concerned vith triviality."
Miss King was about to inform him that the human race was not a triviality, but she decided against it.
Conrad stared at his brawny hands before he began his melancholy story once again. "In ze Var, I vas taken prisoner in El Alamein, but I escaped vith an inept soldier by ze name of Herr Shtarker. He owes his life to me, vich is vy I keep him around. I vent to Souz America for a while, but zen returned to America vere I joined KAOS. After I became ze Vice President of Public Relations and Terrorism, I met up vith Shtarker again, who immediately became my right-hand-man.
"Don't you see vy I have to perform all zis mayhem? I vas treated terribly all my life, so now it's time someone else pays!"
"Even if you were physically abused as a child, that gives you no right to mistreat your fellowman!" Tara began adamantly. She softened as she added, "You evidently don't understand the concept of love."
"If everybody loved me, I vould try my best to feel affection for zem."
"No, you don't understand the type of love I'm referring to. I'm talking of an unconditional love, where you care for a person no matter what pain and misery they cause you." Tara's haunting blue eyes pierced Conrad's hardened heart as she finished, "When you love a person completely and wholeheartedly, you will forgive them no matter what."
Siegfried always found away to avoid the comments that were directed at him. "I suppose zis is how you feel about your Shteed?"
"How did you know about my infatuation?"
"Ve KAOS agents are vell avare of our enemies shortcomings, Fraulein."
Miss King softened as she responded, "I thought I loved Steed that way, but lately I've found myself searching for something more fulfilling-an attachment to a man that is more than just a bunch of superficial emotions."
"I suppose falling in love vith a hardened criminal is not part of your agenda." Siegfried was mocking her in order to make himself feel important and confident; when in reality, he was sorely bewildered.
"You needn't worry," Tara began haughtily, "because there is no possible chance of me falling in-in love with . . ." her voice trailed off as she stared at his hazel eyes. "Why, Siegfried, you have brown eyes, not blue!"
"Vatever gave you ze notion zat I had blue eyes, girly?"
"I guess I just assumed you were like those stereotypical Germans from the movies with the blond hair and blue eyes."
"It's amazing how incredibly shtupid you can be sometimes, cutie."
"At least you still admit that I'm cute," Tara countered playfully.
Herr Siegfried and Miss King both inwardly breathed a sigh of relief at having broken the awkwardness that seemed to be a reoccurring affair. Being a spy had its advantages-like hiding your feelings even when the rest of you didn't want to.
**************
Mr. and Mrs. Steed and Mr. and Mrs. Smart exited the German airport terminal with Herr Starker in tow. He blinked stupidly as he gazed at his motherland for the first time in two days. "I finally vill be home shveet home!" he pronounced.
"I say good riddance," muttered Max to his wife.
"But, dear, we can't let Shtarker go as soon as he reaches his destination," Mrs. Smart reminded him. "He is a criminal who needs to be tried and convicted according to our American laws."
Agent 86 deliberated over this information before asking, "Is banishment to a foreign country considered good punishment for a KAOS agent?" Agent 99 gave him her most sincere aggravated look, which was not lost on the inept spy.
"Mr. Starker," began Emma, "Is there a restaurant nearby where we can eat? That meal on the plane was unpalatable."
"I thought it tasted a bit like chewy steak when you got passed the glue," Maxwell Smart declared.
99 fought out the words, "Max, the entrée was supposed to be chicken with cream of mushroom sauce."
"But the meat was pitched-black!" Mr. Smart protested. Nobody had the heart or stomach to explain to him that the chicken had been scorched beyond edibility.
"Since Germany is so well known for its sausage, why don't you take us to a hotdog stand?" 99 suggested to Starker.
"You Americans and Germans actually eat man's best friend?" Steed cried, utterly appalled. "I know cat is a rare delicacy in China, but I draw the line at eating dogs!"
"Steed, a 'hotdog,' is what Americans call a 'frankfurter'" Emma Peel informed the repulsed Englishman.
"Well, I certainly could go for a banger right about now," said Steed. He placed a strong hand on Herr Starker's shoulder. "Lead on, my good man."
"Is a banger some sort of gun?" enquired the German politely.
"It's what we Englishmen call a 'hotdog,'" Steed barked.
"Don't you mean a 'banger,' Steed?" Mrs. Steed reminded him.
"I think the correct word you would use when speaking to a German would be 'frankfurter,'" Max interjected in an attempt to help.
"Wait a minute; I'm trying to think!" snapped John Steed as he raised a hand to his temple.
"Don't tell me you have one of chief's headaches, Mr. Steed?" Maxwell asked in alarm.
"Steed, if you answer him, I'm filing for a divorce!" warned Mrs. Peel dryly.
Starker watched the quibbling agents with utmost interest. "Zese Americans and Englishmen certainly are a shtrange lot."
An hour and a half later, the Avengers, Smarts, and Herr Starker had eaten and checked into a motel "zat all KAOS agents shtay vhen zey are in town."
After examining his vermin infested room, Steed asked sarcastically, "Shall I call for room service to send Rover up? Perhaps he can remove some of the fleas from the bed."
Emma chafed her arms that were underneath a forest green business coat. Her green and cream coloured checked skirt waved as she gently rocked back and forth on her heelless shoes. "Perhaps we ought to leave for the KAOS headquarters and have done with this whole scheme."
"You do remember the complicated plan we discussed on the plane?" Steed asked as he placed two loving hands on her arms.
"We will pretend to hand over the papers. After they shoot a heavily bulletproofed Maxwell Smart, we fight off the villainous scoundrels and rescue Tara. Then we take all into custody and live happily ever after."
"You make it sound so incredibly easy, my dear." Steed grinned in his flippant yet charming way.
"It should go off without a hitch, unless-"
"Unless Mr. Smart forgets to put on his chain mail and doesn't remember the plans?" completed John Steed.
Emma grimaced at the thought of an extremely dead Maxwell Smart. "I just hope the Smarts are insured."
"I don't think life insurance covers murder, but maybe CONTROL has a special coverage for deaths on duty." Mr. Steed clapped his hands together before he exclaimed, "Oh well; shall we see what the American spies are up to?"
"Perhaps they've found Rover for us." Emma Steed exited the grisly motel room before her husband.
To Be Continued!
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