Is It Worth It?
Chapter 5
Reposted on: 07.07.05
James continued to gaze at Lily from the corner of his eyes. He had seen, and felt her watching him while he had attempted to sleep during History of Magic, though he hadn't let her believe that he had truly been awake.
What was she thinking while she looked at me? He wondered with a frown as he averted his gaze to the questionnaire that Professor Calaci, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, had handed out a few minutes ago. James looked down at the paper and read the questions as he continued to think about Lily. Why did she look so sad earlier? He wondered for the millionth time that morning as he wrote down the answer for the first question in his brash, bold handwriting.
He couldn't help but remember the look on her face when she had apologized to Bella that morning. He had seen that look on her face so many times over the past couple of years. He same haunted, crestfallen look.
He remembered the first time that he had ever seen her like that. IT was at the Welcoming Feast at the beginning of their sixth year and she had been sitting across the table and two places down from him. He had been staring at her, as usual, as Professor McGonagall called up the terrified first years. And he had noticed her expression immediately.
To him, it looked as if she was fighting back an ocean of tears, as if she had gone through the most unbearable pain imaginable within three short months. It looked as if she had gotten a rude awakening. And a fast one too.
James remembered sneaking down the steps leading from the Boy's dormitories late that night, only to see Lily huddled in a corner of the couch, crying her heart out. He had remained hidden on the stairs wrapped in his invisibility cloak for hours until Lily had finally fell asleep. He then walked over to her, and proceeded to walk her up the stairs and into her room and tucked her in, all the while feeling as if someone had give the Giant Squid his heart to use as a squeeze toy.
"Prongs," a squeaky hiss called from James' right, knocking him out of his reverie.
"What?" He whispered back at Peter. The small, plump boy had finally shown up in History of Magic- with two seconds to spare, and had followed the Marauders to DADA.
"What is the answer to number 1?" he asked as he looked at the teacher, who as busy reading a book on Astronomy in the front right corner of the classroom. Because of that, Peter didn't notice the revolted look that James shot in his direction.
The question was the easiest on the questionnaire. What do you expect to learn this year? James shook his head in disgust. How can someone be so...stupid? The only reason why Peter was in their group was because James had saved him on the Train to Hogwarts to start their first year from some older Slytherins and he had felt a little protective of the boy. But Peter never grew any courage, or self-respect, and had insisted on following James and his friends around until they had just decided to adopted him into their "club". Peter was the type of person who wanted to be around power. And the Marauders were Royalty in Hogwarts.
"I don't know Peter. Try to figure it out," he told his friend with a sharp tone.
"But James-" Peter started in his squeaky voice. That voice for some reason would always give James the chills. It was as if it got stuck while Peter was going through puberty-that is if he had actually gone through puberty at all.
"Mr. Pettigrew! I do believe that I had said that these were to be done individually!" the young professor snapped as she looked up from her book.
"Sorry Professor," Peter mumbled as he sunk into his chair, blushing from being reprimanded by a beautiful teacher.
Professor Calaci was in her early twenties, and could easily blend in with the Seventh year girls at the school .Her eyes were a dreamy gray color, which stood out against her tan skin and black hair. And her body, which you could always see as she refused to wear robes in the classroom and had always opted to wear muggle clothing-form fitting muggle clothing-instead, was that of an active woman. At least two thirds of the male population fantasied about seeing the young Professor without her clothes on. And the other part of the population was too young to know what to think about the sexy Professor.
James shook his head slightly to get rid of the memory of his first - and only!- fantasy of Professor Calaci. But, no fantasy could ever beat the one's that starred the object of his affections, Lily Evans. Those were powerful things those fantasy's were. And quite uncomfortable too.
James started to reminisce about his dream from last night, where he had Lily in an old carriage straddling him, but quickly snapped himself out of it.
"Dam," he swore as he felt his pants get a little tighter in a certain delicate area of his body.
That's what you get you idiot! He berated himself as he begun to repeat the memorized ingredients for the Polyjuice Potion.
§
Lily staggered into the Head's common room, hiding a huge yawn behind her hands. The lunch period has just started, and Lily had came back to the common room to trade her morning class books for the ones that she would need for the afternoon classes.
I am so flippin' tired, she whined to herself after she tried to unsuccessfully stifle another yawn, causing tears to pool in her eyes for the billionth time that day. And I still have two classes left! She hated feeling this...drained. Especially when she had to go to classes.
Collapsing on the comfortable couch, Lily practically purred. The room was warm, and the couch was comfortable, and she was past tired.
"Well, it wouldn't hurt if I took a little nap, would it?" she mumbled sleepily as her eyelids became too heavy to keep open anymore. "After all," she paused to yawn, "I'll definitely hear the bell." And with that simple logic said, Lily fell blissfully asleep.
§
"Has anyone seen Lily?" Bella asked as she walked up to where the Marauders sat.
"No," Remus answered, shaking his head.
"Why?" James asked as he swallowed the bite that he had taken from his biscuit.
"I haven't seen her since we separated in the DADA hallway. She said something about needing to exchange her books. But that was twenty minutes ago. Classes are about to start!" Bella exclaimed wildly, arms waving this way and that. "And it's not at all like her to be late to a class!"
"She might be in the Head's common," Remus reasoned, while Sirius stared at Bella's legs – which were now showing a considerable amount of skin, due to the fact that she had rolled the waistband up a few times so that her long stride wouldn't be shortened by the gray skirt.
"Will you give me the password?" she demanded of James.
James shook his head and hurried to swallow his juice before she started ranting and raving at him for being an uncaring prick, or something in that category. "Dumbledore gave us orders to not allow anyone but us two in there," he gasped, tears forming in his eyes from the sting that he had gotten from swallowing too fast.
"Will you go get her then?" Bella demanded, as she fisted her hands on her hips and glared at him when he remained seated.
"Uh, sure. Yeah, I'll um, get going!" James stuttered, not wanting to see a pissed Bella at the moment. "I'll see you guys in class!" James shouted as he grabbed his book bag and ran towards the Head's common.
"Bella," Sirius finally said, looking up from where his gaze had lingered since she had appeared from behind where James had sat.
"What?"
"How about we go out tonight?"
Bella looked into Sirius eyes and smiled. "No."
Remus looked at the shocked expression on Sirius face and roared with laughter. That face! It was a classic!
Sirius eyes had gotten big, and his mouth slackened up, and the 'charming' grin that he had put on when he asked Bella out had faded.
The poor guy was shocked!
"It's – its not funny Moony!" Sirius growled, trying to soothe his hurt pride. No girl had ever denied him before. Not ever.
"She said no!" he exclaimed as he threw his hands up in the air and pouted.
"And she'll continue to say no," Bella retorted from her spot a few seats away from Sirius.
"But why!"
"'Cuz I can." Was all Bella said.
The students who had heard this exchange started to whisper silently.
There was, however, one small group of Hufflepuffs who glared at Bella. Never before had they had to worry about any girl holding their Sirius's attention for too long. But now, now, they had a reason to worry. Because there he was, staring at Bella as if he worshiped her!
With a quick glare towards the oblivious Bella, the small group of girls got up from their seats and stalked from the Great Hall.
§
James gasped the password to the fairy that guarded the common room and as calm as a panting person could, walked into the common room, ready to fall onto the couch to catch his breath. That is, until he saw Lily sprawled out on it. One of her arms was dangling over the side of the couch from her wrist down, while the other served as a pillow for her head, and one of her legs was crooked so that her ankle rested on her knee, and hung over the side of the couch a little bit. Her hair was a bold contrast to the light tan color of the couch, while her black cloak was bunched up under one of her hip bones, and her gray skirt rode up high on her thigh, showing the soft lightly tan skin, making James's mouth water, knowing that if the skirt rode up just a couple of more inches that he'd see her knickers.
To brew the Draft of Light, you first need- James recited as soon as he felt his pants tighten for the second time that day.
"Lily?" he whispered after standing there in the walkway behind the portrait reciting the process to brew the potion.
"Lily?" he whispered again, walking closer. He was now in the room, but still at least four feet away from Lily's body. She looks so peaceful. Maybe I should just let her sleep. She has been looking awfully tired today. One part of his head was telling him. Yes, but if she finds out that you saw her sleeping when she had classes, she'd kill you Potter! The other side reasoned. Why in the hell do you call yourself Potter when your talking about yourself? He asked. Wait. I mean. Well. Oh hell! Fuck it. Trying to sort that out is going to give me a headache!
James looked at Lily and smiled at the peaceful look on her face. This was the first time in close to two years that he had seen Lily look so . . . free. Free of troubles, problems, and everything else. She looked so much more beautiful when she was stripped like this.
Without realizing that he had done so, James had walked across the room and kneeled in front of Lily's face, simply gazing at her beauty.
She didn't look so untouchable now. So rigid as other boys put it. She looked like the angel that James always figured her to be.
Don't you find it odd that during when you needed her most you got the first chance that you've ever received from her? He wondered as he continued to look at Lily's face, memorizing each angle, each line, each freckle, each flaw – though he didn't find any, and each perfection that made Lily, Lily. Don't you find it odd that after all these years you're finally getting the chance to talk to her, not scream. And it's all right around the time you needed her. You thought that you'd have to settle with just looking at her to get your mind off of what happened this summer. But, you also get to have conversations with her. Maybe, just maybe, now is the right time. Maybe you should show Lily what it's like to live again. Maybe you could bring out the spirit that used to live within her. The spirit that everyone used to admire. The spirit that she has hidden behind books for the past year.
James had switched to sitting on his knees with his hands resting lightly on the couch somewhere during his thoughts. And, unconsciously, his hand had rose and began to draw itself through the soft dark red tresses that fanned out on the couch.
"Um, James," Lily moaned sleepily as she shifted further into the couch.
James stared at Lily with wide eyes. She's dreaming about me! His find sung happily. A smile began to spread across his face. There's hope yet, he declared as he continued to run his hand through her hair. Bringing a handful to his face, James inhaled deeply and smiled. She smelled like night jasmine, which was a huge contrast to Lily's personality.
Lily gave off the sweet bookworm virgin vibe, although James didn't really think that she was a virgin. Unfortunately. He remembered overhearing her in their fifth year talking to a third year about sex, and she had seemed overly experienced to be a virgin still.
But the perfume? The perfume gave off this erotic vibe that made you think of hot, steamy nights in silk sheets with the candles flickering in the wind as you made slow, never ending love.
James looked down at Lily's face with a soft smile. Maybe she wasn't as predictable as people thought. Maybe she did have a little bit of that spirit left in her. Or, at least enough to wear the same scent that she had been wearing since she was fourteen.
James knew what the scent was too, having had bought it for her as a present for Christmas that year. All of the Gryffindors had decided to do a muggle tradition that year, and played Secret Santa, and James had pulled Lily's name out of the hat that they had snatched off of one of the singing suites of armor. And he was now glad that they had decided to remain nameless throughout the whole thing, no one knowing who got whom, even after the presents were opened. Because James knew that Lily wouldn't have even considered wearing the scent that he picked out for her if she knew that it was he who gave it to her.
He had known the scent was hers the first time he smelled it when he walked into the store. It was this mysterious, yet . . .bold smell. Tempting, yet, soothing. Distinctly Lily. But he hadn't known that she still wore it. Hell, he forgot about the present until just now.
She must use it in small amounts, because you had to get close to smell it, but she also had to have transferred it into her soaps, because from what James could tell, her whole body smelled like the exotic flowers.
James let Lily's hair fall from his fingertips, and brushed his Quidditch roughened fingers lightly over Lily's perfect cheek. Lily made a content sound and leaned into his touch.
James jerked his hand back when he heard the loud sound of the tardy bell. Oh shit! His mind screamed as he jumped up from his spot on the floor and prepared to explain to Lily what he was doing. Or at least try to come up with a excuse to tell Lily what he was doing.
But she never woke up. She kept on sleeping. Except now, she had a frown marring her face instead of the slight smile she had before. And she was mumbling something.
James moved closer as to make it easier for him to understand her, and frowned when he heard a piece of it.
"You killed my baby," Lily mumbled, and James was shocked to see tears flow from Lily's eyes.
Baby! James's mind screamed. She's having a nightmare, he tried to tell himself, but it just didn't seem right to him. She didn't look like she was having a nightmare. She was too . . . still. And her face wasn't scrunched up in fear like people's usually are when they're being haunted in their dreams.
It was almost as if it had happened. . . in real life.
"I can't ever come close to a guy again," Lily whispered in a soft voice. So soft that James almost didn't hear it. But he did.
"Huh?" He wondered out loud.
"I won't risk being hurt by another guy again. I can't," she cried, the tears flowing fast and freely from her eyes.
James's heart broke as he watched the tears fall from her still eyelids. Despite his curiousity to know what she was talking about, James bent down on one knee.
"Lily, wake up," he said as he shook her shoulder to wake her up.
Lily's eyes opened, and suddenly James was staring into glassy emerald green eyes.
Shocked emerald green eyes.
"Oh my God!" Lily gasped as she realized that James had to have heard her dream.
"Oh my God!" Lily's voice rang through the silence of the room, causing James to blink in surprise.
"No, no, no," Lily chanted wildly as she sprung up from her position on the couch and scrambled up so that she could pace the floor.
James, who had fallen on his hipbone when Lily pushed him aside – rather harshly – to get off of the couch to pace, winced as he lifted his weight off of his side and rubbed his now bruised hip.
"I take it that that dream was not meant to be heard," James drawled as he slowly stood up from his place on the ground.
"What do you think!" Lily snapped as she turned and glared at him. "You have no right to listen in on people's dreams! You could have done the decent thing and woke me up as soon as you heard me talking!" She yelled as she stepped closer to him, jamming her finger into his chest on the last word of her sentence, absently noting that he did have a rather hard chest. "But can James Potter ever do the right thing?" she mocked as she jabbed him with her finger again.
James glared at Lily as he stepped back, away from the pain that her finger was causing. For something so small, she could inflict a lot of pain. "Will you stop with the finger already?" James growled as she followed him and jabbed her finger into his chest again as she opened her mouth to finish her lecture.
"No, he can't! James Potter doesn't know what's right!" she continued, acting as if she hadn't heard what he said.
"It's not as if I knew what the hell I was listening in on, Lily!" James shouted as he pushed her hand away.
Lily glared, her emerald green eyes burning in anger. "That's." Jab. "Why." Jab. "You." Jab. "Should." Jab. "Have." Jab. "Woken." Jab. "Me up!" she growled as she dug her finger into his chest, not realizing how much her finger was hurting at the moment.
James winced as he felt her nail bite into his skin. You just had to fall in love with a girl who has a temper worse than yours, didn't you! A voice inside of James's head moaned.
"Will you stop it!" James yelled as he grabbed Lily by the wrist and pulled it behind her back, bringing their bodies close in result.
"No!" Lily yelled back as she tried to tug her arm away from James's grasp. It didn't work. He was a lot stronger than he looked. He might be a little bit on the lean side, but from what Lily could tell, he wasn't lacking in strength.
James shut his eyes and gulped as he felt Lily press her lower body into his. "Stay still." James growled as he pulled Lily tighter against his body in hopes of restraining her thrashing.
"Why should I?" Lily demanded through narrowed eyes as she squirmed to get out of his grasp.
"Lily if you don't stop moving, I'm going to – " James started in warning, only to be cut off by Lily's taunting voice.
"You're going to do what Potter?" she laughed. "Hex me?"
"No," he said, looking down into Lily's still furious eyes. "This." With that said, James lowered his head and brushed his lips against Lily's.
God, they're so soft. So much more than what I ever dreamed of, he thought as he opened his mouth and ran the tip of his tongue across the crease of her lips.
Lily froze at the feel of James's lips on hers. This is not happening! One part of her mind screamed frantically. Why don't you just give in Lily? You know that you want to try what the girls in your dorm always gushed about. The other side told her. Then, Lily felt James's tongue and no longer thought. It had been so long since she had been kissed. What harm is a little bit of kissing going to do? She asked herself, seconds before she parted her lips.
James groaned as he felt Lily open her lips, slightly, for him. Never, not even in his wildest dreams, had he ever thought that Lily would kiss him willingly. She tastes like chocolate, was all his mind thought as he tasted Lily's mouth for the first time.
Lily was shocked by the shiver that went through her body as she kissed James. She had never felt so affected by just a simple kiss. She never had her whole attention focused on the simple mating of tongues, she never felt the world fall away, along with time. She never felt so . . . content.
James's head was reeling with the intoxicating taste that was Lily. He couldn't believe how right it felt to be kissing her. How perfectly their bodies molded to each other. It was as if they were each other's missing puzzle pieces.
James let go of Lily's wrist and both of his hands slipped inside of her robes to rest on her waist, just above the swell of her butt.
Lily ran her hands up James's arms slowly upon feeling them freed from his grasp. One of her hands tangled itself in his hair while the other dangled over his shoulder. Playing with the silky black strands, Lily rose to her tiptoes and pressed herself into James further.
James inwardly smiled as he felt Lily mold her body into his even more, and broke the kiss, breathing heavily as he trailed his lips from hers to her ear. Nipping on the lobe, James let his hands travel downward, slowly, giving Lily enough time to tell him to stop.
She didn't. She couldn't even find the voice to object if she tried. Feeling James lightly kiss behind her ear, Lily gasped. She never felt so sensitive in her life!
James smiled against Lily's skin and slipped his hands under Lily's skirt, and trailed his fingertips up her smooth, silky skin.
Feeling James's fingers on her thighs, Lily's senses came rushing back.
"No," Lily whispered hoarsely as she moved one of her hands and pushed against James's chest. Roughly.
James stumbled back at the unexpected force and tripped over the table that somehow managed to appear behind him, causing him to fall onto the couch. "What the hell?" he objected as he rolled off of the couch and faced Lily. "What was that about!" he demanded as he stalked towards her, his cloak billowing behind his body, and stared into her eyes. God, she has beautiful eyes, he thought. James shook his head. He'd didn't need to be thinking of how beautiful she was at the moment.
"I – I'm sorry," Lily whispered in a broken voice as she lowered her head to look at the ground. "But I can't do that."
James glared at the top of Lily's head. "You damn well can!" he roared, throwing up his hands. Lily shrunk away from James unconsciously. Ever since she lost her baby, she was uncomfortable around furious guys.
James, noticing Lily's retreat frowned. "Lily, you wanted that, just as much as I did," he reasoned as he took her face by the chin and gently lifted her head so that he could look her in the eyes. "So why did you pull away?"
Lily looked in James's eyes, falling into the hazel depths before she answered. "Because I can't risk what could happen, James, I won't go through it again. I won't risk another mistake." Was all she said.
"What do you mean 'another mistake' ?" he asked in a soft voice as he frowned.
That phrase snapped Lily to attention as she stared at him. "Nothing. I have to go." She said hurriedly as she moved her head out of his grasp and ran up the stairs into her room as fast as she could.
"What have a I done?" Lily sobbed as she fell on her bed.
§
James stared at Lily's door, a frown marring his handsome face. Everything had just gotten twenty times more confusing than what they had been six hours ago.
She was hiding something, and he wanted to know what.
"I'm going to find out your secret Lily Evans, no matter what," he vowed as he walked up to his room.
His room looked exactly like Lily's had, except his was done in Navy blue and gold colors. James kicked his shoes off near the door, walked over to his bed, and laid down on it, staring up at the ceiling as he began plotting ways to get Lily to tell him her secret.
§
Bella looked around the Care of Magical Creatures class with a frown. This was the second class that Lily and James had missed. Where are they? She wondered as her eyes fell on the two empty seats.
I just hope that Lily isn't doing anything that she would regret. She sighed as the class was called to attention by the dwarfish looking teacher.
§
"Hey Padfoot," Remus whispered as they took their seats in Care of Magical Creatures. "Where do you think Prongs is?"
Sirius – or Padfoot, as he is called by some – looked at Remus and smirked. "Well, Moony my boy, if I know our li'l Prongsie – which I do! – I'd say that he's trying to make li'l Prongsies right about now with the beautiful fireball."
"Ah," Remus drawled as he too smirked. "'Trying' being the key word in that sentence, right?"
"Of course Moony boy!" Sirius chirped with a grin. "James has quite a challenge ahead of him to get that one!"
"Let the games begin," Remus smiled as he turned his attention to the teacher, who had just called the class's attention.
§
Authors Notes:
Here you guys go! This one has a bit more action in it than the previous one. Sorry bout that one, it was just a filler really. But anyways, I hope you guys like! and review people!
Anyways, it might be a few weeks before I get the next chapter out, so enjoy and review! It might get me updating faster! hint hint.
Always,
Mistress del Mare