'The Graduate' references from chapter five: 1. Dib and Mrs. Robinson song 2. Professor Membrane and sleeping with mother and strip bar 3. Lieutenant John Breakum and plastics – ZeroSoul
junir hi skool; six – "one night at tak's"
No one at the skool knew – or cared – about Dib and Gretchen going out, but all the signs were there. The hand holding, the eyelashes batting from Gretchen, the knowing smiles from Dib, and those quiet moments alone when the two of them would just look at each other dreamily. They often sat together and ate lunch.
"Sickening, isn't it?" Gaz said to Tak as she glanced over to Dib and Gretchen, who were busy conversing with each other.
"I find your human concept of affection confusing," was Tak's reply. She was neutral on Dib or his relationship with beaver tooth. The only thing she could actually feel some sort of gratitude towards lately was the fact that Lin and Rin had taken up all of Zim's time and often prevented him from pestering her.
"I barely understand it myself," Gaz chortled. She stared at her food for lunch – it was ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard mixed together and declared "soup" by the lunch ladies. She pushed it away distastefully, "I think I'll go hungry for today," She then looked at Tak. "You really never eat, do you?"
Tak paused, "…since my horrid change, I've required sustenance,"
Gaz groaned – she had had more interesting conversations with imaginary friends. Nearby, Dib and Gretchen were talking.
"Really? A real agent from the FBI?" Gretchen said to Dib as he told her about Agent Sam.
Dib nodded with a smile, "Yeah. He wants me to help them,"
"Dib, my father is part of the army, and he's heard about the Bureau of Alien Detectives – we have the files about it in our house – but I've never seem anything mentioned about this agent." Gretchen said to him, "Are you sure he's the real thing?"
Dib made a face, "Of course I'm sure! He showed me his badge and everything!"
"…okay, Dib,"
But even as Dib went on talking, there was something very strange concerning her, no matter how much he assured her, but she continued on smiling and laughing.
'Now, young lady, you can't expect to go out in that,' said Professor Membrane. He was busy working at the lab that night, so he decided to still let his presence be known by using his flying television screen thingies (or so Gaz and Dib believed they were called).
"I'm wearing the same crap you buy me every year!" said Gaz, "And I'm going over a friend's house."
"You don't have any friends." Dib said. He was busy watching Mysterious Mysteries on TV while simultaneously talking to Gretchen over the telephone. He then turned back to his conversation to Gretchen, "What? No, not you, Gretch. Just my sister,"
"Shows how much you know," Gaz said as she yanked out the phone receiver.
"HEY!" Dib yelled. He rushed to reconnect the cord.
'You're still not going out in that outfit,' said Professor Membrane. Then he went over to Dib, 'And when are you going to grow out? You're starting to look like a boring science nerd!'
"I am a boring science nerd." Dib replied and switched off the machine. He looked at Gaz, "Where are you going?"
"Out." Gaz answered.
"That doesn't answer my question," Dib said.
"Take your question and shove it." Gaz answered.
Dib gave his sister the finger as she left. He decided to redial Gretchen when he felt his earring gave a little jingle.
(Agent Dib,) called the earring. It was Sam, (Agent Dib, I am within proximity of your residence. There is something I wish to show you,)
The smile Dib had could barely fit on his face, "Awesome! I'll be there in ten minutes!"
(I will permit you five,) Sam replied.
Dib grabbed his coat and was out the door. He looked to see a Poop Cola truck pulled up nearby with Sam inside at the driver's wheel. Dib rushed over and opened the passenger's door.
"Agent Dib, reporting for duty!" Dib said, saluting.
"Get in," said Sam. Dib hopped inside. Sam stepped on the gas and the truck jolted to life.
"Where are we heading?" asked Dib.
"If you're going to be part of this operation, you need to see a few things first," said Sam.
"So this an entry exam?" asked Dib.
"Of sorts," answered Sam.
"Awesomeness!" said Dib.
"Indeed."
Gaz stood inside the storage-room amongst large crates colorfully labeled 'Deelishus Weenies' of various flavors and types. Tak was standing on top of a box mountain, looking down at her.
Gaz looked around and looked towards Tak, "Nice room,"
"This is my workshop – not some human bedroom," answered Tak, "Thanks to your endeavors from my plan to turn this planet into a snack-bag, part of my base is still heavily damaged but I've been able to make some repairs to it. Right now, this is the only functioning room."
"What is with you guys and conquering the planet?" asked Gaz, "I mean Zim wants it, you want it, I suppose your whole race wants it,"
"Not true," said Tak, "we just feel the need to rule everything with an iron fist!" She laughed evilly for a minuet and then coughed, "Now, I called you here to talk more about Lin and Rin,"
"I just want to know about their skin and go home." said Gaz.
Tak snapped her fingers, "Mimi!" The SIR-cat jumped down onto a box in front of Gaz. "Run Lin and Rin skin sample diagnostic #01215,"
Mimi's eyes glowed and projected a flat holographic screen in the air. It was an image of several molecules. Gaz stared at the picture.
"And this is…what?" asked Gaz.
"This is an up close up of Lin and Rin's skin," said Tak, "This sample melted off of them. Notice anything familiar?"
"Uh…no," said Gaz.
"Mimi, run B-W sample diagnostic #3478," said Tak.
An identical image popped up next to the close-up of Lin and Rin's skin.
"This is the same thing," said Gaz.
"Similar but different," said Tak, "This is a sample of Earth honeybee wax. Lin and Rin's skin is very similar to this type of wax."
"…so…what?"
"Must I spell everything out for you? They're. Wearing. A. Disguise!" She added,"And there is another thing – Mimi, run Lin and Rin scent sample diagnostic #5678,"
The image magnified more on the molecules and focused on one.
"In Lin and Rin's fake-skin is an alien pheromone – a scent – distinctly made to attract male aliens," said Tak.
"So this means three things," Gaz said, "One – Lin and Rin are not human. Two – they're in disguise. Three – they're after guys. Why?"
"Mimi, end diagnostic." said Tak.
The image disappeared and Tak jumped down from the box mountain. She looked Gaz in the eye.
"I don't know." admitted Tak, "That's why I called you here." She folded her arms, "I don't like those girls. They…disturb me for some reason, and I'm sure you feel it too. You're smarter than the rest of these idiots."
Gaz snorted. "You're probably jealous of them."
After hearing this, the look on Tak's face even made Gaz shiver.
"So why are you telling me this?" asked Gaz.
"Like I said – your people are morons!" said Tak, "They wouldn't notice if a swarm of Shloorg beasts descended upon them and devoured their young. Your brother is too fixated on me, so you are the only one I can turn to.
"Normally I would be glad to have this ugly planet and its moronic inhabitants, destroyed in the most horrible way but I can't let that happen while I'm here. My base is too damaged and I'm unable to link to the Irken databases for the proper information but your father is a scientist and despite being primitive your technologies should give me enough edge."
"Give me one good reason why I should help you."
"Because if you don't, you may end up spending the rest of your life a slave to aliens."
"It beats the politicians we already have."
"There won't be anymore video games either."
At hearing this, Gaz grabbed Tak and rushed out of the base.
Rain was pouring outside by the time Dib and Sam arrived at their destination. It was an abandoned Poop Cola Crystal factory. Dib looked at the large boarded up building and Sam nonchalantly walked inside, pushing aside one of the large double doors.
"This factory was abandoned by the company that created it, but all the machinery is still working properly, so I use this as a temporary base," said Sam. The both of them stepped inside of the room as Sam closed the door behind them.
"Seems kind of empty," said Dib.
Sam clapped his hands and the lights turned on. The room was illuminated for Dib to see that it was filled with large tubes dangling from the ceiling. Dib walked over to one tube to see an alien floating in the thick green slime inside.
"What is this?" asked Dib.
"You are looking at the holding cell," answered Sam, "Any aliens I capture in this vicinity are held here at the factory until the government comes by to pick them up and ship them off to the capitol for study,"
"Wow," said Dib, "you guys have been really busy,"
"Yes, but that is not our main focus," said Sam, "Follow me,"
Dib followed Sam into another room. He turned on the lights to see an alien carcass strapped down to the table. It had been cut open; its insides and blood were strewn everywhere but inside of it. Dib suddenly felt nauseous and backed away.
"Something wrong?" asked Sam.
"No…nothing…it's just that…" gagged Dib.
"You've never held an autopsy, I see," said Sam. He stepped over to a wall of sharp and shiny instruments and picked out a thin knife. He showed it to Dib, "Whatever aliens we capture, we dissect. Try to understand their minds, their language, their culture and perhaps even their purpose as to why they came to Earth on the first place,"
"I know! I know that!" Dib said, "But…" He forced himself to smile, "I've always watched the videos, since I was a kid but seeing the real thing…right here…"
"Perhaps…I underestimated you," said Sam, "Even I hesitated for a while before slicing open the alien and digging out its heart when I performed by first autopsy."
"No!" protested Dib, "I'm ready! I swear! It…it's just…"
Consider it: the chance to finally be rid of your nemesis and save the Earth once and for all and see him cut open and examined just as you imagined when you first glimpsed upon his deformed ugly green head and slimy skin way back in elementary school and yet for some reason you hesitate. Yes, Zim is a pain in the ass but so far all of his attempts to take over the Earth have been foiled or imploded upon itself.
Is he even capable of taking over the Earth?
And Tak.
Tak is a serious threat to the Earth and humans and…
To see her cut open?
"You seem…conflicted, Agent Dib." said Sam.
"I…I am." admitted Dib, "I mean, when I was a kid, all I wanted in life was to prove aliens existed and dissect them and have autopsy videos named after me. But now that I'm older I'm starting to realize that…that maybe that's not what I really want but on the other hand–"
"Your monologue, which should be thought rather than said aloud, bores me." asked Sam, "Are you with me or against me?"
"I'm with you but…I gotta think about–" decided Dib.
Sam tossed Dib out of the warehouse before he could finish his sentence.
Dib sighed, feeling rain dribble over his body. He stood up, having gotten used to being tossed out of places and into the weather. He popped up his coat collar and walked away.
"Oh Zimmy you basement is so very big and magnificent!" exclaimed Lin.
The bottom of the house and the inside of the base was more expansive than they had originally thought. Due to his growth, Zim could no longer fit in the old tunnels or the Voot cruiser, so renovations was in order, causing to become one of his hobbies (along with experimenting on hideous locals).
"Ja, and your little dog is so adorable I just want to squeeze him!" said Rin, picking up Gir and squeezing him as hard as possible.
"Huh…what? I don't have any tacos!" said Zim, who was currently lying on the floor in a stupor.
Rin looked at Zim. She poked him.
"Sister, I think ve have kilt him!" said Rin.
"Nein, he is not dead. He is merely…high…I vink." replied Lin after briefly studying Rin.
"Do you vink it is the…perfume?" suggested Rin.
"Ja, but vat is what it is for. Now come! We have work to do!"
Rin nodded and put down the robot. Lin reached into her pocket and pulled out a tiny palm pilot. She pulled out a few wires and attached to Zim's Pak. Rin walked over to a computer counsel and at it.
"Vunderful! I'm passed the security." said Rin. She looked at the screen, "Vis computer hooks up all Irken databases. Ve Leader will be pleased."
"Then the plan shall be undervay." said Lin. She typed into her palm pilot. The Pak let out a shock. Zim murmured something.
"Ve should use the Irken female. She is suspicious of us. I vink she knows." said Rin.
Lin slapped her sister. "Nein! Don't be a fool! Ve Irken female will be dealt with but ve Leader demanded him." She returned to the counsel. "Ve plan must come first."
"But ve the Irken female–" protested Rin. Lin glared at her and she silenced her protests. The two returned to their work, hurrying as they did.
The Irken would only be in a daze for so long.
The first Dib did when he arrived home was sulk. And it wasn't normal teenaged "my Dad won't buy me the new Playstation" sulking. This was uber-sulking. This was "super emo, my life is meaningless, slit my wrists, wear all black, read Slave Labor comics", level of sulking. It wasn't until he heard a noise from downstairs that made him move from his bedroom (slowly, of course) and look downstairs to see Gaz and Tak.
"Tak?" asked Dib.
Tak froze. "Hello…Dib." grumbled Tak, regretting that she had even stepped into the house.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, rushing down the stairs.
"Nothing..." lied Tak.
"Can I get you anything?" asked Dib, "Coffee? Tea? Milk?"
"Don't you have a bucktoothed girlfriend?" said Gaz.
"Your human provisions disgust me." said Tak, "Thanks to it, I'm in this…wretched form."
"What?" asked Dib and Gaz.
"I'm not supposed to be this size." said Tak, "If you hadn't noticed, Irkens are rarely so…tall. It's awful and thanks to this accursed tallness, I can't run my ship or use my base properly because I don't fit anymore! I hate it! I don't know the Tallest stand it!"
"So how did you get so tall?" asked Dib.
"…I'd rather not say. The ordeal was…ghastly." said Tak, "Too ghastly for words.."
"Life is unpleasant." said Gaz, sitting down with a smirk, "I want to hear this."
Tak groaned and cursed in Irken but sighed.
"Fine." said Tak, "I suppose it's a story that needs telling."
DUN! DUN! DUN! Cliffhanger of doom! - ZeroSoul