"Lien Indissoluble"
Chapter 6 – "Limitations"
Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: "Why can't you see who I truly am?" ~ Shannon L. Alder
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But she still chose to study him for any other problems.
"Is your temperature beginning to rise?"
Suddenly, his eyes shot open and she could clearly see that they were of a darker hue, almost amber. He stared directly into her eyes and to her surprise, she was able to see what she was previously afraid of… desire!
'Oh hell, his temperature is most definitely rising,' she thought to herself.
And as if on cue, to confirm her thought, he answered her question, his voice deep and beguiling in its tone.
"Yes."
Mortified by the moment, Tasha quickly placed her head back down upon his shoulder, denying herself the pleasure of looking at him again.
A respite fell between them and she closed her eyes, trying desperately to block the forbidden thoughts of their last intimate encounter. And she was successful, until Data decided to relocate his hands from the safe distance of his sides, to the new tantalizing position of her thighs.
His grasp was firm, almost as if he was assuring himself of the fact that his strength would prevent her from maneuvering about his body. To test her theory, she tried to slide down, but his hands defiantly kept her in place.
"Do. Not. Move." His mechanical breath was coming out in short gasps.
And immediately she recognized the response – he was becoming aroused, but why hide it?
'Well, her negligence of him over the past six months would be one good reason to do so,' she thought.
"Data, what's wrong?"
"I am fine…According to my last self-diagnostic check; my systems are beginning to function within normal parameters." He hesitated briefly before adding. "So your body heat is no longer warranted." And just as coldly. "Thank you for your assistance."
The android didn't even wait for her response before he gently lifted her body up off of his, safely setting her down beside him. She noted a good few inches between them as he did so, placing a considerable amount of distance between them, and she couldn't help but to believe that the act had been done so intentionally.
He was on the verge of losing his self-control, of course he needed to place distance between them. It was the proper thing to do, the rational explanation, his moral right. For one damn night, she wished he would put all that aside, to hell with propriety and rationalism. She could only think of one moral thing right now and that was to have him inside her.
Tasha's voice was soft, almost sympathetic. "Data, you accused me earlier of placing distance between us."
He didn't say anything; he just merely continued to stare up at the frozen ceiling.
"Right now, I could accuse you of the same conduct."
"I do not see how your argument could be relevant considering you were just lying on top of me exactly one minute and thirteen seconds ago."
"It is possible to be close to someone physically and have distance applied mentally and emotionally."
"You forget that I do not have emotions. Therefore it is impossible for me to separate myself from you in the manner in which you speak."
She rolled her eyes, with an unsettling growl in the back of her throat. On impulse, she raised up so fast, that the blanket almost fell completely away from her, but her hand was quick to retrieve it in a small attempt at modesty.
"Data, is there anything that you want?!" She was clearly frustrated beyond control. "Anything you need?!"
But he remained stoic, a collected, immovable force. His eyes began scanning from side to side, processing her spontaneously driven question and she couldn't help but to notice that he still refused to look at her.
"At this current moment – no" His eyes met hers, they were hollow, distant. "…Your help has been most efficient. Thank you."
His answer sounded so rehearsed that it literally sucked the breath from her lungs.
She looked down, suddenly humiliated by the outburst. Slowly, she lowered herself back down to the sleeping bag, deliberately placing her back to him. She was successful in holding back the tears, but only because her fatigued state had claimed her quicker.
When she awoke, she realized it was still dark out. The planet was unusually calm, except for the wind howling slightly outside the cavern. She rolled over, only to find Data's spot empty. She quickly scanned the cavern, until her eyes landed on his form by the fire. She watched him, feeling compelled to do so by his melancholy state. As she stared, she noted that he had already placed his clothes back on.
His eyes were intently focused on the flames in front of him, but his thoughts were far away. Data remained completely oblivious to her gaze as she continued to watch him in his moment of solitude; the orange glow of the fire's light dancing about his face.
The intoxicating mixture of shadows and luminescence was quite alluring, she had always believed him to be a handsome man, but the fire enhanced his features all the more.
And it was then, that she realized the truth of their circumstances. It was utterly devastating, at least to her, maybe not so much to him, considering he lacked the proper emotion required to acknowledge such anguish. It was a sad turn of events; here she was, stuck on this frozen purgatory of a planet, with the one man who had bewitched her completely.
With one night, Data had given her a glimpse of what real love is supposed to feel like. Through subroutines and human improvisation, he successfully proved that a woman was meant to be treasured, not discounted. The Commander had delivered her request with extreme expertise and now she was a hopeless addict waiting for their next hit.
He was a paradox – his lack of emotion was a deadly mixture of skill and indifference. Dr. Soong apparently had a terrible sense of humor, to create a man with Data's aptness, with his ability to mimic the vastness of emotions, but lack the knowledge to correctly define them when displayed. How do you explain to an android that has literally been neutered from all emotion, that he could love better than most humans? It was almost like being taken to the highest mountain, showing you the world and saying, 'This is what you can't have!'
After all, a person doesn't know true hurt and suffering until they've felt the pain of falling in love with someone that has been stripped of any type of emotion. She couldn't think of anything that could possibly be worse than realizing you want something or someone – Only to find out that you could never possess it.
Then again, there could be a bright side to her predicament; unrequited love is the only possible way for someone to give themselves to another without being held solely accountable to them. She could stop loving him at any time she chose too, and not suffer from the side effects often imposed by the guilt that would rightly accompany such a termination, or at least that's what she told herself.
"Do you wish to get dressed?"
His question startled her.
Data had never even acknowledged the silent invasion of her eyes upon him and yet, he spoke as if he was certain of their presence.
She never answered; she just continued to stare at him for several seconds.
Finally, he looked in her direction, meeting her gaze head on.
"Do you require this long to process my question?"
'Did she just detect sarcasm in his tone?'
"Data – what are we?"
"I am a Lieutenant Commander of the Federation Starship Enterprise and you are the Chief of Security." He deflected.
'Yep, he was being a smartass!'
Tasha closed her eyes, breathing in deeply as she tried desperately to suppress the urge to reply with a witty comment of her own.
A moment later she regarded him, only to catch a glimpse of a sly grin formed at the corner of his lips.
"Data, I need to know if the interaction between us…Is all of that just some program that you summon up or is that really you?"
His eyes began scanning from side to side, trying to comprehend her question.
"I am afraid that you will have to be more specific in your inquiries."
So she began to think back over the past few days.
"When we were planet side and you wanted us to usher the children into that abandoned building." She paused as he continued to stare at her. "You protected me, despite my rejections toward you."
She could clearly see him retrieving the memory, replaying the incident within his positronic mind.
"Do not all superior officers protect those who serve under their command?"
Tasha closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose in her frustration. 'Gawd, he was making her head hurt.'
"I can recall several incidents where Captain Picard and Commander Riker would have sacrificed themselves for the crew." Seeing her discomfort, he began tilting his head to the side, regarding her actions curiously. "Are you in distress?"
"Yes…" Then, defiantly she began shaking her head. "I mean – No!"
She groaned loudly, clearly exhausted by the conversation already. Slowly, Tasha met his eyes, pausing a moment to collect herself.
"Yes, they both have done that for the entire crew, but not just for one person in particular."
"Are you alluding to the fact that they would not have acted in the same pretext as I did…Because I am inclined to disagree." Then, his demeanor quickly changed as he pointed an accusing finger in her direction. "I think that is an unfair assumption – your life, as Chief of Security, is in danger every day. It is your job to protect every member of the crew. You hold the position of Starfleet's sacrificial lamb, if you will."
Tasha's eyes widened in surprise. 'When did he start speaking in metaphors to explain his off the wall theories?'
"…And yet, I do not question your motives because I know it is your duty to do so!"
"Yes it is."
She couldn't argue with that.
Data's eyes narrowed. "But you dare to question mine when I am only carrying out my obligations to those who serve below me…or beside me."
"If that's the case and I'm nothing more than Starfleet's –" She held her fingers up, mimicking quotation marks as she used his words against him. "…'sacrificial lamb' then why did you send me back to the ship if it's my duty to protect the entire crew?"
Data tilted his head in confusion, amazed that she did not already know the answer.
"Because you were displaying characteristics of insubordination."
'What about your actions since we've been on this planet? Why don't you explain that to me?"
"I do not recall any gestures that would have culminated in your harm?"
Tasha crossed her arms, trying desperately to ignore the urge to stand and engage him better.
"Really – You don't recall dragging me all throughout this cavern, all because you were afraid of leaving me behind? Or what about you keeping me warm last night, or maybe I should mention the fact that since we've been here, you have attempted to kiss me three times now…and last night, you kissed me on my forehead!" His eyes widened at the revelation – he almost resembled a child busted for his mischief. "And you couldn't even stand me being on top of you a few hours ago. In fact, you literally lifted me off of you, simply because I was getting too close!"
Data refused to answer. Instead, he turned his gaze toward the entrance, watching the downpour of snow outside.
For a second, she was almost envious of the snowflakes falling outside – Why was he looking to them for an escape, when she was right there?
It was a cruel, sick joke, a twisted romance, when the one you love with all your heart literally knows what you hunger for, but they still choose to starve you.
Tasha sighed audibly, her tone turning less combative and much softer.
"Look Data, I know when I turn someone on. I know when a guy wants me and to be blunt about all of this, you were fighting against that very battle no more than four hours ago."
Still, he remained silent, refusing to meet her gaze.
She scoffed at his evasive tactic, looking him up and down in total disapproval.
"Who's the walking contradiction now?"
And then, his eyes pierced hers. They were dark and elusive – the light of the fire doing nothing to disguise the agony that was about to come. She could read the message held within his eyes loud and clear and she began to mentally kick herself for pushing him too far.
"You know I cannot love you."
The flat statement killed any illusions she might have still possessed of him possibly caring for her, and yet, he looked as if he had regretted every word of the confession. As if the emotional blow he had just delivered, pricked him more than it did her.
She ignored his despondency, no longer disillusioned.
"I know…I don't want you too!" She defensively shot back.
He studied her for what seemed like an eternity, and then slowly averted his eyes back to the fire, almost as if he could no longer stand the temptation of beholding her.
"I am emotionally unable to maintain a successful relationship. My abilities in the matter are limited. Although, I can perform the acts required of me, such as comfort, desire, and yes, even love. They are all nothing more than an imitation, a program summoned to guide me in my endeavor to aspire beyond my limitations." He shook his head dejectedly, refusing to look at her. "I am sorry to say that this is the real me – a technological variation of subroutines and internal processors."
And then, his eyes met hers, almost pleadingly.
"Why can you not accept this?"
Tasha opened her mouth to respond, but the answer she wanted, was displaced by her inner longings.
"You need to come back to bed" Data raised his eyebrows toward the demand. "…What if your temperature drops again? I don't want your body to have to endure another repeat session of what happened earlier."
His answer was stern and indifferent, clearly displeased by her deflection.
"You need to get dressed." Data quipped back.
She stared at him open-mouthed, and he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Do not worry, I ran an internal diagnostic earlier; I assure you, I am in no danger" He snorted a small laugh. "…The artificiality of my body is more durable than your organic one."
To some, his answer would have sounded vain, but she knew him all too well.
She watched painfully, as her heart suddenly felt as if a massive stone had been placed on top of it, causing the trepid sinking feeling in her chest. He seemed distant once again, his positronic thoughts taking him somewhere else, far away from Delta Vega and even further from her.
The atmosphere of the cave was overwhelmingly tense, with a hovering, arduous lull about it – An oppressive inconvenience that seemed to always arrive whenever the android was in her presence.
The fire crackled and the wind howled restlessly outside as the snow continued to fall, but Tasha was completely lost to the nuisance of it all, as her senses were solely focused upon the man in front of her.
"I do accept you for who you are." She softly revealed.
Immediately, he lifted his head in her direction, his eyes drawn back to her – And if it was even possible, they held a look of shock about them… or was it doubt?
"You will have to forgive me if I seem to be under a different impression."
Okay, this was it – The reckoning she had been avoiding for the past six months now. She didn't want to lose him, in fact, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to push him away anymore.
It was frustrating to witness how clueless he could be, especially toward the things he was actually capable of. He was in dire need of another opinion, one that was delivered by someone on the outside looking in.
Yes, he was a brilliant spectrum of programs, subroutines and human emulation. A few of which she was certain he had enacted in order to deal with her more successfully, especially since they beamed down to the planet. In fact, she would venture to say that he had almost become dependent upon them.
"Data, do you want me?"
His eyes widened at the prospect and then immediately narrowed at her, as if suspecting himself as the subject of some test.
"I must advise that to any other logical person, an opportunity to initiate a relationship with such a passive individual would seem illogical for both parties, even reckless."
"It's a simple yes or no question, Data? Do you want me or not?"
He seemed to misunderstand.
"I believe your desire to copulate would be ill-advised. There is a thirty-three percent chance that your previous…" The android paused, searching for the right word. "Contrition will be repeated."
"I don't want statistics and figures, Data. I don't want to hear about the pros and cons of what is morally right for me. I want to know what you desire, Data, and I'm not just talking about sex either?"
His brows arched in surprise, as if completely taken aback by the fact that someone would even want to know such an intimate detail about him.
"I do not have a desire as such."
Tasha looked down, hoping he didn't pick up on the disappointment that now filled her eyes. "I get it… You mean you're not attracted to me."
Data was mesmerized by her forlorn expression.
"I find your appearance to be esthetically pleasing, as do an alarming number of other men onboard the Enterprise."
She gave a weak smile. "But you don't feel anything at all when you say that, do you?"
The android frowned, his facial expression mimicking the turmoil waging inside Tasha's heart perfectly.
"I am sorry…I do not feel anything."
Tasha vehemently protested as her frustrations began mounting again.
"But I believe that you do." She argued. "In the entrance examination for Starfleet Academy one of the requirements is that one has to be deemed sentient, not only sapient, but sentient, Data. Self-aware. That implies feelings, does it not?"
"That would appear to be a plausible assessment, but you consistently forget that I was not programmed with emotions."
Tasha rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to stand up and shake him senseless, viewing the temptation as a bad idea considering she was still naked.
"Data come on. Computers and robots are not admitted into the Academy, but you were. Therefore, Starfleet had to recognize some type of emotional awareness about you to even consider your entry."
Silence filled the room as what Data would consider an awkward moment passing, so she tried another tactic.
"Okay, why did you join Starfleet…What drove you to do so?" She held up a warning finger. "And don't say it was because they rescued you."
"But it was because of that rescue that I desired –" Immediately he paused in mid-sentence, his mouth slightly agape, as his eyes alighted from the discovery. "…Fascinating." He whispered.
Tasha couldn't stop the smile that was blatantly plastered all over her face.
"Alright, now let me ask you again." She inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. "Do you desire me?"
His eyes began scanning from side to side, processing her question. After a few seconds passed, he abruptly stood up and walked toward the cavern entrance, casually leaning against the frozen wall as he stared out into the night.
Irritated, Tasha closed her eyes as she slapped her hand against her forehead, falling back against the make-shift bed, groaning loudly.
Data remained silent, impervious to her annoyance.
She wasn't sure how much time had lapsed between them when he finally spoke, maybe five minutes, possibly ten, however long she wasn't sure and to be honest, she really didn't care.
She cautiously brought her hand down, opening her eyes to peer at the ceiling. She could tell that he had turned his face toward her by the direction of his voice.
"I do not know how to answer."
She sighed, clearly defeated. "Why did you sleep with me, Data?"
"Because I desired too."
For a moment, she laid there stunned by his honesty. She remained motionless, even though she could clearly hear him approaching her.
His face finally came into view, pausing beside her as he peered down at her. Their eyes held each other, as he slowly knelt down beside her. She quickly grabbed hold of the blanket about her chest before she shifted her body to face him, cautiously rising up as she supported her weight upon her right elbow.
She watched transfixed, as his eyes ran up and down the entire length of her body, only to still her heart with the intensity of his gaze.
"Now ask me if I desire to repeat the act with you?"
Tasha arched an eyebrow, with a wicked grin forming at the corners of her mouth.
"Do you?"
He reached out, gingerly running his index finger down the length of her jawbone, admiring the contours of her face, the hollow of her neck, the slight cleavage being revealed by her breasts.
His eyes sought hers again, as he released what appeared to be a mechanical, labored breath. Her lips involuntarily parted and she suddenly found it impossible to breathe, as he began closing the distance between them.
His eyes dropped to her lips, giving away his intention. Softly, his lips grazed hers, barely touching them. He pulled back slightly, watching...waiting.
Instantly, Tasha let go of the blanket as she placed her hand around his neck, pulling him to her in a desperate attempt to relieve the ache inside her chest. His lips crushed into hers with just as much intensity, their tongues intertwining, only to briefly stop, as he seductively pulled on her bottom lip with his teeth.
The intoxicating gesture driving her crazy.
"I want you!"
The long awaited declaration was all she could muster against his lips, as he began pushing her back against the make-shift bed.
Data's lips left hers, only to make their way down her cheekbone, to her neck, where he successfully extracted a loud moan from her lips, as he sucked the soft patch of skin that lied within the apex of her neck and her collarbone.
She wasn't sure how he did it, but he managed to toss her covers off to the side of her, as he proficiently maneuvered his body between her legs. She could easily feel his hardness pressing against the area she desperately wanted him most.
Tasha moaned again, as he pushed himself into her, the motion only adding to the burning ache of not having him inside her yet.
In her blind desire, she reached down, pulling his face eye level with hers, both panting with the need to appease their hunger.
"Show me how much you desire me."
Data stared at her for a moment, and then merely nodded as his lips fiercely descended back upon hers.
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**** PLEASE READ**** Author's Notes: Thanks for reading and please leave a review if you are enjoying the story. Also, I'm not sure if I'm going to write an "M" rated scene between these two. It depends really on if you guys leave enough reviews about whether you want me to go there or not. I'm not sure if I want to do so or not.