~~~}!{~~~

EPOV

I can't believe that I did that. I can't believe that I grabbed her ass. Bella makes me do crazy things. I have NEVER cheated in my life. Thank GOD that Bella maintained her composure, because lord knows that I wouldn't have stopped on my own. Her taste… OH her taste it was…. It was sweet and feminine, beautiful.

I rolled over in my bed and ran my hands through my hair. I could never have forgiven myself if I had continued. I would have made Bella feel like a slut. I shut my eyes and cringed.

Tanya.

OH GOD!

I didn't even think of her! What will she think of me? I can't hide this from her. I won't hide this from her. I've never lied to her, ever! I'm not going to start lying to her now. She's going to treat Bella like trash. I can't let her do that. Bella didn't start this, I did. Bella is anything but trash, she…. my god she's… delicious! Wonderful! Femininity at its finest! Soft, supple and hard as nails with her attitude.

STOP IT! I screamed to myself, thinking of her is not going to help your situation. Tanya is wonderful; she's everything you have loved for the past three years. Love still.

I shake my head to try and dispel the traitorous thoughts of Bella's lips against mine, but the only thing I can think of is how distracting it is to have Bella just three doors down in Alice's room. I wish I could walk right in there and see her, make her understand that I didn't want to hurt her. I'm not sure that would be a good idea because I'm not sure I could maintain sanity and hold myself back. Bella removes my free will. She makes me want to do crazy things like kiss her. So instead of fulfilling my urge I rolled over and forced my thoughts toward damage control.

Tanya.

~~~}!{~~~

I ignored everyone for the rest of the weekend. I stayed in my room and tried to distract myself from the outside world until Tuesday when Tanya was back from the Band concert.

I entered the cafeteria on Tuesday, I had decided to relax and wait until the bus gets in at the beginning of next period when I noticed everyone staring at me, and not in the way that they usually do this time I could see the eyes on me instead of feeling them.

What the hell is going on?

I walked closer to our usual spot, Emmett and Jasper were already there, good. I started to make a B-line for the table when the sound of people whispering assaulted me but when I looked at the table in question the whispering stopped. I shook my head thinking that maybe I was loosing it but then it happened again from other tables. I started to feel really weird when I took a look at my table and Emmett and jasper were talking way to fast taking glimpses at me as I came closer.

I sat down in my chair and then things really were odd, Em and Jazz wouldn't even look at me. "Hey what's up? Why is everyone acting so weird? Well weirder then usual."

Emmett looked up and back down real quick not locking eyes with me, and Jazz just shuffled around in his chair uncomfortably.

"Come on guys talk to me, what the heck is up?" I demanded and hit my fist on the table they never act like this and that could only mean that something is really off.

"Umm Ed, have you talked to Tanya at all this weekend?" Jazz finally looked at me.

"No, you know that she's always too busy with the band on trips to call me. Why what's up? What do you know? Is she hurt? TELL ME"

"No man, she's not hurt. Calm down." Emmett put his hand on my shoulder to calm me down and keep me in my seat.

"Oh thank god." I ran my fingers through my hair and held the bridge of my nose.

"Well I wouldn't be celebrating just yet. There is some….. Other news we have to pass on to you before you hear it from somebody else." I furrow my brow and look between both of them but they didn't give me enough time to speak before Jasper starts in.

"So I was walking down the hallway going to English when I herd Lauren talking to Angela. I never eavesdrop, you know that, but I herd your name and I was going to tell that slut Lauren to shut her jealous mouth when I herd her talking about Tanya too. So I pretended to tie my shoe. Lauren was talking about band camp and how that turd Newton had gone along. Apparently Lauren got a call from him at like one in the morning last night."

"So what in Gods fuck does that have to do with me or Tanya?"

"I'm getting there. So anyway apparently Newton was trying to get into Jessica's pants all weekend long and the bitch was having none of it. So Newton being the scum he is, he decided that he was going to sneak into Tanya and Jessica's room." I jumped out of my seat.

"I'll kill him, first Bella and now Tanya too."

"Whoa whoooooa bro." Emmett held up his hands and motioned for me to sit. "Wait and hold judgment until you have listened to everything."

"Are you fucking kidding me? There's more?"

"Just listen to me." Jasper said exasperated. So I sat back down and cracked my knuckles one by one.

"So like I said he was going to sneak into Jessica's room. He gets to the window and it's unlocked and he slides it open but before he can get in he hears noises."

"He hears noises? So." I throw up my arms in confusion.

"Not just any noises." Emmett put in.

"So he listens and then he understands, its moaning."

"Moaning? Ha Jessica that slut was already fucking some other guy! Serves Newton right!" I chuckled to myself.

"Well, there was sex and Jessica was apart of it but it wasn't with another guy." I looked at jasper, what the fuck was he saying.

"I don't understand."

"She was getting freaky with Tanya" Emmett almost yelled at me.

"What the fuck? She was what!!??"

"Well apparently Tanya and Jessica have been doing this for a while, maybe from the first band concert like two years ago." I slammed my fist against the table and made Jaspers water bottle fall off and explode splashing the feet of the freshmen next to us. Emmett sat there watching me and Jazz looked like I was about to murder his cat.

"I… I'm … I .. Fuck it" I stood up and looked around, suddenly I understood the whispers and stares. Poor Edward, Tanya broke your heart. Well Fuck that. I looked at my watch 12:25. I turned and headed straight for the front door I could hear chairs squeal against the linoleum floor but I could care less if they fallowed or not. Outside I took a deep breath, looking around I saw that the bus was eerily and the band members were already unloaded waiting for their parents or whoever to pick them up.

I saw her then across the lot. She was standing next to Jessica, they were holding hands. I felt like she slapped me in the face. How many times they returned from these trips so happy and glowing holding hands and whispering to each other. I just thought that it was an after affect from friendship rekindled from mutual love of music, but really it was dirty fucked up fuck-buddy shared secrete after glow.

I walked right up to her and looked her dead in the eye. Tanya looked a little shocked to see me but quickly dropped Jessica's hand and went to hug me. I took a huge step back and held up my hand.

"Eddie! What's wrong? Hug me!" Tanya sang out in a whiney voice. God I can't believe I ever thought that was endearing.

"Are you sleeping with her?" Tanya's face dropped and she looked over her shoulder at Jessica and then back at me.

"I don't understand. What do you mean Eddie?"

"Don't call me that, and you know exactly what I mean. Are you sleeping with her?" I pointed at Jessica and looked directly in her eyes. I could see her hesitation before she spoke.

"Of course not silly. What makes you think that?" She took another step towards me and I jumped back.

"Newton saw you and her fucking on Sunday. Don't lie to me. Tell me. Are you sleeping with her?" Her face went from lovie-confused to serious in three seconds flat when she discovered that I wasn't going to let this go. I knew what she was up to and there was no way around it.

"If I tell you the truth will you promise to keep calm and let me explain?"

"Did you sleep with her?" I was getting quite annoyed I know she did it by now and I was beyond angry that she wasn't coming clean with me, don't I deserve to know the truth?

"Alright Edward if your going to be a little bitch about it. YES I slept with her. I have been sleeping with her for a few years now. I don't understand why your so upset Newton was ecstatic he wanted to join us."

"You don't understand? You don't understand?!! Well let me shed some light, I have given you my heart, loved you for the past three years, forsaken all others for you and you go and sleep with her!!" I pointed to Jessica who was looking uncomfortable shifting from foot to foot watching us go at it.

"Not even thinking about what your BOYFRIEND might think about this. Not caring about anyone but you. You know what? I'm done. I'm done! I don't want to deal with your sleazy ass anymore. I hope that you're very happy together." I threw my hands up turned, and started walking away.

"You'll be sorry Eddie your going to miss me and I'm not going to take you back when you come crawling." I gave her the finger over the shoulder and just kept walking. Jasper and Emmett watched the whole thing and held up their hands for hi fives but I just walked past them towards Carlisle's car I had barrowed because mine was totally written off. Can anything in my life just not fall apart?

Apparently not.

~~~}!{~~~

I drove home that day and put everything of Tanya's in a box. I dropped it off on her steps, only keeping the pendant that she gave me for Christmas the first year we were together. I needed something to help me think that somewhere in us was truth, that she loved me at some point. The pendant seemed to be the most innocent thing from our past, since everything from the past two years is now tainted with the knowledge that Jessica was there too. I stood outside her house necklace in hand, just thinking. After a while I turned away from the empty house.

"I love you" I whispered before climbing into the car.

~~~}!{~~~

November~

It's been a month and people are still looking at me wondering why I'm still single. Freshmen have been throwing themselves at me and the seniors have been winking and leaving me notes in my locker, in my books, and some even have given them to my family to pass on to me. The way they're acting is crazy, has anyone in our school even been in love before? It seems like no one understands that it's killing me to watch my ex-girlfriend walk around holding Jessica's hand and kissing her cheek. Coming out of the closet is not a big deal, but it seemed like a slap in the face that not even a day after our split Tanya could be seen making out in the hallway with Jessica.

Our table is the same as it was before this mess, except that now I get looks of pity from Alice and Rose every so often. Bella and I haven't talked about our kiss but I'm guessing that she dropped it because she felt bad for me with the whole Tanya thing. She was standoffish for the first week or so but that changed slowly. Were friends now like we were before any of this happened and I like it.

Emmett and Bella were screaming and yelling, apparently Jasper wasn't knowledgeable enough to judge their rap/hip hop/R&B trivia - break dance - fight. I laughed to my self at the image of Bella and Emmett trying to Break dance.

"Just get out your friggin lap-top. I know I'm right I just need this frigger over here to know it too!!" Bella hitched a finger over her shoulder at Emmett.

"Your wrong swan, N.W.A. was formed in Compton, California in 1985." Emmett claimed stabbing his tater-tots with a fork.

"1986 you douche, and you claim to know gangsta rap!" she shakes her head and grabs the lap top from Jasper.

"HA! 1986! Na na-na na na!" Bella jumped up and did a victory lap around the table and gave me a high five on the way round. I couldn't help but laugh and smile at her, she was ridiculous.

"You win this round Swan. If your so smart and know all about the gangsta rap what was the first song that people think started it all? Try and play your way out of that one playa!"

"Oh its so hard what ever will I do!" Bella pouted and bent her knees together like a little child.

"6 in the morning, by ICE-T bitch." She raised her hands up in the air and 'Raised the roof'.

"Can I get a what, what?" Bella put a hand cupping her ear.

"What, what" Alice said without enthusiasm, twirling her finger around like 'whoop-tee-do' never lifting her eyes off her magazine.

~~~}!{~~~

A/N: So i totally suck at spelling and im not afraid to admit it. soooooooo I NEED A BETA! whos in?

Let me know what you think of Edwards point of view!!

thanks for reading!

~Miss champagne