Chapter Huh?: What ManDreams May Come.........

My steps were hastened by my eagerness to wield my true blade once more. I could feel its presence all around me. It had been here, on this island, that much was certain. Whether it remained was yet to be seen.

I had explored most of the island, its frozen wastes which brought me a sense of comfort, its vitriolic mines, the castle, and so on. All that was left was for me to delve into the dark forest. It struck me how odd the ecology of this island seemed, and I would have thought its disparate areas totally unrelated if I had not traversed them myself. And whenever I tried to chart my progress on any kind of map, it seemed as if the time existed outside of space itself. Although I did sense demonic power at work, I felt that an even more sinister force was at work here.

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Before I recount my misadventures following, however, I must remark on something intriguing that I witnessed while at the castle. As I walked the pristine halls of the cold castle I noticed the fine craftsmanship that went into building its columns, and the detail which went into its marble floors. The components of its walls spoke of history, war and servitude. I was halted and surprised when I passed the grand wash chamber, however, as I saw myself reflected in the polished porcelain and gold. I stood entranced by this magnificent mundus mundorum.

It had been over a decade since I had seen any kind of facilities, and never in my life had the gaze of mine eyes come to rest upon one of such exquisite taste and design such as this. I at once understood the irresistible appeal, the powerful continence that could only be afforded upon that ivory throne. It was apparent to me now, why Mundus had struggled desperately to cling onto his place upon the throne, and how in the end his fate was also sealed within it.

The polished white marble of the wash basin was flawless, with each argent vein exhibiting that elusive and sought after golden ratio of the Ancients. The spigot itself was fashioned darkly glowing metal, perhaps even celestial in nature. The walls were circumscribed with a crown molding embellished with gold leaf, and in the corners, painted in the old fashion of the trompe l'œil, were columns of the composite Ionian and Corinthian style. The throne itself was enveloped by a baldacchino, but, it was not of the basilican variety, for the genius responsible for the design knew that it would have appeared garish; rather, it was made after the Bavarian style, an aesthetic which I had long missed while in exile in the Demon World. Above the baldacchino itself was a great, magnificent, dome of the Celestial realms. I recognized the influence of Andreas Puteus, certainly, and of Mantegna, who died in a land that I might have called home if my life had not been spent in servitude and foolish endeavors. Surely, no human hand could have fashioned such dark and mysterious beauty. This must be the work of demonic design technocrators, no doubt the same ones that went to work on Mallet Island…………..

I approached that sacred throne, the throne that I was destined to inherit once I had surpassed the power of my father. After all, how could he have understood the pleasures of taking it and sitting upon the seat of power, for he had always been powerful. I, however, had been cursed to grow from a weak and unbridled constitution, to restrain and train myself in stamina and decorum, and to finally search to attain true power and self-restraint of my own effort. I certainly had lapses in control, where I had to wallow in my own filth and misery, tending to the undeserved throne of that insufferable Mundus, but no more! Today, I would ascend and I would taste the furious glory and serenity of that holy seat! And then I would go on to find Yamato!!1

And so, I sat upon the throne for a while and let the power surge through me, and my aura flared, and the energy ran up and then down my body, from my head to my loins. Satisfied, I dismounted, and resolved to begin my quest anew, now refreshed and less burdened by things of the past. As I reveled in the brief rest from my travels, I looked down into the limpid pool at the sotto in su reflected in it, and it appeared distorted and sullied. My own distorted reflection surprised me as well. I was not taken aback by the scars upon my face or my now pallid complexion, but rather what appeared to be multitudinous blemishes that now appeared on my flawless physiognomy. What ho! Mayhaps this be a form of demonic glamour or some treachery of the fae-folk, alas!.................... But then I remembered……..this was no trap, I would have sensed it. So, as my reflection began to swirl away in the oracle pool, I resumed my quest once again.

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As I stepped into the lush jungle, I noticed immediately the diminished visual sharpness of my surroundings. The shadows of the leaves seemed to flicker hysterically, as if the leaves above were moving in and out of existence. But this was not the strangest occurrence. Immediately upon entering the forest, I was taken aback by the glare of the sun, when only moments before, it had been the dead of night. I stepped back from whence I had come, and suddenly it was as if a curtain of darkness had been draped over the sky. I came forward, and with me, so did the blazing charioteer bring forward the light of day. I repeated this several times. What trickery is this? A time displacement? I said to myself in my mind. If there were truly a Creator, he must have been a madman to design an island such as this.

In due time, I came upon the ruins of a gigantic group of what appeared to be lizards with flowers growing out of them, and I overheard a conversation they seemed to be having in a demonic tongue I had little experience with…

"Bulbasaur bulbasaur bulbasaur, bulbasaur?"

"VENUSAUR!!1!"

"Ivysaur ivysaur, ivysaur ivysaur? I…vysaur!"

"VENUSAUR!!1!1"

"Bulba saur bulba bulba, BULBASAUR? Bulba saur bulbasaur?"

"Ivysaur ivy saur ivysaur, ivyivy. Ivy—saur, IVY! (SAUR)."

I was able to translate it as such:

"Hey, what are we supposed to do now that Echidna is gone and the game is over?"

"VENUSAUR!!1!"

"Dude, what the eff is your problem? Damn, seriously."

"VENUSAUR!!1!1"

"Hey why does this guy keep saying 'VENUSAUR?' Doesn't he know he is a Blitz?"

"Nah, I guess not, they're pretty stupid, haha. Blitz is such a dumb name too—Hey! (Referring to the guy in blue hiding in the bushes)."

And with that, they were all about me. I began to reach for my mock blade, but as I did, it seemed a time dilation took effect. It was strange though, because it was dissimilar to both the Bangle of Time, of which I had heard rumors, and Geryon's own time dilation technique. The colors of the surrounding area were not inverted, and strangely, these lizard plants seemed to be moving at a sluggish rate as well, precluding them from having initiated the maneuver. What is going on here? It is almost as if some being outside the island is at work here………..1

Not wanting to waste my time dealing with these grunts at such a slow pace, I reached into my pocket and grabbed a weapon I had stolen from the underworld just for this occasion. It was a kind of sealed vessel encased in solomonic seals on the inside, drenched in sacred blood on top and preserving white purity on the bottom. It was used by great devils to carry entire legions in their pocket, using an arcane magick similar to that involved in the creation of devil arms. And so I thrust my hand deep into my pocket, and in a flash (relatively speaking), it was on the ground before them. I had been reciting the unsealing incantation in my mind all the while: I want to be the very best, like no one ever was… All I had to do was utter the solemn incantation aloud, and the battle would be over. I began to walk away.

"Holographic First Edition Charizard, I CHOOSE YOU!!1!"

Their ashes fell to the ground as their shadows flickered in and out of reality.

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I was no weary of this island, and I sought to find and dispose of that dark and mysterious being responsible for placing me back here.

I found myself back in the main square of the Escherian city-island, and cried out aloud to the sky.

"SHOW YOURSELF! Come taste my blade, fiend!"

And then, as if appearing out of nowhere, a giant statue of my father was lying amidst the rubble of the city. If this was a trap, it was the least subtle one that I had chanced to encounter, and so I thought to myself: Take a walk inside a giant statue of my dad? Why the hell not.

After a short trek, through the various innards of this statue, and what appeared to be a giant disco backgammon board of some sort, I arrived at the behemoth's crown. There I could feel the power of Yamato pulsing strongly, and I traced its source to a mound of quivering flesh. As I advanced, I could see that this flesh had an opening in the middle of it, and I endeavored to retrieve Yamato from within it at any cost. It appeared to be leaking some blood and effluvia, as if something has burst forth from within it, or perhaps, it had devoured something and was ingesting it. And so I at first ventured to make sure that it was not an ambush of some kind, and thus thrust my spurious blade deep and hard inside it, taking care to be as non-symbolic as possible as I did not want to unknowingly initiate whatever ritual the statue was involved in. The opening was too tight however, and so I made several attempts to thrust the blade harder, but the flesh was so thick that my blade could never find its mark. What is this?!!?!! I have trained for years with a blade, how can my precision have devolved so much in such a short time? I have not used my skills recently, of course, but I should not lose them so easily. And in a brief fit of anger, I empowered the blade with demonic energy, and made one final thrust. "You will not forget this devil's POWER!!1!" But alas, as soon as the tip of the blade touched the flesh, my aura was ejected through the blade, and it broke in half. To have my blade buckle before me was an occurrence which brought me great shame, and I resolved to never speak of it again. Why I recount it for you here, I do not know………

In any case, if Yamato was contained within the now gaping maw before me, I would have to go in and retrieve it myself. I steeled myself for what was to come, and I plunged headfirst inside. I cannot describe the horrors of that cavernous tissue and do them justice. It was pitch black, even the light of my own aura had no effect. And the walls were slippery with blood and some kind of mucous-like substance, similar to the ectoplasm used by lesser demons such as the Sin Eaters. I felt as I would suffocate, as if my energy was being sucked from me, and I no longer sensed Yamato within. And so, reeling and gasping, I forced my way out against the suction, and fell on the floor in a puddle of ooze. Behind me, the cavern closed with a disgusting, sucking noise, all too eager for the prey which had thus escaped it. It had seemed to me to resemble Mundus' Hell, visceral and carnal, and right then I endeavored never to approach anything like it again….

And then, I felt it. Yamato! I looked up to see something which I had not seen for years. I swore to myself that if I never saw it again, it would be too soon. It was my brother, Dante. The memories came flooding back to me….

How bout a kiss from your little brother….

You forced this into him?…….

You got that right, baby…..

Do you want to know why the spell didn't break, hmmm Vergil…..

You need your brother to come here to break the spell…

This place, was our fathers home……

No Daddy, I don't like when you touch me like that…

Come on Vergil, it'll be fun to have a father-son sword fight…..

I want to fill your dark soul with LIIIIGHT!!1!

I could feel my blood boiling and my senses heightening. It was there. Yamato, he has it! He begain to speak to me:

"Heya Vergil, dude! Never thought I'd see you here, WOOHOO—umph!"

Weaponless, I had to resort to dropkicking him in the face in mid-sentence. As he fell, I fell upon him, and I reached out and reclaimed what was rightfully mine. I could feel it throbbing, longing for my touch. I had been so long since I had it in my hand. I gripped it and tugged at it; the handle was just as long and hard as I remember. Just as I was about to pull myself up, Dante reached out and placed his hand on my cheek and looked deeply into my eyes. And I looked deep into his dark, bold eyes, admiring my own savage handsomeness reflected in them. Dante held me closer, our chiseled physiques rubbing and grinding against each other as I squirmed to get free. He seems to be hypnotized by my ravishing, manly beauty. Alas! What a cruel fate to be handsome, intelligent, powerful, and handsome! If only I looked like someone of less attractiveness, like that Daniel Southworth, double alas!!

Suddenly, he pushed my head towards his, sending our lips on a trajectory of forbidden filial love that never should have been in the first place. I was now close enough to feel the heat of his delicate yet manly, quivering skin. And that was as far as I would go. The devil inside of me was screaming to break loose. And without a thought, it happened. A burst of terrible energy exploded from my body. In that moment, two things were confirmed for me: that my brother was a fannybandit as I had always suspected. I, uh…don't recall the other realization. _

In any case, I pushed myself off of him in a fury, slicing his hand as his hand fell from below my chiseled, and virile, abs. This seemed to bring him out of his gross incestuous trance. He spoke again:

"Woah, dude, like, what happened? Woohoo?"

I could see that in my absence, my brother had reverted to an infantile stage of development; he almost seemed more immature than when we met in the Temen-Ni-Gru all those decades ago. But, no matter, I now had my true blade, and now, nothing would stand in my way.

"Dude, where were you? There was this kid, he looked just like you, and I was like 'woah, he looks just like Vergil,' and he was like 'Who's Vergil,' and I was like 'You know…' and he was like 'No…' and I was like 'Really?' It was harsh."

"Why did you have Yamato, Dante? What did you do to it?"

"Oh, I was just holding it for you until you came back. These island dudes kind of had it, and I was like 'Hey, that's Vergil's sword' and they were like 'Who's Vergil?' and I was like 'Are you guys serious?' and they were like 'Yeah…' and I was like 'Really?' Anyway, I gave it to your son to take care of. Not sure where he is right now thou—"

I had compulsively dropkicked him in the face again, despite the fact that I had retrieved my weapon; somehow, it just felt right. "Well I'm back, biatch. Don't ever let some n00b touch my sword a gain, sucka. I'm the OG triple OG Dark Slizayer fo rizzeal, son. You best recognize."

I called upon my phantom blades to teach Dante a lesson he wouldn't soon forget. Strangely, my blades had become curved and were spinning now, like food processor blades, but as long as they hit their mark, I was unconcerned. The first few did rip through Dante's coat, and into his flesh, leaving him shirtless and glistening with blood and sweat. However, for some strange reason, the phalanx of swords, or fanblades, began to amass around me, not in a shield formation, but simply hanging in the air as if they had hit an invisible wall inches in front of me. It did not take long for me to be completely obscured by the cerulean spinning blades, and strangely, it was not a local phenomenon; the mass of phantom blades followed me wherever I went so that I looked like a massive glowing pincushion. WTF is this?

Enraged, I unleashed a massive explosion of demonic energy, finally dispersing the phantom blades. As the surf washed over my nude, well built, and manly, body, I found myself now lying on the beach of the island, with the statue nowhere to be seen, and my clothing having been ripped to pieces from the blades (except for my tasteful and enticing undergarments ;)). I was still covered in blood and mucous and so I dove into the ocean water to wash the filth away. I emerged moments later with the tide crashing against my perfect musculature, and the ocean spray moistening my rugged, manly skin. As I walked back onto the beach, I experienced another time dilation effect, so I knew that several enemies were nearby. I ran, now in slow motion towards my sword, as the beads of ocean water rolled down my rock-hard pecs and abs, my skin glistening in the sunlight. I swung my ashen hair back, as the water walk flung this way and that. Just as I was about to begin several deep stretches I had learned in the Demon World, I noticed that I was being watched, and I turned and came face-to-face with evil incarnate…

"Hello Vergil. I am the one who created this island, I am the one that put you here. You may call me Koba—uh, I mean, the Man in Black."

I noticed the strange symbol upon his forehead, I had seen it before, in the dark realm where I had awakened."So it was you? You were behind it all along?"

"HAHAHA, YES! I was the black smoke, the Vanguard. I am responsible for you losing your sword, and for the confusion of this island and its inhabitants!!"

"Wait…what black smoke?"

"Uh…nevermind, nothing. Anyway, yes, I'm the master of puppets, pulling your strings, twisting your mind and smashing your dreams. Blinded by me, you can't see a thing. It is the end of passion play, crumbling away, I'm you're source of self-destruction. I'm only here because you want me to be. I'm the controlling bastard, so obey your master."

"Impossible! I don't know what manner of fiend you are, but you will fall under the power of my judgment cut today!"

I attempted to perform my special technique, a judgment cut. However, instead of space displacing itself due the speed at which I sheathed and unsheathed my sword, all that happened is that the air turned blue and few slashes appeared lazily here and there. What? What is wrong with Yamato?

"HAHAHA! Your powers are my playthings in this world, little Vergil. They do not even know you exist in this world! And once I erase you once and for all, the Golden Ninjer Warrior will be mine! Go, attack!"

With that gesture, he sent forth a veritable menagerie of demons, although I had not seen any of them before. Lizard flowers, beetles in burlap sacs, flying sword birds, Ghost Rider gun-dogs, etc. If there was any doubt before that this being was responsible for the insanity on this island, it was clear now.

I dispatched of the lizard flowers as I had before, and used a can of Demon Raid on the beetles. As for the sword birds, I simply summoned my phantom swords and turned myself into a giant otherworldly woodchipper and made short work of them. The gun-dogs, were not so easy, since they could fire powerful projectiles, nevermind that they were their own heads. I wondered at where the replacement heads came from, and how it was possible to mate a gun and a dog in the first place, but this thinking distracted me. A dog head was heading straight for me, and I had no time to move out of the way, so I teleported.

Or rather, my mind anticipated where I would have been if my teleportation had been successful, but it was not. For some reason, I was not able to teleport anymore, except in the upwards direction, I found out later. WTF did Dante do to my sword? Although I had been hit, and the dog was still gnawing on my perfect calves, I faced the enemy once again, and unleashed my fury in my mighty Yamato devil trigger. That made short work of the gun dogs, who escaped with their tails between their legs.

I myself felt differently, less powerful than usual, but no matter. I made my way straight for this Koba—uh, Man in Black, preparing an epic infinite judgment cut to his face. Just as I was about to make contact, he spoke.

"Vergil, perhaps you should look behind you. HAHAHA!"

I did so, and noticed a giant blue ghost protruding from my back. Holy S**t WTF getitoffofme!!1!

"You see Vergil? You have no power here. Here, I am Go—"

Frustrated and weary with my long travels and with all the trickery, I had thrown the useless piece of trash, the false Yamato, away, and dropkicked him in the face. Then, I died and turned into fairy dust…

"From the shards of tattered dreams I rose, unwilling, tossed upon tides of pain that ebbed and flowed and left me, sneering awake, and more revoltingly, alive. The descent had destroyed me and yet I had lived, hurtling back from the precipice of annihilation. It was there you found me"

"And how did that make you feel, Mr. Southworth?"

"I don't know…I don't see why I had to die at the end..as usual. Where am I?"

"You're in my office, laying on the couch. We just finished some creative retrogressive therapy, remember?"

"I am not damned!"

"Of course not, but one can always be better. Mr. Southworth, this is the real world. You can step out of character, there's no need to talk like that."

"YAMATO!"

"Oh dear, I see we will have to try a more intensive therapy…"

"How long have I been in this place?"

"Only about an hour."

"What must I do to leave this place?"

"You're not leaving before we've worked through some things in your past. You're obviously very insecure about your relationship with your father, and your own sexuality. The sword is a symbol for your virility, and your constant search for it is a search to put to rest your latent homoerotic tendencies and fear of impotence. Hmm..I want to try a new therapy. Take off your clothes."

Images of a broken past, and uncomfortable, bloody man-dreams splintered my mind. Anger, Shame, Confusion, all coursed through my veins.

"What?"

"You heard me, strip. We need to work out your intimacy issues…Daniel."

"Uh…ok. Can't we do that with our clothes on?"

"TAKE YOUR DAMN CLOTHES OFF!!1!"

"Whatever you say, Dr. Arvelo. :'("

":D"