*Okay as always I own nothing of Criminal minds I just get the privilege of playing with the characters for a while.

The shadows pulled her into a memory of driving home after being beaten by a religious narcissist. Her face hurt where she had take a couple of direct blows. She was just glad that JJ had went home and didn't stay for the debrief. She couldn't take the sad looks and she knew she saw her wiping at tears once on the plane ride back. She had to deflect that the tears had to be for Reid since the woman was very pregnant with Will's baby. It didn't hurt as much it seemed to say she was crying for Reid.

She wanted to get home and have a drink with a hot bath and not think for at least eight hours. She pulled into her condo and did a glance around. This case would have been one of those cases just a few months ago that would have had JJ waiting on her return. She had mixed emotions not seeing the woman's car in the lot. She was glad there wouldn't be anymore drama but also was sad at not having the warmth to hold and wash the ugliness of the day away.

She made it up to the condo with her go bag. She really was in pain from the blows to her ribs but she would never admit it to anyone. She unlocked the door and sat her bag down and started to turn the alarm off but it wasn't on. She looked at the control pad and pulled her gun and started walking slowly sweeping the rooms as she went. The living room was dark but the lights from the mall gave it enough light that she would be able to clear the room without blinding herself.

"Are you going to shoot me Emily?"

"JJ?"

"Who else has a key to your condo and knows the alarm code?"

"No one." Was said with a grumpy tone as she pulled her holster off her belt and secured the gun. "What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you."

"I'm fine." She said as she went back down the hall and got her go bag to take up stairs. She needed a moment to gather herself and get her heart rate back down.

"Emily..."

"What?" The woman asked as she came back into view.

"Talk to me...Please!"

"Talk..." She blew out a breath, "...what do you want to talk about JJ?"

"How about how you are feeling?"

"Truthfully?"

"Yes..."

"I feel like I've been beaten. I want to go and take a hot bath while drinking a glass of wine and then pass out. Now if you will excuse me." She started to take the stairs.

"Your bath has been run and the glass of wine is on the counter. When you are done I'll be right here waiting on you even if it's tomorrow morning when that happens."

"Don't you have a boyfriend to go home too." She said knowing it was a low blow but she was hurting both physically and emotionally.

"No...he is in New Orleans right now."

"So what am I JJ...a fill in?" She said coming back down the stairs and around the couch to face the woman.

"No...you have never been a fill in."

"Then what am I JJ... because that's what it fills like."

"You..." She said getting up and walking over to the woman, "...are larger than life."

Emily was having trouble breathing with the woman so close. "What is that suppose to mean? One moment I'm in the shower fussing at myself for telling you I loved you when we made love, the next I'm hearing you tell Will you love him. That's not larger than life JJ...that's called rejection." She said as she turned and went up the stairs.

She raised her head and ran her hands through her hair. "What a tangled web my beautiful Jennifer." She said pulling out of the memory for a moment. She looked at the note read it saying the last line out loud for her ears to here. "I'm right here waiting for you just beyond that horizon you always ask answers of."

"You always wait don't you?" She said as she went back into the memory.

Just like the woman down stairs had promised her bath and wine were waiting on her. Afterwards she didn't have the courage or strength to go and see if JJ was still down stairs. Truthfully she knew she was. She knew that she would go down those stairs in the mourning and JJ would be sitting on the same end looking up the stairs for her to come down. She pulled her phone out and fought with herself but finally couldn't bare the thought of JJ sleeping on her couch getting knots in her back so she text her.

"I know you plan on sitting there till I come back down. You are stubborn that way.I'm tired and I do not want to talk. Come up stairs and sleep so you don't get muscle spasms in your back."

It took a few moments but she heard footsteps on the stairs then her door opened slowly, "Are you planning to sleep in here too?"

"Normally I wouldn't given the situation but neither of our conditions warrant the use of my couch." She said as she crawled under her sheets and turned her side of lights off. JJ took her go bag that was hidden down stairs and got ready for bed. Emily laid there with her back to the door. She couldn't bring herself to turn over because she would want to hold the woman when she crawled into bed and that just wasn't possible.

The lights finally went out as the woman slid into bed. The silence was so loud it hurt both of their ears. JJ broke it, "I know it's unfair of me...and I know you are hurting... but..." She couldn't finish the request. Emily breathed in deeply. She knew what was been ask from her. She knew that she was just plain stupid for even considering it. She knew...but damn if her body didn't turn and engulf the woman pulling her into her chest. They both absorbed from each other without words. At the moment it just didn't matter about the rest. They both were hurting and needed the warmth of each other.

Emily came out of the memory. "I still need your warmth." She whispered as a cold chill ran up her spine. She looked at her watch, two and a half more hours left. She started to just take her watch off but it wouldn't do any good. She would just look at her cell phone and that was just to plain dangerous to even contemplate. Jennifer's phone number was speed dial number 5. That was just to close for her thumb to slip and hit.

Now I know it's been rough lately but I started this story in a certain style...from a reflection by one person. I can't do like I normally do with other's perspectives to lessen the pain. This is Emily's process and we be the silent journey people with her.