Disclaimer: No officer, I swear! I don't own a thing! It's all Jo's, all hers!

Author Note-Weee aren't you all happy that I put this up now instead of WAITING FOR MORE REVIES? So you can read it right when you wake up in the morning! Or y'know…right when u feel like it. you can ignore me because I'll probably b rambling grandomly over pages and pages for this author note. I meant to write randomly there. Fyi. I am tired! And Jurrasic park is getting annoying. So before I fall asleep or go break the tv:

Piggy-yay glad ya liked it! –happy dance- and I am updating!

Murdrax hahahahaha ur review made me laugh and go all happy and spinny and stuff. Hahaha I am a warped cookie! Woot! N I love the idea of lily n the marauders hexing petunia to the next dimension…but the ending I had in mind ended it b4 then…idk tho I might have to keep goin

READ N REVIEW N I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER WITH LOTS N LOTS OF COOKIES! AND LICORICE TOO.

Chapter 6: Scary Banana Armadillo….Things

James: Where did you get all the fire whiskey??

Remus and Lily: WHAT?! –jump up next to James-

Sirius: -giggles- Banana Fairy brought it to me! –picks up banana and tries to drink fire whiskey from it-.

When Sirius had gotten excited over the jam and fallen over the back of the couch he had landed on the floorboard that had the hidden fire whiskey under it. Making the board fly up and off, narrowly missing hitting Sirius in the nose. And Sirius, being the greedy dog that he is, started to drink with gay abandon, without so much as a thought about whether the others would want to get drunk with him.

Lily: Guys! Look at him! He's completely smashed! Look at how much he's drunk. –gestures wildly at all the empty bottles-

James: Oh don't worry Lils, there's plenty more for us, see.

Lily: -glowers at James-

Remus: Sirius! You promised!

Sirius: -looks towards Remus but can't focus so goes back to trying to counting his fingers-

Lilly: -looks sharply at Remus- Promised what?

Remus: Erm…

Lily: Remus! –picks up book- Tell me! NOW!

James: I'd do as she says mate, that book is a lethal weapon in her hands –winces and rubs head-

Remus: He promised never to get drunk without letting me or James know first…Sirius drunk without supervision can get pretty scary.

Lily: You mean you've let him get this drunk before?? You realize he's becoming an alcoholic because of you!

James: She's so pretty when she's not mad at me. –sigh-

Remus: -relatively embarrassed look-

Sirius: -tries to focus on Lily- I'm not an alcoholic Love, I'm a drunk! Alcoholics go to meetings!

Lily: -puts head in hands and sighs-

James: -grabs two bottles of fire whiskey- Well as long as we've got these…we might as well take a sip or two, eh Moony?

Remus: Thought you'd never ask.

Lily: Oh no you don't! I'm no good at the sobering spell! What will I do if all three of you are drunk?

James: Oh come on Lily Flower! Sirius is the only closet alcoholic here!

Sirius: DRUNK!

James: Sorry. Drunk. But please Lily?

Lily looked to Remus for support, dismayed to find he had already started his Fire Whiskey while she and James were fighting.

Lily: Fine –sigh- But help me get him away from the Fire Whisky. And I'm not responsible for any errant spells that happen if you get drunk!

Remus and James: -drag Sirius onto the couch next to Lily-

James: Have fun with him…-sneaks behind couch for another bottle of Fire Whiskey-

Remus: Well who's gonna read now?

James: -looks at Sirius- No chance –looks at Lily- no chance in hell, unless I want to be skinned alive. Uhm. Me I guess.

Remus: -takes a gulp of fire whiskey-

James: Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor. If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. He didn't see the owls-stops and stares at Lily-

Lily: -coos and murmurs in baby talk to Sirius-

James: Why is it that a drunken Sirius brings out the best in her?

Remus: Who knows? The girl's a mystery Padfoot, you've got your work cut out for you.

James: -mental sigh- you've got that right…Hey wait…

Remus: Yeah?

James: Since when were we telepathetically connected?

Remus: It's telepathically, and we're not.

James: Oh –mental face fall- Darn it, that could've had some serious advantages.

Remus: Yeah. You better get back to reading before Lily notices something.

James: Right. Owls swooping past in broad daylight. What's so odd about that? It'd be weirder if they only flew during the night.

Remus: In the muggle world, owls do only fly during the night.

James: Oh…-shakes head- muggles. Though people down the street did; they pointed and gazed open mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead-

Sirius: -shoves banana in Lily's face- But Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely! You –hic- said-

Lily: Oh can it Sirius! –does sobering spell on Sirius-

All: -stare at Sirius-

James: I'm seriously contemplating revoking my assumption that drunks bring out the best in Lily.

Remus: I'm going to have to agree with you on that one Prongs…

Lily: Woops…told you I sucked at sobering spells! I try to be nice to the bloody prat! But he's just too much of a…a PRAT! Especially when he's drunk!

Remus and James: -stare at Sirius-

Lily: You should've seen the last person I did this too…this is an improvement on my part, believe me!

James and Remus: -stare at Sirius-

Remus and James were almost completely sure they didn't want to see the last person Lily had "sobered up". In place of a drunken Sirius, there was now a vaguely armadillo shaped creature. Except that is was huge, blue and covered in what else but…bananas.

James got over the shock of seeing Sirius…changed, enough to realize the possibilities.

James: Lily! That's BRILLIANT! How the hell did you do that? –laughs like a laughing loon-

Lily: I don't know! But every time I try to make someone sober, they turn into some sort of creepy fruit animal.

Remus: Lily, I think I know how you can say it right, you just need to say the a-

James: Shut up Moony! I don't car how she can say it right! I wanna know how she said it wrong. –puts arm around Lily- So Lily Flower, what's your secret?

Lily: If I knew what I was saying wrong do you think I would be saying it? –shrugs off his arm-

James: -shrugs- I would.

Lily: -rolls eyes- No surprise there.

Remus: Lily…do you know how to change him back? –eyes armadillo/Sirius warily-

Lily: Yeah… kind of. I was kind of thinking we could leave him like that for a while. He's so much quieter that way.

Remus: True -considers this-

Armadillo/Sirius: -starts to shake and bounce violently knocking things over and making a noise known only to scary Banana armadillo creature things-

All: -scared looks-

James: Apparently it can hear us…Change it back Lily! Change it back! I am scareeeeeeeeeed! –hides behind Lily and Remus-

Lily: On second thought, I think I take James's advice on this one –closes eyes and waves wand in general direction of Sirius-

Sirius: -makes disturbing slurping noise and glops back to human form. Mostly-

James: Siri-!

Sirius: WHAT THE HELL? WHY WAS I A FREAKING ARMADILLO? AND YOU THREE WANKERS WERE GOING TO LEAVE ME LIKE THAT! Some friends you are. No wonder I'm an alcoholic!

James: Drunk.

Sirius: -nods in James's direction- Drunk. –goes to grab another Fire Whiskey-

James: Not a good idea mate…

Sirius: -growls- (yes growls) Why not?

Remus: -points at Lily's raised wand- That's why.

Sirius: -gulp- Uhm…just kidding…-nervous giggle-

Lily: That's what I thought. –sits on couch next to James- K, keep reading Jamesie.

Sirius: -shake head in confusion-

James: Only if you tell me how you changed Sirius into an armadillo.

Lily: -smiles sweetly- No, I'll show you though. –starts to pull out wand-

James: -nervous smile- Er, no that's ok, I'm good…Most of them had never seen an owl in daylight.

Sirius: Poor deprived bananas…-shakes head sadly-

Remus: You'd think after all that he'd drop the bananas thing.

James: Did you really think that?

Remus: No…I s'pose not. Just wishful thinking.

James: Mr. Dursley however had a perfectly owl free morning. He yelled at five different people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. He was in a very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and-

Lily: Practice his ballet moves, he was auditioning for the Nutcracker you know.

James: -giggles- nut-

Lily: Don't say another…syllable. –glare-

Sirius: pshaw, ballet, he wasn't doing ballet, he went out to massacre millions of innocent people with his trusty banana sidekick…-mumbles incoherently-

Remus: No you're both wrong; obviously he went to the library to practice being interesting.

Sirius: ...And THEN they turned the prince into an armadillo. A golden armadillo, the color of bananas because he…-mumbles incoherently again-

All: -Stare at Sirius-

James: Walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakery. Moony won.

Lily and Sirius: WHY?!

James: They both end in y.

Remus: Only you Prongs would have that kind of logic, -laughs- Only you.

Author Note: Wooo that took like a really long time to type. Its like midnight right now. Srry about the random ending I'm tired lol. And to demonstrate how much reviews speed up my writing, I was about to stop writing this because I was tired and bored, then I got a review! a really good funny review! (luv ya murdrax lol) and I was like yay! Ppl like my story so I'll keep on writing. So REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! happy authorgood story+lotsa updates! Yay! Love u all for reading this! N I still need a beta!