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After spending a couple of hours at the Salvatore boarding house, I needed to break away for some time. Everyone there watched every move I made as if I would break or break something and try to kill someone. They made me nervous. While I took great pains to show Elena that I was ok and I was adapting, but I'm not too sure that I actually am. Other than the constant humming of my body and the pain when my fangs descend, I didn't feel as different as I thought I would.
After stopping at my empty house to get some more clothes (Elena suggested that I stay with her for a couple of days), I stopped at the Mystic Grille to get something to eat. It was basically empty, so that made me happy as I sat down in a booth alone and ordered a burger and fries. I wasn't sure why I did it because I didn't really want them, but maybe I did it to feel normal.
I sat at the table staring at the food trying to will myself to eat it when I felt someone standing near me.
"Bonnie".
"Tyler…hi", I said shaking myself out of the trance, "what are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" he asked sitting across from me.
"What…what do you mean?"
"I remember the car accident Bonnie, you did not look the best when they pulled you out…the doctors weren't very optimistic…how is it 2 days later, you're sitting here looking good as new".
I shrugged, "I don't know…that new hospital did wonders".
Tyler looked at me with a doubtful smirk.
"Hey…do you remember the accident…who the person in the road was…anything?" I asked changing the subject.
Tyler's eyes shifted, "I didn't really see them".
"You didn't…then what did you see?"
"I don't know…a shadow…you were the one who saw the person, I just jerked the car trying not to hit whatever you saw".
I shook my head, "And Elena said the person was no where near the accident".
"Everyone was concerned about you…especially me, I'm sorry Bonnie".
"Why do you have to be sorry?" I asked looking at him, "it was an accident".
"I was drinking…I shouldn't have been driving, maybe I could have kept control of the car".
"Tyler…"
"And the truth is…I didn't need to go and get any more alcohol…I just wanted to be alone with you for a few moments".
I shook my head as I felt a wave of something come over me…and it felt like anger. "Wait, you lied…you lied, you were drunk and you drove".
"Bonnie…I…I'm sorry, but you're ok now…so everything worked out".
I felt an increase in my temperature, I was burning up, "Everything worked out?"
"Yes…you're fine…healthy and you look better than you ever have before".
I stood up, "You don't know what I'm going through because of what you did…I am not fine!"
"Bonnie…calm down...I'm sorry".
"You're always sorry…you always do reckless and stupid things and you are always sorry!" I yelled causing the three patrons to turn around and stare at us, "what are you looking at!"
The patrons quickly turned around. I'm not sure what's happening to me at this moment, but I can't stop.
"Bonnie…", Tyler said grabbing my hand.
I flung my hand out of his grasp and pushed him sending him flying into a wall. The patrons jumped up as I started to walk towards Tyler, who was looking up at me with fear in his eyes and blood dripping from a gash on his forehead. That's when I felt them, they were growing in my mouth and I felt the veins start to grow under my eyes and my vision became red.
"Bonnie…what…what's wrong with you?" Tyler choked out as I felt myself looking at the blood on his head and licking my lips.
I moved closer to him and licked the blood on his forehead.
"Bonnie…", Tyler said.
"It's ok…I'm sorry", I said before I felt myself pulling his head to the side and sinking my teeth into his neck as he screamed under me.
His blood flowed into my mouth at an alarming rate and it was warm…and it was…good…different than the bag of blood. As I moved him closer to me, I felt someone yanking me off of him.
"Bonnie…I can't let you go anywhere", Damon smirked holding me around the waist as Stefan ran over to Tyler.
I looked at Tyler, at my hands and then in the mirror at my mouth. I was covered with Tyler's blood. "Oh my god", I choked out as I broke out of Damon's grip and ran out of the Mystic Grille.
As I ran, I found myself moving faster than I ever had before. The tears flowing from my eyes blinded me and when I stopped running, I found myself in the middle of the woods. I dropped to my knees and buried my face in my hands.
"Bonnie", Damon said softly behind me.
"I…I can't do this", I choked out.
"Bonnie, look at me".
"I killed Tyler…"
"You didn't kill him, he's fine…"
"Everyone will know".
"No one will know…Stefan is handling it", Damon answered.
"I will know!" I cried as I stood up and faced him, "I will know…I got so angry at him and I don't know why…I'm a monster".
"You are not a monster…I'm a monster…now, are you like me?" he asked.
I looked at him and shook my head as a tree branch snapped behind me.
"Oh come on Bonnie…I thought we were getting closer", he said backing away from me.
The tree branch flew towards Damon and landed in his hand. He looked down at it in confusion, "What are you doing?"
I wiped my tears and walked over to him, "I want you to do what you do best…"
"And what is that?" he asked.
"I want you to kill me…for real this time…no saving me".
"Bonnie…no…I can't do that".
"I want you to…I don't think I could do it myself, but you can…you can shut off your feelings…so do it…stake me and bury me here…it's ok…I want this, I can't go around always living on edge…please…just do this".
"It will get better, you can learn to control this…"
"And then what…live my life and watch everyone around me die…I…I can't".
Damon looked at me with the first flash of compassion I have ever witnessed from him. He dropped the tree branch and placed his hands on my cheeks, "I will not let you give up…you are one of the most powerful beings in this world and you can do a lot of good if taught correctly…you can't give up now, you're a Bennett and Bennetts are powerful, you can take me down if you tried".
"I don't know how to be myself anymore…I don't know how to do this".
"Then I will show you", he replied, "but giving up…is not the answer".
I felt broken as I fell to my knees on the ground.
"Come on…let's get you cleaned up", he said holding out a hand.
I shakily took it and felt as if this was going to be a new beginning for myself.
When we reached the Salvatore boarding house, Damon led me to one of the guest bathrooms and lifted me onto the sink. I looked at him as he soaped up a washcloth and began to wash the blood from my face. It was weird to be here with Damon and not see a trace of sarcasm, arrogance or psychosis. It was almost as if he was a human being.
"Now, as I said before…you have to learn to control your emotions", he replied quietly as he rinsed the rag, "you can do it…just count to ten or do something that calms you down if someone is pissing you off…it works".
I nodded quietly as he began washing my hands, "This can work Bonnie, you need to give it some time".
I nodded.
"And if you trust me, I can help you with this…and yes, I know that you have no reason to trust me…but I do feel kind of…ok…fully responsible for what happened to you and I want to make this better".
I nodded, "Ok".
Damon touched my cheek for a moment and looked into my eyes. I felt a feeling of warmness come over me, but it wasn't the feeling of heat that I felt with Tyler…this feeling felt good.
"All clean", Damon said just above a whisper as he gazed into my eyes.
"Thank you", I whispered returning his gaze.