There is a song in this chapter, and if you want to hear it check out my profile for a link to it on Youtube.
Chapter 6: Finding Strength
"Will, wake up, there's someone here to see you." Susan said as she shook Will more, the redhead jumping up when she felt her mother touch her. Susan never hardly touched her, and at the moment she was having a hard time getting the panic attack she was having under control. For a minute she thought it was one of her damned boyfriends, not that she brought any home for awhile.
"Don't touch me." Will gasped out, her eyes still a bit wild as she jumped from her bed and skirted around Susan.
"I was only waking you up, what's wrong with you?" Susan snapped, sounding agitated before a strange look crossed her face. If it was anyone else Will would have thought it was worry, but not on her mother. "Are you okay, were you having a nightmare?"
"Y-Yeah, I...can't remember it now." Will sighed, wanting to throw the fact that her entire life was a never ending nightmare into the woman's face. Instead she got control of her nerves and continued as she hugged herself a bit. "Why are you waking me up like that, you never bother coming in my room."
"You wouldn't wake up and one of your...friends...from school is here." Susan said, an obvious hint of distaste about saying friend for some reason. She most likely though it was one of Will's drug buddies as the woman wasn't prejudice against anyone else. Well not really, Susan hated the idea of religion just as much as Will used to...or as much as she did. Why did she keep coming back to think that she was okay with the whole religion concept? It was a joke!
"Oh...thank you...I guess." Will said, knowing she sounded ungrateful even to her ears. She realized she must have been out of it more than usual due to staying up late again writing in her diary...journal...whatever the hell the damned thing was.
"Just get dressed and I'll see if I can make us something for breakfast." Susan sighed as she turned and almost stormed from the room leaving Will a little confused. The woman was offering to make breakfast again, for how many days in a row now? A week's worth? When was the last time she even cared if Will ate anything or not, so why was her so called mother worrying about it now?
It didn't take Will very long to get dressed to go out to the kitchen to find Taranee of all people sitting at the table while Susan was frying some french toast from the looks of it. It wasn't the kind that one of her ex-friend's mother used to make mixing a bunch of stuff together. Hell, they didn't even have most of they stuff she used. Susan was just beating some eggs together and dipping pieces of what Will knew was day old bread into it and frying it. It was still good though, not as good, but good. Too bad they didn't have any syrup.
"We're out of juice and milk, so water will have to do girls." Susan said as she handed a plate to Taranee.
"Thanks Mrs. Vandom." Taranee said, seeming to be even happier than she normally was.
"Taranee here was just telling me about the party the church's youth group threw last night, Will." Susan said in a somewhat strained voice. Will was waiting for Susan to blow up and start telling Will that not only was she a worthless whore but now she was stupid for falling for all that Jesus and God stuff. Problem was, as stupid as Will kept telling herself that it was, she couldn't help but believe it somewhat. Not that she wanted to admit it to anyone anyways. "It seems like you played a very good matchmaker."
"What are you talking about?" Will asked as Susan began frying another batch.
"Tim asked me out on a date, we're dating now!" Taranee nearly squealed giddily, her normally somewhat bubbly even if sometimes shy personality seeming to be in overdrive this morning. "Oh-oh, and guess what, Matt called Elyon last night and asked her out. And both of us have you to thank for it!"
"Whatever." Will sighed as she took a chair next to Taranee. "I'm glad for you two."
"So what about you, Will? Meet anyone there?" Susan asked as she handed Will her plate while giving the redhead a strange look. For once it was completely unrecognizable. She was expecting anger, hatred, disgust, distrust or any other negative emotion. Instead, it looked more like a positive look, though Will couldn't tell for the life of her what it meant.
"I'm not interested in anyone, and if I were who the hell would be interested in me for anything other than the obvious?" Will asked as she looked down at her food and slowly started eating.
"Will..." Susan said, hesitating for several moments while looking sadly at Will. "Look...Will...You messed up...A lot...But that doesn't mean...Well..." Susan said, clearly uncomfortable as she fidgeted, shifting her weight back and forth from one foot to the other. "Will, I'm sure there's someone out there for you."
"No there isn't and I don't want anyone anyways." Will grumbled as she stuffed her mouth full of food, glaring down at her plate.
"Oh Will, there's a change in plans about the retirement home." Taranee said breaking an uncomfortable silence that lasted for what seemed like forever.
"Retirement home?" Susan asked sitting down with her one piece of french toast and glass of water.
"It's no big deal, I volunteered to go with the youth group to help out there tonight." Will explained softly, refusing to look up.
"You...volunteered?" Susan asked a little shocked as Will finished her food, Taranee already having done so. It was easy to see the disbelief in the older woman's face as she stared at Will who shoved back from the table and stood up/
"Come on Taranee, let's go." Will said stifle.
"Will, please wait." Susan said as she got up as Will stormed away from the table, Taranee giving Susan a sad look before following. For several minutes they walked aimlessly, Taranee giving Will a sad look as the redhead was clearly fuming over something. Will finally asked, almost painfully, "Why the hell is it so hard to believe that I would volunteer for something?"
"I don't know, Will." Taranee said as Will stopped and looked up angrily at Taranee.
"Maybe I should just quit the stupid youth group." Will said stiffly, "Why the hell should I stay if it isn't even doing me any good?"
"Because we're friends Will. Look what you did for Elyon and me last night, would someone who wasn't a friend do that?" Taranee asked. "Do you want to quit being friends?"
"N-no." Will said, but a part of her was screaming yes, telling her that she was going to regret being friends with these people who was probably only using her until they couldn't get anything more from her. Then again, Caleb could have used her and just walked away, but he didn't. Caleb even comforted her and stayed to help her with her homework. "No, I don't want to stop being friends. I'm sorry, I'm just upset I guess."
"It's okay, Will." Taranee said, "I came over to get you since we're meeting at the church and wanted to see if you wanted to come."
"I just need to be alone for awhile." Will sighed.
"Well, let me stay with you. We can hang out for the day. Maybe go see a movie, my treat." Taranee said, as she gave Will a sad smile.
"Look Taranee, I appreciate it...I really do. I just need to be alone, as in by myself. I'll be okay so go ahead to the church." Will said as she stuffed her hands into her jeans pockets.
"Will..." Taranee started earning a glare from Will.
"Go, Taranee, please don't piss me off. I like you and I don't want to get pissed off with you with the mood I'm in right now. I'm sorry." Will said, Taranee giving a defeated look to the redhead.
"Okay...just if you need anything we'll be at the church all day." Taranee said softly, looking hopefully at Will as if she was hoping the redhead would change her mind.
"I'll remember and I'll see you later." Will said as she turned and walked away. Taranee said something along the lines of goodbye, but Will didn't really care at the moment and ignored her as she walked away. She had no idea where she was going as she walked aimlessly for awhile wondering if the others were getting a good laugh by now. A part of her didn't think they would do that and doubted Taranee would even say anything bad about her, but past experiences didn't exactly help instill any confidence in the youth group.
Looking up at the clear sky Will squinted a bit at the light shining down on her face. The week had been long and while a lot of good stuff happened to her, some bad stuff happened as well. Still, the good outweighed the bad which should have made her feel good. Hell, she wanted to feel good, so why couldn't she let herself feel good and enjoy it? Why couldn't she give in and believe that for once things could be better?
"Because I know better." Will sighed as she blinked at hearing something. Straining her ears she could make out music, something that sounded close by and possibly live as there were laughing from the singer who sounded familiar. Looking around her she realized she wondered into a nice neighborhood...one that looked vaguely familiar. Following the music she found herself walking up the driveway of a nice house were Rachel was singing in a garage with Matt playing a guitar and the rest of Matt's band playing.
Giving a gentle smile Rachel waved and motioned for Will to sit on a chair that was scattered among a few other just in front of the garage which Will guessed was set up for them to rest when taking a break. She didn't know why she did it, why she listened, but Will found herself entranced as she moved over to them and sat down while looking up as the music changed suddenly. Rachel began singing while Matt and the others was singing backup.
Let's Go!
Let's Go!
Let's Go!
Oh Yeah!
We're broadcasting live from the high school,
With a burger in hand, I'm hungry every day!
I got a large size dream, I can't get enough!
Come on, switch on!
A retro future ain't for me,
I'm going for the image of the future in my head! blast off!
Being formal is meaningless,
Don't act like you know just 'cause you heard some rumors!
I'm tough, bring on the challenge!
I'll break down my barriers with my own hands!
(Switch on)
Step up higher than yesterday!
Go-win! Go-win! My friends!
Even break out of the atmosphere!
(Switch on!)
It's the countdown to a journey!
Cant stop growing! These are super exciting school days!
As Will watched them, listening to the music she began wondering if perhaps Rachel was singing this song directly for Will. Or maybe about Will. She wondered if she could be tough, face the challenges that she was facing and come out on top? There were so many barriers though, such as so many already probably against her because of rumors, but they didn't know. They didn't know the truth and the things that really happened. They didn't know what the last few years were like.
Yes! Green spring I-N-G
There's nothing to fear. That's my engine,
No one can stop me! I don't care what others think!
Come on, switch on!
The unknown is so good. It feels great!
Apollo, Space Shuttle, Hayabusa, Hubble!
I scribbled a rocket on my textbook!
Don't just look...
...joining in is part of the attraction!
Keep up, boys and girls!
Will couldn't help snorting at that though as the unknown did NOT feel great. It felt scary in a way. Unless...unless talking about God, which in many ways was still an unknown to Will. It was an unknown that did make her feel kind of good when talking to him, praying.
Who cares about common sense? someone just made that up!
(Switch on!)
Time to rank up!
Go-win! Go-win! my friends!
You're the only one I can connect to!
(Switch on!)
It's the countdown to freedom!
Make it through stressful days, growing!
These super wonderful school days!
Things that start will eventually end,
Give it your all right now while you can...run up!
I'll break down my barriers with my own hands!
(Switch on!)
Step up higher than yesterday!
Go-win! Go-win! My friends!
Even break out of the atmosphere!
(Switch on!)
It's the countdown to a journey!
Can't stop growing! It's super exciting...
Make it through stressful days, growing,
These super wonderful school days!
Oh Yeah!
Oh Yeah!
Let's go!
Switch on!
Super wonderful school days? They weren't exactly good, but this year was better than the previous few years so far. Enough to make up for the last years? Not really. That phrase again though...she couldn't help wondering if it was possible to break down her barriers? She couldn't believe that she was even thinking about it though, but there was something about the song that was bothering her. The music, the way Rachel had sung it, or the lyrics that Will couldn't decide was just coincidence or not.
"Hey Will." Rachel said, breathing a little heavily as she sat down next to Will in another of the chairs. "How did you like it?"
"It was...good." Will said, telling the truth. Rachel was a great singer, and the band was really good.
"That's good, my cousin has been trying to get me to sing with them. I'm thinking about it since it's really fun." Rachel said, seeming so happy.
"Hey girls, we're going in for a bit and taking a break." Matt said as the others were moving toward the house.
"Okay, that was fun Matt, thanks." Rachel said as she looked up, batting his hand away when he ruffled her hair in passing.
"Rachel, was that song..." Will started when the others were gone.
"About you? Yeah, but no one knows. I wrote it last night and Matt helped put it to music." Rachel said softly, giving a nervous smile to Will. "Are you mad?"
"No, I'm kind of...flattered. Thank you." Will said giving her friend a nervous smile. "How much do you really know about me?"
"My mom pulled all of your files to learn more about you when she messed up badly. She really is sorry for that, but I kind of borrowed them when she had an emergency." Rachel said as she grew more nervous.
"So you know that I really am trash?" Will asked softly.
"No you aren't!" Rachel hissed as she grabbed Will's hands and made Will look her in the eyes. "Listen to me, Will. I know that you were in a lot of trouble, but I know none of it was your fault. When you get addicted to drugs they control you, they're like a demon or something."
"Yeah, they did control me." Will sighed.
"And Justin...were you really..." Rachel asked rubbing the back of Will's hands with her thumbs.
"Yeah...he was planning..." Will said as he shuddered, her eyes stinging from tears.
"Come on, let's go up to my room." Rachel said, getting up and leading Will across the street making Will realize that they must have been at Matt's house. The two houses were almost identical, actually more than one house on the street were very similar except for small personal touches and one update of another.
The room once again awed Will at the sheer beauty of it and how much was in there. So many stuffed animals sitting on about every surface in every corner of the room. She knew Rachel was worried about Will finding it funny, but only thing Will felt about it was jealous. The huge comfortable bed, several chairs that were so comfortable they should be classified as an addictive substance themselves as once Will sat in one she never wanted to get up again.
"So, want to talk about it?" Rachel asked as she pulled a box of tissues from between a bears arms and offered them to Will.
"Not really, I never even told the police everything. They never made me when I told them I didn't want to and they already had enough to send that bastard away until he dies." Will said, so much anger and pain filling her voice.
"No matter what happened in the past Will, you are my friend and I love you." Rachel said reaching out and squeezing Will's knee.
"Do you know what happened to the friends who supposedly loved me?" Will said, tears leaking from her anger filled eyes. "Let's see...one filmed me while her brother and two of his friends raped me. Then she put drugs in my locker so I would get expelled."
"Will..." Rachel sighed sadly.
"Oh, let's not forget the next one. She convinced me that she cared about me and got me to spill my guts and recorded it. She edited it so it looked like I did everything because I wanted to. She sneaked into the office and hooked it somehow to the intercom system and broadcasted it all over the school." Will continued, a little blood leaking from between her fingers as she clenched her fist so hard she was digging her fingernails into her palms. "Oh, how about the one who lured me into the locker room after cheerleading practice that she had me stay to watch. They surrounded me and beat the hell out of me telling me trash wasn't welcome to their school."
"Will, I would never do anything like that to you." Rachel whispered in shock.
"I never thought they would either." Will cried as the anger drained from her eyes. She struggled at first as Rachel gathered her in her arms, hugging Will.
"I love you Will, you're one of my best friends." Rachel whispered soothingly.
"If I even believed that...you haven't even known me that long." Will sobbed out.
"It doesn't matter, I know who I like and I like you." Rachel whispered, "Despite your past, I know who you are and who you want to be. And come hell or high water I intend to be there with you through it all."
"I'm the stupidest girl in the world..." Will sniffed.
"No you aren't." Rachel said, rubbing her own eyes.
"Yeah, I am, because I believe you. I'm so stupid I don't learn my lesson very well." Will said shaking her head.
"No, I don't think your stupid at all." Rachel said pushing Will away to look in her eyes. "I think that you are a very good person who doesn't believe that and has a hard time believing in themselves. I think you are having a hard time coping with everything and breaking down the barriers you unconsciously set up for yourself and the barriers of bigoted idiots."
"Like me." Mrs. Morgan said startling both girls as she came in and sat down on Rachel's bed after pushing several stuffed animals away. "Will, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness for the way I treated you when I first met you. I listened more to the rumors than getting the facts, and in my line of work that is a mistake I can't afford to make. More importantly, it's a mistake I should have never made at all as a mother and a human being."
"I don't blame you for hating me." Will said as she looked away from both of the other women in the room.
"I don't hate you Will." Mrs. Morgan said reaching out to squeeze Will's knee softly. "I hated the person the rumors said you were, but you aren't that person. You are someone who was unfortunate enough to get addicted to drugs and fell under their influence. Question is, how?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Will sighed.
"I won't push you to tell me, but if you need to talk I'll be here for you." Mrs. Morgan said sadly, "I know I don't deserve your trust after the way I treated you, but I promise I won't ever jump to conclusions again and will listen."
"Yeah...thanks." Will said as she got up. "I think...I think I better go."
"Will, please don't go." Rachel said getting up also, followed by her mother.
"I'll see you later, Rachel." Will said as she backed away from them a few steps before turning and hurrying from the room.
"There you are." Tim said as he finally tracked Martin down as the boy was coming out of the bathroom. He was pissed off to say the least when he heard that his friend was going to pursue Will. It wasn't that Tim didn't care for his smaller friend, but he knew how Martin could be. He cared for Martin as a friend, but he hated the darker side of the boy. It wasn't that he didn't understand Martin, the boy had issues and demons that haunted him, but it wasn't right to use them as an excuse to be...well someone who wanted to use women in that way.
"Hey Tim, what's up?" Martin said, looking guilty and nervous at the same time.
"I heard you want to go after Will." Tim said crossing his arms and glaring at Martin.
"Yeah, so, I mean have you seen her? She's hot!" Martin said grinning.
"And you heard the rumors that she likes to have sex." Tim said being straight forward with Martin as he cracked his knuckles. "You know better than that Martin, Will's hurting and she doesn't need the kind of attention you want to give her."
"Look man, she's old enough to decide on her own what she wants." Martin said, "What the heck is the big deal?"
"The big deal is that she probably doesn't know what she wants, man. She was addicted to drugs, do you really think she slept with men for money because she wanted to? It was probably the drugs making her." Tim said, "Look man, I know you and about your past. Did you like what happened to you?"
"You said you wouldn't bring that up." Martin whispered harshly as he looked around nervously.
"And I won't with anyone else, but Martin...do you really think that some of the stuff that must have happened with Will is much different than what happened with you?" Tim asked, his glaring increasing.
"If it did man, then she's probably wanting to do this bad." Martin said with a slowly forming smirk.
"Martin, I swear if you hurt Will in anyway our friendship is over." Tim said cracking his knuckles. "And I promise I'll hurt you as well."
"Yeah, whatever man." Martin said throwing up his hands and edging around the larger boy who watched him through narrow eyes until he hurried away.
Tonight was the night she was supposed to go to her first support group meeting and she almost forgot about it. Did she really want to go though? Especially after how her day had gone so far? Her day had turned to shit from the already craptastic day it started as. She wanted to believe in Rachel as much as she wanted to believe in the rest of the youth group. To believe in them though she would have to give them her trust an she really didn't have much of that to give.
"Hey Will, what's up?" A familiar voice called making her look up from her destinationless walk to see an old beat up van pull up to the curb, Martin sticking his head out of the window.
"Nothing...I'm just thinking about things." Will sighed as she gave the boy a small smile, though it was forced and most likely obviously fake. Martin didn't seem to notice though as he flashed what she assumed he thought was a charming smile.
"Well, want a ride? I was hoping to find you...I wanted to ask you something." Martin said. Will could see a nervousness in his actions, yet she could also see something familiar in his eyes as they roamed over her body. She knew what he wanted, she could see it in his eyes as she's seen it so many times before.
"What did you want to ask?" Will asked, her eyes narrowing as they locked gazes.
"I was hoping you would go out with me." Martin said, "Maybe go see a movie?"
"I can't...not tonight." Will sighed, she should have known at least one of them would pull this. Then again he wasn't forcing her or offering her money or drugs, so maybe she could be reading it wrong. She doubted it though.
"How about tomorrow night?" Martin asked hopefully.
"Fine...Tomorrow night." Will said as Martin's face changed from lust to shock and then happiness. "I'll meet you out front of the Silver Dragon around six, be there or I'm going home."
"S-Sure! I'll see you then!" Martin said happily before pulling out, the van's tires barking as a small amount of smoke drifted up from them as the van sped off down the road. Will stood there looking where the van went trying to figure what the hell just happened. She was trying to get away from this stuff and she just agreed to go out with a boy that obviously wanted to do things Will didn't want to do. Was she stupid or something? She wasn't sure of the answers, and she wasn't sure what she was doing to do about Martin and this date...
"Glad you could make it, Will." Setsuna said as Will walked into the room with a table set up with punch and snacks and a circle of chairs which was filled with people including two familiar figures, Setsuna and...Caleb...
"Well, I didn't have much of a choice, did I?" Will grumbled as she entered farther into the room, a bit nervous. She knew she was letting that nervousness and the crappy day that she had make her come across as being bitchy, but she couldn't bring herself to care about it much.
"Of course you did, and I'm glad you picked the right one and came." Setsuna said smiling.
"Here Will, come sit by me." Caleb said giving Will a small smile as he waved by an empty seat next to him.
"Don't be nervous honey, all of us are here for one reason or another. We all have one thing in common though, we want to make changes in our lives, changes for the better." A blonde girl said, probably about twenty years old.
"She's right, Will. We all want to change and be better people. We rely on each other when we feel we might slip up." Caleb said softly as Will sat down. He took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"There's no reason to be afraid here either, as in our sessions alone, everything said here stays in this room." Setsuna explained softly. "These are group counseling sessions, and the reason I suggested this one to you the most is because I do know every single person here and I know that every one of them is trustworthy. Just like I think you are trustworthy."
"You trust me?" Will asked, a little shocked. She actually believed that Setsuna cared about her, but she didn't think the woman trusted her. She didn't think anyone really trusted her.
"Of course I do, Will. I know you and I do trust you." Setsuna said smiling.
"And I trust you to." Caleb said smiling making Will rub at her eyes, trying to stop the tears. She was shocked when the small group circled around her, hugging and supporting her. She slowly realized that there were a couple boys, but most of the people here were girls. Will couldn't help let the wave of support that washed over her give her strength, a strength that surprised even herself. Maybe this would be a good thing after all, just like the sessions with Setsuna was turning out to be a good thing.
First off, I want to let everyone know that my profile has my website on it and it not only has my fanfiction but stuff to watch and samples of books on it as well with more to be added as time goes. That said, I hope everyone liked this chapter and I want to thank everyone for their kind words and support.
As for the unsigned reviews:
Guest 4/29/13 . chapter 5
Another great chapter. Cheer up, as already mentioned many people read but do not post comments. You are really doing a great fanfic.
Thanks, and all the kind words from you and everyone else has helped me cheer up a lot. It's really awesome that you like the story.
Guest 4/29/13 . chapter 4
I'm really enjoying this story. It is quite different from the other fanfics I've ever read. Congratulations!
Thanks, and while the story is based off another fanfic, I wanted to take a completely different route. I'm glad you are enjoying it, the support from you and the others are truly awesome, thanks!