Skipping Driving Miss Hazy(S1E3A) - Lincoln manages to teach Leni how to drive and eventually was successful in getting her license despite Lori's attempts at sabotage. When Lily walks up to Leni dressed as a squirrel, instead of running away screaming in terror Leni grabs a blunt object and beats Lily to death with it while screaming in terror.
No Lobby, No Glori
In Lincoln's room, he's enjoying a nice glass of lemonade with a crazy straw before turning to the audience/reader.
"Ah, Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game." Lincoln stated as he gets out a copy of Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter and smells it.(Obvious Super Smash Brothers game substitute.)
"Wait a minute." Lincoln suddenly said sniffing again detecting another scent.
Soon, his sisters start picking up the scent as well.
"Sniff. Sniff." Lucy said actually saying the word.
"Mom's expensive perfume. Which can only mean one thing." Lincoln said while checking the calendar to see what tonight is.
"Date night, and with me being too busy playing my video game can only mean one other thing."
"Lori's in charge! Do as she and Lincoln if he feels like it says! Bye!" Rita exclaimed as she and Lynn Sr. left.
"She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around. In this house, we call her the Queen of-" Lucy stated but her sentence was ended by Lori's shouting.
"NO!" she unplugs Luna's amplifiers "No Music!" tosses Lana's mud pie in the trash "No mud pies!" walks up to Leni who's talking with the house phone. "No-" interrupted by Leni exclaims "Way! That's totes crazy!" Lori grabs the phone and hangs up "No phone calls!" Lori can still text though.
"AND NO FUN FROM THE REST OF YOU GIRLS!" Lori finally finished her orders obviously excluding Lincoln.
First floor at the base of the stairs
Lori dressed up in a military uniform blows a whistle that summons her siblings minus Lincoln who's playing his video game with Kalashnikov and the main pets. From descending order by age and pet: Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa, Lily, Charles, Cliff, Walt, and Geo who are all standing straight like they're in boot camp.
"At ease!" everyone feels calmer now. "JUST KIDDING! NOBODY(But me) IS TO BE AT EASE IN MY PRESENCE!" they stood up straight again.
"As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge. That means, you have to do as I say, whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur and can only understand the word "sit"." Lori commanded as Charles, Cliff, and Geo sit down on command, but Walt tips over in his attempt and knocks Geo's hamster ball to the side.
Lori busts out a blackboard with a chart for tonight's schedule written on it and uses her riding crop as a pointer.
"Now, here is our schedule for this evening. 6:00 to 7:00: Sitting on bed with arms folded. 7:00 to 7:30: Chow. 7:30 to 8:00: Thorough cleaning of mess hall. 8:00: Staring at wall until falling asleep. Everyone got that?" Lori questioned daring them reject the schedule.
"MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!" all but Lana replied though Lily just nodding vigorously.
"SIR, YES, SIR!" Lana replied instead by accident causing Lori to glare at her for using the male honorific.
"And just to make it clear that I'm serious." Lori said threateningly as she raised her riding crop.
CRACK
"WAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Lily cries in pain while covering her face with her pudgy hands because Lori whipped it with her riding crop.
The bloody gash went diagonally from the top of Lily's left eyebrow, over her nose, and stopped at her right cheek. The others gulped but was glad that it wasn't them.
"Alright then, DISMISSED!" Lori declared as everyone but Lily rushes back upstairs while Geo was having some difficulty since he had to bounce his hamster ball on each step.
"Good work enforcing my authority Lori." Lincoln stated while keeping his eyes on the TV as he plays.
"Agreement: I also liked the way you whipped that tool hard." Kalashnikov added sitting next to his Master as the second player.
"Thank you Master. I exist only to serve you." Lori said as she went down on one knee and bowed her head.(I am the Dark Overlord that controls her like a puppet.)
After standing back up Lori picks up a still wailing Lily and head up to her and Leni's room.
After a few minutes passed, Lincoln stops playing because he senses a disturbance in his sister free time.
"Luna Loudplayer." Lincoln said with a low voice while narrowing his eyes.
With the incentive of snacks, Luna has Geo roll around the second floor hallway so he can deliver a note to seven of her sisters to meet in Lincoln's room because it's the farthest from Lori and Leni's room.(How Leni was able to get it without Lori noticing I have no idea.)
One by one they snuck quietly as to not alert Lori. What's interesting is that Luan went the extra mile and camouflaged herself to blend in with the walls of the hallway. Leni had the most difficulty since she's in her room with Lori who's strapped Lily on an ironing board with the baby lying on her belly and her head to the side so she can breath easier.
"Leni, what are you doing?" Lori asked suspiciously seeing Leni sneak out of the room while wearing a scarf.
"I'm not Leni. I'm wearing a scarf." Leni replied nervously thinking that by wearing a scarf she's in disguise.
"You've got five minutes to do your business." Lori stated thinking that it's Leni speak for needing to go to the bathroom.
Leni goes out and sneaks over to Lincoln's room to join the others for a big meeting.
"This better be good. You know how much trouble we'll be in if Lori finds out we're not in our rooms?" Lola asked wishing she was the oldest so that she'll have the most power and authority outside of Lincoln and the parents.
"Rooms? More like prison cells! Every time Lori's left in charge, she makes our lives miserable. Well, I say no more! It's time to take back our Friday nights! I hate it when Lori unplugs my amps mid-jam!" Luna exclaimed wanting to enact another rebellion but against a tyrant this time.
"It stinks that Lori throws my mud pies away! I worked really hard on those!" Lana agreed wanting to be free from Lori's rules.
"And Lily-, wait where's Lily?" Luna asked now noticing that there's only eight of them in Lincoln's room.
"Oh, Lori has her for some reason." Leni answered unsure what Lori needs the injured baby for.
Back in Lori and Leni's room
Crack
"Your name is Lobby!" Lori yelled as she whips Lily's back with her riding crop.
"Wiwy!" Lily cried out in defiance.
Crack
"Your name is Lobby!" Lori yelled as she whips Lily again.
"Wiwy!" Lily cried once more not understanding why Lori wants to call her that.
"Lobby is a perfectly good name." Lori said in a reassuring tone before suddenly whipping her again.
Crack
"Ugh! How is Bobby suppose to know that I love him if I don't change your name into our shipping name for the rest of the week?!" Lori sighed in exasperation at Lily's stubbornness.
Lily only responded by crying more as tears flowed from her eyes.
"Looks like you need more convincing. Time to bring out the big guns." Lori declared as she puts away her riding crop and brings out a machine of Lisa's making.
The device is actually a scanning grid that Lisa used to analyze pieces of mineral or metal that had been mined, using electrical currents to analyze and gather data about the particular mineral or metal. Lori flips Lily over so the she's facing the device before being lowered towards it.
Back in Lincoln's room
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The girls hear Lily's screams of pain for a few seconds before continuing on with their meeting.
"It sounds like Lily's unintentionally distracting her. Also, Lori's using my scanning grid outside of it's intended use." Lisa stated since she knows what her invention sounds like when being in use.
"Like I said before! Let's take our Friday nights back by overthrowing the Queen of No!" Luna shouted raising her fist.
"YEAH!" the girls cheered raising their own fists in agreement.
Back in Lori and Leni's room... again
Lori releases Lily who is now on the floor on all fours sobbing.
"What is your name?" Lori asked bending down at Lily's eye level while narrowing her eyes.
"Wobby." Lobby sobbed even though the machine didn't leave any physical wounds she still felt the phantom pains.
"EEEEEEEEEEE! Boo-Boo Bear will be so happy!" Lori squealed in delight about to text him with her phone.
But before she could do so she heard a loud strum of Luna's electric guitar which was amplified by her well... amplifiers.
"WHAT?!" Lori exclaimed in shock before getting mad as she marches out her room.
"Luna! I said no music!" Lori shouted angrily as she looks towards the direction of the sound.
Instead of Luna as she expected Lori saw that it was Charles, Cliff, Walt, and Geo who are holding Luna's guitar.
"Wha?" Lori said in confusion wondering why and how they managed to pull that off.
"Ahem!" Lori heard turning around and sees her eight sisters looking at her angrily.
"Get her!" Luna shouted as they tackled Lori making her scream for help.
After the fight cloud cleared Lori then notices that she's tied up to a chair.
"Hey! What is going on?!" Lori yelled in outrage looking at Luna who was obviously the ringleader.
Your power trip is over! We're taking back our Friday nights!" Luna replied looking at Lori in defiance.
"Power trip?" Lori wondered as she wouldn't call it that.
"Just admit it. You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around." Luna stated as the others concurred.
"You think I enjoy this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it." Lori shot back since Lincoln would never want to do such a boring responsibility.
"Yuh-huh. Luna could." Lana electing the rocker since she's the one who banded them all together.
"That's right! I'm the third oldest and fifteen years old! I can lead this household!" Luna declared confidently since Leni is too much of a woman-child to do it.
"Luna in charge? HA! She couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box!" Lori mockingly said as Cliff who's right next to the litter box goes in the carpet just to spite her.
"Oh yeah? Challenge accepted! Take her away!" Luna ordered while taking Lori's whistle as the girls carried the tied up tyrant back to her room.
"You won't last five minutes!" Lori declared while laughing manically.
Before Luna shuts the door Lobby crawls out a little happy that her oldest tormenter(not counting the parents) is on the other end of the rope for once.
"Lola, guard this door. No one goes in, no one comes out." Luna ordered as Lola gets a golf club to guard the door while dressing up as a security guard.
"Say goodbye to the Queen of No..." Luna tosses the whistle on the floor. "...and hello to the Empress of Yes!"
"Yes to music!" Luna plugs in her amps.
"Yes to mud pies!" Lana puts a happy face on the mud pie.
"Seriously?" Leni asked while on the home phone.
"And yes to phone calls!" Luna yelled before she picks up her guitar ready to rock out in her and Luan's room.
But just before Luna can finally start playing, Leni screams and Luna looks out the room to see what's wrong. It turns out that Luan is chasing Leni around with a rubber spider.
"Uh...okay. Have fun. Just don't get too crazy." Luna said with uncertainty though Luan most likely didn't hear her.
Luna tries to get back to her guitar and amps, but then there's a suddenly explosion and the smoke alarm goes off as she hurries into the hallway.
"What was that?!" Luna asked with concern as Lisa comes out of her now smoking room while wearing safety goggles and her hair a mess.
"It's science. You wouldn't understand." Lisa replied nonchalantly before a tentacle grabs Lisa and drags her back in.
"AHH!" Lisa screamed before the door slams shut.(Girl + Tentacles = Japanese Fun Time.)
"Just keep it on a leash!" Luna shouted through the door not knowing what else to do.
Luna walks downstairs so she can ask Lincoln for help and sees him still playing his game with Kalashnikov with neither noticing what's going on around them. Just as she was about to get his attention she sees Lobby on top of a bookshelf throwing books down on the floor.(How did she even climb up there? The book shelf is very tall.)
"LOBBY! STOP!" Luna shouted angrily knowing she will have to stack the books back later.
Lobby who seems pretty upset from Lori's persuasion is taking her anger out by making a mess so Lori would get in trouble later. After throwing all the books she can Lobby then starts walking over the edge of the shelf.(Like the stupid baby that she is.)
Thud
Lobby smacks onto the floor since nobody cares to prevent her from getting hurt.
"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Lobby begins to cry as she lays on the floor on her belly since she fell face first.(Music to my ears.)
Luna then sees Lana using a fishing rod right into the fish tank.(I don't remember ever seeing them again.)
"Lana! You can't fish in there! Those are pets." Luna emphasized and from the corner of her eye sees Lobby crawling away looking for someone to comfort her.(But no one will.)
She then sees Lynn come in with a bucket of dirt and pours it on the floor.
"Lynn! What are you doing?" Luna asked very annoyed at the blatant mess.
"Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt." Lynn replied like it's no big deal.
"Give me that bucket!" Luna demanded with an open hand out.
Suddenly, Luna is in a crossfire of pizza slices and waffles tossed by Lana and Lucy who are having a food fight. She shields herself with a cookie sheet and the pizza and waffles plaster all over it and make a rather gorgeous painting which impresses her artistic appreciation. Lynn is pouring water from the hose all over the carpet and then gets pegged by an incoming gourd. The hose then starts going wild. Leni is on the phone while Luan is still chasing her with her rubber spider.
"Hi, exterminator guy! Do you do spiders? Ew! What about water snakes?" Leni called seeing the moving hose thinking it's a snake.(Seeing those baby spiders devour a Lobby clone only made her arachnophobia even worse.)
The hose squirts Luan but she resumes chasing Leni. Luna trips over the telephone wire and lands in the mud and notices Lucy built a fort of diapers.
"Lucy! What are you doing with all those diapers?" Luna asked but Lucy's too preoccupied with her war against Lana.
"Stay on target." Lana said before screaming like a madman and fires a barrage of meatballs.
"Incoming." Lucy warns in her usual emotionless tone before taking cover.
Luna takes cover with her only for their fort wall to be damaged.
"Diaper wall breach!" Luna declared seeing an exposed opening.
Lana fires a cupcake at them, but Lucy stops it by plugging up the hole with Lobby's face causing her to cry out in pain since the cupcake agitated her face wound from Lori's riding crop.
"SUPER MEGA TURBO FINISHER!" Lincoln shouted about to unleash a finishing move that will cause a lot of noise since the volume of the TV is cranked up high.
"Lincoln! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luna yelled in slow motion trying to stop him.
Too late, Lincoln pressing the appropriate button combinations to start the finishing move and the noise blasts Luna right into the wall leaving a dent in the shape of her head. As she recovers Luna remembers Lori's taunting words.
"Luna in charge? HA! She couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box." Cliff next to his litter box instead goes on the fire place this time.
"Oh, really, Cliff?" Luna asked sarcastically very irked as that's the last straw.
"No phone calls!" Luna hangs up the phone before Leni could finalize her hiring of an exterminator.
"No food fights!" she takes all the food ammunition from Lucy and Lana.
"No dirt bikes!" she stops Lynn from riding her bike indoors.
"And no science experiments!" she takes Lisa's beakers and tosses them causing an explosion.(Did they learn their lesson in Chore and Peace(S1E12B)? Definitely not.)
The others aren't too happy with Luna suddenly changing her mind except Lobby who's too busy crying.
"Who do you think you are? Lori?" Lynn asked sarcastically as they all started laughing at Luna before going back to enjoy their Friday night.
"No I'm not." Luna said to herself before going up to Lori and Leni's room but is stopped by Lola.(I guess guarding Lori is what Lola considers enjoying a Friday night.)
"Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!" Lola exclaimed extending her palm out.
"Those were my orders! Let me in!" Luna reminded very irritated.(Obviously added to fill in the episode's running time.)
"I'm going to need you to step back, ma'am." Lola warned one last time.
"Sorry about this, Lola." Luna said before charging at Lola with a war cry but Lola ends up whacking her with the golf club and knocks her out.
Later
Back at the living room.
As soon as Luna comes to she sees that Lola has tied her up like they tied Lori up.
"Uh, no no no. I'm sorry, Luna. ANYONE ELSE?!" Lola asked threateningly at the other sisters who just continued on with their fun.
"I DIDN'T THINK SO!" she exclaimed satisfied before walking away.
Luna can't break free however she sees Geo.
"Geo! You want a treat, boy?" Luna whispered as Geo rolls over to her interested.
They're in my back pocket. Come on. Get them!" Luna said as Geo started gnawing on the rope since it was in the way of her back pocket.
"Little more." Geo accidently bites a soft spot. "YOW! Too far!" Geo eventually free Luna. "Good boy." gives Geo a treat.
Lori and Leni's room
Meanwhile Lori has somehow already broken free of her rope bindings and is filing her nails.
"Lori! Lori!" Luna shouted climbing through the window.(Which is easy since the house has a first floor roof.)
"Congratulations, you survived for six minutes." Lori clapped sarcastically after putting down her nail file.
"It's only been six minutes?" Luna asked despondently but gets it together.
"It's a mad house down there! You've got to help me!" Luna pleaded while on her knees.
"Now you know how I feel whenever Mom, Dad, and Lincoln put me in charge of all of you! You can go too far when it comes to music but I have to admit that you can be responsible when you want to Luna." Lori stated to the fifteen year old who will eventually have to be the one in charge when she no longer lives in the house.(That will never happen since we don't age but it's the thought that counts.)
"I can't! You're the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble." Luna admitted before a tremor reverberated throughout the house. "Or ashes."
"Then you realize that you want our sisters to behave and stay in their rooms all night just like I do. You're a control freak just like me!" Lori exclaimed holding out her hand to Luna.
"THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Luna shouted in denial.
"Search your feelings! You know them to be true!" Lori exclaimed with a grin.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luna shouted into the heavens for thirty seconds.
"Oh get over it!" Lori ordered very annoyed.
"Ok." Luna stopped shouting and got up completely calm.
"There's just one thing you need to say to me before I agree to help you." Lori said while crossing her arms and waited expectantly.
"'Sigh', I'm sorry." Luna apologized now realizing why Lori is so hard on them.
"That's all I needed to hear. Let's snuff out the rebellion!" Lori declared as she puts on her military shades.
They open the door with Lola still standing guard.
"I don't know how to get past her. She's an animal." Luna whispered to Lori.(You're the one who charged at her with a war cry.)
Lori covers his mouth, holds up a pile of glitter, and blows it in Lola's direction.
"Glitter!" Lola giddy with joy chases after the sparkly cloud.
"Glitter. Nice." Luna said impressed.
They go downstairs where Lincoln and Kalashnikov are still playing completely ignoring the chaos around them though the robot did kick Lobby out of the way when she blocked the TV screen and Luna shows Lori the chaos caused by their sisters' antics.
"See what I mean?!" Luna rhetorically asked completely out of her depth.
"Observe." Lori said calmly before she busts out her whistle she found on the floor and blows it getting every girl's attention.
"MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA BE HOME IN 10 MINUTES!" Lori shouted in less of a threat and more of a warning.
The other sisters except Lobby because she's too stupid to comprehend consequences hurry and get to cleaning up the mess they made.
"Brilliant." Luna said in awe.
"Yeah, you learn a few tricks as you get older." Lori said proudly before her phones rings and answers it.
"Hello? Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Bye." Lori replied, spoke, and obeyed before hanging up.
"Who was that?" Luna asked curiously.
"Mom and Dad. They'll actually be home in 10 minutes." Lori answered admitting that the first time she said the parents were coming home was a bluff.
"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!" Luna yelled panicking.
"I got this. A little clean up music?" Lori asked with a smirk.
"You got it, sis!" Luna smiled with her guitar in hand and started playing.
Montage Time:
Lori blows her whistle and everyone does what they can to clean the house. Lana puts the fish back in the tank, Lisa scrubs up the living room with a soap cannon and the help of her tentacle friend, Leni and Luan untangle the phone wire, Lynn uses the hose to clean the kitchen and then puts it outside, Cliff is about to go on the carpet, but Lori glares at him and he obeys to go in his litter box, Lola ties up some trash and Lynn yanks it up on her dirt bike, Lobby is whipped on the face again making the gash look like an X, finally they do the finishing touches and carry everything else away as if the house was the same as it was when their parents left.
"GOODNIGHT, LOUD HOUSE!" Luna shouted finishing her session as the montage ends.
The other sisters except Lobby go back to their rooms after a crazy Friday night. Their parents are approaching and just as it seems all is well, there's still a dent in the wall from Luna's impact from when Lincoln's game sound blasted her.
"The wall!" Luna gasps finally remember the real damage to the house but she sees the painting made from the food fight.
"Lori! Catch!" Luna tosses the painting at Lori because she's closer to the dent.
Lori catches it and puts it right over the dent just as their parents enter.
"Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!" Lynn Sr. exclaimed actually shocked.
"What'd you expect? It's all thanks to Lincoln." Luna said as she and Lori bowed down to Lincoln who finally finished playing and is taking a break while Kalashnikov is holding a crying Lobby.
"Thank you Lincoln, we can always count on you." Rita said kissing Lincoln on the lips before she and her husband go upstairs.
"See Luna? My way works despite your protests. Join me and we can rule this house as the Queens of No!" Lori exclaimed while smirking.
Luna was contemplative for a while before making her decision.
"I won't join you your Majesty. You've failed. I'm a rebel like my father before me." Luna answered standing in defiance.
"He's both our father but anyways... Then you will just submit to me!" Lori said before tackling Luna and holding her down with a submission hold.
Luna screams in pain as she tried to break free but couldn't. She looks up to see Lincoln watching them.
"Lincoln! Please help me!" Luna pleaded holding out her hand towards him.
Lincoln looks back and forth at Lori and Luna for a few seconds before making his decision.
'Triumphant Music starts to play'
Lincoln takes a still crying Lobby from Kalashnikov and holds her up above his head and walks slowly upstairs as Lori and Luna watch in confusion. When he reaches the second floor Lincoln pulls down the stairs to the attic before going up. While in the attic Lincoln uses the sunroof that's there in this version so he can go step onto the roof outside.
"Time to end this!" Lincoln declared as he reaches the edge of the roof looking down on the driveway.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Lobby screamed in fear since falling from the bookshelf only hurt but falling from the roof will end her.
"FOR THE REPU- I MEAN ROYAL WOODS!" Lincoln shouted as he threw Lobby off the roof.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lobby screamed before hitting the pavement of the driveway hard.(You ever see a watermelon fall from that height? It's kind of like that.)
'Triumphant Music ends'
"Oh my gosh, you murdered Lobby!" Lana yelled in shock as she and Lola watched from their window.
"You asshole!" Lola shouted in anger before she and Lana prepared for bed.
Afterwards Lincoln walked back downstairs to see Lori no longer holding down Luna.
"You forget Lori that I'm the one who's really in charge." Lincoln reminded with Lori feeling ashamed.
"Now who's up for several rounds of Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter?" Lincoln asked in excitement as he holds four controllers.
"I do!" "Sure bro!" Affirmative!" Lori, Luna, and Kalashnikov replied each taking a controller as the four played up until midnight.
The End
I was kind of slogging through while making this since I was once again using Luna as Lincoln's stand-in for this episode. On another note I can't wait until Solo a Star Wars story finally comes.
Lobby's death: Tossed from the roof and onto the concrete driveway making a bloody splat somewhat reenacting when Darth Vader threw Darth Sidious down the Death Star's shaft where a reactor is.
Lobby will go back to being referred to as Lily in the next chapter.