Chapter 5
"So, you have any hobbies?" I ask the metal man driving me to my special spot between sobs.
"I do not understand." It responds.
"Never mind, I just need someone to talk to. It hurts, you know? My only reason for not giving up hope months ago just died. Now I'm alone." I say to the head on the screen. He's easy to talk to.
Once we make it to the spot, I stare out the windshield in awe. Still so beautiful. I dig around in the glove compartment until I find what I'm looking for. A pencil sharpener. I use the pair of tweezers as a screwdriver until the blade comes free.
When I drag it across my wrist, I sigh in pleasure. The face on the screen looks at me questioningly.
"You don't get it, do you?" When the robot doesn't respond, I continue. "The only way to live with all this emotional pain is to have physical pain distracting you. It makes me feel... alive." I finish weakly. I turn the radio on to the rock channel and my heart beats to the beat of the music as I slice my wrist.
When B Mike comes on, I stop and listen, closing my eyes and tuning out the world, singing along.
Dear friend, lover, ex, or whatever
I'm writing you to let you know I hope you feel better
I know that things are so hard. The stress is so much.
And when you reach out all there are is uppercuts
And they are the cause for the ones on your wrist
The reason why you cry, make a ball of your fist
I understand that you have a lot you go through
The fact that they yell and your brother would hit you
And no one gets you. The plastered on fake smile.
The real one has been gone now for quite a while
So your arms bleed, but the blood tells you you're living
It takes away the numb feeling these people were giving
That razor blade has become your closest companion
It relieves all the pain you want to abandon
Your arms are scared so you think you're unlovable
But honestly I just want you to feel comfortable
So please don't cut, please don't cut
I promise you you're loved so please don't cut
Right now I see that you're stuck in a rut
But please don't cut, please don't cut
And if you feel the need to say you're all out of luck
I'm just a call away when things get rough
The fact of the matter is I know you're enough
So please don't cut, please don't cut
Put the blade down, it really isn't worth it
No good will come from a slit up and bruised wrist
And you cover it long sleeves so they won't see
But you can't hide all the hurt and pain from me
You say you're miserable and there are times you wanna die
But then you pull out a razor and cut while you cry
It makes you feel human and like you are still alive
But don't you understand that the feeling is all a lie
You put yourself in danger when you're slicing up your skin
You're only letting self-hate find its way in
I promise you'll get better but just meet me halfway
And please throw the razors and pins all away
I swear that you'll make it. There's no doubt in my mind.
And if you look around, I know it's what you'll find
You're gonna feel better once this door has been shut
Please make me a promise that tonight you won't cut
So please don't cut, please don't cut
I promise you you're loved so please don't cut
Right now I see that you're stuck in a rut
But please don't cut, please don't cut
And if you feel the need to say you're all out of luck
I'm just a call away when things get rough
The fact of the matter is I know you're enough
So please don't cut, please don't cut
They label you, but not a single word is true
Who cares what the world is saying about you
They don't know. They just assume.
They're not with you when you're lonely up in your room
They're not with you when you're begging to up above
They're not there when you need a little love
They don't care when you have nothing to give
So who's to say that you even would wanna live
Every life is precious, and that is what I promise
If we never speak again, I hope you know i'm honest
You deserve to be happy and clean from the cutting
You deserve to be a person who's surrounded with loving
Every life is precious, and that's something that I promise
If we never speak again, I hope you know i'm honest
You deserve to be happy and clean from the cutting
You deserve to be a person who's surrounded with loving
So please don't cut, please don't cut
I promise you you're loved so please don't cut
Right now I see that you're stuck in a rut
But please don't cut, please don't cut
And if you feel the need to say you're all out of luck
I'm just a call away when things get rough
The fact of the matter is I know you're enough
So please don't cut, please don't cut
So please don't cut, please don't cut
I promise you you're loved so please don't cut
Right now I see that you're stuck in a rut
But please don't cut, please don't cut
And if you feel the need to say you're all out of luck
I'm just a call away when things get rough
The fact of the matter is I know you're enough
So please don't cut, please don't cut
The song still plays in my head as I pull into the firehouse, oblivious to how I got there. My eyes drift closed as sleep overwhelms me.
"That poor girl. She must have been through hell to do that to herself." A rough male voice says softly.
"I'm still awake." I say as I look at the face on the screen.
"Uh… I, uh... " He stutters.
"What are you, anyways?" I inquire curiously.
The fire bot hangs his digital head and sighs. "I'm from the planet of cybertron."
"An alien. Cool." I counter. "So, your… Cybertronian?"
He chuckles. "Yeah, exactly right."
"The rest of your team too?" I ask.
"Yes." I nod. "Tell me," he says,"what happened to you?"
"Beaten, tortured, raped, and experimented on daily. Living hell." I mumble. He looks at me with pity. Damn it. "Some people are sick in the head. What's your opinion on murder?"
"Uh, no I don't like the idea of it."
"Because when I find him, I'm going to kill him. Nice and slowly." I look at the alien and smile. "Your really easy to talk to. Thanks." I get out of the truck and proceed to my room.
When I get upstairs, I'm bombarded by questions. Dani hugs am and asks, "Are you okay? What happened?"
Redhead demands, "Where did you go and why'd you need my truck?" Dani smacks him for that. The only one that doesn't seem to mind is the little one.
"First," I begin, "names."
"Kade." Ginger replies.
"Graham." A boy with his nose in a book says.
"Cody." The child states.
"What about the cybertronians? What are their names?" As soon as I say this, they all look at me and start demanding who told me.
"The one that I took for a spin."
The chief sighs. "That's Heatwave. The police bot is Chase, the helicopter is Blades, and the bulldozer is Boulder. There-"
"Aliens, yeah I figured. Well, night." I say, and go off to bed.