Saturday…night

Envy was another one of those feelings that I had been married to. Only Envy mostly followed me around in high school. I was envious that Willow and Xander had such a good friendship. I was envious of Cordelia for having legs for days and being normal. I was envious of Faith for getting to be the bad one sometimes leaving all the responsibility for me. I was envious of my classmates for their ignorance.

On that night, however, I was envious of the bringers for their lack of eyesight. Because if I could have not seen what I saw, I would have been much better off.

I had her favorite beer. I got take-out from her favorite restaurant. I got several of her favorite movies and I was headed to her place for some serious apologies for acting the way I'd been acting.

I felt rather proud of myself for being a grown up and taking responsibility for my feelings…even if I was being responsible for them about two weeks later. Honestly I was feeling terrible about the way I'd been with Faith. I was ignoring her and being rude and pushing her away and I found that after two weeks away from her that I really missed her.

Kennedy grinned when she saw me heading to Faith's apartment, which was next to hers and she stopped in her doorway. "Does this mean you guys are okay?"

I shrugged. "I'm hoping after all this we will be again."

She nodded. "Good, cause I know she's been pretty down since you guys stopped hanging out all the time like you used to."

I smiled and slid my keys out of my pocket and found Faith's key and turned the lock. When I opened the door I frowned because I was picking up on a lot of things that worried me. I could smell at least three different types of liquor so I knew she was drunk. I could also sense something else that I wasn't sure about and it had me very uneasy.

I dropped my bags on the table in the kitchen and moved through the apartment and that's when I started picking up on sounds from the bedroom. I tried to ignore the panic that was creeping up inside me with every step I took towards the back of the apartment but as soon as I crossed the threshold of the room, it blew through me like a hurricane.

"Faith?" I whispered.

She stopped her movements on the bed and looked up at me with glassy eyes. The girl next to her caught sight of me then and did her best to cover up.

"Who the hell are you?" the blonde asked as she sat up in bed and began pulling her clothes on.

"Obviously I'm no one," I whispered as I kept my eyes on Faith and I hated how her face scrunched up and tears welled in her eyes.

Neither of us moved as the blonde ran past me on her way out and Faith did nothing but sit up in bed and try to get dressed once she was gone.

"You say you love me and you're sleeping with some 19 year old?" I asked her. I felt numb. There were so many emotions swirling in my brain that they simply all turned to one. Numbness.

"You haven't even looked at me since you said it to me," she whispered.

I shook my head. "No. You don't get to play that card. You're sleeping with someone else!"

Faith finished getting dressed and got out of bed, moving to the kitchen to pour herself a drink. "You've done nothing but push me away since that night."

"I just needed time to think," I told her angrily. She was not about to turn this around on me.

"What is there to think about?" she yelled. She downed her drink in one shot and poured another. "You said you loved me!"

"You obviously don't think it means much," I told her, my voice rising, "if you sleep with the first girl you could find to bring home!"

Faith finished her drink and threw the bottle against the wall. "You told me you loved me then shut me out. I figured that meant you regretted it."

"You need to calm down," I told her as I gazed at the broken glass and alcohol pooling on the kitchen floor.

"Screw you, B," she told me.

"Are you guys okay?"

Kennedy's voice shook us both from the trance we both seemed to be under and in that moment the fog seemed to lift over me and I gave Faith one last look. "I just needed a little time and you obviously couldn't handle that. If tonight doesn't go down as the biggest mistake you ever made with me, then you never really loved me at all."

P

"Can I cut in?"

Her voice was enough to make me want to cry again but I knew that since the ceremony was over she was probably just saying her good-byes.

"Sure," Xander replied with an easy smile as he released me and headed for his wife who was nearby dancing with Andrew.

"Come to say goodbye?" I asked without meeting her eyes.

"No."

I nodded. "Come to tell me again that you're choosing him over me?"

"No."

Another nod. "Come to rub it in again that I made the biggest mistake of my life when I let you walk away two years ago?"

"No."

I finally met her eyes and I found myself getting angry when she was smiling. "Will you stop saying no and tell me what it is you want so I can stop making an idiot of myself?" I shot her a look. "And don't say no."

She smiled wider and my eyes fell to her lips. "I came to tell you that you were right."

"What?" That had my full attention.

"You were right."

"About what?" I asked softly.

I heard her take in a breath. "If I'm totally honest with myself I know it's not him that I'm in love with. It's you. It's always been you."

I met her gaze evenly with a frown. "That's not funny. I don't want to cry right here on the dance floor in the middle of everyone."

"Will you shut up for a second?" she asked me with a grin.

"What?"

She smiled and shook her head. "B, I told Robin after the ceremony that it was over."

"What?" I know. I'm nothing if eloquent.

She swallowed hard and shrugged a shoulder, pulling me closer to her. "I told him that I'm still in love with you and I've always been in love with you."

"What?" I had to be sure. Absolutely sure.

"Don't say what again," she told me with a smile.

"I'm sorry."

She pulled me close so her cheek met mine. "The point is, all I've been doing for the last two years is waiting for you to tell me that you're ready. It's all I've ever wanted to hear. I would have waited forever."

"Are you being serious right now?" I asked as I pulled back and met her eyes.

She nodded. "B, if you meant what you said last night then I want you to do something for me. Did you mean it?"

"I meant it."

"Good." She pulled me close again and her lips brushed my ear as she spoke quietly to me. "Then I want you to close your eyes and just take in the everything around you."

As she pulled me in I was suddenly overwhelmed with her presence. I turned my face into the crook of her neck as I closed my eyes so I could breathe her in.

Her lips brushed against my cheek in a chaste kiss. "Listen to the way Xander's feet are shuffling across the floor as he dances with his wife. Listen to the sound of Willow's laughter at Ken's stupid joke. Listen to Giles trying to pick up Jamie's aunt at the punch bowl. Breathe in the roses and the lilies that Jamie has all over this place. Breathe me in like I'm breathing you in right now. Savor in this moment right now because 70 years from now we'll be telling all the little grandkids all of us will have about how this is the moment our lives changed and we succumbed to forever. And believe me when I say you'll want to remember all the details."

My knees literally went weak at the emotion in her voice and how overwhelmed I was by her presence and her promise of forever. Faith held me close until the wave of emotions crashed over me and I was able to breathe again.

I pulled back. "Are you really seriously picking me right now?"

She leaned in and kissed me gently. "It was never a choice."

P

A.N. Hope you enjoyed this one…one more chap left. Let me know what you thought! Thanks for reading!!