Manlisle and Manfred had just arrived in their first destination — Japan.
"What are we going to do here? Become ninja samurais? Learn to wield a katana? Watch lots of anime?" Manfred asked as he and Manlisle walked through the streets of Tokyo.
"NO! We are going to eat fish!" said Manlisle.
"But… we could have easily done that in America, Manlisle," said Manfred.
"Oh, Manfred, this is not just any fish. THIS FISH IS A TEST OF MANLINESS!" Manlisle yelled, causing several people on the street to turn around and stare at him.
"How exactly is eating fish a test of manliness? Anyone can eat fish. Well, apart from vegetarians. And vegans. And people who are allergic to fish. And people who don't like the taste of fish, but I suppose they can still eat it, they just can't enjoy it," said Manfred.
"We are going to eat fugu fish, Manfred. It is a very poisonous fish, and if it is not prepared correctly, it can kill you," said Manlisle.
"I suddenly don't want to eat this fish," said Manfred.
"It's perfectly safe, Manfred. People eat it all the time in Japan, and it never kills them, except for when it does, which is sometimes," said Manlisle.
"I still don't feel comfortable with this idea," said Manfred.
"TOO BAD! We're here!" said Manlisle, walking into a restaurant on the side of the street.
Manfred followed Manlisle into the restaurant, where they were seated at a table.
"I will now use my impressive knowledge of the Japanese language to order us some fugu," Manlisle said, before turning to the waiter, "KONNICHIWA BAKA! BOKU WA KAWAII DESU! ONAME WA NAN DESU KA!"
"Um… I took Japanese for a year in high school, and I'm pretty sure you're doing it wrong," said Manfred.
"Fine! I will use the Google Translate app on my phone to place our order instead," said Manlisle.
Meanwhile, back in Forks, Alice was explaining to China how Edward had kidnapped her and how she had escaped.
"Wait, so he's bugged the entire house with hidden cameras~aru?" asked China.
"Yes. Don't worry, he's a bit of a prude and doesn't like watching… ah… personal things," said Alice.
"Even so, that's very creepy~aru," said China.
"Yeah. I can help you find all the cameras and disable them if you want," said Alice.
"That would be nice," said China.
"I just have one question for you — when you first saw me, you thought I was Esme. But… I don't look a thing like her. Does he not keep photos of her around the house? There was lots of family photos around here before I was kidnapped," said Alice.
"No, there aren't any photos of the family at all. The only ones that he keeps are of him and Jasper after they both started being really manly~aru," said China.
"Oh dear, he's gotten worse than I thought," said Alice.
"What do you mean~aru?" asked China.
"After Esme left, he… I… we… if only I could have been here to help him instead of getting kidnapped, it might have… Carlisle… has he gotten rid of all of the photos? Even the ones of him and Jasper before they became manly men?" asked Alice.
"Yes, the only photos around here are very manly ones~aru," said China.
"Oh no… if he can't even bear to see photos of himself from that time… from when she was still… when they… oh my god…" said Alice.
"Alice~aru, you're not making any sense. I don't understand any of this~aru. Why did Esme leave? Why was it masculinity of all things that Carlisle became obsessed with~aru? And how the hell do we help him~aru?" asked China.
"I don't know the answer to the last two questions, and as for the first… I'm shocked that Carlisle hasn't told you, and although I know the answer, I think it'd be best for him to explain it to you himself," said Alice.
"Alright. I suppose there's nothing we can do until he gets home~aru, and who knows how long he'll be gone. All I know is that he's in Japan~aru — that sounds so wrong — I don't know where in the country he is or how to contact him~aru," said China.
"Yes, I guess waiting is the only thing we can do," said Alice.
Meanwhile, in Japan, the fugu fish that Manlisle and Manfred had ordered finally arrived at their table.
"I still don't trust this," said Manfred.
"You will not be a man until you eat this fish, Manfred," said Manlisle.
"Aren't you going to eat some?" asked Manfred.
"No, I'm a vampire. I can't digest human food," said Manlisle.
"Okay then," said Manfred, picking up the fish with his bare hands and biting into it.
"How does it taste?" asked Manlisle.
"It tastes," Manfred said, swallowing the piece of fish that he had been chewing and biting off another piece, "like fish."
"How unexpected for this fish to taste like a fish," said Manlisle.
"Yeah. It's actually pretty good," said Manfred.
"Well that's good," said Manlisle.
"So," Manfred said, his mouth still full of fish, "am I a man yet?"
"Nope. You still have many manly tasks that you must complete before you can be a man. This fish is but the first," said Manlisle.
"Oh. Well. Where's our next destination? Is it another part of Japan or another country entirely?" asked Manfred.
"Our next destination is…" Manlisle said.
"Yes?" asked Manfred.
"RUSSIA."
Meanwhile, Femward returned home to find that Alice was gone.
"SHIT!" he cursed, "I never should have untied her arms!"
"No shit Sherlock," said a fellow Umbridge-cosplayer who he had brought home with him.
Femward looked up at the screen to find that it only showed static. Using the remote, he changed over to one of the other cameras, and then another, and then another, and eventually all of them, only to find that not one of them was working.
"DRAT! She must have gone to the house after she escaped and used her knowledge of the cameras to disable them all!" said Femward.
"Yep, I figured," said his friend.
"Ah well, she knew not of MY PLAN, MUAHAHAHAHA! As long as she doesn't have any visions, Alice will not have thwarted me, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Femward.
"Okay. Do you have any chips? I'm kinda hungry," said Femward's friend.
"Yes, yes, I have chips, but in the future please refrain from ruining the dramatic mood with such requests," said Femward.
"Yup, whatever," said the friend.
Author's note: two updates in one day. I don't think I've ever done that before. Anyway, a rough translation of what Manlisle says to the waiter would be "Hello, idiot! I am cute! What's your name?" which is not how you order a meal at all. Also, fugu is a real fish that is actually poisonous that they serve in Japan. There are also some restaurants in the USA, mostly in New York. I found that fact out from Wikipedia, and I'm not sure if they were referring