Rachel's POV

"I didn't mean to hurt her. She hurt me. She dated Finn. She took him away from me when all I tried to do was to take him away from her. All this.. Becuase I knew she was madly in love with him, so the only way to make him avoid her was to date him. She won though, she won him while she slowly lost me."

I took a deep breath, trying not to freak out. Not to shout, not to wake her up. I turned the page and read from another part of the journal.

"I know that woman haven't done anything to me, but seeing her happy made me so damn angry so I had to make sure she never smiled again. I "accidentally" stole her ID, her bank card.. And well, her kid is in a wheelchair, temporarily. That part really was an accident. I panicked."

I can't tell if all this was real or not.. Was Quinn.. Crazy? Was she evil? Was I right about her, about all I ever thought she was but pushed away..? If I kept reading, it would make me a real jerk but that thought flew away as soon as I understood that taking her journal, invading her privacy made me a jerk in the first place. With other words, I kept reading.

"I remember pushing Jasmine, a freshman, a dork with no friends. I pushed her into the toilet stall with the help of Santana, but that coward left as soon as she knew what I was about to do. She said it was too much, that I had gone to far.

I took Jasmine's wrist and gave her a cut with the blade hidden in my wallet. She cried, she cried a lot. Claiming I ruined her skin.. But truth is, she was dirty anyway. We all were. I asked Jasmine, I said "Have you ever tried killing yourself?" she just cried more. She tried to resist me, she tried to run out. I think she thought I would murder her or something, I wasn't going to.. I'm not evil, I'm just mean.. Sometimes. However, I let her go, that little freshman"

I stopped reading, and this was only after page 5 of the journal, I didn't understand how someone could be that cruel. I always knew Quinn was a bitch sometimes but I never believed she was truly evil, from the heart and out. Never.

I closed the journal and walked back to the bedroom and slipped it into her bag, I placed it right in the way it was before. I laid down on my side of the bed, with no hope at all that I would get any sleep tonight. I was scared of the fact that Quinn had been so obsessed, not only with me.. But with hurting others, hurting people who were happier than her. I turned around so my face was facing hers. Her small inhales, her perfectly shaped nose and lips and the blonde hair spread all over the pillow. When I saw Quinn's face, I didn't think Evil. I thought butterflies, I thought perfection.. I thought about her voice whispering into my ear earlier tonight saying "you didn't have a clue.." while we were lying on the floor right in the middle of the room with her arms around my waist. I thought about all our memories, fights and I wondered how it would feel to kiss her.

I looked over at the digital clock on my right side. 6.07 am. That means I slept for one hour. Thank God for that. I haven't stopped thinking about what I read.. And God knows I won't be able to fight myself, I know I will keep reading even though I'll do my best not to. As long as the journal is there and I know it's easy for me to take it, my stubborn side wins.

My dilemma right now is if I should to tell Quinn I know, or act like I know or just play cool and pretend I know nothing until I've read enough.. Or the whole thing. I want to know her secrets, the darkest ones. The secrets she wouldn't tell any living soul on this planet.

"Quinn?" I asked when we sat outside at the coffee place just around the corner from the diner.

My shift had just ended and Quinn was shopping so we decided to meet up right after. It was a sunny, spring day and we had no plans so why not.

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you something?" I asked, Quinn just nodded with the iced latte in her hands. "Do you think about me a lot? I mean, do you like me?"

"Haven't I made myself clear about that already?" she said and intensly looked into my eyes.

"You have, but you need to understand.. This is new to me"

"It's not like I've been with a thousand girls, Rachel. You're just the only person I've ever felt..-" she stopped and looked around her before grabbing my hand that was resting on the table between us "I've never felt this close to anyone, ever before" she whispered.

"You- you haven't?" I asked and cleared my throat.

I looked down on our hands being intertwined, I liked it.

"No, there are some things, well, many things.. That nobody knows. But I feel like you, you would allow me to open up and tell you about all of these things"

I knew what she was talking about, but she had no idea I did. It was all of the things she wrote in her journal, everything I read and all the things I haven't.

"Will you tell me?"

She looked at me and smirked, it was like a half smile. It made me feel warm inside, like summer lived inside me and winter was our enemy.

"Do you want to know?" she eagerly ask.

I want to know everything about you.

"If you're willing to tell me.." I said.

"I want to. I will. But not here, not now" Quinn said and let go of my hand.

How could someone so cold make me feel this warm? I don't understand.

I sat on the living room couch, cuddled up in my pj's, waiting for Quinn to get out of the shower. Maybe, just maybe I could get her to open up and talk to me about all those things she's been keeping for so long.

"Hey" she sneaked up behind me and said, with the towel wrapped around her body and her hair wet.

"Quinn" I said and jumped up a little.

"Did I scare you?" she said and laughed.

"No.. You're going to get cold, go dress and we'll sit and talk"

Surprisingly, she did as I said and went to the bedroom and got in her pj's. She came out of the room with her hair combed and straight, still wet, and plaid pyjama pants with a long knitted white cardigan.

"Do you want tea?" I asked.

"No, don't go up" Quinn said and sat down right beside me. She sat really close, as if the rest of the couch wasn't empty "I did so many things.. I threatened people, I hurt people.. I even ran over a kid with my car"

I know about that..

"But I didn't do it on purpose, not that. Funny though, funny how I didn't feel bad about it" she said, I could finally feel her let loose, she put her hand on my knee and looked at me in a way that until today, confused me. "I've been feeling bad ever since the last year of high school, I started with these pills"

"Pills?" I asked.

"Just listen" she said with a commanding tone in her voice "Doctors said they would make me feel happier, they didn't. I just felt like a lunatic for taking them, like a crazy depressed attention seeking lunatic" she took a deep breath and looked up at me with her eyes glued on my lips "After I stopped with them, I started with other pills.. Not from a doctor. And what can I say, I can't stop. I tried, I stopped for a month.. or like two weeks.. But I went back. However, Rachel, ever since first year, since I saw you I felt something that woke me up, feelings I never knew existed rushed into me like venom in my blood"

How was this confessing anything about the bad things she's done? I want to know what she did.

"But back to the topic, that was just a little background check" she said and sat up properly, now a bit further away from me "Everytime I see happy people, I get the urge to make them, I don't know.. Hurt them? Why do they deserve to be happy, when I'm this miserable. Does God hate me?"

"Have you killed people?" I asked, my hands were trembling and I was beyond scared of Quinn right now.

"Killed people? Almost. They didn't die, I didn't have the heart to take life away from them.. I just take away what they need in order to live a normal life" she said and looked sorry, her lips were shaking and I could see it in her eyes that she was almost as scared as I was.

I couldn't say a word, I had nothing to say. I knew Quinn, she can't.. She couldn't.

"When I look at you, Rachel.. I feel like I never want to hurt anyone ever again. I feel happy. I never feel happy" she said and stopped this time, she stopped for a long time.

I couldn't help but let her kind words towards me warm my soul up again, warm my heart. It was like magic, like whenever she touched me, stood near me or looked into my eyes she cast a spell that had me hooked on her until she decided it's time to let go.

"When was the last time you did something like that?" I asked.

"Right before I got here"

That means she hasn't hurt anyone in around three weeks, because she's near me. Does that mean that if she goes back home, she'll start hurting people again?

"And the pills, do you still take them?"

"I don't have any with me, so no" Quinn said.

The look in her eyes showed that she told the truth.

"Do you think that if you go back home, you'll hurt people again?"

"I'm afraid of finding out" she said and crossed her arms.

"Are you happy here?"

It took some time for her to answer this, she looked around the apartment, she looked at me and then at her hands.

"I wasn't. You didn't love me, so I was miserable, yet happier than I was back home.. Where I couldn't look at you"

I didn't love her..? Is that why she wasn't happy, because I didn't love her? I took her hand and placed it on my chest, I wanted her to feel it again, to feel my loud heartbeat. I was scared, to be honest... Still, why did those things she told me about not bother me? How can I still fall for her eyes, without noticing it myself, after knowing about all of this. Although she may need some help, I wanted to be the one she got it from. I haven't felt this way since forever and she made me love again, now.. Until she decides it's time to let go.

"I loved you" I said, still pressing her hand against my chest "I always have, I just didn't know. I didn't know I could feel like this.. towards a girl" I said and she exhaled loudly and smiled with tearfilled eyes, it was a sad smile from a finally happy person "But this heartbeat proved I can, I can because it's you, Quinn"