Dan's POV:
Georgina came by the loft this afternoon begging me to come to some party she's hosting. It's the least I could do really after having her come to Italy with me—an UES party is not nearly as out of my way. She and I have actually become quite good friends; obviously spending a summer with a person reminiscing on past moments shared will do that. We bonded over our common hatred for Serena, how we were both happy that she never met Jenny (even G. admitted that would have spiraled out of control way too quickly) and over the fact that Chuck looks entirely ridiculous in his bow ties, well actually that was more me than her but she was nice enough to listen.
These past few days have actually been going pretty well. My face is now completely healed since the fight and after that night, after being utterly and completely disgusted with myself, I decided to take back control of my life. Every move I have made, every career decision has been about Blair or about avoiding Blair in some way shape or form even after she left me. It is time for her to stop ruling over my life. Her domain is vast enough to not include me as well.
Therefore, I gladly accepted to go to G's party. Avoiding Blair is only as difficult as I make it out to be. If I want to have fun, if I want to meet other people, then I should go and do just that. The fact that Blair is expected there is of no importance, nope none at all.
The Party is actually pretty nice. It is an UES party but not as uptight. People seem to actually be having fun—taking a walk on the wild side. This is def. a party Serena would have loved.
I make my way across the room, saying hi to a couple of people I know and others I just recognize. I feel at ease and light on my feet. I guess after being down in the dumps for months this is what feeling back to normal would be like. I get invited by a group of people I vaguely know to take shots with them and I gladly accept. After shot number 2, Georgina slides up next to me and announces that Blair has arrived alone. Of course she drawls out the alone part of her sentence trying to gauge my reaction. In all honesty there is no reaction on my end, I just smile slowly at Georgina and invite her to take some shots with me and this group of "friends". We have a good time reminiscing about Italy and the various people with whom we became friends with over the course of our summer there together, and we entertain our group with a couple of funny stories.
When Georgina runs off after some guy she used to know, I start scanning the room for potential hookups/single girls. How cliché I know, but hey I'm single, pretty good looking in my humble opinion and ready to mingle. I can't spend the rest of my days mopping around. Nearest to me is the bartender who appears to be struggling with her ice load. I go and offer her a hand and we start enjoying a short little convo of shared experiences in the catering business. While we hit it off nicely and I learn that she is indeed single, she unfortunately is not on the market. I'm a little disappointed, but she has just broken up with her boyfriend and isn't quite ready to start anything with someone new. I understand completely. It really is a frightening thing to put yourself out there after a disastrous relationship. But I don't want to live my life in fear any longer.
Not far is some girl I met while taking shots with the group I was just drinking with. When she sees me looking quite alone she approaches me and comes on quite strongly. I can tell just by looking at her that she is looking for a one night thing – no more and no less. And yes while I am a red blooded horny male, ever since Serena did what she did to me I can't stand girls who are like her. This girl could be mistaken for her twin. Leggy blond bombshell, fun, big smile, and wild – her hair is coiffed as if she had just had sex and everything about her screams I'm looking for a good time. Surprisingly she's not an idiot and her conversation isn't as inane as one could imagine from a pretty girl who has probably had everything handed to her. Still her mannerisms, personality, and looks are way too similar to Serena's for me to even consider leading this girl on. As Im about to put an end to this conversation, she proceeds to "accidentally" spill her drink all over my shirt. This is clear signal: "I want you naked and under me doing unspeakable things" and if I was interested I would have been flattered, but unfortunately for her I am not, I was far from interested to begin with and now I'm fucking pissed. You can fall for this type of shit from this type of girl only once in your life. The old saying "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" comes to mind.
Anyway, to make things worse I spot Chuck make his grand entrance into the party despite the dim lighting. He immediately takes Blair into his arms and embraces her, touching her everywhere and for all to see. A surge of anger, jealousy and rage courses its way through me and I close my fists feeling my nails dig into my palms.
I go by the bar, summon the cute bartender and order a full bottle and walk off towards a room down the hall in order to dry off and get wasted in the most depressingly miserable fashion.
No matter how much I hyped myself up for the night, no matter how much I told myself that I didn't care about Blair or Chuck or about being used like an old forgotten rag, I guess that seeing them together displaying their love for all to see in the middle of this dingy ass party for still hurts as hell and just proves that I was fooling myself.
It makes me long for Blair, makes me really long for her. Whenever I let myself miss her, I have these aches, It feels as if a piece of me is missing. I know that sounds so dramatic and cliché but it is true nonetheless. I remember the little looks she would send my way, the way she would flip her hair, the way she would stretch over in the morning, straddle me and take all of me in her, slowly enveloping every inch inside her. She would arch her back a little bit, lean her hands on my thighs, and set the pace, taking both of us higher and higher.
The problem I have with Blair is that i think of her as perfect. In my opinion her imperfections are perfect, even her snobbery, her elitism, her vision of the world makes her her and is therefore perfect. Everything I hated about Serena I love in Blair.
I chug over half the bottle of wine in one swig and I feel a heady rush in my body. I finally stumble into a room which Im hoping is empty and thankfully it is.
My thoughts from earlier have got me feeling frustrated. I finish off the bottle of wine and I start feeling really drunk. Drinking a bottle on my own in less than 30 minutes isn't the brightest of decisions but I don't regret it. It makes cleaning this wine stained shirt a lot less annoying. My vision is fuzzy, my chest feels sticky, and here I am standing in this tiny bathroom scrubbing water onto this shirt which is probably not even worth it. Fuck it.
I let myself get carried away in my thoughts again. Unfortunately my drunkenness has turned my thoughts into petty miserable ones. i find myself cursing out every curly brunette I know and then I start damning every beautiful blond I know. Then I curse both of them together. Blair and I once had a running joke how I couldn't hate Serena and how she couldn't hate chuck because they were both completely and utterly miserable. We always thought they were going to end up together. Weird but true. Whenever we would mention this we would just laugh till tears spilled out of our eyes and our stomachs hurt. I would then kiss away her tears, lean between her open legs, and taste her until she was too incoherent to even remember Chuck's existence. She tastes so sweet. I miss her all of her.
Every night before going to sleep I dream about her. Dream about her begging me to take her back, me playing hard to get because of a lost sense of pride and dignity, and finally "succumbing" to my true desires by allowing her back into my life in a most memorable fashion. But every morning I wake up and know that it was just a dream, I spot the empty spot in bed, and my will to resist her isn't that big. I mean who gives a shit about pride when you already admitted to yourself that you are fucking in love with the girl of your nightmares.
I walk out of the room and lay my shirt out on the back of a chair. My pants feel tight. I'm frustrated, angry, and the furthest thing from happy.
I try readjusting myself but thinking of Blair always does things to me. I start undoing the button of my pants in order to properly rearrange myself when I hear through the blaring music a shuffling outside the door and a girl stumble her way inside. As I am about to tell her that the room is occupied, said girl lifts her head up and surprise surprise it is none other than Blair Waldorf.
She looks pretty wasted, as wasted as I am if not more. Her face registers utter shock, disappointment, and annoyance. Wow she could at least pretend to be happy to see me. She starts stumbling forward on her feet, evident that she can't really stand straight. As she is fumbling trying to find in the darkness a place to lean on I don't know what to say. I feel exposed with my shirt off and my pants half undone. She looks perfect as per usual. So I just stand there feeling weak and timid. Fuck, im better than this. I open my mouth to say something im not sure what, but she doesn't wait to hear it.
She quickly walks by me into the bathroom slamming the door shut behind her. I can hear her puking her guts out. Outside in the hallway I hear Chuck's voice asking people if they know were Blair is.
I'm stuck to my spot. I dont know what to do, I'm sure the last thing she wants is for me to go to her, and I cant go out because if there is one person I do not want to see is Chuck. So here I am shirtless, feeling like a complete utter asshole, and as clueless as a three year old.
Just another typical day in the life of Dan Humphrey.
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