Druidess Part II

Don't Touch My Stick

Chapter 6: Diminuendo Innuendo

"Just do it... Just do it. You're a Weasley, you aren't scared of anything!" Ginny told herself as she paced outside Sir B-Rad's office. "The season is almost over... he has months to hire a new assistant!" Her helpful thoughts weren't helping. She started tapping her foot in annoyance. "IF YOU DON'T DO THIS NOW, YOU WILL BE HIS ASSIST FOREVER!!!" With the word forever ringing in her head, and images of her being 145 years old and still bringing coffee to the completely self absorbed loser that was her boss, Ginny marched into his office and sat down with attitude!

"Boss. I don't want to be your assistant next year. I'm moving on!"

Sir B-Rad's eye twitched. "I don't understand why you don't love me anymore!!"

"... I never loved you! I hate working for you!"

"That's not what you said last night!"

Ginny almost fell out of her chair. "I didn't work last night, you idiot!"

"Sure you did, in your dreams baby!"

"Stop talking to me like that! I don't want to work for you, I quit. Good bye!"

"NO YOU CAN'T LEAVE!" Sir B-Rad screamed and jumped out of his chair and practically threw himself at Ginny.

Ginny let out a very audible groan as she hid behind the guest chair in Sir B-Rad's office, dodging the onslaught of attacks.

"TELL ME WHY!!!"

"Because!" Ginny cried out. "You're awful! I hate working for you!" She repeated.

"NO! You love it! I need you Ginny!" Sir B-Rad exclaimed, advancing on her position. She was trapped!

"No, I hate it! It's the worst job!"

"Noooo! I need you!" He grabbed onto her shoulders. "You cannot deny all the sexual frustration between us!"

"Sexual frustration?!?! I call it hostile irritation!" She grabbed onto his shoulders and started pushing him away. Fat chance that would work, Mr. International Quidditch Player. "Sir B-Rad, if you don't let go of me..."

"What will you do? Tie me up?" He wiggled his eyebrows. "Spank me? Ahhh that's good, spank me! Spank me hard!"

Ginny took a moment to look at her boss with an Oh-My-God-Sexual-Harassment face. And then... "Yeah! I'll spank you, with my wand. Just let me get it." Ginny replied as she gave into the game and smiling the cheesiest smile she could conjure.

Sir B-Rad let go of her shoulders and clapped like a child about to get a Christmas present. "This is so exciting! I've been dreaming of this for soooo long!!"

"Well, you're definitely going to get what you deserve!" Ginny spoke as she reached her jacket and pulled out her wand. She turned around, wand at the ready and pointed it at him. "Turn around and close your eyes." Softly, diabolically. The Weasley inside Ginny was jumping up and down with anticipation while chanting, 'GET 'EM! GET 'EM!'

Sir B-Rad, so oblivious to Ginny's true nature, turned around, dropped his pants, and bent over revealing his shiny, hairless ass.

"Yeah, that's it." She faked, aiming her wand just right. This was her only chance! "Alright, now... spread those beautiful cheeks apart!"

Her employer squealed with delight as he used his hands to spread open his butt cheeks.

'Aww,' thought Ginny. 'It's already so tiny... too bad I have to-' "DIMINUENDO!"

A navy bluish stream of light burst from the end of her wand and straight at Sir B-Rad's assets, causing him to jump up.

"What did you do?!" He called out, putting his hands protectively over his goodies as they started to shrink... and shrink... and shrink.

"Ooops." Ginny shrugged innocently. "I guess now would be a really bad time to..." She pulled a camera out of no where. "Take a little picture?" SNAP.

"NOO!!!" Sir B-Rad cried out dramatically, diving for the camera while simultaneously keeping his package covered which caused him to lose balance and fall flat on his face. What grace for a Quidditch player!

"Uh uh uhhhh!" Ginny shook her index finger back and forth. "None of that now." She said, looking down on him as he looked up pathetically from his place on the floor.

"You... you... you can't do that! It's in the contract! You aren't allowed to use magic on me unless I give you permission!" He tried defending himself.

"You're to one that wanted me to, ahem, spank you! Spank you hard!" Ginny pushed the big red button located on the front of her camera and out popped a moving photograph of Sir B-Rad's Penis and Co. shrinking rapidly. "Doesn't matter anyways." Ginny stated firmly. "I quit! And I think I'll go pay my good friend Rita a visit! It's been ages!"

And with that, Ginny left and Sir B-Rad whimpered meekly on the floor as he noticed his toes were now larger than his penis.

I'm so bored.

Hermione groaned. The hospital was empty, creepy and empty. She picked up a book and flipped through the pages.

You've read this one before.

Hermione put the book down and picked up another one.

This one, too!

Hermione closed her eyes and then gently set the book back down on the pile by her desk. She thought about organizing them into books she needs to read and books she's already read, in alphabetical order by author. But then she realized, with a frown, that she already read them all. And then, with an even bigger frown, realized they were already stacked up by author.

Why don't you write a book, then?

"I'm not talking to you."

Well you might as well, there's nothing else to do.

"I have plenty of work I can do."

Like what? There's nothing left to do in this hospital but scrub floors.

"Get out of my head so I can think about Draco."

Silence.

"That's more like it." She crossed her arms over her desk and rested her head on them, closing her eyes and letting herself begin to day dream.

"He proposed didn't he?" She asked her head quietly.

Well, I would think when someone asks you to marry them that they are proposing to you...

"I thought I asked you to go away?"

You're not the only one bored.

"Will you always be in my head?"

When a person dies, their body no longer functions.

"Obviously..."

But their soul goes on, you know this. Their thoughts go on forever, too. Especially if their thoughts are worthwhile.

"And someone thought your thoughts were worthwhile?"

If I do say so myself...

"Don't. I'm just thinking... if he proposed... where's my ring?!" Hermione shrugged as if to exaggerate her point.

It wasn't a traditional proposal. You might have to badger him about the ring.

"Men..."

The door opened, startling Hermione and causing her to jump into sitting position. At the familiar sight of red hair, she smiled.

"Hey Ron. How are you doing?" She asked, standing up to hug him. They embraced for a second before he sat down in the chair facing her desk.

"I need advice, 'Mione."

"Alright, shoot." She said with a grin, moving herself so that she was directly in front of Ron, leaning against her desk.

"What do you think?" He pulled out a super tiny, red velvet box.

"Ohhh! Jewelry? For Pansy?" She asked with a thrill in her voice.

"Kind of." Ron said just as she opened the box. Inside the box, literally almost blinding Hermione was, with no perceivable doubt, an engagement ring.

"Wow. Ron..."

"Yes, Hermione?" He was sitting on the edge of his seat, biting down on his bottom lip.

"I'm not an idiot." She whispered, mostly to herself. Does MRS. Parkinson get a ring before you do?! Gwahahahaha!

"I know you're the most brilliant witch of our generation." Ron complimented, breaking her thoughts.

"And therefore I know you can't afford this."

"I know. I'm double broke and I think I owe the salesman my firstborn."

"How did you...? I mean... it's... well..." Hermione mumbled despite not having anything to say. You're jealous! You're jealous!

"Well, Mum did me a huge favor and borrowed some money from Aunt Muriel." He shuddered.

"That is a favor!"

"Plus I borrowed a little money from dad, a little money from Bill, a little money from George, and then of course, my firstborn child." Ron sighed with wide eyes.

"But this ring..."

"It's from the 1930's."

"Looks beautiful," Hermione persisted. "2 carats, I think."

"That's right." Ron replied, nodding. "2 carats, platinum band, 8 mini diamonds on the side."

"Erm... 'mini' diamonds?" Hermione teased.

"Yeah, mini diamonds. Do you think Pansy will like it?? I can trade it in maybe..." Ron started bouncing up and down nervously.

"Ron, this ring screams Pansy."

"Really?" Ron let out a breath. "Oh good."

"Ron... how are you going to propose?"

"That's why I'm here!" Ron said, a little too loudly. "Sorry. Haha. Sorry. I'm just so nervous and I can't get it out of me. And I have no idea how to ask her because she told me she never wants to get married!"

"She said that?" Hermione asked, looking up suddenly. "Really?"

"Yea. She doesn't want to get married. She and Malfoy have told me story after story about how guys have asked her for marriage, how they brought this expensive ring and that expensive ring and she's turned them down flat, like that!" His voice raising an octave. "I mean, I don't even know why I bought it! I think she has some kind of ancient family spell or curse... yeah... CURSE on her so that when she's dating, the guy is just fucked! He just HAS to ask. I've been carrying this ring around for four weeks and I have no idea what to do!!!" Ron let out in one breath, his voice squeaking.

"Okay! Calm down! INHALE RONALD!" Hermione ordered, placing her free hand on his shoulder.

After several moments of deep, deep breathing Ron looked up at Hermione and pouted. "I really want to take the next step with Pansy, but I don't want to end because of my greed."

"I could hardly call you greedy, Ron. How much did this ring cost?"

Ron opened his mouth to say something when the door opened abruptly. "'Mione lets do it on your de-" Came Draco's voice.

Hermione jumped slightly, causing the ring in her hand to propel into the air.

"Noooo!" Ron called out diving for the ring.

"Oh my!!!" Hermione put both her hands over her mouth in surprise and Draco just looked at them both like they were retarded.

"Er... what's going on?" He asked, eyeing the two, seeing Ron emerge from beneath his chair with a shiny object in his hand.

"IT'S OKAY! THE RING... IS OKAY!" Ron screamed.

Draco looked closer at the ring and then looked at Hermione. "Are you proposing to my woman!?"

"DO-wha???" Ron almost fell over again as he comprehended the question. "I'm not proposing to Hermione! That's gross!"

"Ugh!" Hermione slapped Ron on the side of his head. "And that's rude!"

"I'm just saying I would never propose to you...because it gross." He added quietly.

Draco eyed Ron suspiciously as he hugged Hermione. "What's going on in here? Why does he have a ring?"

"He's going to propose to Pansy." Hermione stated, almost proudly, forgetting her temporary envious thoughts.

Draco looked from Hermione, to Ron, to the ring before he burst out into a serious fit of laughter. "You're gonna- you're gonna... BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Draco! That's not polite! Stop laughing at him." Hermione chastised. But her reprimanding only made him laugh harder.

"Oh man. Oh man." Draco fell into the chair Ron previously occupied and continued laughing, unable to control himself. "Wow. That was special."

"I'll say." Hermione glared at him as her arms crossed.

"Look, go ahead. And, seriously, good luck. But you've got to be one dumb sister-toucher to think Pansy would ever say 'Yes' to marriage!"

"Did you just say 'Sister-toucher'?" Ron asked with a disgusted look on his face.

"Yes, I did. I felt the situation presented at hand deserved the phrase use of: 'Sister-toucher'."

Before Hermione could seriously slap Draco for such foul mouthing, the door to her office opened again and Ginny appeared.

"Hey 'Mione!!!" Ginny bounced in, clearly pleased about something. "I had the best day. Hey guys. What's going on? Is it Party Time?" She asked, beginning to jig to an unheard tune.

"Ginny?" Ron said slowly, "Are you high of Dragongrass or something?"

"No. I'm just so happy!" She exclaimed, jumping into the air with her arms thrown out in front of her.

"Why are you so happy?" Hermione asked, walking over and feeling her head.

"I quit! And I got the best blackmail! I'm so happy!" She whispered excitedly, practically tackling Hermione into a hug.

"Yeah, you mentioned the being happy part." Hermione gently patted the other girl.

"Hey Ron!" Ginny suddenly yelled. "What's that?!" She pointed to his hand.

"Oh." Ron went white. "I'm going to propose to Pansy." As he stated it, Draco burst out into a whole set of giggles.

"My sides... hurt... so good...."

"RON!" Ginny let go on Hermione and threw herself onto her brother. "I'm so happy for you!!!"

"She... really is high." Draco commented, before giggling again. Just a little bit this time.

"Or... you're really high." Hermione glared.

"You love it." He replied, puckering his lips together and making kissing sounds.

Again, the office door creaked open and Ron quickly pushed the ring back into his pocket as Harry walked in.

"Erm... there are a lot of people in here..." Timidly, he closed the door and looked at the occupants of the room. "Hi. My name's Harry Potter and I'm a Saving-The-World-O-Holic since I was one."

"Hi Harry." Everyone said and then started laughing.

"I just stopped by to get some advice.... Hey, what's that you put in your pocket, Ron?" Harry asked, as he moved to stand by Ginny.

"Oh. It's... a... ring." He whispered as quietly as he could.

"A ring??!!" Ron pulled out the object he spoke of and handed it to Harry lightly. "Oh wow... it's shiny."

"I didn't spend that much for something that's just shiny." Ron pouted, again.

"Why are you all in here, anyways?" Harry asked curiously, handing the ring back to Ron.

Before anyone could answer the door opened, yet again.

"Wow, who's coming in this time?" Hermione asked, moving towards the door. "OH HEY IT'S PANSY!!!" She screamed upon seeing the blond. Ron automatically ducked behind Hermione's desk and Draco and Harry tackled him in haste. Ginny stood there awkwardly, watching as they tumbled around.

"It's almost like gay porn. Almost..." She said in wonderment, her head tilting to the side to get a different angle.

Pansy, who Hermione had grabbed onto by the arm to keep her from stepping any further into the office, gave a nervous laugh. "Hermione, dear... what are you doing?"

"Ooohh.. Nothing. Please come in Pansy. What are you up too?"

"I need some... guy advice maybe. Oh... hey everyone. What's going on? Why is everyone piling up behind your desk, Hermy?" Pansy stood watching the event with probing eyes.

"Ummm...." They all said in unison.

"There was a spider." Hermione lied on the spot, badly. "I'm terrified of spiders ever since that big... yellow... one......"

Pansy just looked from person to person. "What's going on? Really? Why is everyone here?"

"Well, you've all come for advice, apparently. Since I can't do it all at once, maybe you guys should line up outside the door or something." Hermione took charge. "Well, except for Ginny who is just under the influence."

"I resent that! I'm just HAPPY!"

"Anyways... who's first? Oh right, Ron was here-"

"MARRY ME PANSY!" Ron's voice came out from the mass of men.

Pansy looked towards the desk and dropped her purse at the same time. "What???"

Draco, standing up, started howling with laughter.

Harry stood up after Draco and stepped to the side.

Ron lay on the ground, looking up at Pansy and holding out the ring as if it were Excalibur.

"Ma-ma-marry?" Pansy stuttered out.

Ron let out an anguish filled moan and sat up. He started hammering his head on the edge of the desk.

"Ronald, I do believe you could have presented that question at a much better time..." Hermione whispered as Draco fell into her shoulder, still laughing hysterically.

"I'm-such-an-idiot-I-can't-believe-I'm-so-dumb-gah!-Gah!-Gah!-Gah!"

"Ron, stop." Pansy set down next to him and took his face in her hands. "Your face is entirely too pretty for you to do that!"

"You think my face is pretty?" Ron asked pathetically.

"Yes!" Pansy exclaimed with a sincere smile.

"I think your face is pretty, too!"

"Oh my god that was so cheesy." Ginny whispered loudly to Hermione.

"Okay!" Pansy cried out. "Let's get married!"

"What?"

"Really?"

"Whoa!"

"CHEESY!!!!"

Author's Note: Hey all. I don't own anything, as usual. I don't even own the great phrase: "Sister-toucher". I stole that one from my dad, who I believe stole it from Stephen King. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. There's only a couple more chapters left to this story. It's a shortie! I also hope that if you read all the way through my chapter, that you'll review as well. I got hardly any feedback last chapter and that's my favorite thing: FEEDBACK! I don't own anything! Hearts!