I live! This summer... killed me. And I really did not want to write this chapter. Why? Well... because I wasn't happy with it. And I'm still not happy with it. But at least I wrote it. Sorry it's so short. Also, if you did not, please go back and reread chapter four, as it contains an updated scene. :)
This chapter focuses primarily on Cloud. In fact, ever scene in it has to do with Cloud in some way. Hence the name. I'm probably going to rush through these next few chapters because I'm tired of part one, and I want to get to part two. Again, I apologize for the poor writing. I'm sure I will revise it someday.
So, what really motivated me to come back to this story was not reviews, because I only got four (and one of them was from my sister). Though, let it be known to batcat4eternity and shibara - I love you guys. Thank you so much for your reviews. Anyway, I came back because I've been playing Birth By Sleep and every time Ienzo comes on screen I have to gush and think "awww, he's so cute for a schemer." And, of course, Riku's precociousness is adorable too. So, yeah, it was actually a mix of Birth By Sleep and my two cosplay friends (who do Sora and Riku like, every week), who motivated me back to this.
As per the norm, I'd like to take the time to thank the wonderful and amazing people who reviewed this story. Batcat4eternity, Shibara, Tainted Kattitina, and EppieandKarma. Thank you for your patience with me. You guys rock. :)
Chapter Five: Strife
An hour or so later, Sora came out to the backyard where Riku was reading and eating toast under the big tree where he and the twins had fallen asleep together only a few days ago. Without a word, Sora sat down beside Riku and peered over his shoulder at the textbook Riku had propped open on his lap.
"Entropy." Sora read aloud. "What's that?"
"It's a unit to measure the disorder in a system at a molecular level, such as energy wasted in the system. Some scientists theorize that it's how we perceive the fourth dimension." Riku stated without thinking or looking up.
Sora merely stared at him blankly, and Riku couldn't help but chuckle. "For example, if you have tea in a cup and you add milk and sugar, at first the milk and sugar are sort of separate from the tea, but then you stir it and it all becomes mixed together to the point where they can never be separated again. That's entropy." Riku explained, and gestured to a diagram in his book. "But really it's used to explain thermodynamics."
"I don't get it."
"That's okay, it's rather esoteric. I don't fully get it myself either." Riku admitted.
"But you're so smart, Riku! You're the smartest person I know, even after Olette, and she's really smart." Sora admitted, leaning back against the tree to contemplate the clouds overhead. Riku didn't know what to say, so he went back to reading. He had moved on to isentropic processes now.
After a while, Sora finally said, "Everyone's been acting so strange today. Cloud's gone like usual, but Sara's mad, really really mad, and you're out here instead of in your room, which is weird for you, and even Dad's acting weird. Is it a full moon or something?"
Riku was surprised Sora had been observing him enough to know how unusual it was for him to go outside. Riku hated studying outside, but the prospect of studying in his room where Cloud and he had… anyway, he was avoiding his room for a reason.
"I think I made Sara mad." The slave admitted, ducking his head to hide his face in the book. "I said some things I shouldn't have."
Sora shook his head. "No, that's not it. Sara doesn't care about what you say, only about what you do, and she never gets angry over little things. Not ever. Last time she got this mad was shortly after Mom died. Cloud did something, I don't know what, and Sara was really angry about it for a really long time."
Riku had a sneaking suspicion he knew what Cloud's something was, but he didn't want to jump to any conclusions. That wouldn't be a good idea.
"Did something happen this morning?" Sora asked.
The slave shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Sara doesn't tell me everything."
"Oh." For some reason, Sora sounded really depressed. "Sorry, that was a stupid question."
Sora got up and left. Later, Riku wondered if he shouldn't have called after him.
It was mid afternoon before Riku saw Sara again, and he only saw her because she had a letter for him, a reply from Kairi. However, it did give them a chance to talk briefly about what had happened in the kitchen that morning, which Sara prefaced by saying, "You may not be free, but there are certain things you shouldn't be forced to do just because you're a slave."
Riku raised one silver eyebrow. "If this is about Cloud and I—"
"Of course it's about Cloud." Sara interrupted a little more forcefully than was strictly necessary. "He's like a brother to me and I love him, I always will, but he's a spoiled brat who thinks he's owed the world just because the Hikaru family is high nobility. Moreover, he doesn't realize how much he unintentionally hurts the rest of us with his arrogance."
"But he didn't hurt me." Riku was confused. So Cloud wanted him because he was a slave. Fine, Riku got that, he was an easy target. Whatever. But he hadn't hurt Riku, so Riku failed to see what Sara's problem was.
"Not physically! Emotionally! It's rape Riku, any time you're not fully committed to the other person. He raped you last night and you're standing here like it doesn't bother you."
"It doesn't." So it was a white lie. Riku was bothered by how much he'd enjoyed it. Normally he hated sex. Period. End of story. Even with Axel and Kairi it was always for their sake. "And it's not rape." Such a strong word. Whenever Riku thought of rape, he thought of children, not an adult like himself. "Helotian Law says—"
"Screw Helotian Law." Sara spat. "I won't stand here and let you play some gods' damned martyr to Cloud's arrogance."
"Why not?" Riku asked, exasperated. "You're the one standing here preaching about choices, so why not let me decide for myself?"
"Because I did that once, long ago. You think you're the first slave Cloud's raped? I stood aside because Ingus asked me to, but bruises and flinching from touch and saying your okay because that's how you're holding on… no one should live like that. So don't."
Riku opened his mouth to respond, but promptly closed it when the sound of footsteps alerted them to an eavesdropper. It was Roxas, looking for Sara, so Riku took his letter and escaped from this difficult conversation.
"Squall?"
The man in question, dressed in comfortable training clothes and holding a wooden practice sword at the ready, lowered his weapon and turned to face the speaker. "Master Loire." He greeted tonelessly.
Laguna Loire was not an old man, despite being just past forty in age. He looked at least ten years younger, without a gray in his full brown hair, which he grew to mid back, as was fashionable. As a retired body guard himself, Laguna now ran his own business supplying the upper class with well trained body guards, usually certified dociles. Despite this, he still retained the active shape and figure of his younger years, and could best any and all of those under his charge, including his prodigy Squall.
"Squall," Laguna repeated, "we need to talk." He spoke seriously, which was against his usual nature. "There's something you didn't tell me about the incident with Lord Hikaru's oldest son last week."
The slave merely stared at him, expression blank. "There's nothing to be said, master. I was out of line and should never have hit him."
"That's not the story I heard from Zell."
Squall felt his eye twitch, just slightly. Leave it to Zell to go running to the master with secrets that were best kept among slaves. "What did he say?"
"That's what I want you to tell me." Laguna answered. When Squall merely looked away, his jaw clenched shut in a refusal to speak, Laguna sighed and added, "You're very close to the end of your training and soon there will be little more you'll need to learn. However, I can't finish your training if you lie to me at every turn. I need to know that I can trust you."
"Master, I know that in this line of work there can be no secret between slave and master, but what was said between Cloud Hikaru and me is not important."
Squall neither expected nor anticipated the slap that followed as Laguna struck him across the face. It wasn't that Squall had never been slapped by him before – in fact, Laguna's preferred 'soft' punishment was the slap – so he really shouldn't have been caught off guard by it.
"That is not for you to decide, Squall." Laguna warned, voice dangerously soft. "You're grounded until I can decide whether or not you will be allowed to continue your training. You're a loose cannon, and I won't tolerate your recklessness."
As soon as Laguna left the training room, Squall dropped the wooden weapon in his hand to the floor, his thoughts spinning.
That was how Zell found him, when the blond came looking not five minutes later. Zell wasn't the most astute person he knew, but when it came to Squall, who had been his paramour for years, sensing the other slave's emotions was like a second nature to him. "Don't beat yourself up over what the master says." Zell said by way of greeting.
"Why did you tell him about Cloud?" Squall shot back, his voice betraying his anger. It was rare that Squall showed emotion, but not to Zell. With Zell, emotions were safe, unlike with everyone else.
"Because it wasn't your fault. Master's reasonable; he'd understand that Cloud was the one to blame, not you." Zell explained, as though it made all the sense in the world. Which it did, to him anyway. Not to Squall.
"That wasn't your call to make, Zell." Rather than angry, Squall sounded disappointed now. "I'm tired of these games. He said, she said, pretending to be perfectly content and lying when I'm not. Stay out of my business; I can handle it on my own." He turned to walk away.
"Squall, wait!" Zell reached out to grab his paramour's arm, but the brunet shook him off.
"Don't! Don't touch me." Squall shouted, and before Zell could respond, he was gone, leaving Zell alone in the training room.
To himself, he said, "Stop running away Squall. Eventually, you'll run into a corner and have to face the truth, so why not do it now, where nothing bad will happen?
"Fear begets anger
Anger begets hatred
And hatred begets darkness.
"We don't have to be afraid anymore. Why am I the only one who can see that?"
Riku had hoped to spend the rest of his day without seeing anyone else, but as per the norm his wishes were not heard by any higher power, and not even an hour after his latest argument with Sara (could they just leave it alone? Riku didn't want to talk about it), Cloud came home and sought Riku out in his room. After last night, Riku was hardly surprised at the fluttering feeling in his chest that Cloud's appearance caused. Cloud's request was simple; he had someone that he wanted Riku to meet, so could Riku please come with him up to Cloud's room?
Of course Riku said yes, but he wasn't expecting the person who greeted him when he set foot into Cloud's room. A familiar face, made unfamiliar by the six years gone since Riku had last seen him. His skin was paler, his once so cocky attitude subdued, somehow, as though part of him was sleeping even while the rest of him was awake.
"Reno."
The redhead glanced up, and his face twisted into a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Riku. Glad to see you're well, yo. How's my brother?"
Riku snorted. For the moment, he forgot about Cloud and merely focused on Reno. "He's fine, no thanks to you."
"Ouch, yo. That's harsh. Where'd the sweet little kid who always begged for stories go?"
"He grew up, like everyone does. Axel grew up too, you know. After Keiss died."
That elicited a reaction from Reno, whose face could not hide his surprise. Keiss was – had been—Reno and Axel's father, a man of a Selkic descent, from whom Reno and Axel got their lithe, agile builds. "When?"
"A few months after you left. A guard beat him to death, I don't remember why. If you'd written like you promised, you would know this." Riku didn't even try to hide his accusations.
Before Reno responded to Riku's statement, he turned his attention to Cloud, who was standing on the edge of their conversation, listening quietly. "Cloud, please, can I speak to Riku alone?"
Cloud nodded, his expression sympathetic. "Of course. I'll be in the media room if you need me." He left without further protest.
As soon as Cloud was gone, Reno plopped down on the floor and buried his head in his hands, any resemblance of composure bleeding away. At such a pathetic sight, Riku's anger began to drain away as well. Keiss had been a good man, a good father, and the realization of the loss had to hurt. "What happened to Axel?"
He looked so pathetic, so despondent seated on the floor there.
Close my eyes, now I'm blind.
I can take your derisions,
you can take all my visions.
They were children once. Where did that time go? When did they grow up? The tall, slender form of a young man trapped in the awkwardness of adolescence, silhouetted against the door frame as two drops of blood, like red tears leave muddy tracks down a pale face wrenched in an expression of pain. This was childhood's end.
"Let go of me."
Riku sat down beside him. "Some of the other Selkies raised him. And us, of course. We stayed with him." He changed the subject. "Why did you never write to us?"
"I couldn't." Reno explained. "When I was sold, I ended up on the black market, yo. It wasn't until a year and a half ago that my current master bought me. By then, I had no idea how to get in contact with Axel again. I could only hope that he wouldn't try to follow my path. The markets make Destiny seem like paradise, yo."
"Axel wanted to follow you. He wanted to find you again." Riku explained. "But he's still in the camps. Only Namine and I made it out."
"Good. That's probably better for him." Abruptly, Reno stood up and redonned his invisible cloak of self assurance. "Be careful, yo. Nobles, they aren't like us, yo. They think in twisted circles, always plotting and scheming. They'll tell you they love you one day, then sell you the next. Don't trust them, yo. Not even Cloud."
Riku stood up, and his anger returned full force. "How can you say that, Reno? You weren't there. You never were. You don't know what it was like for us. You had Keiss and Sephiroth and Angeal looking out for you. Axel, Kairi, Namine, and I? We had just Sephiroth and Angeal, and then Angeal died. I whored for food everyday because I was afraid someone was going to starve to death. Because Axel had no one else to turn to. Because we all dreamed of one day getting out. We dreamed of being free. Of being like you. Now you say it's better for Axel to stay in the camps and die there, without ever hoping to be free?"
"Yes."
A simple answer, but it floored Riku, who could only gape at the red haired slave. He had no words to respond, but thankfully Reno continued for him.
"Riku, promise me you will run away if you ever so much as fear you will be sold to the black market." He closed his eyes, voice raw and his emotions genuine. "I would never wish such a fate on anyone, especially my brother and you. I mean it, yo."
Though Riku knew nothing about the black market, and so wondered why Reno preferred running away (death if you were caught, which was inevitable) over facing whatever awaited there, he didn't ask Reno to explain. Sometimes it was better not to know.
"I promise."
Reno couldn't stay very long. Apparently his master kept him on a short leash, so Riku wasn't able to speak with him for as long as he would have liked. When Reno left, Riku went back to his room, where Sora was waiting for him. Sora, like Cloud, had been gone most of the day, at a friend's house without his twin brother, so this was the first time Riku had seen him since that morning.
"You back." Riku greeted, remembering only at the last minute that Sora preferred for Riku not to call him by any titles. "How was your visit."
Sora smiled at Riku, a soft one that was different from Cloud's, which always seemed mildly condescending, and different from Reno's, which had been forced. Sora's smile was warm, and lit up his face so easily. "It was fun. Tidus came back from Spira where he was visiting his dad, so we played blitzball for the first time all summer."
Riku had no idea what blitzball was, but he nodded anyway. "Sounds like fun." He said, though he wasn't particularly interested.
Sora shrugged noncommittally. "Hey, do you remember what I said last week? About love?"
In truth, Riku didn't. But when Sora brought it up, he remembered a little bit. Sora had called him beautiful, and that was about all he remembered of the incident. People didn't say that about Riku very often, so when they did, it tended to stick with him. "Yes." He lied.
"I've been thinking about it, and I think I'm in love. I don't know. There's this guy. My heart feels all fluttery when I see him, and even when he's unhappy, I still feel happier just seeing him. But I just met him, so I don't know if I should tell him what I think or not. I'm not sure what to do."
"Tell him." Riku suggested. "If you like someone, you should let them know. It never hurts to try, at least."
"Okay." Sora's smile changed, tinged with mischievousness as he crossed the room so he stood nose to chin with Riku (and he once again bemoaned his own lack of height). "Riku." He announced grandly. "I really like you. I don't even know why, but I do." Then Sora did something completely unexpected; he kissed Riku firmly on the lips.
As far as kisses went, it was pretty awkward. Sora obviously had little experience with this sort of thing, and Riku was unwilling to do more than passively accept, even as a tiny bubble of amused happiness welled up within him. He hadn't expected this, but now he felt silly for being caught off guard.
Sora scared him. Sora was intense, a whirlwind of emotions and actions. Not at all like Riku's own calm rationality. Yet at the same time, Riku did like Sora. The brunet was warm, inviting, and oh so sweet. Innocent and genuine and charming. His mind told him to be careful, but his heart was telling him to trust Sora. So, for once, Riku did what his heart told him to do.
He kissed Sora back.
Dear Riku,
First off, happy birthday. I've included a pendant with this letter as your birthday present. It's called a Wayfinder, and it's supposed to work like a papou fruit, so you'll never forget Axel and I. Axel and I made it together with some help from Sephiroth, who told us what plants to use in the dye. It's made from ceramic, so be careful with it or it will break.
Please don't worry about Axel and I. We are both fine, as are Genesis and Sephiroth. Everyone was very happy to hear from you, so please write often. Tell us about school and the people you meet and the studying you do. We've given all our dreams to you, so keep them safe with you.
Axel and I moved in together shortly after you left. We've become truly close for the first time, and I feel like I'm getting to know the real him for once. I wonder if this side of him I see is the side of him you always got to see. He's so guarded, despite his playful and mischievous attitude.
Sephiroth is well. I read your letter out loud to him, and his advice was to keep guard, and don't let your body or your heart rule your decisions. Keep a cool head at all times. I don't know if I agree with that. I think you should trust your heart to lead you in the right direction. Like this Sora who you claim frightens you? In my heart I feel like it's because you're afraid of falling in love.
Riku. I love you. I love you so much more than words can possibly express. But we will never see each other again. Do not close your heart off to the world. Love freely. I know you can. Do not be afraid.
I'm afraid I can only write this one page. Zack (he asked me to call him that, so I will), has promised to get me more, but for now this one sheet is all I have. I will give it to Zack and trust that it finds you safe.
You'll be in my heart always.
Kairi
Shoutout and References:
Keiss was – had been—Reno and Axel's father, a man of a Selkic descent, from whom Reno and Axel got their lithe, agile builds.
Keiss is one of the main characters in Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers. He's mostly laid back, but his goal of gaining rank in the Lilty army has ostracized him from his fellow Selkies, who deplore the Lilties that have long suppressed them and once massacred them. The Selkies are a race in Crystal Chronicles known for their agility and jumping skills. They have slender, tall builds and are known for being more loose and lawless than the other races (perfect for Reno and Axel!). The Selkies were chased from their ancestral home by the Lilty tribe and made their way to Leuda. In this story, Selkies are a nationality who consider themselves kin to the Al Bhed, but who were conquered by Radiant Garden. To this day, most Selkies are slaves and only a few are members of the common class.
Next Chapter: Pictures, secrets, diaries, memories. As Riku tries to move forward with Sora, his past relationship with Kairi and Axel continues to haunt him. Riku finds solace in the most unexpected place: the memories contained within the dead Lady Hikaru's diary.
Reviews, believe it or not, do make writing chapters much easier. So please be nice and feed the author. She really does appreciate it. :)
~Lockea Stone