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Summary: John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

Crawling underneath my skin

The last few days had been the hardest days of her entire life to get through, what with the morning sickness finally taking its toll on her body and then the incessant phone calls from Jeff Hardy wanting to check on her to make sure she was alright. Then there was John, who for the past three days she hadn't heard a word from and true to his word, had blocked her from coming back to the prison to see him.

How can he do this to me? To us? To the family that no matter what we are to each other is what we are going to be when this child is born?

She had asked herself that question so many times since that day in the prison that she thought for sure her mind was going to explode. There was no easy answer for what John had done. She did not like it one bit but she knew why he was doing it and she didn't blame him. There were days like today when she was all alone with her thoughts that she wondered if she could really have this baby and raise it, bringing it to see its father at a federal prison for the rest of its young life. He was right in that it wasn't a life that a child should be thrown into.

But it was their life wasn't it? They were the parents to his baby growing inside of her, no matter what way you shook it and she owed it to this baby to make sure that it knew its father. Not to mention she loved John more then she had ever thought she would again. Jeff had left such a huge gaping hole in her heart that night he walked out on her, taking her heart with him that she thought she was never going to get it back.

It made her wonder just what it was about John that changed all of that. She had been a lost cause, content to live inside herself, doing her job day in and day out despite the feelings she had that she wanted her life to end. All of that had changed when John had come into her life the way he had and she was so thankful for him. If it wasn't for that night at Hunter's home, where he had thought that she was Michelle then she might never have seen anyone else's pain but her own. He helped open the door to her heart that night, despite the sick way it had begun and she owed him her life for it.

John why can't you just admit you're as scared as I am? She asked inside her mind, knowing deep down that there wouldn't an answer. She had a connection with the man but it didn't span that far. There was no way that just by closing her eyes and picturing him, alone and scared, missing her as much as she missed him, that she would get the answers to all of her questions. She truly believed that until her inner voice spoke again.

I have admitted it.

She closed her eyes again then and searched deep inside of herself. She had heard the answer as clear as day and it wasn't an answer to anything other then what she had just asked John. She wasn't a big believer in the power of the Other Side, but maybe, just maybe there was more of a connection then she had originally thought.

She tried to appeal to the part of her brain that seemed to be connected only to John, pushing him to answer more questions and when none came she knew it had all been for naught. Her mind had played tricks on her the way it had when she had dated Jeff all those years ago and nothing weird was going on.

But how she wished she had the ability to tune into John somehow now. She needed him more then ever now that Jeff had made another appearance in her life. She couldn't get through this alone.

Picking up the mail she had thrown down earlier, she started scanning through it, throwing the bills to one side, deciding that as soon as she was done cooking her dinner she would deal with them. She was about to throw the rest of the mail down to go and check dinner when she saw it. The postmark stood out to her more then anything, and then in the corner of the envelope she saw the name written there in his familiar scrawl and her heart just stopped, as if frozen in time.

With trembling fingers she tore open the envelope and pulled the musty yellow legal paper from the remains. She flicked it open and felt the flood gates of her heart open as she read the familiar words from the one man she would forever truly love.

Dated a week before she had gone to see him, in the time that they had not been allowed any contact, she eagerly scanned the letter, looking for some kind of sign that would tell her that everything in the end was going to be alright. Her heart needed it but more then that, so did her baby.

Wish,

As time goes by and I sit here alone in this cell with only my visual memory of you to keep my heart and soul warm, I realize that all of the things that I wanted in the past, all of the things I needed then and now, are the same things that you have offered to me over and over time and time again. I took them for granted one too many times and now I am paying for it.

For as long as I live I will never be able to say sorry enough for what I put you through, with what happened that night with the accident to what I put you through with the trial. I am not better then all the other men in your past despite my best intentions to be different.

For all of my faults and mistakes though Trish, the one thing that never fails and that will never fail me as long as I live is how I really feel about you and how I think I have always in some small way felt about you. I can admit it now, I have loved you before I even knew you. My only wish is that as the days go on, you will remember that you are loved and that even though we might be far apart, my heart still beats with you and for you. You really were my Wish, Trish and i never want you to forget that.

I will see you as soon as the warden clears it but until then I close my eyes and dream of that day on the beach. The day the earth stood still and you took me on a walk to remember.

I love you.

John

She threw the letter back down onto the table, her heart wanting to break into a million pieces as she did. How had things changed so much in the past two weeks? How had John gone from this heart wrenching letter to pushing her away as far and as fast as he could?

I cannot allow him to give up on us, now that I have this letter in my possession.

She knew that with or without the letter she was never going to let him go, not for any amount of money or sanity in the world. He may be a prisoner now, but he was still her prisoner and that wasn't going to change because he said so. He needed her just as much as she did him and she wasn't going to sit idly by anymore as he decided what was best for her.

She picked up the phone then and called the only other person she knew for a fact that John wouldn't take off his visitor list and silent prayed within herself that he was home and he would help her out. If he didn't, she was going to be completely out of options.