As always, Katie & Trin make my words prettier. J stops me from melting down on a daily basis and basically deserves a co-writing credit on this. She'd like to claim responsibility for your hatred of Sandy. ILY, WT.

I don't own Twilight, its characters or anything else that is publicly recognizable. Dexter, his family and these words are mine. Please don't steal.

It's impossible to love you,
if you don't let me know what you're feeling.
It's impossible for me to give you what you need,
if you're always hidin' from me
I don't know what hurt you,
I just wanna make it right
' Cause I'm sick and tired of trying to read your mind.
- Impossible, Christina Aguilera

I was so glad the party was winding down. Though I was happy for Bella that everything had gone well, I was dying to get out of my tux and especially the uncomfortable dress shoes I was wearing.

It had been nice to meet the Robinsons formally, to get a chance to speak with them and spend a few moments with them. They seemed like nice people. Tom immediately reminded me of the pictures I'd seen of Dexter and Sandy, while a bit cold, had a classic, timeless beauty about her. Though she tried to hide it, it was clear Sandy was taking Dexter's death harder than Tom. He was at least relaxed and appeared to be enjoying himself, while Sandy's smile never quite met her eyes.

The biggest frustration of the entire night had been Bella's constant squirming while we were talking with Jasper and Alice. I wasn't trying to be overt with what little relationship we had outside the privacy of either of our homes, and I didn't want people to think poorly of her, but I was proud of the beautiful woman I'd accompanied to the party and wanted to show her my support. The moment she stepped out of my reach, I gave up and other than dancing, didn't try to touch her again.

Bella had excused herself to give Tom and Sandy their gift, and I smiled to myself as I watched her dancing with Tom, laughing and looking for all the world like she was having a great time. I lost track of her when Jasper grabbed my attention to ask if I'd be comfortable helping he and Alice move when the time came.

"Of course," I said. "I'd love to help."

He was telling me about the house they'd found and how Alice was planning to decorate it when Bella ran past me. I reached for her, but she shoved my hands away and ran through the main dining room. My eyes scanned the room and found Emmett quickly. Thankfully he'd already seen her and wasn't far behind her.

She was leaning against my car when I got outside. I felt helpless, standing off to the side, watching her cry again. Her eyes, which were sadder than I'd seen them since the funeral, locked on mine. I heard her mutter something about Sandy before she laid her head down again. Her shoulder shook with sobs, and Emmett just shrugged when he looked at me.

My stomach dropped. I was anticipating a bad day around the anniversary of Dexter's death, maybe even Bella's birthday which was just about two weeks away, and my hope was that she would realize I was there to help her through the bad days and lean on me. I hadn't expected the anniversary party to be so emotional for her and I wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but she seemed somewhat content with Emmett whispering quietly into her hair and holding her. I hated knowing there wasn't more I could do, even though I desperately wanted to help her. I tugged at my hair and paced while Bella continued to sob into Emmett's chest.

Emmett waved me toward the car, motioning for me to unlock it. I reached for my keys and realized they weren't in my coat pocket. "Shit, Em. They must be inside. I'll be right back."

I rushed inside, tossing apologies left and right when I knocked in to people. I grabbed the keys and was on my way back to the car when Sandy stopped me.

"Edward, it was so nice to meet you."

"You too, Mrs. Robinson. Happy anniversary. I hate to cut this short, but I'm in a bit of a hurry."

"What exactly are you in a hurry to do, Edward - take advantage of an unstable girl or replace my son?"

My jaw dropped and I felt my eyes widen in surprise. "Bella's upset. I gave her a ride and I need to get her home."

Bella was leaning against my car with Emmett crouched in front of her, holding her hands. I didn't want to interrupt them, so I stood back while they talked quietly. Emmett finally saw me out of the corner of his eye and motioned to Bella.

"Can we go home?" she asked dejectedly.

"Sure." I held my arms out to her, enveloping her in a hug when she stepped forward. Her arms slipped around my waist underneath my jacket and her hands clutched at fist fulls of the vest. We'd hugged before; this was different, she was clinging to me and soaking my shirt with her tears.

"Shhh. Shhh, sweetheart. It's going to be okay." I walked her backwards to the car and helped her in, sliding my hands down her arms and gently prying her fingers away from the fabric she was clinging to.

After I closed the door, I turned to Emmett. "What happened?"

"She was crying too hard for me to get much out of her, but it sounds like Sandy said something pretty awful to her."

"Fuck," I hissed.

"I don't know what happened. Just make sure you keep the Jack away from her when you get her home."

I nodded. "I can do that. Thanks, Em."

"Catch you later. Hey," he said, "take care of her, okay?"

"I will."

I removed my jacket and climbed into the driver's seat. Bella was leaning against the window, staring straight ahead with tears running down her cheeks. "We're going home, baby."

"Don't call me that," she snapped, turning her head quickly to glare at me. Where the sadness had echoed in her eyes only a few minutes before, there was an angry fire burning. "I'm not your fucking baby."

I turned back to the road with a mumbled an apology.

I'd been driving for a little over half an hour when I finally gathered enough courage to talk to Bella. "What happened tonight?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay then." I reached over and started messing with the radio, determined to have some kind of noise in the car, because the silence was overwhelming.

Neither of us spoke again until we reached the apartment building, and it was just a "Your place or mine?" from Bella. She followed me up the stairs to my apartment and took the clothes I gave her silently before shutting herself in my bathroom.

I could hear her sobs over the running shower, but she didn't answer when I called out to her through the door. I left Emmett a voice mail telling him Bella was at my place just in case he wanted to check up on her, grabbed a blanket from my bedroom and lay down on the couch.

Bella came out of the bathroom almost an hour after she'd gone in. I told her my bed was hers to sleep in, and turned over, effectively ending the evening. If she didn't want to talk, I wasn't going to push her to do it.

I stared at the same spot on the wall the entire night. I heard Bella get up and leave, but even when she thanked me for letting her crash and said she'd see me later, I didn't say anything. Eventually, I dragged myself off of the couch and took a long, hot shower. There were things I needed to do for work and I know I should probably unpack some of my stuff, but I just didn't feel like doing any of it.

I flopped back down on the couch and watched a bad movie on TV. My phone rang several times, but I ignored the calls. I didn't have any desire to talk to my mom, Jacob or Emmett. I wanted to talk to Bella; she didn't call me, so I didn't bother trying to contact her.

I knew moving to Forks wasn't a bad thing because it had helped me salvage a friendship with Rosalie, though after the stunt she pulled with Dexter's cousin, I wasn't sure how true our friendship actually was. When we'd broken up, I'd been over the moon because I thought it meant I could pursue Bella. I realized I had to be patient with her, but the mixed signals were really starting to fuck with my head.

I wasn't dumb enough to think girls never played games with guys, and I also knew the situation I was in with Bella was far more delicate than most. She'd admitted she wanted to kiss me, but nothing ever really happened between us unless there was no one around to witness it.

I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to be able to hold her hand in public, or take her on dates without her worrying who saw us and what their reaction might be. I wanted to be able to just . . . be with her, without speculation. Everyone - Emmett, Jacob, Rose, even my mom - told me I needed to be patient with Bella, but I was spent. I was tired of trying to be there for her when she clearly didn't want me.

I was so close to my breaking point, to just giving up and walking away. I'd briefly considered moving back to Chicago, and I knew my parents were all for that idea, but I always felt like Bella deserved one more shot. Part of me was terrified I'd leave and she'd finally get her head out of her ass and realize I wanted her.

The day passed quickly once I started working. I finally sat down to eat dinner around ten, cursing under my breath when there was a knock at my door.

"Emmett? What the . . . ?"

"Look, Bella's birthday's next week and I need help figuring out how to distract her. It's the first since, well you know, and I don't want her to spend the day wallowing."

I stood there listening to Emmett drone on about Bella's birthday and I knew I should care. I did care, but I was so tired of everything that for the first time, I didn't want to care.

"I don't think she wants anything to do with me," I blurted.

"What happened after you left last night?" he asked quietly.

"I asked her what was wrong; she said she didn't want to talk. We didn't talk. She slept in there," I gestured toward my bedroom, "and you're sitting on my bed. She left this morning and I spent all day working. I haven't talked to her."

"Give her time, man. Give everything time."

"I've got plenty of time. What I don't have is a whole hell of a lot of patience any more. She either wants this or she doesn't. I know I can't rush her, so please don't lecture me on that. I just wish she'd stop with the mixed signals. I think I'm just gonna sublet my place and move back to Chicago," I said, shaking my head.

"That's . . . I guess you gotta do what you gotta do, but I think you're making a huge mistake," Emmett said. "Help me do this birthday thing? She'll appreciate it if you're there."

"I might show up. I don't know, what day is it?"

"Her birthday's Sunday. I was going to do something on Friday."

"That's the day I go to Seattle for work. I was planning to stay up there for the weekend."

###

I swore loudly and slammed my fists against the steering wheel when a tractor trailer cut me off for the third time in four miles.

The trip back to Forks was not going smoothly, and suddenly there were at least three more good reasons why I should have stayed in Seattle.

Five minutes later, traffic was at a standstill and I was so fed up that I thought about getting off at the next exit and heading back to the city. I was damn close to deciding to do exactly that when my phone rang. I groaned at the caller ID.

"What Emmett?" I growled.

"I was just calling to see if you were going to make it," he said. I glanced at the clock and realized they'd be at dinner shortly.

"I'm still on the I-5, stuck in traffic. I don't know when I'm going to get there. I'm thinking I might just turn around at the next exit and go back in to the city."

"Oh. He's stuck in traffic and might stay up there," I heard him say to someone in the background. "Give me a second, Edward."

"Sure. Not like I have anything better to do right now," I muttered.

I heard him moving around and talking to a few people. After a minute, he was back. "Are you really going to stay up there? I thought you'd reconsidered that."

"I'm in my car, aren't I? Jesus, Em. I did reconsider. But this traffic is a nightmare and she hasn't even fucking talked to me since the party last week. What the hell am I supposed to think?"

"I wish you could have seen her face when I told her you might not come," he said. "She looked so sad. In fact, she had the same look on her face the day her parents told her she couldn't have a puppy."

"So now I've not only failed as a friend, but I've taken a puppy away from her too? You're fucked up, Emmett. Look . . . if this shit opens up in the next ten minutes, I'll be there. If not, I'll see you next week," I said, even though I already knew I was going back to Forks no matter what.

"Okay, yeah. You do - "

"I know, Em. Do what I gotta do. I'll call you if I get back in tonight."

I clicked off the phone and threw it across the car in frustration. Emmett had dealt a serious low blow, telling me Bella looked like a kid who'd been denied a puppy. I still wasn't decided on going out for the party, but I did want to get home to do some work around the apartment over the weekend. I thought if I didn't go to the party and parked my car in the back of the lot, no one would know when I got home and I could get some stuff done, uninterrupted.

The traffic jam finally cleared and soon I was speeding toward Forks with the music blaring. I made it back in to town five and a half hours later. It was still relatively early, and I knew Bella's birthday party would be at The Last Call by now.

I jumped in the shower to get rid of the car grime and put on sweats when I got out. I stared at the pile of boxes I still hadn't unpacked, and rifled through them, trying to decide which one to tackle first. I still wasn't set on staying in Washington, so unpacking things like photos and books seemed like a bad idea. I gave up on the boxes, deciding I'd watch a movie instead.

I got comfortable on the couch with the remote control and started flipping channels. For a Friday night, nothing good was on TV, and I'd only unpacked about half of my DVDs. I flipped through what was out; none of them seemed appealing. I sighed and watched some ridiculous reality show for a while, then grabbed the book I'd been reading off of the coffee table.

I read half a chapter before slamming it down. I was so focused on finding something besides Bella's birthday party to do that all I could think about was going to Bella's birthday party. I looked at the small boxed I'd wrapped earlier in the week and decided fuck it; I was going to go help her celebrate her birthday.

Twenty minutes later, I'd wrestled my hair into submission and dressed as casually as I thought I could get away with, and was walking toward The Last Call. I walked back and forth in front of the building several times before I finally flung the door open.

"Hey Edward, how are you?" Kate greeted me happily. "Here for the birthday girl's party?"

"I guess," I shrugged, taking the drink Kate passed me. "Thanks for this."

"No problem. They're in the back," she said, pointing to a set of doors I'd never seen before.

"Thanks. I think I'm going to hang out here for a bit," I told her, sitting down on a stool and focusing on the baseball game that was on the TV over her head. I watched for a couple of innings, and had paid my tab, planning to just go home, when Ben's girlfriend Angela emerged from the back room.

"Edward! How are you?"

"Great, Ange. Getting ready to head home, actually." I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.

"Oh, I thought you were here for Bella's party. We're back there," she gestured toward the back room, "and I'm sure Bella would love if you came to say hi."

"I just got back from Seattle, and I'm pretty tired."

"Come on, one more drink won't hurt right? I mean, you're walking distance now, so you can't say you've got to drive home."

"Nah, I'm going to go home. I'm sorry."

"Oh. Okay. Well I'll tell Bella you said happy birthday," Angela said sadly.

"Can you do me a favor and not tell her? I'm going to drop off her present tomorrow or Sunday, so I'll just tell her then."

"All right."

I was almost home free when I heard Emmett's booming voice call my name.

"Fuck, Emmett. A little louder and I think they might have heard you in Port Angeles."

"Yeah, yeah. Come on man, birthday girl's in the back. Come have a drink!" Emmett was already three sheets to the wind and I knew I'd get a good laugh out of his hangover story.

"I'm going to go home, Em. I suggest you do the same, and soon."

He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the back room, yelling "Look what the cat dragged in," when he threw open the doors.

Bella froze when her eyes met mine, then she threw herself into my arms. "Edddddwaarrrrdddd! You came!"

I don't know if I've suggested reading Girl With a Red Umbrella by spanglemaker9 and justaskalice before, but you should read it.

Also worth reading is the companion piece to GWaRU by spanglemaker9, La Résistance.

The Kübler Ross Model is nominated for two Indie Twific Awards. Thank you for that. Also nominated is one of my favorite stories (which I've recommended before), Inconceivable by AccioBourbon. Please check out all of the nominees and don't forget that voting starts February 20. www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com