A/N: Thanks to you all for the great reviews! I´m sorry if the updates take so long, but school is taking up a lot of my time at the moment :-(
Thanks to Come what may for the beta :-)
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Pack up all my cares and woes,
feeling low,
here I go
Bye, bye blackbird – Joe Cocker „Bye, bye blackbird"
Part 5:
Catherine stayed true to her promise. Sara got Christmas off and decided
to surprise Grissom with a visit. He´d been gone for two month now and it was definitely time for them to talk. In person. She needed him back soon.
Now in her twenty secondth week she could barely hide her growing belly anymore. It was good she was so small. The only one who really knew was Catherine and the guys probably had their suspicions but didn´t say anything, probably fearing to hurt her in case she just had weight-issues.
Sara laughed to herself. And they called themselves successful CSIs...But she had to admit her choice in clothes was clever and she wore coveralls and labcoats most of the time when they saw her, so she had to cut them some slack.
Of course when she arrived at the airport on Christmas morning, her flight was two hours delayed which didn´t do anything to quench her nervousness. And she was nervous. She hadn´t seen Grissom in so long, they didn´t talk regularly anymore. What if she arrived and he wasn´t there. Maybe he celebrated Christmas with one of his colleagues and his or her family.
But he would have told her that, wouldn´t he? Maybe he wouldn´t, being afraid that it would remind her that they would spent their second christmas as a couple apart.
Sara let out a long sigh. What if he didn´t want to see her? She doubted it, considering he always told her how much he missed her, but still...Maybe he just did that to keep her satisfied.
She hated the fact that all the doubts she´d buried so long ago arised once again now.
As long as Grissom had been with her she´d known he loved her. Just from the look in his eyes she´d known she was as important to him as he was to her. They´d both left their insecurities behind once they´d talked their past through. The relationship that developed was one of trust and love, not one of doubt and pain as it seemed to have become since he´d left.
Exhaustion from last night's shift and from a restless sleep the few hours afterwards made Sara fall asleep as soon as she was seated on the plane, fortunately next to an old lady, who didn´t seem to be much of a talker herself.
She woke up when the plane was landing, gasping at the beautiful white landscape that greeted her eyes. She hadn´t seen snow in a very long time, but she´d always liked it. When she´d been younger, her aunt had once taken her skiing. She hadn´t been very good at it, but still it had been fun. She even kept a photo of herself holding a snowboard as a little girl in her locker.
She looked at her watch. 2 p.m. which meant Grissom was probably still at the university. He´d told her he wanted to finish up an experiment before the holidays.
Fortunately the airport wasn´t as crowded as it had been in Vegas so she got her baggage quickly and made her way over to the rental car station.
It would take her some time to get from Boston to Williamstown. Would he still be at the campus later? She decided to just try it out. If she didn´t find him there she would just drive to his hotel which he´d told her wasn´t far from the college.
Traffic was light but Sara had to stop twice on the way due to little Grissom´ sitting on her bladder and the craving for chocolate ice cream.
She made it to the campus by four p.m., the butterflies in her stomach swirling around. In a few minutes she would probably see Grissom again. How would he react?
It occured to her that Catherine could have already told him about her taking Christmas off which would ruin the surprise, since he would know that she would come to visit him.
After parking, Sara got out of the car quickly and made her way over to the massive main building of the university. As she was just halfway across the yard in front of it, the main doors opened and she could hear laughter. Grissom´s laughter. She stopped dead in her tracks as she saw him and a blonde woman exit the building.
„And when professor Duncan did that belly-dancing thing on the table...God, he must have had a serious hang-over the next day." The blonde spoke while they made their way over the yard slowly.
„That will probably stay the highlight of that evening for me." Grissom smiled at her openly, touching her arm softly.
„Look..., what are you doing tonight?"
„My sister is coming, her plane should land in an hour or so. Would you like to come too? There´s always lots and lots of food and she wanted to bring her boyfriend who is a CSI II in L.A. so you´d definetely find a theme to talk about." The woman smiled back at him flirtatiously.
Sara´s heart sank. He hadn´t told her about any woman he had befriended here, but he seemed to be very close to her...
„I don´t know. I don´t want to invade your festivities."
„No Gil, I´m serious, you can come if you´d like...then they won´t have a reason to pick on me because as always I´m partner-less."
„They could still pick on you, I´m not your partner." Grissom stated teasingly.
„Can´t a girl pretend?" Celia asked playfully. „You have to admit, you are a catch..."
He laughed at her. „Sure, the only women who seem to think so are you and my girlfriend."
At the mention of her Sara breathed again. So she knew that he was in a relationship...
For the first time since having left the building Grissom looked up over the yard and gasped.
He hadn´t known she was coming.They hadn´t talked about what they were doing during the Christmas holidays and now she was standing there in front of him, in her long, black coat, a scarf wrapped around her throat and a hat on her head. Beautiful.
„Sara." He breathed. Forgetting he still was in company he made his way over to her quickly, envelopping her in a fierce hug.
„What are you doing here?" He whispered, totally overwhelmed.
„I missed you." Sara answered simply, leaning back slightly to look him in the eyes. „Spending Christmas alone is just no fun."
Instead of replying Grissom just took her head in his hands and kissed her softly. God, he´d missed her.
A discreet cough interrupted their reunion as Celia stepped up to them.
„So I guess you won´t be spending Christmas with us?" She asked, her voice friendly but somehow strained.
Grissom looked at her sheepishly, stepping back a bit, but sliding his hands down Sara´s arms to entwine their fingers.
„Well...no." He answered simply, smiling apologetically at Celia.
„Hey, I´m Celia, you must be Sara." The blonde held out her hand for Sara to shake and she took it, returning the greeting.
„Well, I need to get going. See you tomorrow Gil." And with that she turned and made her way over to the parking lot.
„You´re working tomorrow?" Sara asked, disappointment seeping into her voice. She´d hoped they could spent the time they had together.
„Actually no, Celia and I wanted to have dinner tomorrow." He answered, looking sheepish.
„Oh." He could see Sara wasn´t happy about his new friend. And who could blame her? He would be jealous as hell if she suddenly had a new male friend.
„I can cancell it," he told her reassuringly.
„No, that´s okay." She didn´t want to sound bitchy, but she couldn´t help it. Well, at least she could blame it on the hormones. Turning around and extricating herself from Grissom´s grip, Sara made her way back to her rental car.
„Sara...Sara look at me."
Grissom gripped her arm and turned her around slowly, taking her chin in his hand so she would look at him.
„She is just a friend and I thought it would be nicer to at least have something to do during the holidays, than sit in my hotel room, totally depressed because you weren´t there." He stroked her cheek softly, hoping she would get the message.
„I´m sorry." She finally whispered, sighing. „Blame it on the hormones and on the fact that I haven´t seen you in two months and missed you like hell."
He bent down and kissed her softly one more time before taking her hand once again.
„Come on, let´s get you back to my room and then we can talk."
Waking up Grissom felt something was a-miss.
He was alone in his bed - well in his hotel room bed which wasn´t unusual, but still, something was missing. Sitting up he tried to remember what it was that had him feeling like something wasn´t right.
Sara, the thought shot through his head almost to quickly for him to grasp it. Sara had come by. She was visiting him for Christmas.They´d fallen asleep together. But the bed next to him was empty.
The sheets were cold also, which meant she´d been gone for a while.
„Sara?" He called out, getting up to make his way over to the small living room and kitchenette that his hotel room housed.
No answer came forward and Grissom began to feel uneasy.
Sara didn´t know where to go. She had never been to Williamstown, except for the way to and from the college she knew nothing about this area, she wouldn´t have gone out on her own.
That was when he heard a strange sound coming from the bathroom.
„Sara?" He called out again, making his way to the bathroom quickly and pushing the door open.
He could hear the shower running but the only thing that he really registered was the blood. So much blood on the floor and on the walls.
And blood in the bathtube. Blood soaking Sara´s clothes, covering her body which lay lifelessy in the tube, her eyes wide open, her throat slit.
„No." He whispered, sinking to his knees, his pants being soaked in blood immediatly. „No, no, no,no ,no..."
Grissom woke up coated in sweat, arms wound tightly around Sara who was still sleeping peacefully.
It was just another nightmare. He hadn´t had one since coming here. He thought he was over it.
Taking deep, calming breathes Grissom tried to slow down his violently thrumming heart.
Sara was next to him, she was alive. That was all that mattered.
He slowly loosened his hold on her, but still kept her in his arms, needing the reassurance that she was okay. That they were okay.
He looked down at the blanket where it was covering her growing belly. He had been surprised that she was already showing and still able to hide it from the team.
Their secret would soon be out and he didn´t know how to feel about it. It was still not really real to him that they were going to have a baby.
But the evidence of the life growing inside her was right under his hand and obviously wanted for him to know that it was real.
„It´s kicking the whole time since I got here." Sara had told him when he´d first laid his hands over her belly that evening in bed.
„You really don´t want to know the gender?" Grissom had asked. It felt weird to refer to the baby as it´.
„No, I want it to be surprise." She´d told him, her voice determind so that he didn´t even think about arguing with her on the point.
If he had been there for the ultrasound or any of her appointments at her OB/GYN he was sure they would have already talked about the topic and decided together if they wanted to know. As it was she´d decided on her own and he had to live with the decision. Not that this particular one bothered him that much, but it once again showed him that he should be there. Just like the movement of the baby. She´d felt it for weeks and although she´d immediatly called him to tell him about that new stage in her pregnancy he felt like he was missing out. He felt it moving now, under his hand, but it was not the first movement and that saddened him.
And what was more: he didn´t even know when he´d be back in her – their – life full-time. He knew he was not ready to go back to Vegas and his old job yet. The nightmare had just once again shown that much. And even if he returned to Vegas soon he was not sure if he would return to CSI at all.
His burnout had shown him that being a CSI was not the right job for him anymore. Sure, he still liked the puzzle most crime scenes represented and he loved the thrill of solving a case... but at what cost?
He risked his life in his line of work, he had to watch helplessy while a serial killer murdered one person after the other and tormented the CSIs with models of his crime scenes, knowing he was smarter than the investigators. And he had to see the dark side of life everday making him question if it was right to bring a child of his own into this world.
Death had been too big of a part of his life for too long already. He needed to be alongside the living now.
Lecturing made him happy again. The weight if having to bring justice to the victims and their families was lifted of his shoulders. Now his only responsibility was to teach young people how to solve a crime, not solve it himself. It was relaxing, it was easier but it was also challenging at times at that was what made Grissom really consider the career-change.
He´d have more time for his family additionally and that could only be a good thing considering he was not the youngest anymore and having baby at fifty was probably more stressing than having a baby at thirty.
He´d have to talk to Sara about that soon.
He sighed. This was not going to be easy. So for now he was just happy watching her sleep, finally in his arms again.