The tiny Son house looked rather unassuming and peaceful from where Dende sat suspended in the sky by Gohan's arms, what with its cute little cream dome and the single plume of white smoke puffing out of the chimney, but the mere sight of it made Gohan's nerves go haywire. In fact, Gohan had gotten so wound up that Dende wondered if he even planned to go into the house at all, or if he was going to keep the two of them suspended in the air for the whole night.

"Gohan?" Dende asked, tapping the boy's shoulder and patting his cheek.

Gohan looked down. "Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking."

Thinking was certainly one word for it. "Would you care to share?" Dende straightened Gohan's collar over his sweater vest. It had folded itself under during the flight from the Lookout to Mount Paozu.

Gohan's eyes flicked from Dende to his house. "The thing is, I never actually told my family that it was you that I was going to bring over for dinner tonight."

Dende nodded, uncomprehending.

"See, I tried to, but my mom just plain would not shut up about the whole ordeal long enough for me to get a word in edgewise- and I'm including the instances where she asked me questions about you and I tried to answer her. She just talked over me the whole time. I don't even think she really even knew I was there after a while."

Dende set the bottle of wine he had brought for Chi Chi down into his lap and smoothed out Gohan's hair. "I see."

"What I'm trying to get at, Dende, is that my mom might actually take a page from my imagination and go Super Saiyan on us here. I have no idea how she'll react to all of this."

"Well," Dende said, hopping out of Gohan's arms and transforming his own clothing into a clean burgundy ao dai and purple scarf that Mister Popo had shown him a picture of beforehand, "Let us go and find out." The Guardian adjusted his grip on his hostess gift and led Gohan to the ground by the hand.

"Should we ask Piccolo if he would like to follow us inside?" Gohan asked.

Dende paused. Both Guardian and boy knew that Piccolo had been following them since they had left the Lookout, but neither of them had bothered to actively let their third wheel know they were onto him.

Dende also knew that if Piccolo were not so intent on picking up every word they said and every thought the Guardian might have, their mentor would never have been caught. Alas, his curiosity was getting the better of him.

Dende was getting used to Piccolo's constant, quiet chaperoning, anyway.

"Has your mother extended an invitation for dinner to Piccolo as well?" Dende asked.

"No," Gohan said.

"Would she enjoy having Piccolo at the table tonight?"

"That… would be a negative," Gohan admitted. "So no. Not at all."

Dende nodded. "Well, then, unfortunately, he must occupy himself in the wilderness tonight, I believe," Dende lamented, and continued his descent.

"I'm sorry, Piccolo!" Gohan called. "Do you want me to bring you any leftovers? You know, if we have any?"

Dende turned to face the cover of trees Gohan was addressing and gave it a knowing smile and friendly, telepathic reminder that stalking was frowned upon in most circles, even if those being followed did not mind it.

And the Guardian told Piccolo that if he did not answer Gohan's question, Dende would assign him twice as many pages a day in his newest literacy workbook.

"...No, I do not want your food!" Piccolo's resigned frustration roared with the wind as it passed through the tree branches.

Dende smiled at Gohan. "I believe we should go to your family now," the Guardian said, and softly landed in front of the Son's front door.

Goten blasted out of it before either Dende or Gohan could even catch their breath. "Hi, Gohan! Hi, Dende! Ooh! Dende- mom says Gohan's bringing over somebody who's gonna be my new sister to dinner tonight. I thought that was gonna be Videl, but Gohan said it wasn't. Didja come to meet her, too? Huh? Huh?" The little boy wrapped himself around his big brother's waist and then floated in circles around both he and Dende. "So, so? Where is she? Where's the person you're gonna marry?"

"Marry?" Dende asked, cheerfully incredulous from Goten's enthusiasm.

"I never said we were getting married!" Gohan defended. "All I said was that I was bringing someone over for dinner, and if that was okay with-"

Chi Chi herself stepped out of the doorway, in full makeup and pearls. Her apron was pristine, flowing, and white, and her manicured fingernails inexplicably reminded Dende of Piccolo's fangs. Her smile, however, smacked of Mister Popo's influence.

"-mom," Gohan finished lamely. "Hi. Hi, mom. Hi."

Chi Chi hugged her oldest son. "Oh, hi, sweetheart! I's afraid y'all might be late for dinner!" She then immediately thrust Gohan to the side and peered behind him. "Now, where's yer special friend?" She craned her head to the left and right with a gleam in her eye.

"Hello, miss Son," Dende took the initiative and held out his hand for her to shake.

"Oh, hi, Dende." Chi Chi waved him off and continued searching. "Gohan, don'tcha tease me like this. Where's your girlfriend?"

Gohan raised his eyebrows and looked at Dende. "Girlfriend's not exactly the word," he said.

"Not the word?" Chi Chi paused. "Not the word?! Young man, ya had better not've brought home a one-night stand that you done got knocked up!" The woman was set afire- at least, her sudden explosion of ki made it seem so. "I raised ya ta be a gentleman, not a dern playboy!" She screeched, and cuffed him on the ear.

Goten hid behind Dende.

"Ow!" Gohan cried, more in surprise than real pain, and turned the color of Dende's ao dai. "No, mom, it's nothing like that! Nobody's pregnant!"

"So ya brought home a gal ya slept with, and I ain't even gettin' no grandbaby outta her yet?!" Chi Chi roiled.

Dende thrust the wine at Gohan's mother before she could claw her son's eyeballs out with her beautifully lacquered fingernails. "Thank you so much for having me over for dinner tonight!" The Guardian tried. "I brought this to you to show my appreciation. I hope you enjoy it!"

Chi Chi looked at the wine, and then at Dende.

It took her a few more double-takes before the situation registered in her brain.

"...Y'all ain't serious," Chi Chi said. She could not even function well enough to take the wine Dende still offered her.

Son Goku popped out of the house next with a mouthful of food. "Hey! I was wonderin' where ev'rybody went so I started t'eat before it got cold." He happily looked from the faces of his children to his wife, and then to Dende. "Oh! A guest!"

"Th-this is our baby boy's new girlfriend," Chi Chi stuttered.

Goku peered critically at the Guardian, and then beamed. "Man! I was almost tricked! She looks just like Dende!" He ruffled Goten's hair. "How'dja meet her, Goten?"

"Uh," the little boy said, "I think when Trunks and I woke up on the Lookout, but it's hard to 'member a lotta what else happened that day, so maybe-"

"This is our other baby boy's new girlfriend," Chi Chi clarified through gritted teeth.

Goku blinked. "Oh. Oh! The one you said Gohan's gonna marry." Earth's greatest warrior nodded at his son. "Yanno, marriage ain't a food," he said. "So make sure it's whatcha want before ya say thatcha want it."

"We're not even engaged yet, dad," Gohan argued, and put his hand protectively on Dende's shoulder.

"Yet?" Chi Chi's eyes gleamed the way Piccolo's did when he shot lasers from them.

Dende noticed that Gohan's hair ruffled like a bird's feathers when he was upset. "...Th-The point is, this isn't someone who looks like Dende, this is Dende!"

Goku patted his son on the back and laughed. "Aw, Gohan, if that's true, then you don't got a girlfriend!"

Dende smiled and tapped his fingers on the sides of the wine bottle. "With your permission, I would very much like to continue to be your son's lover," he said.

"Dende!" Gohan shouted.

"Ooh! Already!" Goku grinned. "I didn't know you'd move so fast, son!"

"Dad!"

Goten gazed up at his brother. "Gohan, does this mean mom was right when she was sayin' you were "livin' in sin"?"

Gohan was turning so deep in color that Dende wondered if Gohan might explode. "Goten!"

"A lil' green bean alien wants ta be my baby's boyfriend," Chi Chi's whisper cut through the brouhaha, her hair slowly springing out of its perfect bun. "I thought we'd done seen 'nuff aliens bustin' into our lives."

Goku grinned. "Naw, 'Chi, Dende can't be a boyfriend, neither. He's a Piccolo!"

Dende's ears perked up. That may have been the single most perceptive thing he had ever heard Son Goku say, even if it was by total accident.

"Goku, that don't make no sense," Chi Chi wept. "Ain't none of this makes no sense!"

"I'll show ya! There's a way ta tell, so don't cry!" Goku took his wife's hand. "Bulma said I wasn't s'posed to do this, but you won't mind, will ya, Dende?"

Dende could not sense any malicious intent emanating from Goku, so surely whatever he was about to do could not possibly be-

Goku used his wife's hand to pat the space beneath where Dende's legs met. Twice.

Chi Chi and Gohan shrieked. Goten curiously tried to mimic his father's gesture towards Dende with his own hand.

Gohan restrained his little brother. "No! Goten, don't! Don't ever follow dad's example without thinking about it first!" He furrowed his eyebrows. "Um, I mean, sometimes, uh, even the most wonderful people don't know what the right thing to do is in every situation."

Meanwhile, Goku was teaching his wife something entirely different. "Ya see, 'Chi? Dende's not Gohan's boyfriend or girlfriend!" He smiled to himself and wrapped an arm around Chi Chi. "Dende's Gohan's somethin' else-friend!" He noticed the bottle in the Guardian's still-outstretched hands and took it. "Ooh! Look! We can have this with dinner!" He patted his distraught wife on the shoulder and led them all inside. "I'm starving!"

Dende was absolutely mystified by the whole ordeal.

Once everyone was inside, Gohan put his hand on the center of Dende's back and gently steered him to his seat at the table. Then, as he pulled out Dende's chair, he looked the Guardian in the eye. "Listen, if my family gets too rowdy, we can leave," he whispered. "You don't have to put up with our nonsense."

Dende thought about it, and then grinned as he sat down. "This is the third time I have ever seen your father," he admitted. "The first time was when Moori gave me away to be presented to you." He chuckled at how quickly his life had changed that day. "Son Goku is such a carefree person."

Gohan smiled in the direction of his parents as they stood in the kitchen, with Goku snatching scraps off of plates and shoving them into his mouth while Chi Chi whacked his hands away with whatever kitchen utensils she had on hand. The frying pan seemed a favorite. "He has that same effect on others, too," Gohan said. "But now that I'm older, sometimes, I'm starting to realize that he can be too much. So, um, it's okay if," the boy blinked. "Wait, what do you mean "Moori gave you away to present to me"?"

Dende would have answered, but Goten interrupted by shoving himself into the Guardian's lap. "Hey, hey, whatcha whispering about? Can I whisper, too? I wanna whisper with you."

Gohan frowned at his little brother. "Goten, we were in the middle of discussing something very important."

Goten floated above his brother's head and leered. Dende felt sure the child had learned the expression from Vegeta and his son. "Nuh-uh. I'll bet that you were gonna try n' kiss," the child said.

"We were not!" Gohan exclaimed.

"Yeah you were!"

"No, we weren't!"

"But if I tell mom you were, she'll believe me."

Gohan's face puffed out. "That would be lying, Goten. Lying isn't nice."

"But Trunks does it all the time!" The little boy countered.

"Just because Trunks does something doesn't mean you should, too! And get down- no flying in the house!"

"I'll still tell," Goten retorted, lowering his altitude but still hanging in the air.

Dende was the Guardian; it was within his realm to resolve conflicts when necessary. Goten wanted to tell Chi Chi that his older brother and Dende had been kissing, and Gohan did not want his little brother to lie to their mother. This was a simple enough problem to fix.

Gohan was too busy bickering with his little brother to notice Dende floating out of his chair. "Goten, that isn't something you should do and you kn-"

Dende put his arms around Gohan and kissed him on the mouth.

Problem solved. Goten could say what he pleased without fear of lying.

And the little boy did. "Mom!" He cried, scooting through the air to get to the kitchen. "Mom! I saw Dende and Gohan kissing!"

"That's great, Goten!" Goku told his son. "It's great 'cuz I guess it means they like each other!"

Chi Chi muttered something too thickly coated in colloquialisms for Dende to understand.

The Guardian looked back to the boy in his arms. Gohan's complexion was a mess.

"Have I upset you somehow?" Dende asked. He smoothed out Gohan's hair and put his hands on the boy's shoulders to gently push himself away.

Gohan put Dende back into his seat. "...I'll get you some water," is all he said, and marched to the kitchen.

Son Goku's happy voice reverberated in Dende's ears. "Why're ya all red, son?"

Dende laughed to himself and scanned the room. It had been years since he had been in here. New pictures adorned the walls alongside the old ones, and the nearby living room had a different fabric covering the couch than Dende remembered. This was Gohan's house, but it was not nearly as familiar to Dende as the boy himself was.

In here was a whole different world than the Lookout. The Earth itself was a different world than the Lookout, too, and Dende had seen so little of it with his own eyes.

He regretted that.

Gohan came back into the kitchen with a stack of dishes and a glass of water. He put the glass down in front of Dende and set the table with the rest of his load.

Dende suddenly felt exceptionally rude. "Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked, rising out of his seat.

Gohan shook his head. "I'd rather you stay where I can keep you away from my parents while I'm not around to watch you," he admitted. "But, um, hey, earlier, you said something about you being presented to me. What did you mean?"

"Oh, yes." Dende smiled. "The day your father appeared on New Namek in search of a new Guardian. Moori chose me as a Guardian candidate because he viewed the arrangement as a way to guarantee that I could see you again. His thinking was that we would never have to be apart, and that my coming here would cement the ties of goodwill between the Earth and the people of Namek." He nodded. " And your father promised that you all would take good care of me, too," Dende added.

Gohan abandoned setting the table and instead stared at the Guardian, eyes wide.

"What is it?" Dende asked.

Gohan leaned forward. "Did, um, my father take anything else when he came? Something of value? Did Moori, say, give… a gift to my father? Food, even? Or gemstones?"

Dende shook his head. "No, I do not think- ah, yes, there was one thing," Dende corrected himself. "The Dragon Balls. Moori did not give them to your father, per se, for it was I myself who made them new again, but obtaining them for the Earth was the entire purpose behind retrieving a Namek to be the Guardian."

Gohan's face was difficult to read, and his mood even more so. It included what Dende could recognize as surprise and joy, but was mostly shock. Then, after a moment, it held a tiny sliver of something like bitterness.

"Gohan, you have many feelings and I am not sure what to make of them," Dende said, reaching out to hold Gohan's hand. "Is something the matter?"

Gohan shook his head. "No, no. I don't think so. But later, you and I need to have a talk about this." He looked up to smile warily at his father, who was carrying a whole cooked pig in from the kitchen, and released Dende's hand after giving it a small squeeze.

It was bizarre for Dende to be able to look straight into the face of the pig's roasted corpse and know that both he and the kindest person he knew was about to eat it, but the Guardian supposed that the universe was twisted that way. He had come from a people who brought death upon nothing and fell in love with a people who brought death upon everything.

It had been his choice.

Goten came into the room next with a wooden container of rice almost as big as he was. Chi Chi followed with heaping platters lined up on both of her arms, and tossed them all on the table in one heated, practiced motion. Then, she took her seat. Goku and Goten followed suit, followed by Gohan.

Dende watched his favorite Son and waited for cues on what to do.

"Thank you for the food!" The boys and Dende all said, and the oldest and youngest Sons at the table grabbed whatever they could reach and threw it on their plate before they began shoveling it down.

Gohan, however, did not, even though Dende knew that he wanted to. The boy calmly took the Guardian's bowl and passed it to Chi Chi.

She wordlessly stuffed it full of rice and handed it back. Gohan gave her his bowl next.

"So, mom," Gohan said, adding small portions of other foods to Dende's plate next, "How, um, how was your day today?"

Chi Chi pouted. "Average. Very normal." She gestured to her youngest son. "Full a' children. The way a day oughta be."

Gohan winced.

"Your home is very lovely," Dende tried. "It is very cozy and inviting, and the food smells wonderful."

Chi Chi huffed. "Oh, really? Cozy, huh? Compared ta th' ivory tower y'all sit on as y'all contemplate th' folly of humanity, I'm real sure."

"Mom," Gohan pleaded. "Dad's different, too, and you still decided-"

Chi Chi slammed her hands on the table, which made Goku and Goten stare at her before they resumed eating. "I ain't mad that ya picked Dende just 'cause he's one a' them green, demonic aliens, Gohan! I'm upset 'cause," her lip quivered, "cause," she started to sniffle and tear up, "'cause," she choked on her own breathing, "'cause if ya pick 'im, I ain't gonna get no grandbabies!" she wailed.

"Aw, mom," Gohan said.

"I don't care if'n they're green and look jes' like the backside of that demon Piccolo hisself! I jes' want ba-ha-ha-bies!" She buried her face and her tears in her hands.

Dende had picked up his chopsticks and held them the way Gohan had instructed him to do, but Chi Chi's admonition sent them clattering to the plate in disbelief. '...Excuse me, but is that your biggest concern?"

"Ye-he-he-hes!" She wailed.

Goku and Goten stopped eating to pat the crying Chi Chi on the back.

"Aw, 'Chi, maybe they'll find another space pod in th' woods 'round here with a baby in it that they can call their own. That's how Grandpa Gohan got me!"

"But what if th' last a' that baby's evil, dead race comes ta Earth and tries ta kill us all, too?!" Chi Chi fanned herself. "An' then what if it has ta go off ta god-knows-where n' almost die by th' hands of another intergl'actic overlord?! Like, I dunno, Lord Frigidaire!" She tried to get her breathing under control but instead ended up gasping between every word. I- jes'- dun- no- if'n- I- kin- take- th'- dra- ma- of- that- happe-nin'- again!" Chi Chi sank down and buried her face into the table.

"Mom," Gohan reached for her.

Dende gently held his love back with a touch to the arm. "Ah, but Mrs. Son, you need not worry about all of that. I am capable of producing offspring."

All eyes turned to Dende, including Chi Chi's, whose head snapped up from the table at a ninety degree angle. Her face was miraculously dry.

Dende smiled back at them all, a little unsettled. "Why, have you all forgotten? Nameks reproduce by independently creating eggs. Gohan and I need not be genetically compatible for me to produce offspring."

"Oh, yeah! All we gotta do is bust a hole in his chest like I did with King Piccolo!" Goku threw some more food into his mouth, assured that the crisis was over.

Dende felt his eyes bug out of his head despite his best efforts to take everything in stride. "No, no, that is not necessary, Mr. Son," Dende said.

Goku furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh. Okay. But who in th' heck is "Mr. Son"? That could be me or Goten or Gohan. Or you, I guess, if ya marry my boy."

Dende felt Gohan shift, annoyed, next to him, but the boy swallowed whatever he was about to say. He seemed uncharacteristically bothered about the topic of marriage when his father mentioned it. Dende reached out and held Gohan's hand from under the table.

"I apologize. What would you like me to call you?" Dende asked Goku.

"'M Goku same as I always is," he said from the middle of a mouthful of food. "So call me Goku."

Goten rammed his palms into the top of the table and spilled a little of his dinner plate on the as he blurted out his excitement. "Oh! Oh! Can I be "King Goten, Coolest and Bestest Beetle Lord in th' Universe?" He shook his head. "No, no, or whaddabout just King-Lord Bug Slug the Excellent?"

Goku cocked his head. "That's really hard to remember. How 'bout just Lord Slug?"

Chi Chi was unconcerned with the foolishness of her husband and youngest. She kept her eyes glued on Dende, unblinking, the same way she had since the moment she had lifted her head back up from the table. "Have me a baby," she said. "Right now. Prove it ta me."

"Ex-Excuse me?" Dende said.

Chi Chi gestured to the table. "Lay me a young 'un. Right here."

"Whoa, mom, easy there," Gohan came to Dende's defense. "You're getting a little ahead of yourself."

"Don't sass me," Chi Chi hissed at Gohan. "I raised ya better 'n ta talk back to yer mama." She pointed at Dende and narrowed her eyes. "Lay me an egg."

Dende felt the distinct urge to curl up into Gohan's lap and hide there.

"Mom, you're scaring him. Please stop."

"An' he scared me! He waited 'til now ta let me know he could give me grandbabies!"

"B-but Mrs. Son, I would hate to ruin this wonderful dinner you have prepared," Dende babbled. He clumsily grabbed his chopsticks and tossed a piece of something into his mouth. "It really is too good to waste."

By some miracle, that worked. Chi Chi sat back into her seat, placated, and fixed her own plate. "Fine. We'll do this yer way," she said.

Dinner continued peacefully, with Chi Chi making idle conversation with the grazing Dende and her boys wolfing down everything else. The Guardian was relieved, actually- Gohan had been so uptight until then that Dende was concerned that he would not touch any of the food on the table.

Then, Goku suddenly pulled himself from his food. "I jus' remembered. Where's that one hot sauce ya use, Chi Chi? The one I burned myself with the first time I had it. It'd be good on the pig."

Chi Chi pursed her lips. "Oh, th' sriracha? I dunno. I swore I had some, but I couldn't find any in th' pantry.

Gohan and Dende shared a look.

"Oh! I know!" Goten added. "I saw a whole bunch in the cave by the waterfall when I was playing with the bats th' other day."

"Too bad it's not here, huh?" Gohan said brightly. "Guess we just can't have any."

Goku put two fingers to his pensive head, and suddenly disappeared.

"I hate it when he does that," Chi Chi grumbled.

Goku reappeared a moment later with a bottle full of a familiar red sauce, and squirted some on his food.

Dende grabbed Gohan's hand again and started to sweat.

"Y'ever had this, Dende?" Goku asked, holding the bottle out to him. "It's good. But use just a little!"

"No thank you, never again, please!" Dende felt the need to down his water in one gulp just from the sight of the stuff alone. "The food is delicious as it is, Mrs. Son!" He focused on getting more rice into his mouth in particular. "I especially love rice. It is wonderful and makes everything better. I would like to have it forever." He laughed awkwardly and racked his brain for more words to fill the silence with. "Rice is very special."

"Are ya talking about dinner or my son?" Chi Chi asked.

"Um, whichever!" Dende said. "Both are very fulfilling to have for a meal, I suppose!"

Gohan put his face in his hands.

"I mean," Dende grasped at the straws of his calm. "Can we, um, is it possible to keep the sriracha on the other side of the table?"

Goten stuck out his tongue. "Yuck! No thanks. I don't like that spicy stuff. Don't put it over here!"

Goku considered the bottle. "Well, I want it by me anyway so's I can get more if I want it," he said, "And I can't put it by Goten, and you don't want it, so…"

Just then, the door burst open and Piccolo enveloped the open space with his looming frame and white cape. He skulked to the table and snatched the bottle of sriracha away.

"I cannot meditate while listening to your idiocy!" Piccolo roared, and left the way he came.

Goku picked up his plate and followed the sriracha. "Wait! Pic! I'munna need that inna minute!"

Dende sent waves of his love and gratitude after his sourpuss mentor.

Piccolo sent back a message for him to shut the hell up.

Chi Chi sighed and went back to the kitchen. "'A course he'd show up ta bum a meal offa me," she grumbled, and returned with another place setting. "Gohan, bring me the other livin' room chair 'fore they come back."

Dende helped the Sons rearrange their table to make another place. "Gohan told me that you had not invited Piccolo," he mused.

Chi Chi shook her head. "I didn't. But Gohan says he's fam'ly, and if my son says he is, then he is." She shrugged. "And I don't turn that out even when it happens ta be a giant green ne'er-do-well layabout." She looked at Dende. "Don't eat whatcha don't like, Dende. I won't throw you out, neither."

Dende was not sure what to say. "Thank you, Mrs. Son."

She waved away the formality. "Naw. I'm jes' Chi Chi."