Harry glared.
"Its rude to stare you know."
Professor Flitwick didn't say anything as he continued to follow, as he was on his way to Herbology, keeping a close eye on him all the time.
"I'm fine. I really am. You don't need to follow me like this."
The teacher simply sighed and continued on, remembering the strict instructions to act like a fly on the wall and not interact to Mr. Potter as he could easily manipulate them. Apparently he had become quite the mastermind of shaking off his baby sitters in the past few weeks. No one could figure out where he was walking off to. And Dumbledore said it was imperative that everyone kept tabs on him, but so far the professors were only able to follow the surprisingly cunning boy about half the time.
Really they were shocked he wasn't dead again, as they were all almost 100% sure that he was still suicidal.
Dumbledore had also said it was important that Potter attended class, but so far he had been able to avoid most of them, and was under strict self-imposed morals of I quit and I don't care. He had been found in the library numerous times, but suspiciously without books, and whenever books were found they were all about Quidditch. Even though it was well known that he had quit the team. Everyone was suspicious and worried. Plus a little confused. Snape had been very secretive about the therapy sessions but had said that tailing Potter was still important, meaning he was still a danger to himself. The only questions were why he hadn't attempted again, what he was researching and how the hell hadhe kept escaping the teachers clutches?
He kept his eyes peeled. So far Potter hadn't been able to get rid of him, and he was determined that it stayed that way. Now... Wait... This wasn't the right place for Herbology. Why were they here? Don't look around. Don't look around. Keep your eyes on him and-
Potter started to race down the hall that Flitwick hadn't seen until now.
Stupefy.
He dodged the spell and continued running, an impressive feat considering Flitwick was a duelling champion. He quickly conjured a wall in front of Potter, a difficult spell but very useful. To his huge surprise Potter pulled out his own wand and fired a reducto. Something that wasn't taught until fifth year. Then he jumped through the hole in the wall and escaped.
Dammit.
That kid was crafty.
And where on earth had he learnt that spell? What was he really researching in the library?
Harry felt the rush of adrenalin run through his veins and had a hard time stopping himself from grinning from all the excess hormones. Escaping. Running. It always seemed to bring his heart beat up. Exercise made him feel better. Slightly. He was still terribly depressed and wished every day that he could die, but running seemed to make him feel better.
So he had started running.
A lot.
He ran away from teachers. He ran away from expectations. He ran away from classes. He ran away from hexes, shouts and orders. Harry felt quite free because he had embraced his new attitude. Because he didn't really care about anything, including his own life, consequences meant nothing. Meaning he could basically do whatever he wanted.
Kinda.
Harry still had his conscience. But that also seemed on the rocks, and didn't really mind what he did as long as it didn't get anyone else hurt or killed. He liked Neville. He was a good friend. And Harry liked spending time with him, and was glad that he had someone to rely on like that. Someone he had never really had. Someone who denounced Griffindor with him. And Neville understood him; his parents had basically died in the last war too, as he had confided in Harry. So possibly Harry would later spare a moment for him before he killed himself, possibly regret it slightly, but he still needed to die.
He was too broken. He still had nightmares. He was still trapped in Hogwarts. He still had flashbacks. He still felt the monster of depression. He was still the scorn of the school, being harassed and cursed at every turn. He still remembered his past. And a crazy murderer was after him. There were still dementors at every corner, making his feelings of despair even worse.
Harry still wanted to die.
Desperately.
But at the same time life was so much easier once he gave up on caring. Once he said that he quit. Once he didn't care what people thought any more, or what they did, or what detentions they would think he would serve. Harry still kept a few things close to his heart. Like his secrets. He still had his secrets and no one could steal them from him. But apart from that his life was pretty easy to live. There was no more stress and sadness and anxiety and fits of depression (apart from the long fit of depression he was stuck in and quit trying to get out of). He no longer cared whether he lived or died so he no longer cared that Sirius Black was out for his blood.
And he didn't care about the school any more. They could think what they wanted to. It didn't bother him. It was no longer his job to save the school from the new peril, he didn't have to do anything about this Black fellow. So what. They killed his parents. Worse things had happened. Who the fuck cared? Harry didn't even care about Voldemort any more. Let him do what he wanted. He was for living people to deal with. And Harry felt dead.
Sure. He was relieved that he didn't have to return to the Dursleys. Because honestly that would have been a terrible way to spend his remaining time alive. But at the same time he didn't care because he had endured worse before, and he was over letting other people get him down. Harry was a little curious to see if his boggart was even the same. Maybe it was just nothing. Maybe he didn't fear anything any more because the Dursleys were dead, and Harry was dead too.
He was now living for himself. And Neville possibly. And maybe Malfoy.
It had seemed that having someone be in love with you rubbed off a bit. Malfoy was incredibly protective, and like Harry it seemed. Whilst Harry's goal in life was to die, Malfoy's goal in life was for Harry to live. Maybe he shouldn't have been spending so much time with the Slytherin who he was supposed to hate (who even cared about that any more) because Malfoy had about the opposite goal to Harry. When the time came, and the blood moon passed, would he stop Harry from killing himself? That was different. Because that was the one thing that Harry did care about?
Would he dare?
Oh well. Although Harry's conscience was vehement in keeping everyone else alive. Or at least not directly murdering people, he was sure that if Malfoy tried something like that he could probably make an exception. But that was the future and now was the present. Currently he enjoyed his presence, sorta. He did make Harry feel happy and loved. Probably by always saying that he loved Harry and would do anything for him. But at the same time Harry didn't like the lust in Malfoy's eyes. Of course when he told Malfoy this he noticed his eyes were suddenly returned to the 'I'm a puppy dog I luv you so much and mean you no harm' eyes. Instead of 'I'm not a puppy and I love you in a more serious way and you look delicious' eyes.
Malfoy also made peace with Neville.
And now all three of them would hang out by the lake, after class because Neville and Malfoy had reasons to live, and play Wizarding Chess and talk about their lives. Neville's gran had been very proud of him that he had enacted a treaty with the Malfoy family, sure to be profitable, and had even suggested a possible betrothal between bother heirs. When this happened Malfoy hissed, said 'no' immediately, and assured Harry that he would never do that to him. Of course Harry didn't care that much but was surprised by the tint of jealousy he felt, and even indulged Malfoy by letting the blonde run fingers through his hair. And, the only reason he allowed himself to do this was by reassuring himself that this wasn't a sexual act, simply a friendly act, and had nothing to do with feelings for Malfoy.
Harry had also begun researching... stuff. Mainly when the blood moon was, to his disappointment New Years Eve of 1994. Since it was February then he would have had to wait ten months! Uh. It was annoying to have to live that long, and Harry was determined to try all ways of suicide before then. So far he had slit his wrists, only to have the problem of the knife simply sliding off his arm without cutting it at all. And had tried to jump off the Astronomy Tower again, only to find that when he did he merely floated harmlessly to the ground.
Apparently no one could hurt him at all.
It was enough to drive someone mad.
Harry also spent a lot of time researching useful spells. Since he had to live another ten months he had an idea that in that time he would find some sort of secondary goal to work towards, something he had yet to decide on. But he was sick of not working to his full potential because of brainwashing that he mustn't do better than Dudley so he broke this habit, with the help of Neville and Malfoy, and spent his library time wisely. So far he had learnt defence up to sixth year, since he wasn't attending any other classes most of the time, and had already figured out the Patronus Charm. His was an animal he had never seen before and he still didn't know what it was. It was some sort of winged creature, weirdly shaped, and tended to land on people's heads. The worst thing was that no one even saw it, it was like it didn't exist. But it still fought off the pesky dementors. So, Harry's time not in class was well spent.
Malfoy hated, absolutely hated, that Harry didn't go to class. Not because he thought Harry should learn stuff. He thought the more freedom to Harry the better. But because then Malfoy wouldn't be there to protect him.
So he bought him a necklace.
A very pretty necklace, made of goblin gold, and enchanted to alert Malfoy to when he was in danger.
Harry wasn't totally sure how he felt about the blonde. He knew he didn't hate him any more. He only hated a few people, and the ones that were still living he could count on his hand.
Ron Weasley.
Albus Dumbledore.
Hermione Granger.
Professor Snape.
Harry didn't even care about Voldemort any more. He didn't even hate him. Mainly because he thought he was simply crazy and couldn't understand his motives. Why... Why was he trying to kill Harry? What reason was there? Revenge? For being a baby? But at the same time there was a part of him that saw Voldemort as an ally.
Because they shared a common goal.
To kill him.
The reasons for his hatred against Albus Dumbledore were obvious to even the most dim witted of people. This man had placed him with the Dursleys. Harry had also wrote Gringotts because he wanted to make a proper will, and make sure no money went to anyone really, that it just stayed in the bank forever. Harry was feeling slightly vindictive. And he had discovered that Dumbledore had been stealing his money. At first he was shocked. Then he didn't really care. Then he solidified Dumbledore on the revenge list. Then he took the money back. And then he read through the bank statements.
Most of it had gone to some nut house, or Harry believed it to be as much, called The Order of the Phoenix and their endeavours. Some had gone to Dumbledore personally. And some had been given to Mrs. Weasley, Ron Weasley, and Ginny Weasley. If Harry had cared more he probably wouldn't have started laughing when he read it. And if he had been paying more attention he probably would have seen the dangerous glint that promised bad things in Malfoy's eye as he read the statement. And a bit of his 'fortune' had been going to the Ministry.
So Harry had wrote again and a Gringotts Representative of the Highest Esteem called Rip-jaw Furnak (an interesting title) had explained everything to Harry. How he had been robbed, manipulated. How his magical guardian was not Dumbledore but in fact the murderer Sirius Black, and no one had changed this for some reason, and he was almost fully responsible for placing him with the Dursleys, and had been stealing his money.
Harry shrugged.
Then signed himself on for the role of Lord Potter. Mainly so he could be emancipated and then wouldn't have to do therapy any more or attend Hogwarts (only, he still was living there because he needed to find a good place to stay and worthy method of escape, along with bringing Neville and Malfoy with him.) So he moved all his money back and wore some fancy Potter ring, along with signing some documents and made his own will. This time completely serious, because he was going to die in ten months so everything needed to be in order. So he wrote it out:
THIS IS THE LAST WILL OF Harry James Potter.
I REVOKE all wills and testimonies that I have previously made, or have been made for me AND/OR the Potter estate on my behalf.
I APPOINT Rip-Jaw Furnak to be the executor and trustee of this will and if he predeceases me, or having survived me, refuses or is unable to act, I appoint Griphook Gornuk.
I GIVE Privet Drive Number 4 Surrey to the Ministry of Magic ON THE CONDITION that it be investigated for child abuse related crimes, AND NOT used as a place to hold child/ren in the future. IF THE FIRST CONDIION IS NOT MET WITHIN 30 DAYS, AND THE SECOND IS NOT CONTINUALLY MET FOR AS LONG AS CHILD/REN ARE BORN, I GIVE Privet Drive Number 4 Surrey to Remus Lupin ON THE CONDITION that it be burnt to the ground within 30 days. IF THIS CONDITION IS NOT MET Privet Drive Number 4 Surrey shall remain in foreclosure forever onwards.
I GIVE All Potter Estates to Neville Longbottom, to use as he sees fit, ON THE CONDITION that these estates belong to Neville Longbottom, and possibly any wives or husbands or child/ren he has CHOSEN LEGALLY WITHOUT USE OF POTIONS, IMPERIOUS, ALCHOHOL, DRUGS OR COERCION, and not to any other family or parties. IF NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM DIES BEFORE HE CAN ACCEPT THESE ESTATES, OR DOES NOT MEET THIS CONDITION, I GIVE All Potter Estates to Gringotts Bank England, for whatever purposes they see fit, ON THE CONDITION that these contents not be used, in anyway, to fund ANY WAR EFFORT, Light or Dark or ones unknown. AND ON THE CONDITION THAT THESE ESTATES NOT BE GIVEN TO ANY OTHER CREATURE, BUT BELONG TO THE GOBLINS.
I GIVE The contents of all vaults to Draco Lucius Malfoy, ON THE CONDITION that his father, or any other family he possesses, receive none of it in any shape or form, including moneys, possessions, buildings or businesses. EXCLUDING any wives or husbands or child/ren he has CHOSEN LEGALLY WITHOUT USE OF POTIONS, IMPERIOUS, ALCHOHOL, DRUGS OR COERCION. And ON THE CONDITION that these contents not be used, in anyway, to fund ANY WAR EFFORT, Light or Dark or ones unknown. IF DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY DIES BEFOR HE CAN ACCEPT THESE CONTENTS, OR DOES NOT MEET ONE OF THESE CONDITIONS, I GIVE The contents of all the vaults to Gringotts Bank England, for whatever purposes they see fit, ON THE CONDITION that these contents not be used, in anyway, to fund ANY WAR EFFORT, Light or Dark or ones unknown. AND ON THE CONDITION THAT THESE CONTENTS NOT BE GIVEN TO ANY OTHER CREATURE, BUT BELONG TO THE GOBLINS.
I GIVE My Earthly possessions to Sirius Orion Black, so he can see that murdering my parents left me WITH BASICALLY NOTHING.
I, Harry James Potter, swear that these be the conditions and movements of my will, to see magic do what it sees right. So I say it.
So mote it be.
Harry hated Ron Weasley because he was a terrible person and was currently trying to make Harry's life hell. He had never been a real friend, and was now showing his true colours of either an idiot or a sociopath. He either was so dumb that he couldn't see Harry was suicidal. Or was so evil that he saw this as an opportunity to have some personal gain. He was spreading horrible rumours around, and it turned out that he had even been stealing from him as well.
So yeah.
He was on the revenge list.
Harry hated Hermione... because she was annoying. That was basically it. Who cares if you killed his parents? They died years ago. It was time to move on. And Harry didn't care that hating someone because they were annoying was a terrible reason because no one would ever find out that he hated her for that. They would probably think it was the manipulations, betrayal, or perhaps the sabotage that she apparently put into his work. Not that she needed to since he had been too stuck in the mindset that he had to fail that he hadn't tried at all. How had he even passed?
Harry also hated Snape because he was a manipulative bastard who he wanted to burn in hell. So what. He was trying to help. Pfft. Big deal. He was trying to get Harry to share his feelings, experiences, memories, and basically try to get him to heal. It was infuriating! He just wanted to die, and now he was cursed with life, so he didn't need someone making him able to live. Because then he would have to return to Hogwarts, return to misery, return to being the saviour, probably return to Qudditch and would no longer be able to die. And Harry knew that he was slowly, ever so slowly, feeling better. But he still felt terrible. And suicidal. And he knew if he got healthy enough, and happy enough, then he wouldn't even need to die any more. Even now was a small part of him saying he would miss Neville and Malfoy, saying he didn't need to die.
Manipulative bastard.
Why was dying so goddamn hard?
It was meant to be the easy way out.