Act 1 Scene 6
Scene: later that evening, around 6pm, Kevin and Patrick stand in the living room, a pile of flattened empty boxes by the front door. Patrick is staring at his phone.
Patrick: Agustin texted. He should be here in a few minutes. He actually sprung for an uber car, which sort of blows my mind. (Patrick looks all around him distractedly, exhaling deeply). I think we did a pretty good job, right?
Kevin: I am...fucking...exhausted!
Patrick: I know. I don't think I can cook tonight. Do you mind if we get takeout? How do people even get takeout in this building? Do you have to go down and meet them in the lobby? This fucking fob system. Really? Is there THAT much crime in San Francisco that we need to live in fucking Fort Knox?
Kevin: Calm down Patrick (Kevin laughs). You go down and get Agustin, and I'll go down and get the take out. See? We take turns. Compromise.
Patrick: Shut up.
Kevin: Or maybe I should just make you do both trips since I am the big decision maker of the day.
Patrick: I still don't see how you can award yourself 10,000 points for standing on my stoop that night (Patrick grumbles). I'll never fucking catch up.
(Kevin pats Patrick on the shoulder condescendingly as he passes him by to add an empty box to the pile by the door)
Kevin: That's all right babe. I'll go easy on the romance for the next few years. Give you a chance to come up with the most awesome, most epic gesture to top it.
Patrick: You are such an ass. And also...you are NOT a gracious winner. I knew you were competitive, but Jesus, Kevin...gloat much?
Kevin: Would you like some cheese with that whine, Patrick Murray?
(Patrick drops his head in his hands, shaking his head)
Patrick: Oh god. I moved in with my mother.
Kevin: What shall we order for dinner? Does KFC deliver? I feel like having something greasy and fried. I'm so fucking hungry and tired! I am NEVER moving again.
Patrick: Kevin, say it isn't so! What about our cute little cottage with the porch where we sit together like two miserable...
Kevin. Sorry, Patrick. This is it. This is where we grow old and miserable and die.
Patrick: You mean I can't persuade my beautiful, manly, rich boyfriend to buy me a little house on the river someday? No? What's the use of dating the boss if I don't get to spend all his money? You should have seen Lyn's place on the Russian River!
Kevin: Don't remember being invited to the house. I remember having to drive home for two fucking hours while you got to go back to your cozy little palace.
Patrick: Ahhh...poor Kevin. Didn't I make it worth your while? You said I made your head explode!
Kevin: That's not all that exploded..
(the door bell rings, interrupting their banter, startling them both.)
Kevin: Who's that?
(Patrick makes a freaky scared face at Kevin as he goes to open the door. Agustin is standing there, with a package)
Patrick: Oh my god! How did you get in here? Is it just me that can't operate this building? (he hugs Agustin and ushers him in)
Agustin: No, I just met someone who was coming into the building and they let me in and up once I told them I was visiting you. Seems you two are already...famous?
Patrick: Oh God, was it Milo? He's very 'helpful'.
Agustin: He didn't tell me his name, but he did ask a lot of questions about how I knew you. A little creepy if you ask me.
Patrick: (laughing) Well, welcome! Here it is! Ignore the boxes...we got a lot done but they never seem to end.
Kevin: Hi Agustin. You want a drink?
Agustin: Kevin! Hi! Sure...I'll take a beer?
Kevin: Yep, we've got those in the fridge so good choice.
(Agustin walks around, looking curiously, then sees the Kevin Costner poster)
Agustin: Wow, Ok.
Patrick: (chuckles) Don't say anything. It's a 'thing' Ok? Just move on.
Agustin: So, this is where tech nerd superstars live. I'm impressed. Nice view. A little...industrial though, right?
Patrick: We haven't got all our stuff settled yet. We've got more books, and pictures, and...stuff...
Agustin: I'm sure it will be great.
Kevin: Why don't we go up on the roof. It's cold so keep your jacket on, but we got to keep the furniture and it's comfortable and doesn't look quite so 'unlived' in.
(Kevin carries the beers, and they head up to the roof)
Agustin: Jesus. Ok. I think I get it now. This is fucking sweet.
(Kevin and Patrick laugh)
Agustin: Here. (Agustin hands the package to Patrick). This is for you for your New Home.
Patrick: I'm so excited! I don't think you've ever given me a present before.
Agustin: Well reign it in because it's not much, and it probably won't happen again.
(Patrick rips off the brown paper wrapping. He looks at the gift and then looks up at Agustin, smiling)
Patrick: I love it. Thank you.
Kevin: Do I get to see?
Patrick: It's the three of us, as the Three Amigos. We went to see it together years ago and I loved it and they used to make fun of me because I tried to make the name stick and they wouldn't let me. Did you draw this?
Agustin: No, they sell them in the shop like that. Of course I drew it.
Patrick: It's so good. I love it.
Agustin: Yeah, well it was Dom's idea and I didn't really want to draw it but he begged me and Eddie told me I would be a dick if I didn't, so...surprise!
Patrick: I'm sorry they made you do it, but I really love it. It's totally going on the wall, right Kevin?
Kevin: Of course, babe.
Patrick: We're ordering food. You want to stay for dinner?
Agustin: No, I have to get going soon, but... could I get a cup of coffee, Paddy?
Patrick: Coffee? Since when do you drink coffee at night?
Agustin: Eddie's taking me to this event tonight and I could do with the caffeine.
Patrick: o...kay...Kevin, you want anything?
Kevin: I'm good.
Patrick: Actually, why don't you make the coffee, Kevin, or better yet, you come with me Agustin and we can 'chat' while I make it?
Kevin: It's fine, Patrick. Go and make the coffee.
(Patrick takes empty beer bottles and heads downstairs, giving Agustin a meaningful glare.)
Kevin: That was subtle.
Agustin: He's probably making the fastest coffee in history. Thank god I won't actually have to drink it.
Kevin: And the reason for this chat is, I suppose...?
Agustin: It's actually probably not what you think.
Kevin: Well, I THINK that Patrick thinks you approve, but that that's not really true, is it?
Agustin: Well, I suppose one good thing is it seems to not matter so much any more what I think, what Dom thinks...
Kevin: What Richie thinks?
Agustin: Yeah...well Paddy's a work in progress, you know. Look, he's trying really hard, but you know him, right? He's still Patrick and he's still going to have his freak-outs and his spirals...
Kevin: I DO know him.
Agustin: But...well...don't we all have those moments? At least when he spirals there's drama, and eating, and tears. When I spiral, virtual strangers are picking me up off the streets passed out in front of Pupusa carts.
Kevin: In case you haven't noticed, Agustin, you don't have to sell me on Patrick. He does a pretty good job of that on his own.
Agustin: (laughs wryly) He never knows how fucking charming people find him. I never understood why he's so pretty and doesn't even know it. If he could just have relaxed a little, he'd have been the fucking catch of San Francisco.
Kevin: Well let's just keep that little fact between us, shall we?
Agustin: That's the real point though, Kevin. He's not like me and you. You can take the boy out of puritan WASP country but you can't take...
(Agustin pauses and looks meaningfully at Kevin. Kevin is silent)
Agustin: He might think he'll be Ok with our 'perspective' on life, but, if you're counting on him to really change...then...yeah...then I'm worried.
Kevin: Look, I know you guys always talk about this stuff together, but I'm not really comfortable discussing Patrick behind his back, like he's a problem child that has to be dealt with.
Agustin: I don't think he's a child...
Kevin: Well, maybe you do. You don't have to 'warn' me, you don't have to 'prepare' me, you don't have to 'protect' him. We'll either work it out or we won't, but that's between him and me.
Agustin: Ok. Sorry.
Kevin: You don't have to say sorry. I know you're doing this because you've always looked out for each other and you love him, but if he wants to stand on his own feet and work this out by himself, let's just trust that he can do that. I HAVE to trust that he can do that, that he can speak for himself and that HE can tell me what he wants and needs.
Agustin: Ok...ok...I said my peace, I'll just stay out of it.
(Kevin sighs)
Kevin: You don't have to stay out of anything. You're his friend. He'll probably always tell you stuff that I would rather he didn't. But I'm not built that way. PATRICK's the only one I want to talk to about Patrick.
Agustin: So no cozy fireside chats about relationship problems? Got it.
(Kevin laughs)
Kevin: Shall we let the poor bugger know it's safe to come back?
Agustin: I wouldn't mind letting him stew a little longer. He made us sweat it out yesterday, sitting in that kitchen for hours.
Kevin: Let's not compare crappy days, shall we?
Agustin: Sorry...again. Jesus. Maybe we should call him back up so I can stop putting my foot in my mouth.
Kevin: Sounds like a good plan.
(Kevin texts Patrick, who appears with coffee cup in a matter of seconds)
Patrick: Ok. So this isn't at all awkward. Are we all still friends...or...?
(Kevin smiles and puts his arm around Patrick as he sits next to him on the loveseat)
Agustin: All still friends. Best friends. Kevin was just telling me how he'd love to sit and chat for hours over a good glass of wine, and I was telling him how I prefer to respect your privacy, so we got that cleared up.
(Kevin laughs, Patrick grimaces)
Patrick: Oh god. (he turns to Kevin). That bad?
(Kevin leans into Patrick and kisses him briefly)
Kevin: Nah. It's all fine. He was just telling me that he misses having me around because he got off on hearing you moaning through the walls.
Patrick: Kevin!
Agustin: And on that note...I shall bid you both good night, and let you enjoy your evening. Thanks for the coffee Patrick. I'm sure it tastes like shit.
Patrick: I'll walk you to the elevator. You need one of these fobs to get anything to work.
(They start to make their way to the elevator, leaving Kevin in the roof garden. Patrick looks behind him to make sure they are out of Kevin's hearing)
Patrick: What did you say to him?
Agustin: Relax Patrick. Kevin is a big boy and he can look after himself.
Patrick: I know he can, and so, by the way, can I. But you can be a real fucking tool sometimes Agustin, and he's had a bad couple of days too so he doesn't need any of your shit right now.
Agustin: (raises his eyebrows at Patrick) It's Ok. Really. If anything, I was trying to make sure he isn't...he doesn't expect that you...that you suddenly 'joined the dark side'. OK?
Patrick: Are you fucking kidding me? You talked to him about...
Agustin: Just calm down Paddy. OK? I wanted him to remember that even though you two might be 'oh we're so in love and happy and fucking' right now, that you're still YOU, and that maybe he shouldn't lose sight of that.
Patrick: Stay out of this, Agustin. You have no idea who I am with Kevin. You know me as a friend, and you think you know what I want and what I need, but that's between him and me, and we'll work it out between us. OK?
Agustin: Yeah. Ok. And that's exactly what he told me too, by the way, so you can just calm down and relax. I didn't come to bust his balls, or to save you from the big bad monster. I was worried about you and frankly about him too, because I DO like him, though I'm not sure he'll ever believe me.
Patrick: (breathes heavily). He said that? He said the same thing as me?
(Agustin chuckles as the elevator doors open)
Agustin: You can't have it both ways. You can't tell me to stay out of it and then ask for all the details. Sorry Paddy. You're on your own.
Patrick: (smiling) You fucker.
(Patrick holds the elevator door open for a second longer)
Patrick: Thanks for the present. I love it. (he presses the lobby button with the fob)
Agustin: This fucking building...
Patrick: I know (he chuckles)
(The doors close on the elevator and Patrick turns back to the apartment, smiling. His phone beeps and he takes it out to read a text message. His smile fades as he looks up)
Patrick: Shit.
End of Act 1 Scene 6