A bird was crowing somewhere nearby, the sound echoing through the tense silence of the night as Lana crept through the shadows, glancing behind her every so often to make sure she had lost her tail. It seemed the Templars still remained scattered randomly throughout the mountainside, having thankfully not yet discovered the exact location of the Hawke homestead, which was buried deep within a clump of trees, almost touching the outskirts of the Korkari Wilds in the South. Cautiously, Hawke stepped out into the open, scaling a wooden fence gracefully and tip-toeing through the dark, muddy field that belonged to Allison's family in the centre of Lothering. Flickers of candlelight could be seen from the house to her right but Lana felt it best to risk it, rather than having to pass by the Chantry and cross over the small pebbled bridge to get to the other side of the village. She stealthily jumped over the other fence on the opposite side and began to leave the main part of town, glancing back one more time just to make sure she was still invisible to its inhabitants.
The infamous windmill glistened in the moonlight ahead of her, its sails blowing slowly in the cool breeze, beckoning her towards it through the blackness. Double-checking that she was still out of Templar sight, Hawke held the hood of her long robe down low over her face then set off at a run, crossing the exposing slab of no-man's-land in between her and her destination. She stooped up the little grassy hill that led to the windmill and slipped open the wooden door, sliding inside discreetly, catching her breath.
"Were you followed?"
Lana spun around. Sister Leliana emerged from the shadows into the faint beam of moonlight shining through the hole in the ceiling. She peeked back out of the crack in the door, glancing around for any potential pursuers.
"I lost them before I made it to the village," Lana said quietly, before closing it softly with a faint snap. She turned back to Leliana and walked towards her, lowering her hood as she did so. "Are you going to tell me what this all about?"
Leliana exhaled. Extract information about her the Revered Mother had said, but she didn't know where to begin. There was still so much that was new to her about Lana. She was an unpredictable character and very suspicious of Chantry folk, even now. Gain her confidence, a voice in Leliana's head said. Get her to open up to you again. She took a deep breath, swallowing her guilt. "I just... wanted to see you again," she lied partly, smiling at her seductively as best she could. Her heart felt heavy with the effort of flirting for personal gain. She really didn't want to do this, but she had no choice. Lana's heavy breathing from the run to get here caught in her chest.
"You...You mean you dragged me here for...?" Her voice trailed off. She exhaled in disbelief. "Maker's Breath, Leliana. I risked my life coming to speak with you tonight and it was...all just about sex? I already told you I'm not going to be your go-to when you feel you need a break from Chantry boredom."
Leliana faltered. "I...No, it wasn't all for sex," she stuttered. Maker, why is it so hard for me to manipulate her just like I did to so many before? "I just...want to get to know you better. I feel this is the only way."
Lana gave her a sympathetic stare. "I know," she replied softly, "I'm sorry I haven't been to see you recently. We've...been having problems."
"What kind of problems?" Leliana pressed, a little too eager, taking a step towards her. "Maybe I could help..." Hawke suddenly felt like she should be guarded. There was something weird going on here.
"Are you...? Why are you acting so strangely?" she asked, her eyes narrowing. She glanced around the windmill as though expecting an ambush, but it was empty apart from the two of them.
Suddenly there was a scuffling sound outside. Both women inhaled sharply and glanced towards the door, listening. There was an unmistakable sound of rattling heavy armor somewhere outside. Lana darted towards the door and looked through a small hole in the wood, her heart thumping treacherously. All of a sudden her eyes caught the unmistakable flash of something sneaking along the bottom of the hill to the windmill. Templars!
"You-"
Leliana reached out and grabbed her arm before she could hiss her accusations, dragging her to the other side of the windmill and pulling open of the long crates in the corner as quietly as she could. She ushered Hawke inside and climbed in awkwardly on top of her, closing the lid silently. Hawke froze, looking up into her eyes, realising just how close she was. Leliana had lain flat across her, leaning her full weight down on top of her in the tightly enclosed space. Their bodies pressed together snugly, forcing their faces inches apart. Leliana could feel Hawke's warm breath tickle her face. As Lana went to speak again she pressed two gentle fingers over her lips and shook her head. The windmill door burst open with a racket.
"...swear I saw something," a woman Templar was saying. Hawke's blood ran cold. She held her breath fearing it would give them both away. She could see the still outline of Leliana hovering above her, feel the woman's heartbeat quicken as their chests pressed together with no room to breathe. The bard's fingers were still pressed against her lips, making it difficult for her to concentrate on what was going on outside while trying to ignore the shape of Leliana's breasts which were squashed against hers.
"There's no one here," a man replied in a bored voice. They could hear their heavy, steel footsteps walk around the windmill, inspecting the apparently empty, straw-covered room. "I told you you were imagining things, Mabel."
After several torturous seconds they heard the woman sigh, closer than she was before. "Maybe you're right," she said, though sounding a little uncertain. "We lost the little bitch when she ran through the trees back there. She could be anywhere now. It was worth checking out though."
The male Templar snorted, "Come on," he groaned, "Let's go back and take another look in the village. If she's not there I say we hit the tavern for an ale and have done with it. This quest the Revered Mother has sent us on is ridiculous."
"I agree," she replied. "Let's have it done."
Lana and Leliana strained their ears to hear the closing of the windmill door and the heavy footsteps dying away in the distance. Hawke went to move but Leliana didn't shift her weight. She pinned her down for several more seconds, making sure they were really alone once more. Hearing nothing but silence, the Chantry Sister retracted her fingers from Hawke's soft lips and reached up, opening the lid of the crate and climbing out off of her. Lana climbed out after her and closed it shut, exhaling with relief. She suddenly felt ill.
"The Templars are hunting you," Leliana said bluntly.
Hawke snorted, "No shit!" she replied, beginning to frantically pace the floor and running a hand through her dark brown hair, still abuzz with adrenaline. That had been too close. "Tell me something I bloody don't know, Leliana."
Her voice cracked. Leliana reached out and took a step towards her, seeing she was worked up. Though Hawke was a fighter, she knew that being hunted was a different feeling entirely from being in a battle, and that had been a little too close for comfort. Lana felt her warm hand caress her arm comfortingly through her robe, stopping her from her incessant pacing. She hovered unsteadily on the spot, staring down at the straw-covered floor the windmill, sickened by what had just happened. Leliana's closeness felt oddly comforting in the moment.
"Lana..." she breathed, stroking her arm and staring at her with a concerned face. The woman met her eyes then and she could see the anxiety in them. She had never seen her look so frightened before. It was a look that didn't suit such a normally strong woman. "Hey..." she soothed, taken aback.
Wanting nothing more than to hold her, Leliana leaned in and drew her close, placing a hand on the back of Lana's neck and sliding her other arm around her waist. Lana sank into her embrace, feeling her knees go weak as the adrenaline rushed through her body. She wrapped her arms around the warm, curving figure and rested her head on Leliana's inviting shoulder, sighing deeply and closing her eyes. It was strange to feel so safe in another's arms, especially those of a Chantry Sister. She barely even knew her, but something just felt...right. Leliana ran her fingers through her hair soothingly, feeling her melt into her arms.
"I'm sorry," Lana mumbled feebly, relaxing in the warmth of Leliana's bosom as it pressed against her own. She had no idea why she was apologising. Something just made her feel like she needed to for being so weak in front of another person. It felt unnatural to her, foreign.
"Don't apologise," Leliana whispered back, understanding completely. Sometimes she felt like falling apart herself, weighed down by the numerous, burdensome secrets she had been carrying around for years, and she herself knew what it felt like to be the prey of somebody. It made you feel strangely alone and exposed. No one had ever been there to hold her like this at the time she had needed it unfortunately. If only they had...
Lana backed away embarrassed then and placed a hand on her forehead, massaging around her temples. She suddenly felt dizzy from the sudden closeness and Leliana's beautiful flowery scent as it wafted over her. Sensing a smaller crate behind her nearby, she lowered herself down onto it and exhaled shakily, trying to pull herself together. Leliana placed herself down beside her, resting a hand on the woman's leg.
"Are you alright?" she asked lightly, staring at her worriedly. Lana shook her head.
"They're all over the mountainside surrounding out home, Leliana. They have been for months," she said hoarsely, "Closing in on us..."
"You already knew?" Leliana asked, squeezing her leg. Hawke nodded, her eyes wide with worry.
"Of course we knew," she whispered, staring at the wall opposite them, disturbed, "Why do you think none of my family has been seen in months? We knew they were hunting us."
Leliana sighed, finally understanding why she hadn't seen either her of Bethany in recent months. "I missed you," she said quietly, before she could stop herself. This time it had been a natural reaction, not premeditated like her forced attempts to extract information earlier. Something about the woman's sudden vulnerability had unhinged her. She realised what she was planning on doing was wrong. Lana turned to her, staring into her eyes. She gave her a small smile.
"I missed you too," she replied honestly, "But I...I just thought it best if we..."
Lana dropped her head. Leliana reached out and touched her face, bringing those brown eyes up to meet hers once more. The feeling she got while staring into them was simply indescribable.
"Yes?" she breathed, prompting for her to continue. Lana swallowed audibly.
"It-It scares me, Leliana," she whispered, ashamed of ever having admitted fear to anything. Leliana stroked her soft cheek with her thumb.
"What does, Lana?"
She saw Lana swallow again and heard her inhale softly. She looked very defenceless all of a sudden. After a seconds pause, Lana finally she found her voice again.
"Us..."
Leliana felt her heart flutter, hearing that tiny but meaningful word. It was the first time they had ever been referred to an item, and upon hearing it a wave of warmth rushed through her entire body. As she stared into the soft features before her she became swept away by the swimming brown eyes that were gazing into hers as though lost and helpless. She could tell Hawke was in some uncharted territory here.
"Lana..." she breathed, caressing her cheek once more. She didn't know what to say. The weight of the mission the Revered Mother had ordered her to do was weighing on her windpipe. It was as though an invisible noose was tied around her neck, representing the guilt she felt inside for ever having considered going through with this.
"I can't fight this," Hawke exhaled, breathless. She suddenly felt very immature for her age, as though the endless so-called relationships she'd had with women in the past were merely fun and games. They had felt nothing like this. All she had felt then was desire, but between her and Leliana there was something extra there too. "I thought about that kiss for months, Leliana...and I just don't know what to do anymore."
"Lana..." Leliana whispered once more, seeing the sincerity in her eyes. She had to tell her. She had to come clean. I can't do this. It was wrong of me to even try. When nothing came out of her mouth, Lana took the hand away from her face and got to her feet. She walked a few paces away from her and stopped, resting a hand on her forehead again, her head bowed. Maker, what has come over me? What am I doing? Leliana stared at her back, trying to force her conflicting consciences into a conclusion before it was too late.
"Maybe I should just...go," Lana said quietly, sighing. "Maker, I feel like a fool...I should get back to my family and protect them. This is too dangerous for either of us."
"What about the Templars?" Leliana asked, buying herself time. Just tell her, why don't you? Lana turned around and shook her head, looking down at the floor.
"I don't know," she admitted, feeling helpless. If it wouldn't cause her more trouble in the process she'd have gladly killed them all. Anything to protect Bethany...But I'm not even sure if it is in fact her they're looking for. She heaved a sigh, her shoulders drooping. "Maker, what do they want from us?"
A moment of silence passed between them as Lana paced slowly, staring up at the night sky through the ceiling as though searching for answers.
"Not 'us'," Leliana corrected, finally giving in to the truth and her conscience telling her to do the right thing. "You..."
Hawke blanched. She looked down at her. "What?"
Leliana got to her feet and walked towards her once more. "They're not after your family," she revealed, knowing she had to come clean. "They're after you, Lana, on the Revered Mother's orders."
Lana's confused expression began to turn angry. "Me?" she asked, frowning, "What are you talking about? I thought perhaps Bethany..."
"Bethany?" Leliana repeated, puzzled, "Why would the Templars be looking for her?"
Lana turned away instantly and began pacing again. Shit! "No reason," she said quickly, trying not to betray the lie (which was a very difficult feat in front of an experienced bard). "I just...assumed...She spends so much time at the Chantry, you know?"
Leliana looked at her suspiciously before shrugging it off. I suppose it does make more sense. Bethany probably would have been my first guess as well. She spends as much time in the cloister as I do. She watched Hawke pace for several seconds, almost hearing the woman's mind work, wondering what she was thinking. Suddenly Hawke stopped and turned to her, eyeing her distrustfully.
"How do you know about all this?" she asked, wondering why the Revered Mother would have revealed her plans to a Lay-Sister of all people, especially one who had proved to be a bit of a flight risk. This was not just any Lay Sister though, something which Lana was well aware of, as was the Revered Mother. Leliana hesitated.
"She...told me," she answered carefully. Hawke wasn't easily pacified however.
"Why?" she asked, her eyes narrowing. Leliana had a feeling she was slowly getting there on her own. She figured it would be better if she heard it from her own mouth first.
"She...she wanted me to...t-to spy on you...get information about you."
Lana froze. She felt as though she had been punched in the gut. Her expression turned instantly cold and she backed away from Leliana until her back was flat against the wall. Her hand grabbed her chest, resting over her heart.
"Leliana..." she said sadly. Suddenly anger burned in her eyes. "Maker, how could I have been so stupid!?" she hissed, pushing off the wall and taking a threatening step towards her. Leliana stepped back warily and held up her hands in surrender. Lana was the most furious she had ever seen her. It was unsettling. "For months I've been wondering why the Chantry was pursuing us...pursuing me! And all this bloody time... it was you!"
"No! Lana you must believe me! I would never betray you like that!" Leliana replied desperately. Their voices were getting louder now and she was aware that they could be caught at any second. Surely there were still more Templars nearby.
"How long have you been spying on me Leliana?" Lana demanded furiously, feeling betrayed for reasons that she didn't understand.
"I haven't!" she cried, her eyes swimming with tears. "I only found out yesterday, Lana! I swear!"
A hurt expression appeared on Lana's face. "Is that..." she whispered, feeling the pit of her stomach drop. "Is that why you slept with me...?"
Leliana felt instantly terrible, seeing the sadness in the woman's eyes. "No," she replied firmly, shaking her head. "I promise you. That night meant more to me than anything, Hawke. I do care about you. Why else would I have asked you to come here?"
"To pry some more information out of me!" Lana answered angrily, "In the same way as the first! Once a bard, always a bard, right?" She snorted. "You should have bloody stayed in Orlais with the rest of your bloody kind."
Leliana felt a stabbing pain her in chest at her words. "Please don't say that," she whispered, "I'm... trying to change, Lana."
"Just not hard enough," Hawke said disgustedly. Her temper waned then, giving way to hurt. She backed away from Leliana once more and slid down the wall, sitting on the floor as her legs gave out overcome with emotions and revelations. Tears sparkled in her eyes. She stared up at Leliana. "How could you do this to me?" she asked weakly.
Leliana's face softened at her tone. "I didn't," she replied, shaking her head.
"But you thought about it," Lana stated, seeing the guilt in her eyes, knowing Leliana's words earlier tonight had been part of 'The Game'. Leliana felt a wave of shame crash over her. I did, she admitted inwardly, guilt ridden, I really did consider it...Maybe she's right, she thought miserably, maybe I should have stayed in Orlais. I'm still the same person I was before I left.
Seeing how much she had hurt her, Leliana walked towards her.
"Don't," Hawke warned harshly, seeing she was going to reach out to her again. Leliana sighed regretfully.
"I was protecting you, Lana," she cried, staring down at the floor. She shook her head, cursing herself for being constantly caught up in betrayals. "I made a mistake," she admitted, "I shouldn't have tried to deceive you like that...But I told you the truth in the end."
"Why?" Lana asked, curious as to that fact. Leliana met her gaze.
"To help you," she said truthfully. Hawke's anger faded at her words.
"And why would you do that?" she asked hoarsely. "You barely even know me."
A tear fell down Leliana's face. She shrugged helplessly, not knowing why herself. "I guess my loyalty to you is stronger than my loyalty to the Chantry," she replied, hoping it would suffice.
Lana stared at her for several seconds then got to her feet. She walked towards her slowly then paused, not knowing how to do this. Flirting was one thing, touching someone with the intention of seducing them...But this was different. That wasn't what she wanted to do, but she had no idea how to express closeness without sex being involved. She had never experienced it before. Her head dropped, embarrassed. Seeing she was nervous, Leliana closed the remaining distance between them. She slid her hands into Hawke's and intertwined their fingers. Lana looked up in to her eyes then, seeing the remorse there. Her breath shook as the full effect of Leliana's bright blue eyes stunned her.
"I don't understand what this is, Leliana," she admitted, having never had any kind of relations with another being which went more than skin deep. "I don't know how this works..."
Leliana gave her a little reassuring smile.
"It's alright," she replied gently, "I understand, Lana...I just want to make sure you're safe first. Then we can figure it out together."
Lana relaxed a little then, feeling as though she could trust her once more. "You have a plan I take it?" she asked, hoping desperately that she did. Any attention from the Templars was bad, even if it wasn't aimed directly at Bethany.
"Indeed...But I have a feeling you're not going to like it," Leliana said, feeling it was a bit of a long stretch.
"Leliana, my family are afraid to walk out the front door because Templars have us surrounded. Whether they're looking for them or me, we are all affected by this. I'll do anything to keep them safe," Lana said confidently. Leliana was shocked by how protective she was, declaring herself without even knowing what her plan was. It was very ballsy. She took a deep breath.
"I think you should take the Revered Mother up on her little offer."
As she had anticipated, Lana's mouth fell open in shock. "Maker, are you kidding me? You can't be serious!"
Leliana chuckled a little. "I am," she replied, "Your offer still stands, no? If the Revered Mother wants to 'save you' then let her think she has. I'm sure she will call her Templars off, and leave your family in peace."
Hawke didn't know how to respond. She stared at the ground, exhaling noisily, taking it all in. Yet through her disbelief she could see that Leliana made a good point. But work for the Chantry? Blood of Andraste, am I actually considering this? She looked up into her eyes then.
"What exactly would I have to do?"
"She wants you reaffirm your belief in The Maker," Leliana told her, "You wouldn't actually be a member of the Chantry. More than likely you would have to shadow one of the Sisters to learn from their example."
"So...I can shadow you?" she asked a little hopefully. Leliana shook her head.
"I'm afraid not," she replied, "I'm only a Lay-Sister. You would be assigned to one of the others instead."
Lana sighed. She didn't particularly like the idea of being converted to the Chantry's barbaric ways by one of their own, but she couldn't really see any other option. "Do you really think this will help?" she asked, unsure.
Leliana nodded, squeezing her hands. "Trust me," she said, giving her a reassuring smile. "It's the only plan you've got that has a hope of working. Otherwise, she's going to keeps sending her Templars after you."
After seconds Hawke finally nodded. "Then I'll do it," she replied, though shivering slightly at the idea. Leliana smiled and drew her into another warm hug, sighing thankfully.
"I'll meet you tomorrow outside the Chantry at noon. We can go together," she muttered in her ear. Lana pulled back and looked at her.
"You'll come with me?" she asked, surprised. Leliana nodded and caressed her face.
"Of course," she said gently, as thought there was never any doubt. "Anything to know you are safe."
Lana smiled, seeing just how much Leliana cared about her. They gazed into each other's eyes then, suddenly beginning to edge closer. Leliana inhaled sharply as Hawke's sweet lips pressed against hers, taking her breath away. There was no intent behind them like before, no rushing to get to the next stage. She could tell Lana was holding back, afraid to fully let herself go after revealing how she felt. It was the chastest kiss they had ever shared, but more meaningful than any that had come before. Leliana ran her fingers gently along the woman's chin, longing for so much more from her, but not wanting to push her at such a delicate time. She knew that whatever was between them had been elevated to an entirely different level then, one that she had been on before with another but one that Lana was entirely new to. As her soft lips brushed lightly against hers, a soft moan of desire and surprise escaped Leliana, having never been kissed in such a loving, tender way before. The faint hint of Lana's tongue grazing carefully over hers warmed her heart and licked her insides with yearning. She regretted it immediately when Lana finally pulled away.
They held each other, hovering close together in the middle of the windmill, foreheads resting against the others. A moment of silence passed between them.
"How long until we call this love?" Leliana whispered jokingly, finally breaking the peaceful silence. She felt Lana's warm breath on her face as she laughed silently.
"You tell me," she replied smoothly, smiling, caressing her neck with her delicate fingers. "I've never been in this deep before."
Leliana chuckled. "To be entirely honest...I don't think I have either," she admitted softly, remembering back and knowing nothing she'd had with Marjolaine had ever felt like this. "My last relationship tore me apart. Whenever I'm alone with you...I just...you make me feel like I'm... whole again."
Lana pulled back slightly and stared deep into her blue eyes, glistening in the moonlight. She ran her fingers through her short red hair and sighed. Leliana could see the innocence in her eyes. Not innocence to intimacy, but innocence to that something more that she had never had before.
"You don't have to be scared, Lana," she said, after a moment's pause. She could see Lana's chocolate-brown eyes doubting her on that one. "We're in this together, I promise."
Lana's swallowed, an unfamiliar feeling of vulnerability running through her. She didn't like the idea of knowing she had a vulnerable side. It made her feel weak. "No one can ever find out about us, Leliana," she said quietly.
Leliana's eyes stared into hers. It went without saying they couldn't be discovered, but she knew that wasn't what Lana was referring to. "You don't want me to ever reveal that I saw a sensitive side to you?" she asked, confused. Hawke exhaled.
"As long as you know it's there...then that's enough," she whispered, staring down at the emerald jewel that was resting along Leliana's neck, for fear of meeting her eyes as she said the words.
Leliana sighed and gave her a sad smile. She curled her fingers under Lana's chin then tilting her head up so as she could see those beautiful eyes of hers. "Then I'll take it to the grave with me," she vowed kindly.
Saying nothing more, Lana leaned in and kissed her again, much the same as before. She felt Leliana's arms slide around her neck slowly, drawing her in further and obliged, finally letting her guard down. The Chantry Sister moaned breathlessly, feeling her open up to her finally as Lana brushed her tongue against her own. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her kiss became more eager. She wanted every piece of Lana that she was willing to offer. This was the first time Lana had ever given herself fully to another...and truth be told, she was scared shitless. Taking Leliana for her word though, she slid her hands along her waist, holding her close like she had never held another before, knowing that whatever was to come, they would both face it together.