Hey, so this is chapter six. For some reason it took me forever to write this and it was quite difficult to write actually. But I hope you enjoy it, and please feel free to review because I really appreciate it when I hear back from all of you!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

CHAPTER SIX:

Chuck walked with purpose through the hospital, dodging nurses and doctors with questioning glances that knew all too well that visiting hours were over. But that couldn't stop him. As far as Chuck was concerned, this place, though as industrial-bleach-smelling as it was, was the most important one they had been to. Sarah had to remember this...she just had to. He knew his heart couldn't take much more; the expectation he had as soon as they stepped foot in one of their special places was too high and the searing pain of disappointment when she didn't connect was far too great. It wouldn't be long before his heart would tear at the seams; it was cruel to continue if this wasn't to work. Here, in this hospital where they spent way too much time in if you asked Chuck, was crunch time. And as he listened intently to Sarah's footsteps behind him, he steeled himself into thinking that this was the key to unleashing everything. It was going to work. It had to.

Sarah tried her best to keep up with Chuck who was stomping his feet aggressively ahead like a man on a mission. And in some ways he was just that. He didn't speak, letting his body language do all the talking and she stayed behind him following his every move. The worst part for Sarah was knowing that Chuck was at breaking point. No matter how much he attempted to cover up his feelings and act like everything was okay, she knew his heart was breaking the more locations they visited. She knew she should have told him that she had glimpses of memories as they travelled but how could she tell anyone about them when she was still tyring to figure them out herself? She needed to think them over before divulging information like that to another. That was who she was. Yet, the one thing she was most sure about as she glided along toward the intended target was that...she knew why Chuck brought her here.

As soon as they pulled up outside the hospital, Sarah understood why they were there. This was where Chuck proposed to her. She could have easily chalked it down to somebody mentioning it in passing, but she couldn't deny the fact that she knew this all on her own. Nobody helped her – this was her remembering. And that was...petrifying. For the first time, Sarah was reluctant to see the place in reality as her confusion and emotions would take over and she was not used to that happening. At least this version of her wasn't. But Chuck wasn't slowing down.

Why she was so scared of the truth she didn't know; all she knew was that something had clicked inside her. And she remembered how she felt. That was even more terrifying. She felt the intense love she had for Chuck, her overjoy as he opened that little red box, and the pride in knowing that she would be with Chuck Bartowski for the rest of her life and all that was wonderful except for the all important fact that she didn't know how to be that Sarah even though she was sure that she had already shown characteristics of her. She felt like in order to be her she had to redefine herself into someone she could only see in memories. Someone that was the same but different all at the same time. Confusion was not even the word. To open her heart to the memories was one thing but to open it completely to another person was entirely different. Could she really be the Sarah he yearned for? Could she really slip back into that life they had and pick up where they left off? Could she really leave behind everything she had ever known for love?

However, there was no more time for deliberation left. They had arrived. Chuck finally faced her, tears shining his eyes. "So this...em...this," he paused, gathering himself, "this is where...where I proposed to you. We were sitting on those chairs right there," he pointed to the two solitary chairs against the wall facing them, "and I...looked at you and was completely overcome with how beautiful you were and how much I loved you. I actually remember thinking of how perfect my life was when I was with you and how I never wanted to face another day without you ever again." He smiled through the tears. "That was why at that precise moment I stood up in front of you, and I opened that red box and got down on one knee on a hospital floor. Because it didn't matter where we were or what I said; all that mattered was that we were together and that we would always be." He stopped to position himself in front of the chair she sat on that day. "I remember the look in your eyes when you saw what I was about to do. There was no fear, not a single hint of fear in them. Just happiness and...wonder. Like you were a kid who had just witnessed a moment of magic. Or a woman who had just had her dreams come true. That was why I didn't have to say anything – we both knew what your answer was. There was no going back from that moment on; we would just be," he finished, his voice a mere whisper.

Sarah watched Chuck as he spoke, remembering all he said. Despite her protests, tears streamed down her face, and her heart ached. Chuck spoke with such tenderness and grace and love, almost as if he was giving a last-ditch effort to persuade a jury, and it was beautiful. Everything about that day was crystal clear – from their mission to Jeffster serenading the maternity ward. And, of course, the proposal. The proposal that saw a girl who lived her whole life on guard now become a woman who was still ready to tackle the world but with a partner who would always be there for her and who she could trust wholeheartedly. Yet, this Sarah wasn't ready for that even though that went against everything she was feeling. She didn't know how to let someone in so far that they knew you inside out. She didn't know how to be the woman that gave herself so effortlessly to someone who loved her. She didn't know how to be Sarah Bartowski. And she knew what she had to do, though it killed her inside to do it.

Chuck turned around from the chair to face her, finally able to keep his emotions in check. "Some story, isn't it?"

Sarah wiped tear residue off her face. "I think I should go," she breathed.

Chuck's eyes widened. That was not what he was expecting to hear. "What? Go? Why?"

"I'm sorry, Chuck, but I don't think we should do this anymore. I think it's time that I went back to the life that I know." Those words came easier to her than she thought.

"But, why? What happened? Did I say something to upset you?" He was in full panic mode now. This was supposed to help her not send her running away.

"No, Chuck, nothing like that." She closed her eyes. "But all this has shown me that I will never be the Sarah that you loved. She's gone, and I just can't be her."

Chuck touched her shoulders. "You are that Sarah; I've seen it. I know it could take some time but it's worth it, isn't it? I know it's not what you're used to but that doesn't mean that it can never be."

"It's not fair to you and I can't force myself to be someone that I may never completely remember. You don't deserve that. You're a good man, Chuck Bartowski and you deserve a wife that can be herself. I don't even know who I am right now." It's true, she didn't. Chuck had been taking her places and telling her all about herself and even though she remembered, it didn't help her now when she felt like someone totally different. It was like two personalities fighting battle inside her and she needed to figure out which side she was to back: the side she had known forever, or the side she hardly knew. She had to, right at that moment, pick a side and she had to chose the one she was comfortable with.

"What are you really saying, Sarah?"

She moved away from his grasp. "I'm saying goodbye, Chuck."

He faced the ground, his heart burning, tears running. "For how long?"

"I don't know. But it could be a long time before we see each other again."

"Sarah, please don't go. I love you," Chuck pleaded in a voice that broke her heart. She could hardly look at him; the pain on his face was too much to bear. But she had to be fair to him.

"I'm sorry," her voice wobbled. "Goodbye, Chuck." And just like that...she was gone.

Chuck stood, alone, in the place where he proposed to Sarah as he watched her walk away from him. It was like he was glued to the spot; none of his limbs could move, still in shock over what had just taken place. His wife and the person he loved more than anything else was gone, and gone for good. His heart ached in every imaginable way; his chest tightened, his breath catching. Tears roamed freely. She was gone. She was gone. She was gone.

Sarah walked as fast as she could trying not to look back, knowing that if she did she would run to him and tell him that she loved him. No, this was what she had to do. It wasn't fair to her and it's wasn't fair to him – this was the only thing that made sense. It was the right decision. But why did it hurt so much? She was sobbing as she walked, choking on air, her hands and legs shaking. No right decision should feel like this. She felt as though every organ in her body was being torn into shreds, but she had to keep walking. She just had to. Chuck deserved someone so much better than who she was right now. She wouldn't have been able to let him in, or able to live in his world. Not as she was now. She was super spy Sarah Walker, not super spy wife Sarah Bartowski. There was a difference. She couldn't be both. It was one or the other. And she needed to stick to what she knew and what she knew well. At least, for now she did. But she did love Chuck; that much she knew with everything inside of her. And that wasn't going to change.

Chuck's phone rang as he entered his apartment after eventually finding a way to get mobile. The apartment was different – it felt emptier...if that made sense. Even his world knew she was gone. He let the phone ring one more time before picking it up to answer. "Chuck, hey, it's me. I've been calling all night; where have you been?"

"I'm sorry, Ellie, I've just been...busy."

"Busy? At this time of night?"

"Look, sis, can I call you back tomorrow? I don't feel like talking right now."

"Chuck, what happened?" He forgot Ellie knew about the day he had planned. Technically, it was her idea to do something big for Sarah.

"She's gone."

"Who's gone? Sarah?"

"Yeah. And she's not coming back."

"Chuck, what happened?" Her concern was even discernable over the phone.

"I'll tell you tomorrow. Night sis."

"No, Chuck-" He hung-up the phone. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to go to bed.

Sarah paced in her apartment, wondering where she should go. As far away from Burbank was probably the best. She had her bag packed and was just about to leave when he phone rang. She looked at the name and though she knew she shouldn't answer, she still did.

"Ellie?" she said.