Disclaimer: We don't own anything blah blah blah... And the stuff Velkan ate was kinda like on Spongebob. We don't own Balto and that joke was kinda like one of Jeff Foxworthy's jokes.
Setting: Somewhere far off which is Dracula's castle.
Dracula: (Watches computer screen, munching on blood-covered popcorn) Ah! Marishka, what were you thinking? (A yellow light on the screen blinks and goes out.) Ah. Verona and Aleera are on their way back. (A green and a red light on the screen blink and move about.)
(Verona and Aleera arrive, screeching)
Aleera: Master! Marishka! She...she-
Dracula: Gone. Yes, yes. I know. I just saw. (Offers Verona and Aleera popcorn)
Verona: Master, have you no heart?
Dracula: Nope. (Hits chest making a hollow clunking sound.) Hey, no one's perfect.
Setting: Anna's house
Anna: How exactly did you get here?
Carl: (feebly) By sea
Flash back:
(Groovy sixties music)
Carl: I don't feel so good... (vomits over side of boat)
Van Helsing: Don't worry. You'll get used to it.
Carl: ... (barfs)
(music ends)
Carl: Shudders
Van Helsing: Where's Dracula?
Anna: I think this was his house... but he lost it in a poker game.
Carl: More importantly, where's the potty?
Anna: (gives Carl a funny look) Down the hall, up the stairs, turn right, go downstairs, turn left, go up some more stairs, turn around three times and say "where the hell's the stupid door!" and it's at the end of the hall.
Carl: (finishes writing directions on a sticky note) Got it! (Hurries off) Gotta pee, gotta pee...
Van Helsing: Can I have a drink? I'm firsty. (Prays there aren't a lot of directions)
Anna: Uhmm.. The bar's down the hall. Don't get drunk. I don't want you puking in my toilet.
Van Helsing: I'd never make it to the toilet.
Anna: (grossed out) Just don't...
Moon: (tugs on Van Helsing's coat) Psst. You're supposed to knock her out with that crazy perfume or something.
Van Helsing: Oh, right. (Searches in pockets) I can't find the blasted thing.
Tai: Here ya go. We have plenty. (Hands Van Helsing bottle)
Van Helsing: Yay! Taste the fury of my crazy orange knock-out perfume! (Sprays Anna)
Anna: (wtf?) Uh... (faints)
Van Helsing: Now... Off to the bar, Carl! Carl! Carl? Oh well... (runs off)
Setting: Same place, different time. Part where the werewolf comes in. (Creepy music)
Anna: (wakes up) Wha 'append? I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Why am I on the floor? Why do I smell like oranges? When did it start raining? How the hell did I get in the kitchen?
Velkan: (Werewolfy drool on on Anna)
Anna: Wait... When did they put a shower in here? Ewww. Why is it sticky? (Feels head) Why is my wig gone! Van Helsing!
Velkan: (falls on floor behind Anna)
Anna: That son of a- Velkan! (Squeals delightedly and hugs him)
Velkan: Anna there's no time. Let go of me, you ditz.
Anna: Velkan! (Huggles) I thought you were dead! Where's my birthday present?
Velkan: Anna! (Shoves away) Listen to me! (Tummy gurgles) Oh no... Oh crap...
Anna: Velkan, what's wrong.
Velkan: It's nothing. Just listen to me... (holds tummy)
(Velkan starts transforming into werewolf, snarling and screaming the whole time)
Anna: (starts crying) What's wrong? What's going on? Where's my birthday present?
Velkan: (farts, windows rattle) I feel better.. (sighs)
Anna: (about to barf) Eww. Velkan! What did you eat?
Velkan: (counts on paws) Some chicken, pulled pork, roast beef, an arm...
Anna: No, just today!
Velkan: (thinks) Some chicken, pulled pork, roast beef, and arm...
Van Helsing: (runs in holding a bottle of vodka) Anna! (Hold gun shakily at Velkan)
Anna: No, you drunken idiot! (Shoves Van Helsing)
Van Helsing: (hiccupping and staggering drunkenly) Hey baby.
Anna: Erg. Run werewolfy! Run!
Van Helsing: Aww. Isn't he cute? He looks like Balto's mommy!
Anna: You idi- Wait... Did you say Balto's MOMMY?
Van Helsing: Yeah. (hiccup) She was some hot wolf or something.
Anna: But he's a dude!
Van Helsing: (hiccups and takes a swig of vodka) So. You're point is?
Anna: Nevermind!
Velkan: (thinks) I'm supposed to jump out the window ain't I? (Jumps out window)
Anna: Velkan! No! You STILL haven't given me my birthday present!
(Van Helsing goes after Velkan)