Chapter 6

Joey's eyes felt really heavy and they were burning red for some reason, making them sting. With as much effort as she could muster she just about managed to crank her lids up and was forced to squint against the sunshine streaming into the bright white room.

'Hey there sleepy girl,' Paceys deep voice intoned as his hand slipped into hers.

'The baby?' she asked as her memory of where she was and why she was there came abruptly to her. She was surprised when her voice came out as nothing more than a whisper as her throat was so dry.

'Here,' Pacey put a straw to her parched lips and she sucked the water greedily.

'Is it ok?' she asked again.

'The operation was successful. You had a little bleeding but they've got it under control. The other baby should be fine,' he told her softly but there was something he wasn't telling her, she could tell.

'What happened?' she squeezed his hand, still squinting against the sun.

'Let me get the blinds, it's really bright in here,' he stalled jumping up and lowering the blinds.

'Pacey,' Joey beseeched.

'Ok Jo,' he sat by the bed and took her hand. 'Everything is ok. Your baby is doing well. The thing is, well, I got scared and I called Bessie,' he stared at her waiting for the anger, but instead she just nodded acceptingly.

'What did she say?' she asked softly.

'She was pretty mad, more mad that you hadn't told her than the fact you were pregnant I think.' Pacey didn't feel the need to tell her about the disappointment and the tears that her sister hadn't been able to hide.

'I suppose she had to find out and maybe she'll go easy on me because I'm in here?' she looked at him hopefully and he chuckled,

'Maybe.'

'Did you see the baby?' she asked at length. 'The dead one,' she added the unnecessary clarification.

'No but it wouldn't have been that big,' he smoothed the hair from her forehead, his fingers tenderly tracing the lines of her face.

'Thanks for staying,' she smiled at him weakly.

'Look Joey, I was thinking, Jack and I, we have a spare room and well it would make sense if you stayed with us. We're near Jen and Grams and surely it wouldn't hurt to have some support, people are going to find out eventually and now is as good a time as any...'

'Are you targeting me while I'm weak because you think I'll say yes?' she asked suspiciously.

'Um, well it's just, well it was all taking a long time and after I called Bessie, I called Jen and um, Jack and well they're outside.'

'Pacey,' Joey frowned.

'I would say I'm sorry but frankly Potter I'm not. I'm sorry I broke my word but I think that you needed to tell them. They love you and want to help.'

'So they know I'm pregnant?' she asked.

'Not exactly, I er, told them that you were in hospital that some things were going on and thats why you hadn't seen them.'

'You're a pain in the ass you know? I was quite happy living in secretive, lonely denial until you had to go and provide me with health treatment, a family, friends and support,' she teased.

'I can see how those things might be unwanted,' he grinned.

'What the hell has been going on Joey?' Jen stormed into the room, rushing up to the bed and throwing her arms about her friend.

'Yeah Jo it sucks to be dropped you know,' Jack was close behind and despite his words he places a kiss on Joeys cheek.

'I'm sorry I kind of freaked out.'

'Freaked out about what?' Jen demanded sitting on the edge of the bed as Jack plonked himself in the chair.

'I did a pregnancy test the week before college,' Joey let the implication sink in.

'Shit,' Jen muttered as Jack exclaimed,

'Fuck.'

'You can say both those things again,' Joey nodded.

'Fuck,' Jen murmured as Jack chose her expletive,

'Shit.'

'Yeah, I was embarrassed and I did what Joey Potter always does - I hid and convinced myself I could do it alone. You know that denial trick of mine?'

'But you don't need to be alone,' Jack told her.

'And you won't be now Joey, but well, why are you in here?' Jen asked tentatively.

'Oh I wish Pacey had told you all, its well,' Joey sighed deeply, 'I was having twins but one died so they had to abort it, thats all really. I'm going to be fine now.'

'Oh Joey,' Jen and Jack seemed to say as one person.

'It's ok, really it is,' Joey tried not to sniff.

'This is us Jo, you don't have to be brave anymore,' Jen said as Jack sat on the other side of the bed.

'I just feel so empty which is funny because I'm not - one baby is still in there, but somehow it doesn't seem to fill the void of the other,' Joey felt hot tears spill from her eyes.

'I don't think it's supposed to,' Jack rubbed her shoulder.

'It'll take time but you will feel better about this,' Jen kissed Joeys head.

'I know you're right it's just right now all I want to do is eat custard and wallow,' Joey pouted as Jack and Jen hugged her tightly.

'You should have called us sooner,' Jen admonished.

'I wish I had, I'm really glad you guys are here,' Joey sniffed.

Watching from the doorway Pacey closed the door quietly behind him surprised at how sad he suddenly felt. Not only did he feel something like regret and sorrow about the lost child but he felt suddenly jealous of the obvious relief in Joey at having Jen and Jack back. If he was honest with himself he had to admit that he had enjoyed being the one to look after Joey, to banter with her and make sure she was taken care of. He loved to make her smile and to do the things for her that needed doing. He had enjoyed spending time with her, even when she was grumpy and infuriating because Joey Potter being grumpy and infuriating was such a hedonistic experience. Sighing he headed out of the ward to get some air.

'You must come and stay with Grams and me,' Jen rubbed Joeys shoulder.

'Oh, but how can I? You guys don't have room.'

'Of course we do. And Grams can cook you all sorts of healthy food and she'll help look after the baby,' Jen continued enthusiastically.

'Pacey actually offered me a room with him and Jack,' Joey looked to Jack who nodded.

'Pacey? You'd actually consider living with that, and I'm quoting you here Joey, "perverted cretin,"' Jen gawped. 'And how did you know about this already?' she looked at Jack.

'He told me in the washroom,' Jack shrugged easily.

'Thats what you talk about while you're doing your business?' Jen asked.

'We talk about all sorts, but today we talked about that,' Jack smirked.

'And you?' Jen looked at Joey.

'He has a spare room.'

'True.'

'And a Jack.'

'True again.'

'And Pacey can actually be ok,' Joey admitted.

'Very true,' Jen gleamed in triumph.

'He's really been there for me,' Joey ignored Jens wise sage look.

'Pacey's a good guy.'

'Yeah he is,' Joey agreed.

'Now I agreed to this but I have to ask something. Don't you only ever fight with Pacey?' Jack queried.

'Did you confront Pacey with that in the washroom?' Jen enquired archly.

'Actually I did,' he gave her a smug look.

'And what did he say?' Joey asked.

'It's fun to fight with Joey Potter,' Jack grinned and winked at them both.

'So why ask me?' Joey stated.

'Well I guess two people I've only ever seen banter and fight are suddenly friends?' Jack looked uncomfortable.

'We've always been friends and it's fun to fight with Pacey Witter. Sometimes we actually talk to each other. Pacey's very good at being there. He's an amazing guy.'

'Aaah Jo, I'm getting all choked up,' Jack teased softly.

'Thanks for saying yes to him,' Joey smiled.

'I can't believe you want to live with those two slobs instead of Grams and me,' Jen shook her head ruefully.

'Ideally you'd be living with us as well,' Joey pointed out and Jens pout turned into a smile.

'One day I'll grow up and leave home but till then I'll visit you lots. You're only a couple of blocks away after all.'

'By the way, Jen and I are going to LA to beat on Dawson,' Jack bit his tongue making him look like an enthusiastic child.

'You can't beat on Dawson,' Joey pish-poshed.

'Why can't I? I've been looking forward to it,' Jack pouted.

'Yeah. We get to take him down one ball each,' Jen pouted as well.

'Thanks for that mental image,' Joey scowled. 'You can't beat on Dawson because Dawson doesn't know.'

'Why not?' Jen demanded.

'Oh ask Pacey,' Joey muttered

There was a tap on her hospital room door.

'Come in,' Joey called, smiling as Pacey poked his head into the room.

'You weren't sleeping?' he queried hovering by the door uncertainly.

'No just thinking. What are you doing back? I thought I'd seen the last of you for the day when you left earlier?'

'I can go if you want,' Pacey looked at the door clearly taking her comment to mean he wasn't wanted.

'That's not what I meant Pace,' Joey smiled at him. 'It's nice that you're back. I'm glad.'

'I just thought I'd leave you to catch up with Jen and Jack. It was nice to see you happier, you know being with people you care about. You looked better just from seeing them,' he shrugged uneasily.

'I care about you as well,' Joey told him carefully, picking up on something in his tone.

'You do?' he looked at her, a smile beginning, the tension seeping from his shoulders.

'You should know that - what was it you said once - you've just got to read between the banter?'

'You said it first,' he told her sitting on the edge of the bed.

'I did, huh?' she smiled almost shyly.

'Yeah you did,' he was smiling properly now.

'Well I may have moaned and grumped this last couple of weeks, but I dont know what I would have done without you. Thank you Pace. And thank you for staying with me today and being there when I woke up. Thank you for calling Bessie and for calling Jack and Jen.'

'I was happy to do it, I wanted to even. How did it go with Bessie?'

'Well she's staying with Grams until I'm better. She was pretty mad and pretty disappointed. She wanted to get on the next flight to LA just so she could castrate Dawson but I told her not to. I think she'll calm down,' Joey sighed slightly.

'I imagine she just wishes she could do more to help,' Pacey told her.

'I imagine you're right,' Joey nodded. 'I kind of wish she could as well.'

'So guess what I brought you?' Pacey asked lifting the atmosphere and a bag onto the bed.

'What?' she eyed the bag suspiciously.

'Well a little birdie told me you were having a craving for custard,' Pacey pulled the tub from the bag and Joey's eyes widened in happiness.

'Custard and wallowing,' she murmured licking her lips.

'Well here's the custard, shall I leave you to the wallowing?' Pacey put the custard on a table for her.

'No,' Joey said a little too quickly, 'well go if you need to, but I'd like you to stay,' Joey admitted as Pacey smiled brightly and began taking the lid off the custard tub. 'I honestly don't mind if you need to go...'

'There's no where I need to be,' Pacey told her firmly.

'Good custard,' Joey closed her eyes in appreciation as she ate a mouthful.

'I brought pickles to go with it, you know in case you had a craving,' Pacey plonked a large jar of pickles beside the custard and Joey rolled her eyes, then eyed the pickle jar thoughtfully before opening it and dipping one into the custard. 'It's official, you are gross - it was meant to be a joke,' Pacey stared in horror.

'A very tasty joke,' she nodded.

'So Jen said she and Grams would love to have you stay,' Pacey began staring a little too intently at the tub of custard.

'Yeah,' Joey stared just as intently at the jar of pickles, wondering why Jen would say that to Pacey when she knew that she was going to live with Pacey and Jack.

'I suppose it would be good to have Grams around and she can cook,' Pacey smiled, but the Tupperware was the recipient of his best effort.

'You're probably right,' Joey snuck a look at him.

'But you know, should you want to accept my offer, well I'd love to have you stay - you would get your own room,' he was fiddling with the pickles, picking one out of the jar, dipping it in custard and absentmindedly passing it to her. She took the pickle and their fingers touched briefly.

Joey cleared her throat as Pacey snatched his hand away, surprised by the jump his stomach had made at the brief contact, taking the pickle with him and putting it in his mouth without thinking, just to hide his sudden embarrassment. He grimaced at the taste.

'That's disgusting,' he almost spat it out.

'Do you mean it?' Joey asked.

'Yeah, custard and pickles is an ungodly combination,' he stared at the remnants of the offending pickle.

'I mean about staying with you, because well, a room would be useful, but I dont want to get in the way of you and Jack, and whilst Jacks not to bad you do have a reputation with the girls,' she was trying to tease but Pacey looked offended.

'I'm not so bad,' he told her.

'I know, I just meant that having me around it probably wouldn't be ideal for two single guys and I doubt I could afford the rent.'

'I could sub you rent wise,' he told her, entranced by her lips that seemed suddenly so kissable, so damn kissable.

'Why would you do that?'

'Because Jack and I would rather share with you than a stranger. You and your baby. And the whole bringing girls back? If I do bring girls back, I'll be discrete and having you in the room next door will not be a problem.'

'Then if you're sure,'Joey smiled at him.

'I'm sure,' he grinned.

'Dan and Alex will be mad,' she shook her head slightly.

'They'll understand,' he felt suddenly very relieved.

'Home sweet home,' Pacey announced as they awkwardly arrived at his and Jacks apartment.

'It's lovely here,' Joey looked in wide eyed wonder at the large television, nice lounge and the light and airy environment.

'Yeah,' Pacey shifted from foot to foot. Things had been awkward since he picked her up from the hospital. She was quiet and withdrawn as if she was deep in thought, her mind clearly weighed down. 'So shall I show you around?'

'That would be nice,' she nodded as he began the grand tour.

'This is my room,' he opened the door to a small room which had stuff everywhere.

'You live messy,' Joey observed.

'I prefer the term comfortable,' he defended shutting the door.

'It looks like you only just moved in...' she trailed off as he opened the door to her room, putting two and two together easily. 'Pacey did you switch rooms with me?' she asked seriously.

'Nah I'm just messy.'

'Pacey?'

'Ok I did, but it was an attempt to be gallant, and really Potter you should be more appreciative because I might just decide to switch back and let me tell you something that room is tiny and there is no way you're fitting you and a baby in there so just say thank you Pacey and be done,' he said in one long breath.

'Breathe Pace,' Joey ordered and he breathed deeply. 'Thank you Pacey,' standing on tip toes she kissed his cheek.

'A pleasure Potter,' Pacey murmured thinking about the funny feeling in his stomach. Goddamn butterflies! Where the hell did they come from? he thought and then stared at Joey thinking how beautiful she was, the kind of beautiful that didn't just give him butterflies but gave him hundreds of them. 'I, um, better leave you so you can get sorted. I brought your stuff over from Alex and Dans. They understand and are coming over for dinner,' he quickly shut the door leaving her in her room slightly bemused as he leant against her door trying to still his breathing.