Sunlight poured through the window, and Spencer could feel the heat on her bare shoulders while she was still in a half-asleep state. Spencer never was much of a morning person. Her mind was racing even though her body was technically still in that relaxing, sleeping form, and she went over what had happened last night. This time, the thoughts were not on Ashley Davies – but on Brooke.
She had been so rude to her, so distant. Spencer recalled that look of sadness in Brooke's eyes when she had denied her yet again, and the tone her voice had taken when she was asking Spencer what kept her away. Brooke really did care about her, even though the passion in their relationship had faded. Truthfully, the passion hadn't been fading because of anything except the directions that their lives had taken. It wasn't a telling factor of their strength and family – because that was very strong.
When they first got together, their priority had been Erin and each other. They still went to work, they still had long hours, but they thought constantly of getting off work to see Erin and each other. Now, they had even longer hours and Erin was growing up – needing more attention and becoming a bigger part of their lives.
Especially Brooke's.
Brooke had confided in Spencer that she wanted more kids, possibly together so Erin might have a little brother or sister. This had freaked Spencer out beyond anything she had ever felt in her life. Worse than when she found out that she was pregnant.
It wasn't that she hated the idea of having kids with Brooke – the girl had proven that she could be an excellent parent, perhaps better than Spencer at times. Their jobs were good enough, and they had enough money coming in to afford another kid, but Spencer still wasn't sure. She hadn't wanted a child in the first place, but she would never get an abortion because of her personal beliefs, and then when she gave birth to little Erin, she knew that she'd never be able to send her to another home.
One look into those blue eyes, and she was in love.
Brooke's mention of other kids, an addition to their household was what started their lack of intimacy. Spencer didn't want to get too close and too comfortable with the brunette anymore. Not to mention, she had always dreamed of having a family with someone that she loved completely and never wanted to be without. If Erin wasn't so fond of Brooke, Spencer knew that she'd break up with the other girl. She'd have no qualms about breaking her heart, because she knew from experience that broken hearts heal.
She stayed for her daughter now, and nothing more.
Her mother had told her once that the happiness of your child should always come before your own. Spencer reminded her of this fact when she came out of the closet, since Paula had been less than thrilled about it, due to her being a devout Catholic.
It took a few weeks, but Paula understood and wished Spencer luck in her future relationships. Spencer knew that her mother would never agree with bisexuality or homosexuality, but she wanted her daughter to be happy above all other things. Not to mention, she loved Brooke and Erin – and was starting to get on Spencer's case to agree with Brooke to make those pesky additions to their little family.
Spencer felt sometimes that she was staying with Brooke for her mother's approval as well, even though Glen, Clay, and her father, Arthur, all knew of her thoughts and unhappiness. They knew exactly why she stayed, and none of them had wanted this for her.
Clay told her to leave Brooke and give the girl visiting times with Erin so they wouldn't be completely divided and find a new girlfriend for Erin to get attached to. Someone that Spencer could fall in love with as well. Therein lied the rub, because Spencer just wasn't sure that she was capable of falling in love.
She had seen and been in many relationships where love had never been possible from the beginning, and she wasn't sure if love was worth fighting for at times. What was love, anyway?
Love was what she felt for her brothers. For her parents. For her daughter. But could she feel it for a lover? For a partner? Was that kind of comfort and intimacy possible for her, or was it one of those things that could only be experienced with her own flesh and blood?
Spencer opened her eyes and sat up slightly in bed. She had to apologize to Brooke. Despite her feelings about their relationship, she couldn't just play with and tweak the girl's emotions because it made her life simpler. It was still a human life – and those weren't meant to be played with. That gang that murdered her brother liked to play with lives, and Spencer knew all too well what happens to the survivors of a dead family members when someone stops playing.
Life had hardened Spencer in the past two months – since she buried her brother. Before, she had been a completely compassionate, gentle person. She still retained some of that compassion, but every day that passed, she felt it slipping. She put on a happy face for Erin and Brooke, and most times the two girls could exchange the fake smile into something slightly based in reality.
Glen's death was another reason that Spencer was having intimacy problems with Brooke. She didn't want to turn to another for physical comfort. She didn't have a sex drive, since her sadness still stayed with her. Glen's grave was too fresh. She still remembered him on a daily basis, and found herself dialing his phone number sometimes just to see if she needed to pick him up more food or bring him soap. She'd even offer to do his laundry sometimes when he was in a real fix.
If she called that number now, Aiden would answer the phone.
He lived there alone.
Glen was gone.
Spencer rubbed her eyes that were still drenched in sleep and turned over, expecting to find Brooke's warm body – still half-asleep, if not fully. She hit the cool sheets that were in a lump from where her girlfriend once slept. Spencer turned onto her side and took in the sight of their bedroom that was lit by the morning sunlight. The door to their attached bathroom was slightly open, and steam still fogged the mirrors. Brooke had taken a shower not too long ago, and Spencer was surprised that the water running hadn't woken her up.
"I must have been out," Spencer thought for a moment before getting up, smoothing out her tank top and boxers. She smoothed out her slightly messy and wavy blonde locks from sleep and stretched out her back. Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment and she breathed in deeply. The smell of scrambled eggs, toast, and bacon filled the air – floating up the steps. Brooke had made breakfast for her and Erin. Spencer smiled and jumped out of bed, looking at herself in the mirror for a second before darting down the steps like a small child.
She turned the corner to the kitchen and saw Erin seated at their table, drinking a big glass of orange juice and putting some shredded cheddar cheese on her eggs and buttering a few slices of toast.
She grabbed a napkin to wipe her fingers that were greasy from eating bacon, and Brooke was grabbing some more toast from the toaster and turning off the stove, letting the skillet of fresh eggs cease cooking before they burned. Her wavy brown hair was still wet from her shower and fell around her oval-shaped face in a messy bunch. Her green eyes were freshly lined with coal eyeliner and mascara, causing their color to become even more intense. She was dressed in a pair of black board shorts and a white tank top that clung to her athletic body. She didn't even notice Spencer.
Spencer padded into the kitchen and planned to sneak up on the two girls, but her daughter's sharp hearing caught the near-silent noise of her bare feet padding along the linoleum as soon as she crossed the threshold.
"Mommy!" the little girl squealed, leaping from the table and jumping into Spencer's arms, grinning from ear to ear, her features completely lit up with happiness.
"Morning, baby," Spencer said softly before giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek. Brooke plated up some eggs, bacon, and toast for Spencer and herself and set the plates down on the table before walking over to where Spencer and Erin were and resting her hands akimbo, smiling at the sight of them together.
"Brooke made some yummy scambled eggs," Erin said, mispronouncing the word "scrambled."
Brooke chuckled and smiled at the raven haired girl.
"Your mommy had a rough night last night, sweetie. I wanted to give her a good wake-up call," Brooke explained before smiling at Spencer and locking onto her eyes. "Morning, love."
"Good morning," Spencer replied with a smile, holding Erin in her arms as the six year old wrapped her legs around Spencer's waist. "And thank you. It looks delicious."
"It is!" Erin said before jumping down from Spencer's arms and back to her seat, sitting down in her chair and putting her napkin in her shirt to catch any falling food. She was wearing a new outfit that Brooke had bought her on their last shopping excursion – white Bermuda shorts and a black, shallow cut V-neck tee shirt with graffiti on it. Also on the girl's neck was a pukka shell necklace that she and Brooke found on the beach. Someone had dropped it, and Erin wanted to keep it. After a small argument about sanitation and whether someone might come back for it between Spencer and Brooke, they had decided to let her keep it.
"Look, Mommy! I keep my nakkin in my shirt so it doesn't stain. Bacon's greasy."
"I know it is, baby. Good girl," Spencer said with a smile as Brooke shot Erin the thumbs-up sign. Erin returned this gesture and went back to eating her toast.
"I'm glad to see you smile this morning," Brooke said as she stood before her girlfriend, leaning in for a kiss. Spencer returned this kiss, slipping Brooke a little tongue, but not too much since her daughter was in the room. This kiss was still more passionate than any of their ones from the night before. "And Aiden called the house again this morning. He wants to meet you in the park. To tell you something that he forgot about last night. A name or something. He seemed frantic."
"Oh. Well, that's Aiden for you. Always thinking it's the end of the world or something," Spencer said, only partly lying so as not to betray the gravity of the situation to her daughter or girlfriend.
"You're going to the park, Mommy?" Erin said, perking up at the mere mention of the word. Spencer wrapped her arm around Brooke's waist and flashed her an apologetic smile before acknowledging her daughter's question.
"Yes, love. But not for anything fun. Just a meeting," Spencer said, trying to make this trip seem as boring as possible to her daughter. "I'm not going to be there long anyway. Not even a half-hour, if things go well."
"Uncle Aiden's going to be there?" Erin asked.
"Yes. But, he's not going to be there long. He probably wouldn't even have time to play with you on the swings or anything. I don't want you to be disappointed," Spencer said, knowing that in the few brief meetings her daughter had been exposed to with "Uncle" Aiden and Glen, she had gotten along with him really well.
"Erin, why don't you just let Mommy go take care of her meeting, and you and I will go rollerblading around the neighborhood? Maybe come back to the house and rock out to some Pink Floyd?" Brooke said, knowing that the little girl loved doing those things with her. Spencer smiled gratefully at Brooke, and the brunette nodded her head in response.
"Why don't we all go to the park?" Erin suggested, not dropping this idea.
"I'll take her rollerblading in the park so you and Aiden can talk," Brooke mumbled before looking into Spencer's blue eyes. The blonde nodded, even though she didn't like the idea. However, she knew her daughter. She had developed Spencer's persistence, and wasn't going to let them get away without taking her to the park.
"Brooke always has such good ideas, doesn't she, Erin? All right. We'll all go to the park," Spencer said cheerfully, even though this idea wasn't presenting itself well.
Brooke gave Spencer a kiss on the cheek as Erin pumped her fist into the air, and Brooke pulled Spencer's chair out for her at the table, letting her take a seat in front of her breakfast plate.
"I think your meeting's at one, babe," Brooke said softly. "It's 11:30 now."
"Okay. I'll shower and you and Erin can play a board game or something, and then we can take your car. I don't think mine's ready for a journey for a little while longer. Not to mention – Erin looks like she could use a ride in the Jeep," Spencer said as she buttered her toast and passed the jam to Brooke.
"Brooke's car looks like the ones in Jurassic Park, Mommy!" Erin said as she finished up her food and poured more juice.
"You let her watch that movie? She's six!" Spencer said softly.
"I fast-forwarded through all the bad parts and made her close her eyes. She just wanted to see the Stegosaurus," Brooke said calmly.
"Brooke's car does look like the Jurassic Park ones, baby – but you don't have to worry..." Spencer said, hoping that her child wasn't traumatized by the movie. She didn't think children should be exposed to violence. She didn't want them to grow up and all be violent people, especially with the crime that already plagued the US.
"...they're not real. Dinosaurs all died a billion billion trillion years ago, Mommy. I know," Erin said, repeating the same type of thing that Spencer had told her a million times and rolling her eyes before giggling and finishing her juice.
Brooke chuckled and started to eat her breakfast, watching Spencer's shocked face. Her kid certainly was a pistol – just like her mother.
"All right then, smarty-pants. Since you're done with breakfast, why don't you put your dishes in the sink, brush your teeth and hair, and then tidy things up in that room of yours? We're leaving in an hour," Spencer said as Erin got up to follow orders.
Erin placed her dishes in the sink and gave Spencer and Brooke both a kiss on the cheek before scampering up the stairs.
"What are we going to do with her once she gets to be a teenager?" Spencer asked, looking at her girlfriend whose eyes lit up when the blonde included the word "we" instead of "I."
"Lock her in the closet," Brooke replied before finishing up her breakfast. The two shared a look and slight laughter, and finished up in silence. Today was starting to look a little better for the Carlin/Springfield household.
A/N: Wow. THANK YOU all so, so much for the wonderful feedback on the last chapter/chapters (for those of you who just jumped on). I sincerely appreciate all of it. Every word, and I DO read every bit of feedback. It makes me laugh, smile, and sometimes cringe because, well, I know what's on the horizon. Sorry about that. I am patiently (kind of) awaiting your reviews on this chapter - what are you thinking about Spencer's family? Erin? Brooke? Feeling nervous yet? Let me know!