This is kind of late but I had a TON of things going on in the last couple of weeks. I might not have a regular updating schedule since I'm in school now but I should be updating around every one to two weeks. Also thank you tremendously for the reviews last chapter! YOU GUYS ROCK! And thanks for the support of my beta dancingwithEdward.

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Disclaimer: Not mine, but the plot is :)

The pain was staggering in my chest. I tried to think about anything but him. I couldn't believe I had fucking let this happen again. But, how was I supposed to be invulnerable when he was so good to me? How was I supposed to know that he would hurt me like every other time it happened? You stupid fucking idiot. Whenever I was finally happy there was always something there to put me back in my place again.

Tears of anger and regret and hopelessness ran down my cheeks, but the pouring rain hid them well. Why did he have to affect me so fucking much? Why couldn't I just forget about him and move on? Oh, that's right, because I am the dumbass that fell head over heels for him. And boy did I fall hard. Sobs shook through me and I tried to focus my attention on getting home. That's when I heard it.

"Jasper!" he yelled repeatedly as his feet slapped the pavement. My heart stuttered as I heard him. What did he want to tell me to my face that he didn't want me? I turned around and stopped walking letting the pouring rain drown me. Besides, what more could he hurt me? "Jasper," he gasped again. "Please, let me explain." I just nodded at him and watched as he tried to catch his breath. Once he was breathing normally again he looked up at me.

"Jasper, I'm so fucking sorry. I was drunk and I didn't mean those things. Please, I'm so sorry. Just, come back. Please, come back," he said wiping tears off of his face. He looked so hopeless, maybe even more than I did. I knew that he didn't know what he was saying the night before, but that wasn't what I was mad about. He left me standing there and slammed the door. That's what hurt me.

"It's okay," I mumbled trying to force a smile for him. He wanted me back; he didn't want me to leave. He never meant for any of this to happen. That's all I really needed to hear. But, remembering the slam of the door made me want to tear up again.

"It's not okay. Fuck, you still look upset. Please, Jasper, you don't know how sorry I am. Tell me how to make this right again," he pleaded with me, his green eyes rimmed with red.

"Edward, I'm not upset about what you said to me. It's just….when you went into the bathroom…I thought that you were mad and wanted me to leave," I said shakily. I hated him for making me feel this way. Vulnerable, open, lost, but at the same time comforted, protected, loved. I watched his green eyes pop open wide. He reached for my arm; I didn't pull away. I chided myself for how much I fucking wanted his touch.

"I never wanted you to leave, Jasper. I ran to the bathroom because that's what I do when the problems get too much for me. I ran away because I was scared about what you were going to say about the things I said last night. I didn't want you to hate me. I was confused. I am confused. I don't know what to fucking think anymore," he said his hands moving through his hair rapidly. That's why he ran away from me? He thought I was going to mad. What if I fucking told him that I felt the same exact way about him? What would he do then?

"Edward, I can't hate you. You're too good to me," I said honestly. But, just because he was confused didn't mean he wanted to be with me too. Fuck, I knew what he felt like. I thought I was completely straight until I found out I was attracted to him. He was the only thing I wanted and I doubted that it would ever change.

"How the fuck am I good to you? I hurt you time after time. I'm lucky enough that you're even talking to me right now," he mumbled looking down. His fists were curled at his sides. Why was he blaming himself? This whole thing was so fucking screwed. I quickly took the few steps to him and wrapped my arms around him. He just stood there, frozen and soaking wet. Why wasn't he hugging me back?

"Fucking hug me back!" I said angrily. When he didn't move I moved so that way my mouth was at his ear. "You will always be the best thing that ever happened to me," I whispered to him. "You've helped me more than you'll ever know." I felt his arms wrap around my waist and pull me closer. He sobbed into my neck and I held him tighter.

"Please come back," he choked out against me and my heart lurched again with want. I wanted to go back with him, but I couldn't. I pulled away from him and I saw him look down.

"I can't, Edward," I mumbled. He just nodded. "I snuck out so that way I could help you, and I could get grounded again. Trust me, I would go back if I could," I tried to reassure him. He looked up with a little more hope in those mesmerizing green eyes.

"So you can't stay the night again?" he asked his eyes sad once again. I didn't know if I would be able with getting out two nights in a row. But I needed him; I wanted to spend any time at all with him. I had an idea…..

"Maybe you could spend the night over my house? I mean, my mom will be partying but we could hang out in my room…." I suggested. I glanced at him and saw him smiling, A real smile.

"Really?" he asked.

"Any problems with climbing in windows?" I joked and he shook his head with a little laugh. I smiled back at him and tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach. This wasn't a fucking date. This was just Edward spending the night…in my house…and possibly in my bed. Fuck yes.

"What time do you want me over?" he asked still smiling.

Anytime

"How about nine or so? Is that okay?" I asked a bundle of nerves. He nodded his head. "I'll see you," I said as he began to turn away. I saw something flash in his eyes and then he was hugging me again. His nearness was making me overcome with desire. All I had to do was lift my head and my lips would meet his….

"Thank you," he whispered his hot breath making the hairs on my neck stand on end. And my cock too. Then he pulled away from me and started walking away. I was about to head down the block to my house when he turned around and smirked at me. He was such a fucking tease. And he didn't even know it.

I walked home quickly with a smile on my face. I made it home in record time and opened the door. As soon as I opened the front door I paused making sure that everything was undisturbed. I didn't want my mom to wake up and find out that I had been gone. Once I figured that it was okay to go on, I started on my way to my room. I was just passing the living room when I saw him on the couch.

He was blonde and his face was scruffy and turned towards the couch. The rest of him was covered with a blanket. Fuck, why did my mom have to let people stay over? I slowly crept by him and tried not to make a noise.

"You have to be quieter than that, son," I heard a voice coming from the lump under the blanket. I jumped and looked at him startled. His bloodshot eyes were blue and he definitely looked like he just woke up from a party. Just like all the other ones who stayed at the house.

"You're not gonna tell are you?" I asked. That was the only thing I cared about. He just smirked.

"Nah," he smiled at me. "I was once your age, too." He said smiling lazily.

"Thanks," I muttered and made my way to my bedroom. I sure hope he wouldn't tell my mom. Who the fuck knows what she would do this time? I didn't want to be in even more trouble. I sighed and went inside my bedroom and closed the door. I changed into my pajamas even though I was too hyped up to go back to sleep. Just thinking about my bed made me think about that that night Edward would be here. I smiled to myself like the idiot I am. Put on me to fall head over heels for your best friend of the same sex. I laughed feeling weightless. Nothing could touch me at that moment. Nothing. I was invincible because I still had Edward. I had happiness. For once I had hope.

Although that day got off to rocky start, it was comparatively worse at home as the day went on. Mom and Peter woke up about one and the blonde- haired man left. Then it started over again. It was about three when their friends started arriving. It was more than was usual for us and I ended up being in the middle of it.

I was sketching in the screened- in porch in our backyard. That's when they started showing up. I had no fucking clue why they had to party in front of me. But they did. I didn't want to leave though. I loved that porch and they weren't going to force me to go away in my own fucking home. So I sat there and endured the cigarette smell, the yelling, and the booze. That's when I was interrupted, at least more than I already was.

She looked about thirty and she had bright red hair and the most unnerving brown eyes. But, what you noticed most about her was the lines in her face and the discoloration of her teeth. Her bloodshot eyes making her stand out as an avid partier. She might even be pretty if she didn't do that to herself.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked me trying to look over my shoulder. I shrugged and tried to hide the drawing from her. I was doing another sketch of Edward's eyes. I loved his fucking eyes. They were the best thing about him. Besides his hair, his stomach, his hands his….stop. Fuck, please don't get hard.

"Drawing," I said trying to say something, anything, to get her away from me. Didn't any of these fuckers know how to leave me alone?

"Can you draw me?" she asked. I looked at her and saw that she was making an attempt to be sexy. Was she fucking hitting on me? This can't be fucking happening.

"Uhhhh…." I said not knowing what to say to her.

"It's not like I have to be naked or anything, but if you want it that way we could do that too," she flashed me a grin. What the fuck was I supposed to do?

"Umm, one minute okay?" I said quickly and grabbed my things before making a beeline to my mom.

"I'm gonna go to the park. I'll be back in an hour."

"Okay, sweetie," she said. She probably didn't even hear a fucking word I said. I made my way out of the porch as fast as I could before the red-haired woman found me. I needed to get out of this fucking place. I couldn't believe that she fucking hit on me. She was twice my fucking age! Ughh, I shook my head in disgust. I dropped my things in my room and walked to the park. I pulled out my cell phone and saw that Edward would be coming over in half an hour. I didn't really want to go home that soon so I texted him.

Meet you at the park, okay?

I waited for his response. I couldn't help that dorky smile that lit my face when my phone buzzed.

Okay :) he texted back and I smiled even wider.

I went to the swings, my absolute favorite thing about the park. I was scared of heights but I loved having the wind in my hair and the feeling of being free. Weightless.

That was until I heard my name being called.

"Jasper!" she said effectively ruining my good mood. Nothing had been good with her, well except for the sex but that doesn't matter. I stopped swinging and looked at her. She looked the same as always…beautiful. But there was something about the way she was looking at me that I didn't understand.

"What?" I asked her. I didn't have time for her stupid games. She sighed and sat on the swing next to me.

"Jasper, I want to apologize," she said quietly. Apologize? Her? She fucking laughed in my face when she broke up with me. Since when did she have any regret?

"Just save it okay," I said coldly looking the other way from her. I thought that she would just leave, but she was still sitting there. It bothered me. A lot.

"Please, Jasper, I'm so sorry. For what I did to you and everything. I was selfish and cruel and I never wanted to hurt you. I love you, baby, and I want to be with you. I'm sorry for everything," she whispered and I glanced over at her. She was crying. Not once did I ever see her cry. She looked like she was vulnerable, human, and completely faking it.

"Great, I'm glad you're sorry," I said sarcastically. I watched her tears come faster and I regretted it. What if she really fucking meant it? But what if she didn't.

"Alice, I loved you, fuck even part of me still does. But you hurt me more than you could ever imagine and I just can't go back and go through that again. You can't just apologize and have my trust back," I told her. I really didn't want to see her cry even though she treated me worse than I was doing to her. Hurting people just wasn't me.

I glanced away for a moment and then I heard the swing she was on move and she was in my arms. "I'm so fucking sorry, baby," she sobbed into me and I held her even though I knew I shouldn't. I just nodded into her hair and breathed in her scent. Then she looked up at me with her tearful eyes and running makeup and kissed me.

It wasn't like how our kisses used to be; it was more soft and gentle. I wanted to push her away, I really did, but I couldn't. I felt her need emanating in waves. She fucking wanted me and I felt myself start to harden. Alice noticed and started rubbing against me.

Edward, my mind said. Fuck, I couldn't do this. He was the fucking one I wanted, not her. But it felt so good to have something touching and rubbing against my cock other than my own hand. I fucking needed to cum. But then Alice started moaning against me and all I wanted to do was push her away.

She started kissing my neck and it drove me crazy. I fucking loved when my neck was touched, and kissed. It fucking turned me on so bad. I thought about Edward doing that to me, and a moan escaped me.

"You're so fucking hard, Jazz," she moaned. I can't fucking do this. But I needed to get off. Ughhh, a groan escaped me. I kept thinking of Edward and all the things he could do to me while Alice was pressed against me. I know it was wrong, but I desperately needed to cum. Then I heard his voice.

"Jasper?" I heard him. Alice turned to look at him and I felt my face go up in flames. I gently moved her so she was off of me. Edward was just standing there staring at the two of us. I couldn't look at the hurt in his eyes. "Alice?" he asked turning to her.

"Listen, I'll talk to you some other time okay?" I asked her. I didn't want to talk to her and she probably knew it, but she just nodded and left. I watched her until she disappeared into the darkness. And then it was only Edward and I. "I'm sorry," I mumbled and looked at the ground. I didn't want him to see any of that.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he smiled a tiny smile. "But are you back together now?" he asked curiously. He was biting his lip and it was making me even hornier than I already was.

"No," I said looking right at him and I saw relief in his eyes.

"Good, I just didn't want you to get hurt again," he said softly. My heart pounded faster at his words. He fucking cared for me; it filled me up with so much warmth it was unbelievable.

"Were you still coming over?" I asked him. I would understand if he just wanted to go back to his house after what he seen me do. Fuck, he broke up with Alice because she hurt me, and there I was pawing all over her at the park.

"Duh," he said smirking at me and showing me the bag that he was carrying. I just smiled and led the way. But before we went I had to make an adjustment in my jeans. "Did you want some help with that?" he laughed and I rolled my eyes at him. He just snickered some more.

I began getting more and more nervous the closer we got to my house, and Edward could tell that I was on edge. I just knew that my mom was going to do what she always did- party. I didn't want him to see that. Fuck, I didn't want it to happen in the first place.

"If you don't want me to stay over I can just go home," he said quietly next to me.

"I don't want you to go, but I'm not sure you'll like what you see, or hear," I said shamefully. I wanted a normal family that didn't stay up all night and party. I wanted something normal. But more than all those things I wanted Edward which was why I was letting him come over even though things weren't the greatest there.

"I know things are bad, Jasper, but I would rather be there with you than to have you go through it alone," he said his green eyes staring back at me. I felt a lump in my throat as I nodded. It was my way of saying "thanks" without falling to pieces.

You could hear the music playing in the basement as soon as you set foot on the front lawn. You could also hear the yelling. It was pretty awful when the whole entire neighborhood knew what was happening in your own house. I went over to the left side of the house where my bedroom window was. Thank God, I had a bedroom on the first floor. I quickly moved up the screen and climbed in. I flipped on a light so I could see Edward.

He was down there, about four feet, and staring at the window.

"Want some help?" I smirked. He was an athletic kid; this should've been easy for him. I watched as he pulled himself up and through the window. I thought he was finally in when he crashed to the floor with a loud thud. His green eyes were wide as they stared back at mine. Then I cracked up.

I was doubled over with laughter while he scowled at me. He just looked so fucking cute and adorable I couldn't help myself. And his face…..I laughed some more and I watched as he sat on my bed and waited for me to get it together.

"Yeah, very funny. Now why don't you go take a shower and your problem," he said gesturing at my crotch which still had a noticeable bulge there. My face went bright red with embarrassment and he smirked at me. I grabbed a few things before leaving my room and heading for the shower.

I let the hot water run over me and I felt myself relax, that is every part except for my cock. Why the fuck couldn't it calm down? And what did Edward think now? I sighed thinking about him. And the more I thought about him the harder I got. My hand moved to grasp my dick and moved upwards slowly. I hissed in pleasure of finally able to have something touching me.

All I could think about was Edward doing things to me. Sexual things. Fuck, it felt so good. I wanted him to touch me like this, to make me cum. I wanted to make him cum and scream my name when he did so. I wanted him so fucking bad…..I let out an uncontainable moan.

I was so fucking close that my arms and legs were shaking with my need to cum. I imagined myself walking out of the bathroom to see Edward waiting for me in my bed. He would see that I was still hard and he would caress me all over. He would bring me to the edge and I would call out his name. His green eyes would watch me as I came.

"Edward," I moaned leaning against the wall to hold myself up. I sure hoped that he wasn't standing outside the door listening. But, I was pretty sure he couldn't hear shit because of the music downstairs. I cleaned myself off feeling more relaxed than I had in a long time.

I know I should have felt bad about imagining Edward while I was jerking off, but I didn't. I smiled as I went back into my room to find Edward sitting in the middle of my bed. I looked away quickly from him and put my laundry in a pile. Fuck, he probably knew I was just jerking off. He just didn't know that I was fantasizing about him. I turned back around to notice that he wasn't even paying attention to me. He was looking at my sketchbook. The one I drew pictures of him in.

I came and looked over his shoulder. He was looking at the picture I had done of his eyes. I glanced at him to see his real eyes staring back at me.

"Is this me?" he whispered. I could see shock in his eyes, but there was definitely hope there too.

"You have beautiful eyes," I murmured trying to justify myself. I couldn't look at him; I was just too embarrassed.

"Thank you. I didn't mean to look at your drawings. I was just curious," he told me with a soft smile. Did that mean that he didn't think it was weird that I drew him? I smiled back. He set my sketchpad back down on the table and we sat in silence for a moment. You could hear the shouting downstairs.

"I would show you the rest of the house but…." I said trying to break the silence. He just nodded in understanding. He just rested his head back on the wall and closed his eyes.

I watched him guiltily. I loved how his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed. I loved the muscular jaw he had and the veins popping out of his arms. He was just…everything I had ever wanted. Then he opened his eyes and caught me staring at him. I glanced away quickly. That's when the screaming started.

"Fuck you! Why don't you get the fuck out of my house?" I could hear my mom yell. Footsteps on the basement stairs and the creaking of the back door were heard after that. Everyone was leaving because no one wanted to watch them fight again. I felt my face heat up in embarrassment, and I couldn't even look at Edward.

"No," Peter said calmly. I don't know how he kept himself calm while she screamed at him.

"Just get the fuck out! I don't want you here!" my mom screamed again as they both stomped up the stairs. Their footsteps were louder now in the dining room.

"Please, Peter, just leave," my mom sobbed. I hated when she cried. It just made me feel so bad.

"I'm not going anywhere, honey," Peter said. I could almost see the smirk on his face.

"LEAVE!" she screamed and I glanced at Edward briefly. He looked shocked and hurt. His eyes were staring back at me, and I could take it. I couldn't take him feeling sorry for me.

"Shut the fuck up!" Peter yelled back at her and stomped across the floor. My mom sobbed harder. It was quiet for a moment. Then I felt something touching me. Edward. His hand was on my shoulder. I jerked back automatically and I saw the hurt in his eyes. I moved towards the other end of the bed and put my head in my hands.

"Please, just don't touch me," I gasped half choking, half-crying. Why the fuck was this happening to me. I grabbed my hair frantically and sobbed into my arms.

"Let's just go to bed, sweetie," Peter cooed to my mom.

"How the fuck are we going to pay rent? How am I supposed to get to work tomorrow?" my mom cried frantically.

"I don't know. We'll find a way."

"Sure. Just like you said last time," my mom snapped back.

"I didn't tell you to buy the fucking drugs," he said back.

"Yeah, it was all me. I get it." I heard her walk to her room and slam the door. I tried to force myself to calm down. Why did I have to freak out like this? It wasn't like I hadn't heard the same things before. And what must Edward think? Why the fuck didn't I let him touch me?

I lifted my head and wiped my eyes. Edward was staring at me with complete hurt on his face.

"Jasper?" he whispered brokenly.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed out. He just held his arms out. I scrambled across the bed in my effort to get to him. He wrapped me in his arms and I held on to him for dear life. He just held me tighter and I buried myself in him. "I'm so sorry," I whispered to him.

"It's okay. I know you were upset," he said and I could feel his breath in my hair. Then the lights went off in my room and there was a crack of thunder. I jumped.

"Fuck," I said roughly. I fucking hated thunderstorms. I hated seeing the lights flash in my room and the loud cracking that made me jump all the time. I looked up and I could see that Edward was staring down at me.

"You're scared of thunderstorms?" he asked and I nodded against him. He pulled me tighter to him and tucked my head into his chest so I couldn't see the lightening. "You like snuggling don't you?" he said softly. I nodded again, and if there were lights he would've seen me blushing.

"I like feeling close to someone. Being protected." Loved was what I wanted to say.

"I like holding you," he said so quietly I could have imagined it. I felt my eyes water up. We laid in silence for a moment listening to the rain pound on the window. He moved his hands up to my hair. He started rubbing circles on my neck. I couldn't help but begin getting hard. I loved having my neck played with, and it was turning me on more than Edward knew. I knew he could probably feel my growing erection on his leg and that turned me on even more. He kneaded my neck deeper so I moved my head to the side so that way he could reach better. The tingles ran through me straight to my cock. Ughh, it felt so fucking good. I tried to stifle a moan in his shirt.

I pulled back before I started possibly humping him. His eyes were wide and I saw him glance down at my bulge in my jeans. My face flushed red.

"I'm sorry….It's just when my neck is touched…" fuck I didn't know how to fix this. I saw his face form into an "oh" and I moved further away so we weren't touching. We just sat there and stared at each other for a moment. "Do you ever think that our friendship is more strained than it should be? I mean, it seems like all we do is get upset and apologize," I blurted out. Where the fuck did that come from? Then the lights came back on.

Edward was staring at me. He looked nervous and his face was red.

"Our friendship is strained because I care a lot about you Jasper," he whispered. What the fuck did that mean?

"I care about you too," I said. He sighed and sat up so that way he was facing me.

"I mean I want us to be more than friends. I like you, Jasper. I like you a lot more than friends should." He fucking liked me! My fucking heart was pounding like crazy. I had been waiting for this and here I was still sitting there like a complete dumbass. "Please say something. I mean I know you probably don't feel the same way, but can we at least be friends?" his green eyes were hurt and rejected.

"Can you kiss me?" I asked him.

Yes, I know I'm terrible. But leave a review and the next chapter might be posted sooner :)