chapter 6

"Attention all pilots. Prepare your ships for battle."

Kan fell out of bed and felt blindly for his boots, which he had kicked underneath his bed last night. He slipped them onto his feet, simultaneously grabbing a comb from his survival pack and yanking it painfully through his unruly hair. Through the walls, he could hear members of the Wicked Club also awake, crashing into walls and twirling lightsabers around, screaming wildly. It sounded like a murder was taking place in the adjoining rooms.

"Repeat: Attention all pilots. Prepare for battle," the ship's loudspeaker shrieked.

There was a hesitant knock on the door. Kan gave up trying to comb his hair and went to see who it was.

"Advance. Commander Lee says there is not much time left," Andora said.

His mind still bleary from sleep, Kan wondered why everyone was so rushed this morning. Then he remembered. Adriaan leaving. The war conference immediately following. This was the day the invasion of the Kiyp Belt would begin.

He stepped out into a hallway filled with chaos. Clone pilots rushed back and forth, dodging lines of regular infantry. Jahn Pal and Sai'wer were huddled against the wall, bawling.

"Boohoo!" they wailed.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, what is it now?" Andora asked them.

"We want our mommy!" wailed Jahn Pal.

"Who?"

"Mommy Minir!" Sai'wer yelled. "Where are you? Where is Jahn Pal? Where is me? Do you know, Jahn Pal?"

"We are lost," Jahn Pal informed his cousin.

The two immediately began to cry again.

"Nonsense," Andora said, "you are not astray. You are in the hold of the Shooting Star, a Republic assault ship. You have no cause for agitation. Observe; Minir approaches us now."

A grumpy-looking boy stumbled out the doorway. His eyelids were puffed and tired-looking. He glared at the crying boys. "Shut up, you little baby GOODS."

"Mommy Minir! You're alive!" Jahn Pal screamed.

"Of course, you idiot, why wouldn't I be?"

"We were afraid the Andora-monster had eaten you," Sai'wer whispered.

"Rubbish!" shouted Andora. "You evil, wicked, diminutive boys –––"

"WICKED is right!" her blond-haired, dirty twin popped through the door. "Yo, WICKEDS! Ready to kick some battle droid butts today?"

"Aedan!" Andora looked shocked. "How dare you exercise such, such…" she grasped for the right word. "…obscene vocabulary!"

Aedan looked at her and shrugged. "Don't worry, GOOD little sister, we'll wear tough bantha-hide boots so the metal won't hurt our feet."

She stepped menacingly toward him. "Why you malificent, miniscule ––––"

"WICKED!" The rest of the Wicked Club burst through the door and surrounded their leader protectively. "Get away, GOOD one!"

"You know, I am not cognizant of how being 'good' is an insult," Andora said. "I am proud to be under the appellation 'Good One'"

"Shame! GOODNESS!" screamed the Wicked Club.

Just then, the comm unit screeched above them, startling them into silence. Jahn Pal and Sai'wer screamed at the noise and covered their ears, but the others waited calmly for the message to come.

"Captain Enik, report to the command bridge immediately." The person speaking was Kay Lee. "Repeat: KAN ENIK REPORT TO THE COMMAND BRIDGE."

"All right all right, I'm coming," Kan said, stepping into the crowd of clones.

"Wicked Club members, report to Captain Enik after the mission briefing," Kay Lee continued.

"WICKED!" they screamed.

The loudspeaker gave one last piercing shriek before it was turned off.

Aedan looked pleased. "Hey, WICKEDS, guess what?" he said. "We're famous. Our club was actually mentioned on a loudspeaker!"

"WICKED!" the others yelled. "Soon the whole GOOD galaxy will know and fear our WICKEDNESS!"

"Oh, good grief," Kan said.

"She didn't divulge my mission objective," Andora complained.

"Maybe she just forgot about you," Minir murmured.

"How dare you!" Andora screamed. "Who could possibly forget me?"

"Maybe she assumed Andora was part of the Wicked Club," Kan suggested.

Panicky looks crossed the boys faces. "GOOD! NO!"

"Never!"

"Andora stinks!"

"She's GOOD!"

"She's not ugly like us!" Andre added.

Andora stared. "How is being designated as attractive unfavorable?"

"How is being designated as attractive GOOD," Terry corrected.

"Attractiveness is GOOD," Aedan said importantly. "The guy on the Holonet said so."

Kan rolled his eyes. "You and your ideas. Come on, Andora, you can come with me."

"GOOD riddance," Aedan called.

"And don't come back," Minir added.

* * * * *

Aedan yanked the controls from side to side, testing his ARC-170 starfighter. The ship ducked and rolled erratically, and Aedan let out a whoop of triumph. Yep; the ship was definitely WICKED.

"Yo, WICKEDS, have you tested your WICKED ships?" Aedan yelled into the ship's comm system.

"Affirmative, WICKED."

"Roger, WICK-King."

"This baby ain't gonna croak, WICKED."

"Mine's not GOOD."

"Flies like a bantha," Minir griped.

"Um, Queen Aedan?" Jahn Pal's voice popped into the frequency. "How do I fly this thing?"

"And what will happen if I press the button that is labeled: Warning: press to eject from cockpit?" Sai'wer asked innocently.

"GOOD," Aedan murmured.

"Did you say, 'go ahead'?"

"NO!" Aedan shouted. "Whatever you moronic babies do, don't press that button!"

"Yes, ma'am."

Aedan's eyes narrowed. "Who just called me 'ma'am'?"

"I did, WICKED," Jahn Pal said.

"GOOD! Expellation! May the Tusken Raiders on Tattooine chop you into a gazillion pieces and serve your bones to their pet massiffs!" Aedan screamed.

"No, no!" Sai'wer bawled. "Don't chop up Jahn Pal! He's essential to the club!"

"In what way?" was Minir's calm rejoinder.

"All right, boys," Kay Lee's tired voice came over the speaker. "Cut the talking; we're about to run into the CIS fleet. Just follow your Captain. He knows what to do."

"He sure does," Andre said, referring to the captain of the Wicked Club.

"I meant Captain Enik."

"GOOD!"

"Wickeds," Kan said. "Approach coordinates 616, 2541, copy."

Aedan squinted at his navigation screen. Big patches of red suddenly covered the blank screen. "Whoa, that's pretty WICKED," Aedan murmured.

"It's the CIS! Make 'em croak!" Terry yelled.

"Cease your imprudence," Andora said. "We are about to partake in belligerent actions, not a festivity for your personal amusement. Captain, I suggest that you inform your charges of their directive before they purloin your prerogative."

"Copy. Blue Leader, standing by. Blue Group, set craft in attack formation."

"WICKED!" the Wicked Club screamed.

"Craft in attack formation, sir," Andora said over the boys' screams.

"Blue Leader, vultures are bearing down on you from coordinates 757, 9198…" Kay Lee said.

Aedan followed Kan's craft, pitched his ship to a hard right so that he was facing the oncoming droid fighters. His minions and Andora did similar maneuvers so that they were all heading in the same direction.

He looked out his cockpit window and saw long, blackish-gray shapes silhouetted against the silvery outline of an asteroid in the Kiyp Belt. Black specks floating around the CIS assault ships were flying toward him.

"WICKED!" Aedan screamed as red bolts suddenly shattered through the black space. His craft ducked and rolled, dodging the laser bolts. He had never been in a space battle before, and it was WICKEDLY terrifying. He could tell that the other club members thought the same, for they were all yelling and whooping along with him.

"Boo-yah! I just shot down a GOOD!"

"No, you UNWICKED, that was my kill."

"No, it was mine and Sai'wer's," Sai'wer said. "Oh, wait; am I Sai'wer or Jahn Pal?"

"Rubbish. You didn't provoke the late opponent's demise. It was I."

Aedan rolled his eyes. As usual, his twin had to take credit for everything.

"Sai'wer! Stop shooting me, you imbecile!" Minir cut in.

"That's not me, that's Jahn Pal," Sai'wer whined.

"Make fireworks!" Jahn Pal laughed. "Kill sweet, nice wittle Minir!"

"Aedan! Terry! WICKEDS! Help me!" Minir begged, the usual surliness in his tone replaced by terror.

"You GOOD," Terry said, "he's not even hitting you. Too dumb."

"I'll help you, Minir!" Kay Lee yelled, breaking out of formation.

"No, Commander Lee, stay with your troops!" Andora cried. "I will come to the aid of the distressed."

"I'm not distressed! I'm WICKED!" Minir shrieked.

"Minir! Take Action 612 919WICKED!" Aedan broke in as trifighters bore down on Minir's ARC-170.

"Ai-i-i-eeeee!!!" There was a brief flash of fire as Minir's ship was hit by the incoming laser fire.

"He's going down!" Kan said.

"He's croaking!" Andre shouted in disbelief.

"His demise is incontrovertible," Andora said.

"No, mommy Minir can't die!" Sai'wer cried.

"Boohoo! Who will be our mommy now?" Jahn Pal asked.

"I guess it will just have to be our sisters, Kien and Andre…"

"Last time I checked, Kien and Andre are males that have no distinct relation to idiots such as you." Minir's voice sounded a little weak and shaky through the static, but it was audible.

"Minir! You're alive!" Terry screamed.

"Amazing!" Na'thin shouted.

"WICKED!" Aedan added.

"Oh, it is good that you are still alive, dear mommy," Jahn Pal said.

"I am astounded that you have exhibited an uncharacteristic WICKED fondness for me, though I must admit that I am not honored by your GOOD affection."

"Oh, do not worry, dear Minir," Sai'wer said. "We are not fond of you; we just wanted to make sure you would be able to attend your funeral."

For several minutes, the only sound heard was the Wicked Club's stifled sniggers. Aedan thought he heard even his prim little sister giggling under her breath. What idiots, to think that an alive and well Minir would attend his own funeral.

A group of trifighters suddenly filled the black space outside his cockpit bubble. Aedan fired a few laser blasts at them, then targeted the closest fighter and launched a missile. The opponent burst into a fiery bloom of red flame, taking out another fighter with the blast. Aedan whooped and hollered, turning his ship over and flying upside down. He ignored the fact that in space, nothing was upside down.

"There's too many of them! They're all over me!" a clone yelled.

"GOOD!" the Wicked Club yelled. They disapproved of the expression "there's too many of them" There were never too many enemies for the WICKEDS to deal with. Aedan was not surprised when the clone's ARC-170 spun out of control as its wing was clipped by starfire. It twirled around lazily, then disappeared in a puff of smoke and fire.

"So much for that GOOD," Minir said.

"Minir!" Kan said, obviously shocked at the WICKED comment. "That was completely unnecessary."

"We request that you refrain from such indecent comments," Andora agreed. "All of you."

"No. We will be WICKED!" the Wicked Club yelled.

"Well, Minir, if that's how you feel about a clone, I wonder how you'd feel if it was Aedan in that ship." This time, it was Kay Lee who was deciding to admonish them. Insolent GOOD. Certainly he, the King of all WICKEDNESS, would not meet such an unfortunate end. Aedan expected Minir to say so. Instead, Minir's reply shocked him.

"Actually, I wouldn't mind that much if GOOD old Aedan croaked."

There was a stunned silence. Aedan felt blood rush up to his ears, and he held in his breath for as long as he could.

"Traitor! GOODNESS!" Aedan screamed, jamming hard on the controls as he yanked his craft so that it was facing Minir. He released several missiles at Minir's ARC-170.

"Hey, Aedan! That's friendly fire!" Kan yelled.

"Not friendly! GOOD!" Aedan shrieked, ruthlessly firing at Minir. The missiles overshot, and exploded into two vulture droids instead. Aedan was so mad he couldn't keep a steady hand at the controls; as a result, he kept missing his target.

"Obviously, they are not being friendly to each other, therefore, technically speaking, Aedan is not engaged in friendly fire," Jahn Pal said, assuming a scientific-like attitude.

"The soon-deceased Minir is now engaged in deadly combat against Aedan," Sai'wer informed the crew.

"Boys! Insolents! Cease your irresponsible handling of hazardous technology immediately," Andora commanded.

"Aedan, leave off," Kay Lee said.

"No, Aedan, get 'em!" said Kien, who had always been disliked by Minir because of his incessant pranks on the "comedian"

"Make him croak!" Andre cheered.

"Down with Minir! He called us GOODS!" Terry yelled.

"Boohoo! Please don't kill mommy!" Sai'wer begged.

"Yes, he must be in condition to attend his funeral," Jahn Pal said.

"No, GOOD, die!" Aedan screeched, recklessly flying his ship at top speed towards Minir. "Give up, GOOD!"

"Give up? Give up?" Minir gasped out. "WICKED, I was only kidding! It was only a WICKED joke come on please don't make me croak I'm too young and WICKED to croak…"

Aedan stopped in mid-fire. "A joke?"

The Wicked Club stopped their rooting.

"But Minir, you never joke," Terry said.

"You said you weren't funny," Andre added.

"Well, I'm the WICKED comedian, right?" Minir sounded cross.

Aedan threw back his head and let out a piercing shriek of a laugh. "!"

"Hoh hoh hoh! Haw haw haw! Huh huh huh!" his minions chortled.

"Hah. Hah. Hah," Minir said, hardly sounding amused.

"Aedan Kenobi, you are under arrest for high treason against the Republic," Andora said sternly.

"Aedan, you can't intentionally fire on your own teammates," Kay Lee said. "Watch your flank, Blue Leader! There's vultures bearing down on you!"

"Got it." Kan's ship turned around and fired on the incoming fighters.

Aedan frowned. He didn't like the idea of being put under arrest. Of course, he hadn't really intended to kill Minir. Just blast his ship to scare the guts out of him, that's all. Still, if Aedan explained this to Kay Lee and Kan, he doubted that they would understand. So how could he prove his WICKED innocence?

Just then he had an idea. "Man, WICKEDS, I was just joking like my WICKED comedian, right, Minir?"

"Well, you didn't GOODLY hit my ship, which I find surprising since your aiming skills are supposed to be WICKED –––"

"See? Me and Minir were only playing a joke on each other. I was trying to scare him," Aedan said hopefully.

Kay Lee and Kan considered for a moment in silence. "Well, all right," Kan said grudgingly. "Commander, I know this may sound illogical, but I think Aedan is right. I don't think he'd intentionally try to kill one of his friends, even a friend like Minir."

"Hey!" Minir shouted. "Take care, or I'll blast you out of the sky!"

"Uh –––– hah hah hah," Kien said. "Minir is so very WICKEDLY funny, no?"

"I wasn't joking this time," Minir muttered, but thankfully, Kan chose to ignore that comment. Aedan grinned triumphantly, relieved that Kay Lee had decided against arresting him for high treason. Whatever that was. It was probably just a fancy GOOD old word for having a joke. Andora could never take a WICKED joke.

"Commander, Blue group has successfully broken through the formation of fighters," Kan said. "We have a clear path to the blockade."

"Goo ––– wicked. Set your coordinates for the closest assault cruiser. You'll bombard the main points on the ship until it is taken out. Got it?"

"Negative, Commander."

"Captain Enik does not like my idea of attacking such large ships? Then please, turn around and head home to write a good explanation to Adriaan why you fled from the battle."

"No, Kay Lee, I have a better idea. These ships aren't very good at taking out large targets. They're designed for dogfights, not demolishing large cruisers. I suggest that we land inside the cruiser itself and do a little sabotage while your bombers do the rest outside."

"That's even more risky than attacking the cruiser by ship –––"

"Still, it'll be faster, and we need all the time we can get."

Kay Lee seemed to be contemplating. "All right."

"WICKED!" Aedan yelled.

"But stay out of trouble," Kay Lee said, "and stay together."

"Staying together WICKED!" Andre shouted.

"But not staying out of trouble," Minir said sulkily.

"And listen to Kan," Kay Lee added. "Remember, he is your leader, and you must follow his directions. Andora will be his assistant."

"Please, no," Kan said.

"To hear is to obey, Commander," Andora said primly. "I will joyously supervise my unruly sibling's organization to guarantee a GOOD and successful sortie."

The Wicked Club groaned.

"Stupid GOOD," Minir muttered.

"I hope she croaks," Andre hissed.

"She'll mess-up the whole mission," Terry agreed.

"She'll make sure we won't have any WICKED fun," Kien added.

"Not if I can WICKEDLY help it," Aedan said to himself, his eyes gleaming as a WICKED plan began to take shape inside his head.