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Therese didn't answer, she kept her head in her hands as the tears fell hard. She could feel Carol's hand against her back and on her own hand, Carol's thumb gently stroking her fingers from side to side. Therese couldn't bring herself to look at Carol, she just couldn't, she was so angry yet so upset. She knew that when she spoke to her it would mean that they had to deal with their issues, with the real world. They were no longer the little bubble they had been in whilst they had been on their trip. And now… Therese couldn't even bare to think what was going to happen, or not happen…
"Therese?" asked Carol, breaking the silence in a tentative voice.
Therese didn't answer, but she removed her hands from her eyes and pulled out a handkerchief, dabbing at her eyes. She knew she must look a mess, knew her eyes would be blotchy and her nose red. She looked down embarrassed. She hated that Carol had seen her like this. Hated that Carol knew how much pain she was in, looking vulnerable, weak.
"Therese" said Carol again, "Please can we talk?"
Therese looked down at her hands which were tear stained. She opened her mouth to reply just as the doorbell went. Both her and Carol jumped. They were so wrapped up in the moment that the noise of the door threw them of. Therese stood up, somewhat stiffly and mumbled
"I better get that." She moved to the door and picked up the phone "Yes?" she asked in a dull voice.
"It's me honey" came Dannie's voice "I'll give you a hand with your stuff."
Therese had no idea what to do. The idea of Dannie coming up panicked her as that would surely mean Carol would leave. Although, at the same time, the idea of having a proper conversation with Carol panicked Therese too. Her mind wasn't working right, what the hell should she do? She hesitated, her ear still pressed to the phone then she let her fingers act on their own. They reluctantly pressed the buzzer. She replaced the phone and opened the door. She could hear Dannie running up the stairs like a kid, apparently doing two at a time. He arrived puffing and smiling.
"Ready to- Therese, are you alright?" He asked walking into the flat and taking Therese's hands. "What has happened?" he said surveying her face his eyes wide, he looked left and it was then that he saw Carol, sitting on the bed her eyes downcast.
"What have you done?" he asked pointing an accusing finger at Carol.
"I'm sorry, have we met?" asked Carol, looking up in surprise at being addressed like this from in her eyes a stranger.
"No, but I know all about you."
"Dannie please, please don't, look just take my stuff, I'll be over later."
"I can't leave you here. Not with her." Said Dannie desperately, eyeing Carol with dislike.
"Dannie," Therese placed a hand on Dannie's check and looked him in the eye "I'll come around later," she said slowly. She then went to her suitcase, closed the clasps, picked it up and handed it to him, "please Dannie."
Dannie looked at her for a long moment before saying "Alright," he turned away from Therese and turned instead to Carol "but if I hear your mean to this girl, you'll have me to answer to," he said glaring at Carol before giving Therese a look that clearly said, 'I wish you weren't doing this' and then he left shutting the door with a snap.
Therese let out a long sigh. She turned to Carol slowly. Her mind spinning. Carol looked up at her.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" Therese asked.
"Well, yes, tea would be very welcomed" replied Carol who looked on the verge of tears.
Therese nodded and moved robotically to the kitchen. She filled the kettle with hot water and placed it on the stove. She could hear Carol coming into the Kitchen.
"So" said Carol looking around "I don't want to be getting in your friend Dannie's bad books do I?" She said trying and failing to smile.
Therese just shook her head. She turned her back to Carol while she made the tea. Milk, two sugars for Carol, and handed it over.
"Thank you, shall we sit?" Carol asked.
Therese nodded and they moved to the sitting room and sat, the sky grey and dark against the windows. Therese switched on a lamp and sat. Carol looked around the small room for a few minutes, evidently wondering how close to Therese she should sit before finally decided on the same sofa as Therese.
Then there was silence, long cold silence. Where to start? Was evidently the question in both their minds.
"Is Rindy okay?" asked Therese.
"Oh, yes, thank you" said Carol a pained expression on her face, "she is a little shaken up but is on the mend. I… I stayed there with her in the hospital for a while and…. Well…Harge was kind enough to let me go over to his house to stay with her a bit longer."
So, she was right. She was right. Carol had done exactly what Therese had hoped she would not. Never in her life had she wanted to be less right. It felt like yet another blow had come at her. She closed her eyes momentarily and sipped at the scalding tea, it burned her tongue as she drank but she didn't care. It felt good to feel something, some kind of physical pain.
"Well, I'm glad that, that she is okay," answered Therese, her eyes on her mug. "And Harge?" she asked, not really caring for the answer.
"Oh, well, fine, a bit flustered but fine. He actually is being very kind to me at the moment."
"How nice," said Therese taking another sip of burning tea.
"Well, yes" continued Carol, "but it is in the sense that he is letting me see Rindy every week on a Wednesday. Only for a few hours in the afternoon, he usually plays squash then, so Rindy would usually be with the nanny, but in any case, I'm very grateful."
Therese nodded. Did this mean that Carol and Harge were not trying to re-work their marriage? The fact that Carol now was able to see Rindy more once a week must suggest that they were still going through with the divorce. But as she thought of this she was reminded of that moral clause, that initiated Carol and Therese going their separate ways. Her heart sank again. Of course, Carol would choose seeing Rindy more, even if that meant that she didn't see Therese.
"Therese, I know what I have done, what I did to you is, was, not okay. I never wanted to hurt you."
"I think it is a bit late for that" Therese answered stiffly, noting the past tense. So, this was it. This was Carol saying that everything was officially over, that there was no going back this time.
"It's just so difficult, you do understand why I left?"
Therese hated to admit it but of course she knew. She nodded.
Carol took another sip of tea and looked down, she looked as if she had no idea of what to say. But Therese, still feeling resentful and pained wasn't going to help her.
"Therese, I know I haven't treated you as you deserve to be treated-" but Therese interjected, she just didn't think she could handle this, if this was going to be the end once again, she wanted it to be quick.
"Look Carol, you don't need to explain, I get it. Rindy comes first, she always has and she always will. I do understand, truly." She gulped, she had to keep going, otherwise she would break. "I'm guessing you can't see me anymore now. There is no need to apologise, you don't owe me an explanation anymore, you can go in peace."
Carol just stared at her, her eyes wide.
"Therese, I'm not here because I am leaving you again. I'm not here out of pity or because I'm telling you that this is over. I'm here because I am about to beg for you to have me back in your life."
She shifted forwards on the sofa, moving closer to Therese and took Therese's hands in hers, she looked down at them and then up, straight into Therese's eyes.
"I love you."
