Chapter 6

Soft sobs filled up the silence that had fallen over Chloe's room. Tears ran down her cheek as she held the letter against her chest not even bothering to wipe them away anymore. Her chest felt tight, her heart unable to beat any faster. Her eyes stung and her temples throbbed but nothing took away the pain she felt that was buried deep down in her chest. She had sat like this for over an hour, maybe even longer but the weight of her sleep was no longer pulling at her, she was wide awake.

Beca's letter had brought back all the pushed away feelings she had managed to bottle up in the past couple of weeks . The knowledge of the brunette's feelings had given her an explanation but definitely not the one she had expected to find in the letter. She could practically feel the sincerity in Beca's words and she could sense how much it had troubled her to find out she was in love with her. Beca Mitchell, in love with her. She couldn't believe it, she had thought of every bad reason explaining why Beca had cut her off, thoughts including being too pushy, too annoying, not good enough, but never had this crossed her mind. Of course she had wished for it many, many times since she had fallen for Beca.

Chloe suddenly felt so much lighter, freed from the anger and pain built up inside, suddenly she felt a hint of guilt pulling at her. She had given Beca a hard time while the brunette had tried to show her how she had really felt, but then again she couldn't blame her self for it either. The way Beca had handled things was wrong but now she had finally tried to fix it in a right way. Chloe imagined how hard it must have been for her to write this all down, to put down in words how panicked she must've been finding out she was in love with someone else, her best friend to put it precisely.

"She has no idea..." Chloe whispered, her throat felt dry and she swallowed thickly. Beca had no idea Chloe felt the same way, she thought she was the only one with these feelings. Chloe remembered the night Beca had mentioned clearly, Beca's gentle arm around her and her other hand caressing Chloe's forearm absently as they watched the fire. Chloe had spent the night both enjoying and despising it because it had made her jealousy towards Jesse even worse. Sitting there with Beca had felt so right, so real.

Now that she thought of it, Beca had indeed started to pull away after that night. At first Chloe hadn't really paid attention to it but later she had figured it had been the start of Beca shutting her out. Chloe understood Beca's panic but she didn't get what had made her think that pulling away would fix it.

But Chloe forgave her, well she was willing to hear what Beca had to say without holding a grudge and more than anything she wanted the brunette into her life again. Chloe got up and wiped her eyes and she moved to the living room. Her legs felt sore from being in the same position for a long time and her back wasn't pleased either. But none of it bothered her because for the first time in a while it felt like she could finally breath again and her apartment suddenly didn't feel so heavy anymore now that the memories weren't so painful anymore. She got her purse and pulled out her phone before going back to her bedroom again.

She dialed Beca's number but let her thumb hover over the green call button. What was she gonna say? She couldn't just call her like that, right? Chloe nibbled on her bottom lip and sighed. She touched the screen and called Beca closing her eyes as she waited for her to pick up.

Beca woke up from her phone buzzing next to her. With a groan she rubbed her eyes and pressed her cold hand against her pounding forehead. She glanced at her alarm next to her phone and saw it was almost 4 am, she had only been a sleep for an hour. Her throat felt dry and tight and hurt as she swallowed thickly. Her cheeks still felt wet from the tears that apparently hadn't stopped falling as she had drifted off to sleep.

The night had drained her, not the way her shifts normally did, but flashes of Chloe's face had kept her up every time she closed her eyes. Those blue, exhausted looking eyes begging her to get out of this drama, they kept haunting Beca in her sleep.

James had called her to confirm that he had gotten Chloe home safe and he had mentioned the way Chloe had clutched onto her letter and the pained look on her face. Beca felt horrible for pulling Chloe back into everything like this, she couldn't stand herself for being so selfish. Chloe didn't deserve any of the trouble Beca had caused her by leaving her. Beca felt like she herself didn't even deserve Chloe's second chance to explain herself.

With a sigh she reached for her phone almost tumbling out of bed and lay back again placing it against her ear after picking up.

"Beca Mitchell music producer, how can I- never mind, who are you and why the hell are you calling me during this hour!" She grumbled struggling to get comfortable again. With a defeated huff she gave up and waited for the other person on the line to speak up. She heard a sniff and then a familiar voice spoke up, making her stomach twist into a knot.

"Hey Beca." It was Chloe. Her voice sounded hoarse and soft, Beca could hear the tears through her voice. Suddenly she felt wide awake and her throat closed up.

"Chloe, hey," was all she could get past her lips. She had given up the hope that she would hear from Chloe again. She had expected Chloe to be freaked out by her confession and thought she'd never wanted to see her again. The moment she had given Chloe that letter it had felt like she had definitely put an end to their friendship. But here she was, her voice on the other end of the line.

There was a short silence and Beca immediately thought she had imagined Chloe's voice. She checked her phone and let out a breath when it was indeed Chloe. Now she began to panic and questions started to fill her thoughts. Why was she calling? What if she wanted to talk about the letter? But this was what Beca had wanted, right? She wanted to get in touch with Chloe again and she wanted to apologize. But the idea of Chloe rejecting her of even making fun of her would be worse than not talking at all.

"I'm sorry if I woke you." Chloe's voice brought her back to reality in an instant. She felt bad for snapping at Chloe like that when she picked up. Chloe's gentle voice made Beca smile, she immediately regretted thinking Chloe would ever make fun of her.

"No, no that's alright. I just thought you were some annoying business persons who thinks this is an appropriate time to talk business." Beca caught herself rambling and immediately shut her mouth with a snap. She heard Chloe chuckle softly which gave her a funny feeling in her stomach. Chloe could tell she made Beca nervous and she couldn't help but smile at the way she always started to ramble when she didn't feel at ease. There was another silence, this one was thicker since they both knew why Chloe had called. So many words ran through Beca's mind but none of them, she thought, were suitable to say.

"I would never forget you, you know." Beca could hear the hurt in Chloe's voice. Of course she knew but before she could speak up, Chloe continued.

"I want you to know, I would never abandon you or make fun of you for feeling the way you feel. I wish you'd seen that then..." Beca's breath caught in her throat when she heard Chloe taking a trembling breath.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you Beca. And I can't help it but think it is my fault because I wasn't there for you, it shouldn't have been so hard for you to just talk to me and I blame myself for that. So I'm sorry for that Beca." By now Beca could tell she was near crying, she recognized the way her voice wavered and could almost hear how Chloe bit her bottom lip to stop the tears. Her heart fell knowing Chloe felt this way, know she blamed herself for the way Beca had shut her out. She finally found her voice back and felt near shouting.

"Please stop. You cannot blame yourself for this because it is in no way your fault. You had nothing to do with my stupid decision to shut you out, you didn't deserve any of this. Please don't blame yourself. Stop being the stubborn, selfless redhead I fell for, for just a minute and agree with me. You are not responsible for my ridiculous behavior."

"Okay," Chloe said softly and Beca wished she could listen to that voice forever.

"I am sorry, Chloe," Beca whispered.

"I know, Beca. I forgive you." If your heart could explode, Beca was sure her heart had blown up, multiple times. Those three words took away a part of a burden she had carried these past few months, they lifted a weight from her shoulder and gave her permission to breathe without her heart aching from regret. She let out a breath that felt like she had been holding for too long and tilted her head back. She had woken up this morning thinking about Chloe but she had ever thought she'd actually see her or even talk to her. But here she was, it was 4 in the morning and she had just heard the best three words she could imagine hearing then, the best three so far. Because while Beca was trying to take in what Chloe'd just told, Chloe changed those three words into three other words that would for always be her favorite words .

"I love you, Beca. I love you and I am in love with you."

Chloe had just blurted it out like that. She couldn't keep it to herself anymore and not tell Beca. She could practically hear Beca thoughts running through her mind as a heavy silence fell between the two of them. Chloe started to feel anxious when Beca didn't say anything and nervously fiddled with the hem of her hoodie. Suddenly she heard a click which indicated that Beca had hung up.

Chloe's eyes widened and her heart fell. She had made a mistake by telling Beca this way, she shouldn't have done it. Tears started to fall again and heart ached. She pulled up her knees wrapping her arms around them and buried her face in her knees. For a second she had thought she had finally gotten her best friend back but with three words she had lost her again. She had scared Beca off, maybe Beca didn't even want Chloe to love her back like that maybe she'd just wanted to get rid of her feelings... Chloe felt like she was falling apart again and someone had ripped her heart out. Trying to close the hole that burned in her chest she gripped onto her legs tightly feeling like she'd never be whole again.