Chapter 6
Snake-Sword lay motionless, starring up at a hundred eyes of death. While Snake-Sword's life had been short, it had been full. Even if the battle against Assassin, Caster, and her master had proven unwinnable, Snake-Sword had drawn it on long enough for Shiro to escape. That would be enough. Now, beaten and bruised, Snake sword lay starring up at crows. Caster hadn't even had the decency to finish the job, just using that damned word of power of hers to disable her opponent. Not that it mattered really, with these limbs Snake sword had no way of even trying to move. How the hell was a Snake supposed to walk? This damned body couldn't even slither properly.
The crows above took flight, signaling Snake-Sword's end. "Partna..."
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Shiro turned his head to the night air, looking for a voice he didn't so much hear as felt. "Shiro?" Rin questioned the boy.
Looking over to a dubiously worried Rin, Shiro shook his head, "It's nothing..." Rin gave Shiro one more curious look before turning to Archer, her expression souring as she did. "Where the hell have you been?! We could have really used you!" The red clad bowman shifted nervously before his standard excuses only served to annoy Rin further. Sighing, Rin gave up, "Regardless, you're here now. Maybe you know how we can deal with this?" She gestured to a still love struck Illya trying to wander away only for Lancer to pick her up by the collar and try to get her to sit still.
Lancelot was doing the best he could. "Milady please. That fiend only wishes to use you." Illya merely looked to him half dumb before smiling, getting up, and wandering away again.
"Tis the Curse of the French." A new voice joined those assembled outside the Einzbern Manor. Rider walked forward out of the night, sword sheathed.
Rin readied for battle on instinct, but Shiro held a hand out to stop her. "He's a friend... I think." Rider had helped him before, but he was not sure why.
Bedivere nodded. "Correct. With my master's old annoyances dealt with, you no longer need fear me. In fact I am to do two things. I quote: 'Protect Shiro-senpai' and 'Don't die.'" Shiro tilted his head, confused. Rider merely dismissed the unasked questions with a wave of his hand. "Regardless, what matters now are Caster and her Cohorts."
Not to be ignored, Rin interjected, "And what about the Frenchman? And Lancer?" With the second name Rin looked to the Heroic Servant turned nanny.
Rider shook his head. "I have reason to believe that the Frenchman and Caster are in cahoots." At Rin's surprise, Rider gestured to Illya. "She's walking toward the Shrine." Realization dawned on the others as Shiro, Rin and Archer turned to the girl in shock. Indeed, each wandering was precisely toward the Shrine. "Beyond that... no, it would be best for you to see, and time is of the essence." Turning, rider began to leave.
"What about those two?" Shiro asked, worried over the young girl more than Lancer.
Bedivere looked to Lancer briefly, and then shook his head. "Its best we leave them be. Unless we can defeat the Frenchman, the girl will remain like that. As for Lancelot?" Rider paused and smiled. "As long as that man is protecting a maiden, his will can't be bent. I fear if we forced him from his duty, he'd become out enemy." Not bothering to press the issue, Rin agreed. Lancer's master was definitely an enemy, it would be best to deal with him rather than his nullified servant. Signaling Archer to follow, the four left the Einzbern manor.
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Fuyuki had changed in their absence. No, not change. It had been overrun. Foliage, trees and plants of all types had taken over the city. Growing from streets and buildings, through concrete and wood alike. "This is chaos..." Rin muttered as she passed another unconscious civilian, his mana being drained.
Rider stopped abruptly and turned. "No, not chaos. Look closely for the order in it." Indeed, the more Rin looked, the more she could see a strange order to the plants. "It's a shrubbery. Caster is turning the city into a massive shrubbery." His voice was tense with frightened anger.
Anger Rin could not fathom to share. "Wait... what? A shrubbery?"
Rider whirled. "The only thing more dangerous than a witch with the untapped chaotic power of the wilds is a witch with the untapped ordered power of the wilds." Rin took a step back under the intensity of the man, only to nearly fall as she saw Shiro nodding in understanding.
"Makes sense." Shiro nodded in confirmation.
"No it doesn't!" Rin objected in anger, barely restraining the urge to snake Shiro upside the head in an attempt to reboot his brain. Turning to Archer for support, she found the man carefully avoiding eye contact. "Ugh..." Rin deflated. Shrubbery or not, Caster was draining a prodigious amount of mana. "Wait, what could she possibly need this much mana for?" Rin realized.
Once again, Rider turned to look toward the Shrine on the mountain. "With Berserker defeated and Lancer nullified, all that is left are us, and the servants on their side. If caster can complete that Shrubbery, she could simply level the city in one swoop, eliminating all her competition."
Rin missed a step. Destroy the city?! That was insane! Oh Shit! That was insane enough to work for these logic defying servants! "Then all we have to do is stop them right?" Shiro lighthearted statement wrenched Rin's attention to him. One fist clenched, he grinned in determination. "We can do it."
Sighing, Rin shook her head, "Idiot." Lifting her head, she nodded against her better judgment. "If we don't we are dead anyways. Archer?" Rin looked to her servant and received a confirming nod. "So did you have a plan mister no-it-all?" Rin asked Rider with a hint of incredulity.
Rider smiled, abashed and totally missing the sarcasm. "I may be skilled in the ways of science, but I wouldn't say I know everything." Rin's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Still, I did have a plan. First we should try to free Saber. Her noble phantasm is probably the only thing capable of destroying the core of the shrubbery. I suggest you two take the front gate while the young lad and I take the skyward approach on my mount. A pincer attack would be most effective."
Eyes twitching, Rin recalled Rider's mount... "Oh yes!" She replied sarcastically, "I forgot the marvelous flying properties of coconuts!"
"Her name is Coco actually." Rider corrected. Rin tensed, but was interrupted, "Here, let me show you." A blast of manna heralded Rider summoning his noble phantasm. "Coco!" His voice echoed with power and in a great flash... a grimy looking peasant was summoned.
Annoyed rage swam within Rin as Rider stepped onto an imaginary mount. "Amazing..." Shiro whispered. Oh god no... Had he finally converted completely? Rin fearfully looked to Shiro and found what she feared.
Stars in his eyes, Shiro starred upon the mount with awe. Before him Rider stood astride the most noble, beautiful, regal horse sized sparrow Shiro had ever seen. Turning to Shiro, Coco's eyes locked to his and the avian opened her beak. The sound of coconut clops greeted Shiro in a soothing bird call. "Such an amazing animal. Where is she from?" Shiro reached out to stroke the horse sized bird.
Rider himself did not notice the half dead Rin as he replied to the boy. "Africa actually, carrying me in full armor would be too much for a European." Shiro nodded, it was a wise choice indeed. "Come aboard then." Rider's hand gripped Shiro's and pulled him up into the saddle. "We are off! As soon as their gate guard engages you, we'll make our move." With that, Coco took to the skies soaring high and fast with her two riders safely aboard.
Rin watched Shiro dry hump a knight as they skipped away into the night with a peasant close behind. "Archer?"
"Yes Rin."
"If I ever become like that, kill me." A command seal flashed as it was used.
"By your order my master."
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Far above the shrine Shiro and Rider circled on Coco. With his eyes reinforced, Shiro could see Rin and Archer making their way up the steps to the Shrine. "Now." He called over the wind to Rider. With a nod, Rider pulled Coco into a steep dive, rocketing downward toward the shrine below while the enemies' attention was sure to be on other intruders. Down below, Shiro spied his target. Saber-Newt was bound in foliage to the largest tree he had ever seen. The tree itself had grown in a twisted menagerie of limbs that split apart than curved inward before continuing upward forming a protective cage around Caster, who stood within. The woman shown with power as she focused on governing the massive shrubbery.
At the last second Coco's wings expanded. Shiro didn't waste time, catapulting off the still landing bird he hit the ground in a roll and kept running. No enemies around, good. Shiro charged for Saber-Newt and mutely heard a panicked yell of warning from Caster above. It would do no good, this infiltration was successful. Skidding to a halt Shiro reached the tree, reached out, and closed his hand around the tiny Saber-Newt.
With one careful wrench he pulled the lizard free, torn vines falling in its wake. "Saber..." Shiro whispered with relief as he cradled the Newt.
A soft golden glow emanated from Saber-Newt and slowly it expanded. With a glimmer, the soft light disappeared to reveal a weak, empty eyes Saber. "Saber..." Shiro spoke her name again.
"Shiro?" She questioned, her eyes locking onto his. Worry filled her vision before it was snuffed out.
Saber's eyes faded into emptiness. Something was wrong. "Saber?! Sabe- Ughk!" Shiro gasped as a wind cloaked sword jutted into his gut. Cackling laughter sounded across the courtyard as Shiro was tossed aside like a rag-doll. He hit the ground with a thump and blood began to pool around him.
"Oh this is excellent! You are here as well Bedivere! Kill him Saber! This shall be the perfect revenge!" Cackling laughter continued to hammer into Shiro's ears.
Bedivere halted his hurried run to Shiro as his former liege stepped between them, her eyes cold with emptiness. Caster had taken her mind, he was too late. He readied himself to fight. "Witch, the shell of my former liege is no match for me, you must know this." he steeled himself to kill Saber, knowing it was what she would want.
"Then it's a good thing we won't be fighting fair." An amused, deep voice sounded from behind him. Turning, Bedivere found himself flanked by Assassin. "You!" He uttered in surprise. "Then-"
Rin reached the top of the stairs. "Watch out for Assassin! The one guarding the gate is the Frenchma- Shiro!" She called out in fear as her eyes fell on her schoolmate. The boy was bringing himself up with one arm as the other clutched his bleeding belly. She was by him in a heartbeat, but he shrugged off her help, rising on his own power.
"Rider, take care of Assassin, Rin and I will stop Saber." Shiro commanded. He would save Saber, that was a promise.
"Oh?" Caster spoke from her place above? "Still strong enough to resist dealing a fatal blow? I'll give you some credit Arthur. Still, kill the boy. Cut his head off this time." Saber turned to Shiro, and the die was cast.
With inhuman strength, Saber rocketed toward Rin and Shiro. "Trace, on!" A bokken appeared in Shiro's hands and intercepted Excalibur. The shattering of summoned wood was barely enough to divert the lethal strike. Yet before a follow up could be made, Rin stepped in with a gem charged punch. The fist collided with Sabers armor, sending the servant sliding back but relatively unharmed.
Taking a stance next to Shiro, Rin spoke low. "She's resisting, there is no way my magic could get through her magic resistance if she wasn't."
Shiro nodded, "I noticed it too. We can still save her."
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Across the courtyard bladed met blade as Bedivere and Sir-not-appearing-in-this-film tested each other's defenses. Sir-not-appearing-in-this-film struck, was parried, and then feinted in the ever evolving mind game of blades. "So, you figured it out did you?"
Bedivere nodded, "Yes, but I do not understand the why of it, my former comrade." Metal rang three times as he blocked Assassin's combo.
A chuckle escaped Sir-not-appearing-in-this-film as he pressed harder. "You don't get it; I was never on your side. The witch hired me before you even met me!"
"Ah, I had not expected that." Bedivere stepped in and thrusted, forcing Sir-not-appearing-in-this-film to jump away. "Even still, I forgive you."
Stunned anger filled Sir-not-appearing-in-this-film, "What?!" A sneer crossed his face. "You! Do you think yourself a saint! You bastard!" Losing his cool he charged and rained a barrage of blows down upon his opponent.
Bedivere blocked one, two, and then three more blows before stepping around to his opponent's foolish attack. Blade met flesh as Bedivere clipped Sir-not-appearing-in-this-film's face. Another sliced into the knight's arm, drawing a gout of blood. "Not really. I just knew that not caring about your previous tantrum would unnerve you enough to give me the advantage." With a flourish, Bedivere took his stance.
"Tantrum! I'll show you!" Mana poured out of Sir-not-appearing-in-this-film as he readied his noble phantasm. "Prepare to die! NAME ADJUSTMENT! SIR-NOT-APPEARING-IN-THIS-FANFIC!" Then he was gone.
Furrowing his brow, Bedivere looked for his opponent. For any sign of his opponent. Where was- A cut appeared on Bedivere's face and a blade sliced into his arm. Stumbling forward, Rider looked for his unseen opponent. A low laugh came from everywhere and nowhere. "Now we are even, I hope you are ready for your death." Bedivere grit his teeth. Help would be really useful right now. With Rin and Shiro struggling as they were, only Archer was any hope, and with the Frenchman... that was probably not going to happen.
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Blade met crate down below on the steps leading to the great shrine. "Your forgeries wouldn't fool a blind man whom had never even held a sword before. The lowliest filth is far too great a wielder for the pitiful fakes you spew from you anus! You frumpy, disgusting-" Archer once again ignored his opponent, focusing more on dodging the furious projectiles of the other archer and responding in kind. The air was full of swords piercing and shattering against objects of all size and shape. What few managed to reach the Frenchman shattered harmlessly on the transparent stone wall around him. "Hoh ho! You dimwitted dolt of a mind knows no bounds. Your childish recreations have no chance of Piercing the Castle of Auuuughhhh..." Archer ignored that last part.
Archer landed and dodged again. There was only one way of winning this. "I am the bone of my sword..."
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Shiro's bokken shattered under another slash from Saber. Without thought he summoned another and it shattered almost immediately. Rin jumped in, hand coming in a jab up only for it to be caught by Saber's free hand. With a mighty pull, she launched Rin far across the courtyard and into a building, with a clash the roof caved and Rin fell through in a cloud of debris. Battered and bruised, Rin barely found her feat. "I'm not sure about this..." The voice of Caster's Master echoed down the hallway, snapping Rin alert.
Hurriedly, she followed it. Killing him could end everything. "Oh?" A new voice replied. The Fake-Priest?! Rin recognized Kotomine's voice with shock. "You'll continue if you wish for Archer to continue to aid you. Isn't that Heroic spirit a good trade for your time?"
Rin leaned against the wall next to an open door. They were inside. "Very well..." Kuzuki replied with reservation in his voice.
Leaping into action, Rin whirled around the corner. "Then let the spanking commence!" The cheers of twenty nuns and one fake priest in a nun outfit assaulted Rin's ears. Said nuns and fake priest were all tied to beds with only Caster's master free, standing there with a paddle and extreme reservations.
"Eh?" Rin stuttered.
Spank! "Kyaaa~!" Kotomine cried out.
Nope... Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
Rin left. She left the building. She left the Shrine. She left Fuyuki. Then she hopped on a goddam airplane and flew to London.
Nope.
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With Rin out of combat Shiro was quickly defeated and knocked to the ground. Struggling with his wound, Shiro looked up to see Saber raise her sword. A quick glance revealed a struggling Rider and Archer nowhere in sight. No, Shiro teared up, trying to find any strength. He had to save her. He had to save everyone! Saber raised her sword. Excalibur came down, but halted just before Shiro's neck. Eyes widening, Shiro's eyes locked on the hand holding Saber's wrist and stopping the swordwoman's killing blow. Clad in only a scaled bikini, an unknown green haired woman locked eyes with Saber. "Git awa' frae mah Partna." The woman's fist impacted Saber and caved her armor inward, launching the brainwashed Servant away like a missile. With a massive crack, Saber rebounded off Caster's Shrubbery core and landed, barely managing to keep her feet under her.
"You!" Caster called out in anger. "How could you possibly?!"
"Who are you?" Shiro spoke as he pulled himself to his feet. Who was this beautiful woman who had saved him?
Grinning, the woman rapped Shiro on the skull as one would knock on a door. "Fa th' heel dae ye thin Ah am."
Stunned, Shiro realized. "Snake-Sword?" She was alive?! Joy and hope filled Shiro's waning heart.
"Aye Partna." With a smile, Snake-Sword-Woman nodded. "Th' girlie," She jutted her thumb to Caster, still locked in her ritual. "Skelp me wi' her spell. Since it's a reptile tae human spell 'n' ah wis awready a snake. Ah guess it hud some od side effects." She left out the fact she had spent her time since the wallowing around assuming she was a harmless lizard. Really, limbs all looked the same. How was she supposed to know the difference between human limbs and newt limbs!? With Saber reading to attack again and her partner obviously unable to fight, Snake-Sword-Woman pushed the boy onto his ass. "Sit 'ere. Ah git this." Not having any strength left, Shiro wasn't able to stop Snake-Sword-Woman from charging to meet Saber head on.
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"So as I pray. Unlimited Blade Works." Archer cursed as Archer's world took over. Then he cursed some more just for good measure.
Cursing or no, Archer let loose a torrent of blades. Blades that were met in kind by a torrent of everything else. Objects and sword alike littered the battlefield as the two titans of missiles were equaled by the other. Yet in this stalemate, the Frenchman smirked. "You addle-minded buffoon! Mah Supplah is endless! Your's is only as large as your piss poor puddle you call your mana! Hoh ho ho!"
Gritting his teeth, Archer knew the Frenchman was right. Still, he would not lose. If he couldn't beat this Frenchman blow for blow. All he had to do was stop defending.
A reserved smirk formed on Archer's lips. Confusion entered the Frenchman as their eyes met. "What are you?" Noble phantasm's formed around archer, motionless. Mana poured into them, filling them past the breaking point. The Frenchman pressed his advantage, launching everything at Archer. Yet no blades were raised in the counter-guardian's defense. A railroad spike impacted archer's chest, then chicken crashed into his face. Yet the man held firm. "No no no!" The Frenchman cried, his onslaught crashing down upon Archer. Then, just before a massive rabbit made out of wood flattened Archer, he released. Seven broken phantasms pierced through the Castle of Auuuughhhh... and crashed into the Frenchman. "You yellow belli-"
The resounding explosion of power destroyed the Frenchman before he could finish his final curse. World dissolving, only the dead Archer remained.
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Bedivere had more blood on him than he cared to admit. Still, he couldn't give up just yet. "Finished? Rider?" Assassin chuckled. "Give it up." His voice called from nowhere. A smile crossed Bedivere's face. This would be it, all or nothing. Lowering his arms, he dropped his sword. The blade dissolved into light along with Rider's armor. Revealing only an orange jumpsuit on the once proud looking knight. "Oh? Then I'll be kind enough to finish it."
A blade pierced flesh, but it wasn't riders. Appearing in a haze of mana, the stunned looking Assassin stumbled back, clutching a shiv made of soap stuck in his neck. No strength left to follow; Bedivere merely stood and looked at the man who had framed him. "It's Ironic. The noble phantasm that allowed me to sense you I only have because of you." The confused, fearful look from Sir-not-appearing-in-this-fanfic spurred the wounded Rider on. "I spent years in that prison. I learned how to sense any attack coming. It was a battle of stealth and one always remembered. Don't Drop The Soap."
His Opponent dissolved into mana, and Rider fell on his face, his wounds overcoming him. "Sorry Sakura, I might have trouble with that order of yours..."
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Fist met blade and held firm against all logic. Again and again Snake-Sword-Woman met Saber blow for blow. And with each blow the King of Britain was pushed back. It wasn't much, but a slight resistance here, a delayed strike there. The resisting Saber within was the edge Snake-Sword-Woman needed to win. "Ha!" A massive hay-maker slammed into Saber and sent her flying. Deep, labored breathes escaped the exhausted Snake-Sword-Woman. When Saber didn't rise, she thanked her lucky stars. She barely had any strength left. Looking around, she realized the fighting had stopped. Bodies lay everywhere, the only conscious one being her partner. Ha! ha ha! They had done it! "Hey Partna we-"
"Zap!"
Now human, the word of power had the intended effect on Snake-Sword-Woman-Newt. Flopping to the ground, she landed in a heap and struggled to move. Damn it, these limbs worked completely differently! How the hell was she supposed to learn to walk, AGAIN? "You forgot about someone." Caster spoke, walking up to the flopping Snake-Sword-Woman-Newt. Really, rituals could be paused; it just took a little time.
The bloodied read-head crawled toward his comrade. Caster sneered. This would show him to interrupt her plans. She would win this war right here, right now. Raising her foot, she readied to crush the annoyance of a newt bellow her. She wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
"Wait!" Shiro called out. He knew there was no help coming. It was far too long into the chapter for Archer to still be alive. "You shouldn't do that yet. In fact you should really consider not doing it. There are several points I could make that would deter you. For one I could tell you that stepping on a newt is gross. Not that I've done it mind you but I can only assume."
Caster hesitated out of surprise, "What-"
"One could even say that newt is possibly an endangered species. You can't be sure have you looked it up yet? The fines can be steep and if you get PETA on your ass it'll be a nightmare. Besides maybe you should consider the morality of the situation. You already impersonated a God and tried to impersonate another. That could be really bad for your karma. You really need every little scrap you can get!"
"Why are you-?"
Shiro cut Caster off, "Ah I see you are managing to figure out that I am stalling for time. You would be correct that stalling is what I am currently attempting and succeeding at doing. You see as long as I keep talking he has to keep typing. And long as he is typing my words he can't type you stepping on Snake-Sword-Woman-Newt. This chapter has already drawn on longer than usual and the Author fingers are getting tired. Plus dinner is probably soon and he needs to go and make it. He has nothing prepared so it might end up being a frozen meal if he's lazy but t he should really consider the benefits of a home cooked balanced dinner despite the labor it takes to make one! But more to the point yes I am stalling so the chapter will end soon."
"But why?" Cast barely managed, bewildered.
"Isn't it obvious?"
A/N: Whew, long one. One more to go. Imma go make dinner. For those interested, the next chapter of Unforeseen Consequences is done and in the proofreading stage.