Dammitttttt Daria
Chapter Five
90s Bargain Cassettes
Daria woke up to the feeling of Jane's chin nuzzling the top of her head. Jane was cuddling Daria in her sleep, arms encircling the shorter woman's petite waist. She grumbled a few times as she blinked her eyes open to find Jane's peaceful face below. Jane had her head turned to the inside of the couch and the hem of her beanie was slouched over her eyes. She turned her head further into the depths of the couch when she felt Daria move and made a soft groan. Jane made a quirky smile when she felt Daria press against her chest. Daria laid her head in the valley between Jane's small breasts with her cheek against the cotton of Jane's shirt. She had her head turned out towards the Television and looked out to survey their surroundings.
The blackout curtains over the living room windows were closed and the TV was off. Trent had discarded the trash from last night's take-out dinner and was sleeping on the floor in a pile of spare blankets that were normally kept beside the couch. Daria smiled at this and saw only the top of his head poking out from beneath the covers. She could not tell what time it was and did not have the desire to move away from Jane's warmth so she resigned to falling back asleep which took almost no time at all.
Jane was the first of the trio to wake up at the second interval. She felt Daria's weight on top of her and pulled the comforter closer to their bodies when she felt a chill shiver up her. She noticed that Daria had removed their jackets and boots and could not guess what time of day it was within the dark living room. She heard the familiar snore coming from Trent below her and settled her head back down on the pillow Daria had rested beneath her. She stuck her free hand down the cushions behind her to pull the remote free from where it had fallen last night. Jane checked to be sure that Daria and Trent were deep asleep before turning the TV on. She held Daria closer to her as she shifted her body around so she was facing the TV screen and was met with a low grumble from her girlfriend. Jane paused herself when she thought Daria might be waking up and waited for the stirring to pass before moving again.
She enjoyed the feeling of Daria nuzzling against her like a puppy as she turned the volume on the TV down to a barely audible level. The channel was turned to a sexy crime drama featuring a woman in a red pantsuit that resembled the older Brittany and a detective type figure seated across from her in a neon green tuxedo.
"Officer Brodey we must find the cocaine before they fly to Columbia." The detective demanded as he slammed his fist against his desk. The woman wearing red frowned at him as she checked her makeup and primped her hair in the reflection of the compact mirror she held.
"Like Detective I'll take care of it soon." Officer Brodey whined when she twirled a blonde lock of hair.
"You'll do it now Brodey or you're fired!" Her boss shouted with another slam against the desk. Jane chuckled at the melodramatic performance of the actor who played the detective in the loud suit. He took a foam baton from the top drawer of his desk and reached over to whack at Officer Brodey when she refused to put her mirror down. When the scene was over a bright logo blared on the screen with the title card, 'Brodey & Brodie', before cutting to a shampoo commercial.
A slender redhead stood naked in a steaming shower with the bubbles from the shampoo lather strategically covering her naughty bits. She ran her wet hands through her long hair and blew a kiss towards the camera.
"What says sexy after a sultry day's work?" A male narrator asked over the commercial feed, "why strawberry-sleek does! Get Von Wilder's Strawberry-BUH-berry Shampoo for your inner redhead."
The redhead reached out towards the camera with a handful of chocolate covered strawberries and a flurry of pink bubbles whooshed past her. This caused Jane to laugh aloud again as her chest rumbled. Daria could feel the vibrations in Jane's lungs as she woke to an all too familiar chuckle. She peered up at Jane's face with blurry eyes and blinked a few times.
"Oh hey. How's it hanging Amiga?" Jane asked when she felt Daria's eyes on her.
Her girlfriend responded with a sleepy, "Hrrrmmph."
"I see. I see." Jane mocked with a nod of the head.
Daria smirked at her and rested her head back down on Jane.
"We should get you some of that shampoo. That commercial was so awful it made me want to buy some. I wonder if it comes with the redhead and the strawberries? What did you think?" Jane murmured to a half-awake Daria.
"If I knew what the hell you were even talking about maybe I could answer." Daria grumbled.
"That Von Wilder commercial again?" Trent asked from below.
"Yeah the one with the strawberry tease." Jane told her brother.
"Ohho that one is alright. Did it play the usual five times?" Trent rasped, cuddling back into the pile of blankets.
"I dunno I just turned the TV ON." Jane scoffed.
Trent rolled over and reached up to poke her in the ribs, meanwhile Daria grumbled from above when she was shifted by Jane. Her brother delivered a jab when the blanket was sent into the couch by Daria who swaddled herself in it.
"You make a terrible set of armor Daria. Get back here." Jane groaned when Trent crawled to the bottom of the couch where he began his recon mission.
"Call HQ…" Daria suggested with a muffled groan when she pulled the comforter up over her face.
"YOU are my HQ." Jane cried when Trent towered over her like a dragon as he emerged from the falling nest of blankets.
"My salvation," he said, diving for the remote.
"HQ, HQ," Jane sounded to her sleeping compatriot.
Daria had cocooned herself into a human burrito form much to Jane's delight. It was too late once she felt herself being needled by Trent's ridiculously long fingers. She held the remote as though it were the end of a rope while Trent clawed for it. The couch rocked back and forth, keeping Daria from falling back asleep. Jane smirked to Trent who thought he had already won, knifing him in the side with the flat of her hand. He squealed as he shrank back, "Ugh," he said, rubbing his side. Daria wriggled around between either of them as Trent taunted Jane by mimicking her motions. With the wave of both arms Jane managed to distract Trent from his prey and she tickled at his ribs. Daria was pinned by the legs with Jane straddling over her thighs.
The television blared bright yellow with another commercial jingle making its presence known.
"WHAT's that you say? Too much melted cheese stuck to the walls of your microwave?" The narrator shouted to the the trio on the couch.
Jane dropped the remote at the pop of a buttery bowl of popcorn now on the screen.
"YOU need 'Cheese-EASE-off' the ultimate degreasing formula for all kitchen appliances!" The narrator howled.
Trent forgot about the remote and joined his sister in her bizarre trance towards the ad. Swirls of bright red invited them to watch followed by a close-up shot of a woman's hand failing to scrub hot sauce from another soiled microwave.
"Is this a rerun of the Twilight Zone?" Daria grumbled from the depths of the couch.
The Lane siblings were oblivious to any biting remarks.
Daria scoffed.
She fell deep asleep and despite protests from the surface she became unaware of the activity above. Her mind swirled into reels of red paint as she imagined Jane's lips. She pressed her cheek against the back of her hand as it flushed with heat.
"How Daria?" Jane's lips asked.
"Hmmm?" Daria murmured in her sleep.
"H-how?" The lips urged.
Daria's own lips twitched together.
She peered up and observed the levitating pair of lips flap themselves together like a bird's wings as they came down to her level.
"Is this the beginning of a movie about my dystopian future?" Daria grumbled.
She rolled onto her back as the blankets she had been buried in puddled around her, melting into clocks, "how Dali of you," she sneered.
The lips came forward, Transforming into rose petals.
"Puh-lease, Jane cannot stand the whole rose cliche. As her lips you can come up with something better than that."
The lips formed themselves into tubes of paints.
"Ugh, have some originality. Why are my dreams duller than my waking life?"
A tear trailed out of the lips.
"Fine, fine, maybe that was too harsh."
The lips melted into a silver puddle and dribbled down beneath Daria. The clocks went rigid when the liquid oozed over their faces.
"You're just going to melt away?"
"No," Jane said, "not unless the coming Summer is more miserable than the last."
"Huh?" Daria replied, looking up into a portal forming in the blankets.
She blinked several times as she saw light pooling above Jane's head. Jane lowered her face and kissed Daria through the covers, "you were talking in your sleep."
"Oh," Daria groaned.
"Its cute when you do that."
"You didn't really just use that word to describe me?"
"So cuh-ute," Jane did her best impression of Quinn.
"Ugh, I'm going back to the melting clocks. At least Dali won't mock me."
"Who?" Jane twisted her face.
"Nevermind," Daria made a cat-like stretch, arching her back, as she spread out the length of her legs.
"Come on Daria. It's my day off."
Trent snorted, "that's my line."
He flipped the channel to another crime drama, "Babbies are bein' snatched right out from under me ears!" An Irish cop wailed from inside a cubicle.
"Its O'Leary 'n' Munch." Jane said.
"Janey where's Munch?" Trent pouted.
"Wait for it-"
A decrepit little beagle in a sweater vest came limping onto the screen.
O'Leary addressed his canine sidekick, "Munch go on an' sniff 'em mun."
The dog gave an enthusiastic yap.
"This's the best part." Trent said.
"Everytime," Daria grumbled.
The cop tossed Munch a hot dog and Trent prepared to say the line with the cop, sweeping his hair back just as was done on TV, "Ye was never the brightest dog on the force Munchy. There ye go eatin' yerrself again."
The beagle swallowed the hot dog whole, choking it down, with an, "arf, arf."
The show cut to commercial when Jane rolled her head to one side.
"DAN's Whacked-out 90s Bargain Bin Casettes! That's right, you heard me! Bargain bin cassettes are now available for purchase at Dan's Video Wholesale!"
"Its 2012," Daria sighed.
"We got tapes! We got VHS! A-track! We have it all! Buy our cassettes at rock-bottom prices and dust off some nostalgia at Dan's Video Wholesale!"
Jane curled over Daria and squeezed the soft of her belly once she crept a hand under the blanket. Daria squealed halfway between surprise and the betrayal crossing her face. Her gut tightened under Jane's fingers and she yelped when their tips grazed the flesh beneath the hem of her shirt. She felt the heat warm her face from ear-to-ear as Jane kissed her from forehead to chin. Daria was hot with embarrassment when she saw the back of Trent's head turning,
"I see you need no soundtrack to cue you up this time. Should I go get my guitar anyhow?"
Jane pulled the blanket over them in response to Trent's heckles.
"That doesn't usually go there...mphmm. Jane stop that-"
Jane ignored Daria's whispering as her fingers traveled south. They heard Trent make several footfalls with a well placed snort here and there. Jane heard the familiar crackle of their old stereo system and she rolled her eyes at the sound of Belinda Carlisle.
"OOOOhh baby do you know what that's worth? Ohhh Heaven is a place on earth."
Trent sang along as he left the room. Jane wriggled further into a protesting Daria.
"I'm coming back in two hours when Gumble Rumble is on," he shouted over the dings of the microwave.
"O-oooh uh baby do you uh know what that's worth?" Daria sang in the most monotone voice she could manage. Jane's ears pricked when she heard the pitch in Daria's voice cracking while the lyrics continued on both ends. She parted a kiss from her lady's navel and said, "its okay. Belinda can do the work you just lay back and let me help you relax."
"Isn't that your favorite song?" Daria murmured.
"I mustv'e told you that when I was drunk because now I can clearly hear a difference."
Daria gave her a knowing grunt and reclined into the couch. The echoes of time veiled her eyes when she lost the feeling of Jane's fingers groping her flesh. She smiled when Heather Nova's voice came up next, a lulling contrast to Belinda Carlisle. 'Walking Higher' rumbled through the floor to the couch as the ancient subwoofer shook the room.
I carry you with me, a ghost inside...I carry you with me…
I carry you with me,
A holy shrine
And dogs and angels follow
Right behind.
And could I be walking higher,
Could I be right beside her ?
The bones they buried,
Will feed the trees
But every word you ever spoke,
Is still in me.
Daria's womb rippled with pleasure as Jane's slick hand caressed her insides. Her toes pushed up against Jane's calves while they shared a kiss. Daria imagined the arctic sea glazing over Jane's eyes when she blinked her own open. Jane frowned at Daria's quivering lip and deepened her affection to quell hot tears. She was discrete in her touch when she felt the wet salt on her cheeks that did not belong to her. Daria could not stifle the moan forming in the back of her throat. Jane nibbled at her earlobe, "that good huh?"
Daria grunted with a "mmph."
Jane's arms branched over her at the climax and their bodies rocked together.
From the kitchen Trent could only hear the stereo blaring with the occasional whine from its old bones. He scratched at his belly when he recalled the sale at Dan's Video Wholesale and looked at the clock on the microwave, "there's enough time to pick something up before the show comes on."
He shoved more dry cereal from the box into his mouth, "But do I really want to get in the car?"
Trent groaned and as he held his contemplation with a box of 'Sugar Jax'. The rings of dried dextrose ground between his teeth as he licked the bottom of each molar. When his appetite was satisfied he flung the empty box on the counter and checked his pocket for his keys. On the last cardboard thump he checked the clock and made a decisive step into the garage.
Jane panted when she heard the door slam and she poked her head out from their shelter. Daria allowed the heat to flush through her cheeks while Jane smirked.
"Round two already?" Daria whispered when she felt the hem of her shirt being lifted.
Jane replied with a kiss that could have bruised Daria's lips.
Time passed without so much as a glimpse and after peaking through the throes of female ecstasy the couple fell asleep with their limbs entwined and clothing somewhat disheveled.
Across town Trent slurped the straw of a 64 oz. 'Big Jax' from Wiley's-Quick-Picks and strolled the next door over to Dan's Video Wholesale. He wriggled his hips when he felt the slack of his jeans slipping down his waist and stuck a thumb inside the band to pull them up as he entered the store. He was greeted by a few sheets of dirty paper that flapped towards him when the automatic doors slid open. The heel of his boot rubbed grime onto one passing sheet and when he lifted his foot he caught the words, 'TEN CASSETTES FOR A $$$$$DOLLAR$$$$$$' in bright blue block letters. He smiled at that.
A man in a green uniform came charging towards him and Trent resisted the urge to dodge away.
"Dan?" Trent asked with wide eyes.
"How did you know? Was it my hair dye?" the man answered at a speed where his saliva could not keep up with his flapping gums.
Trent squinted at the neon lime spikes in Dan's hair and gestured to the large name tag while putting a hand up to deflect flying spit.
"I see." Dan said.
Trent grimaced at the younger man.
"You look like that one chick who comes in here now and then. I take it you spend too much time around her if you can nail that look." Called another clerk joining the front of the store.
Trent snorted at his former bandmate, Jesse Moreno.
"That one chick has a name you idiot. I think it's…" came Max Tyler.
"Daria." called Nick Campbell.
"When did you all start working here?" Trent laughed.
"After that smelly-ass tattoo parlor closed." Max replied.
"Where's your sister?" Jesse added.
A piece of plywood fell from the ceiling when Dan adjusted a hanging sign.
"Shit, not again. Dan use that money to patch the roof dude." Max yelled when another chunk of wood fell on his head.
"You should come work here."Jesse said when the scraps of ceiling were thrust into his arms.
"Can't." Trent said with his hands stuffed in his pockets.
The remainders of Mystik Spiral shared a frown.
"Why?" Nick whined.
"I already got two jobs and from the looks of it I don't think you can pay another guy." Trent replied. As if by divine force a roof shingle fell onto the floor and slapped the linoleum beside Trent's feet.
"Oh," his friends sighed in unison, "that."
Trent looked through the hole in the roof before shoving his way to the bin of tapes he spotted past Max's shoulder. He took a hand out of his pocket and retrieved his drink from its resting place in the crook of his elbow. As he slurped the dark syrup of his soda he rummaged through cases of battered cassettes ranging from Nirvana to George Harrison's Solo Flute Introspections. He flipped through the tapes, enjoying the sound of plastic slapping together. He grabbed an armful of tapes and dropped them to the other side of the bin once he had reached a dusty copy of an original Dire Straits: Brothers In Arms. He folded out the bottom of his t-shirt after setting his drink down and created a makeshift pouch to carry the pile of tapes he had rescued from the bin. With one hand holding up his pouch he grabbed his drink with the other and headed for the counter.
At the Lane residence the phone rang several times without so much as a groan from the women on the couch. They slept through several more rings until Daria heard the scratch from the voice messaging reels of the tape deck receiver which had upgraded the phone still hanging from the kitchen wall. She could picture the dried ketchup stains she had to wipe off the deck once she dug it out of the garage as she tried to ignore the voice talking into the tape.
"This is Jeff, general manager of public relations for Snarkerbergs Publishing. I am calling to reach a Ms. Daria Morgendorffer about-"
Trent came through the door, dropping a bag full of tapes on the floor and a box of take-out cartons. He heard a crash and jerked his head up to see Daria smashing the voice mail receiver with an old golf club. Her ears rang when she finished the last smack.
"Daria?"Jane groaned while scratching off a snore stuck in her throat.
Trent pushed his goods aside and walked over to the phone, taking the golf club from her before she could say anything. He threw it into the pile of junk inside the back of the garage and locked the door. Jane came to comfort Daria by resting her arms over the Daria's shoulders as she felt the rage trembling through the petite body. Trent did his best to remain ignorant of the scene in the kitchen as he fixed paper plates full of Granny's cooking. He placed the remaining cartons in the fridge and left for the couch without a word. Daria and Jane's food remained sitting on the counter while Jane guided Daria to the table nearby where the two took a seat. Daria grappled her head into her hands when the ringing pierced her ears further.
The title card for Gumble Rumble started as Trent shoved chicken into his mouth and he heard soft sobs coming from the kitchen. With his fork stuck in his mouth and orange sauce smeared across his face he muted the television. He stuck one of his new tapes in the stereo and 'Why Worry' by Dire Straits began to play once he fast forwarded it to the right track. Trent put their food in front of them and earned a chuckle from Jane when she saw his messy face. He managed a grateful, "mmumph," with the fork still in his mouth. Daria remained dormant as she hunched over the table while Jane stroked circles over her back. The light over the table buzzed as the bulb covered in cobwebs dimmed with age. Trent flickered the switch a few times to stop the noise and the light came back into full fluorescence.
"Candle-lit dinner for two Mademoiselle Mour-gen-dour-ffer?" Jane said in her best French accent.
"I would hardly call that a stand-in for a candle." Daria answered when the ringing stopped.
She was peering up at a moth bobbing over the bulb like a cork as Jane grinned. Trent returned to the couch while the couple ate in silence. He allowed the tape to keep playing while he contemplated his next move through forkfuls of fried eggplant. Daria surprised them both as she stuck her fork in the plate full of fried rice and retreated upstairs. Trent shrugged when he heard Jane's chair scratch the floor as she got up to follow after her. While in transit to the stairs she nudged her brother on the shoulder, pointing to the bag of tapes. He sighed as he pulled the Dire Straits tape out of the deck and tossed it onto the floor without so much as a glance, "why did he have to ruin that song too."
Jane pressed an ear to the locked bedroom door and as she knocked she called, "Open up my beloved curmudgeon. " Jane could hear the swish of liquid on the other side of the door and her shoulders dropped. Daria allowed tears to leak from her eyes as she bottomed-out the last of her bottled 'Southern Comfort' stash under the bed. Jane crept away to the bathroom where she found a bobby pin hidden in the drawer below the sink. She swallowed her nerves as she picked the knob. Daria could hear the door clicking and she wiped the tear tracks from her face while kicking the bottle back under the bed. She heard it knock against other objects on its way under as Jane entered.
"What are you doing down there?" Jane inquired with a raise of her brows.
"Nothing," Daria grumbled.
Jane wrinkled her nose at the abrasive scent of cheap whiskey, "are you drinking up here?"
She followed the smell under the bed as she spotted dribbles of it on the floor.
She traced an ambered spot on the carpet that was next to a chunk of dried blue paint, "Why do you feel the need to lie to me Daria?"
"Mmph…"
"Daria."
"Uuurng," Daria ground her teeth.
Jane sighed, "forget it," leaving the room.
Daria flopped to the floor and she laid the back of head over the edge of the mattress they shared. She could hear the stairs creaking through the wall as pangs of guilt clenched her chest. She stared at the warped stucco in the ceiling from one of their botched repair jobs and closed her eyes when the ringing started up again. She could hear rain pattering the roof despite the sunshine outside. The smell of cigarette smoke clinging to fog flooded the canals of her memory banks. Her gut twisted when she felt a pair of furious hands slam her against a wall. She could hear books falling off the shelf that had been beside her that night. She could hear him screaming at her with yellowed teeth. The sharp tobacco stung her nostrils as she recalled the particular scent that only came from a 'Marlboro Seventy -Two'. He grabbed a fistful of hair and slammed her head against the wall. She could feel her legs being forced apart as he bruised her thighs with his grip. Daria bit her lip until it bled and choked away the memory. She coiled her chin over her knees when she gathered them to her chest. The biles of her shame rose up in her throat and dribbled from the corners of her mouth.
She could hear Jane's voice from the past, "why did you quit your job?"
She remembered the pleats in of the wool skirt that she fidgeted with when she answered, "there was a new guy I didn't get along with so well."
Jane hugged her, "I'll enjoy seeing more of you while you look for another one. I'll have you on weekends again."
She trembled like a newborn fawn at Jane's touch.
"What's wrong Daria?"
"Nothing," Daria croaked, pulling away from the affection.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Jane asked while kissing her forehead.
Daria flinched at Jane's lips, "I'll-uh be fine. I'm going to bed."
"Daria? Wait? Daria?"
She could hear herself closing the door.
"Dammit Daria." Jane said to the ceiling when she punched the table in the kitchen.
Trent leaned on the doorframe, withholding any remarks with mouthfuls of food from the plate he balanced in one hand.
"I don't get it Trent. She keeps drinking instead of talking to me. I don't know what I've done wrong. This can't be just over my arm. Dammit I don't get it."
He frowned at her with the guilty pleasure of orange chicken tingling his taste buds.
"You sound like her Dad." Trent said between bites of rice.
"Well it's still my turn to say dammit." Jane hissed.