Thank you all for reading, despite the false start from the summary. I know it was weird. Maybe I'll come up with something better. Maybe I'll eat a whole cake just because, I dunno. So many possibilities in life. :P In advance, I also apologize for the angst-y chapter. I only just realized lol. I promise it's the last one. That I've done.
DISCLAIMER: EDGAR COLLINS IS MINE. EDWARD CULLEN ISN'T.
"How is she?" Rose and Emmett asked as soon as they arrived home from the dinner. They looked tired, and they'd been sending tons of text messages to Edward throughout the night, inquiring on Bella's mental health. At about nine she'd finally clocked out on the couch, curled into a small ball that tugged at Edward's heartstrings.
"Heartbroken," Edward answered simply; was there any other answer?
The couple sighed sadly. They'd expected this answer, but had wanted another.
"Where is she?" Em asked, looking around. "The guest bedroom?"
Edward nodded; he'd moved the girl as soon as she'd started snoring. They weren't cute snores, either; the first time he'd heard them he'd thought the apartment was caving in, only to be informed that was just Bella.
Freaky stuff, man.
He wondered why Emmett hadn't had her checked out, worrywart that he was.
"Thanks for taking care of her dude," Emmett nodded to him, but Edward blew off the thanks. He really didn't need to be thanked for doing something he offered to do. Something, more importantly, that he felt he ought to do.
"Rose, can I talk to you outside? I need to talk to you," Edward asked, and Rose gave him a strange look that asked him not to. Em just nodded and stepped aside, telling Rose he was gonna hit the sack. He also knew what was about to happen, and he didn't want to stick around. He knew already how the conversation would go, which was a real testament to his feelings in Rosalie.
"Sure." Rose mumbled, letting herself be led outside by her best friend. She didn't even bother taking off her dress or switching shoes, somehow thinking that this was something that deserved to be attended to as quickly as possible.
The two doctors walked to the elevator and went up to the roof. They'd always liked going up to think, even as kids. Rose's house had a roof garden, so the two children had gone up to stare at the stars to talk about anything and everything.
"What do you want to be when you grow up, Rosie?"
"I want to be a doctor. Like my mom. What do you want to be?"
"Your best friend."
"Don't be so corny. Tell me the truth. What do you want to be?"
"Maybe a pilot. I feel like traveling the world." The eight year old had looked up at a particularly bright star, which he'd later learn was a planet. "Maybe I'll be an astronaut and watch over you."
"Don't be stupid. You're claustrophobic."
"What's up?" Rose asked, reaching down to lay on her back, dress be damned. Edward lied down next to her, uncaring for his own clothes.
"You know what's up," he replied easily, their shoulders touching.
"I do," Rose replied tiredly. "I suppose this has to be done today?"
"Yeah," Edward said, turning so he was seeing her profile instead of the stars. "Rose."
She turned to look at him.
"Edward."
He took a moment, breathing in and out deeply. No use rushing. After all, hadn't he waited fifteen years for this moment?
She let him take his time.
This was it.
"I fell in love with you when I was fifteen years old, Rosalie Hale. I wasn't sure if I'd reach a six-foot height back then, or what I wanted to be, or if I'd finally finish growing a beard, but already I knew I was deeply in love with my best friend."
Silence.
Edward hadn't known what a weight it would take off his shoulders to say it, and Rose hadn't known how oppressed her heart would be upon hearing it. The declaration was deep, genuine and melancholic. Fifteen years worth of love were conveyed in those two sentences, and somehow, it fell short.
"Edward…" She was about to reply, but he shook his head, telling her he wasn't done. She shut up; she knew this was his chance to finally say what he felt.
"I remember we'd gone to the lake, and I realized that you weren't only a girl, but you were a pretty girl. I'd already known you were stubborn, kind, self-giving, smart, thickheaded and filled with hopes about your future. You were always meant to be something great, Rose. And you are. You've already done such great things with your life, and you deserve it all. I hope you know I've always admired how happy you are."
There was so much Rosalie wanted to say, but first she had to let him say his piece.
"After that, I spent a lot of time asking myself how to be the man you needed. I got in the football team, shot up to almost six foot four, raised my grades. I wanted you to see me… but you never did." He gave her a rueful smile, holding her eyes. "I know you've been worried for twelve years now that I went into medicine for you, but I didn't. Maybe you made picking this career easier, but this is what I was meant to be. I was meant to help people for a living. I just didn't always know it."
He took a moment, closing his eyes and facing back towards the stars.
"When I went through rehab, I forgot all about you. I'm sorry about that, but it's true. When you went away, I missed you a lot, but I didn't cry or think about chasing after you. Not like Swan, who visited you every time he'd saved barely enough money to visit you. I think that after rehab, I realized I didn't love you desperately. Not like you deserve to be loved; not like Swan loves you. I wanted to spare you from my problems back then, but…"
He thought of Jasper pushing away Bella.
"But maybe if I'd loved you enough, I would've wanted to rely on you. To have you hold my hand every time I was raging about my sister, or my parents, or school. I didn't though, and recently, I wonder about it all." He opened his eyes. "I loved you with everything I was, but I'm beginning to think I'm only just starting to be who I want to be."
Rose was fighting not to cry with all her might. As a doctor, this was an art she'd mastered.
So she didn't cry.
"I hated you a lot sometimes, too. I know that maybe one of those times I passed out drunk I might've told you I loved you, and if not, I know that because I'm an open book you've known all along. I know... I know having someone love you is a heavy burden, and I know you pretended not to know for my sake, so I could tell you on my own. Thank you, even if I hated you a lot because of it, too."
He closed his eyes again.
"I'm ready to hear your reply now."
Rose swallowed past the lump in her throat, needing for their sake to give him the answer he deserved.
It was finally time for her, too.
"I think it was a month before you went to rehab that you declared you loved me. You were kneeling beside a toilet, and you just looked so rotten... I knew you weren't lying, but I also didn't know how to reply. It's another reason why I didn't try contacting you while you were in rehab; I thought maybe the time away would make you forget me. I thought the time away would... help me forgive you." She whispered.
It hurt to say this, but it had hurt more not to for nearly ten years.
"I resented you so much, Edward. I thought you were ruining our easygoing friendship, and I thought you didn't know what you were talking about. I wanted to ignore your feelings. I thought if we didn't talk about it, it didn't exist. If I closed my eyes, it wouldn't be there. If I didn't hear it again, it wasn't true. Many times I talked about this with Kate; she thought I was being unfair, rubbing Em in your face and not telling you outright I didn't see you that way."
Kate was a friend she'd made in college.
"I thought she didn't understand. What she said was true, if I'd met Emmett when we were in high school, for instance. You changed a lot after rehab. You might not believe me, but I've known how your feelings for me diminished. I saw it."
She licked her lips.
"It was such a burden," she whispered. "I knew you didn't love me as much anymore, but you didn't know, so I had to keep treating you as if you really were desperately in love with me. Then I met Em, and I— I'm sorry, Edward, I couldn't keep sparing your feelings. The moment I met him I knew I needed him to be complete. I've been waiting for two years for you to finally understand, too, how your love for me changed." She swallowed hard. "I... I was also being cowardly, and I'm sorry for that. I thought if I said anything, our friendship would change. I figured if you didn't want to talk about it, you didn't need me to say it, either. Maybe I should've said something sooner."
Edward shook his head.
"No you shouldn't have. I wasn't ready. I am now."
She asked the inevitable question.
"Why now?"
He never could keep anything from her.
"I want Bella. I can't want her and keep telling myself I want you. I had to let go of my feelings for one of you... and I chose you. You're still my best friend in the world, Rose. It's just that the woman I want to love isn't you anymore."
Her lip quivered. It felt like the end of an era.
"You think Em will let you go after his sister?"
She felt him shrug.
"The only thing that matters is making Bella want me, too. She'll be hurt over Jasper for a long time, but I'm placing all my bets on her giving me a chance. I can make her happy. Isn't that all that matters?"
Rose smiled to herself.
"Yeah, Edgar."
That night, after Edward went home and Rose had gone back to the apartment, she slid off her heels and slipped in next to Em, who was still awake. She didn't feel like changing.
"The talk go alright?" Emmett asked gruffly, having been about to doze off.
Rose wailed in response.
"Where's Edgar?"
Rose jumped, turning to look at the sleepy girl. She came out of the guest bedroom in Power Puff Girl pants and a SpongeBob shirt, horribly mismatched. Had Edward done that?
"He went back yesterday. He's got an early shift today." Rose answered, turning back to frying the bacon. "Emmett already went in to work. I've got the day off, so I can drop you off at home."
Bella thanked her, going to the kitchen island to wait for Rose to finish cooking.
"Why are your eyes all puffy? Did something happen at the dinner?"
Damn her and her 20/10 sight.
"Oh, everything's fine. We had a blast. I just..." Rose wondered how much she should divulge. Fuck it man, Edward will forgive me when they're married with beautiful, sarcastic children. "I just had a long talk with Edward yesterday. It was hard."
Bella's eyebrows shot up, completely surprised.
I'll be damned.
"What about?"
Rose licked her lips.
"You made Edward think a lot yesterday. I think seeing how much you love Jasper made him question his feelings for me. We aired out our dirty laundry."
Well, call me Dorothy and fuck me sideways.
"He did?" She thought back to her telling Edward to let go of Rose. "That might be my fault."
She felt so guilty, especially when the older woman turned to give her a questioning glance.
"Why would it be your fault?"
She pursed her lips.
"I told him some months ago he should let you go. I never thought he'd actually tell you about his feelings." Bella explained, feeling guilty. "It was none of my business, I'm sorry."
Rose's stare softened.
"Oh, honey, you had nothing to do with his decision." Big fat lie, Rosalie. "It was something he needed to say." Better.
"Did you hash it out?" Bella asked in a small voice. She liked making others uncomfortable, but not like this. Not confused or sad.
"We did," Rose smiled gently. "We've known each other for too long not to."
Oh.
"Edward tells me you might've spooked the pizza guy yesterday," Rose commented casually. "We're lucky the guy didn't call an ambulance."
Bella smiled to herself, remembering the freaked out look the poor boy had.
"Yeah. But I think Edward handled it all really well. He's sort of amazing."
Rose snorted.
"Sort of? He's the best guy I've ever known. You can't even count on two hands twice the amount of girls that I've seen proposition Edward in the last month. And most of them are the moms of the little patients he treats," they both laughed at Edward's expense; in the hospital, Edward sneezed. "He's meant for a girl much better than me."
Bella gave Rose an encouraging smile.
"You're pretty great, Rose. Truly." She sniffed. "Although I think the bacon's about to burn any second now."
"Fuck." Rose cursed, turning back to the stove and turning off the gas. "An attentive cook, I am not."
Bella shrugged.
"At least you cook. I've seen Edward attempt to make popcorn, and he always puts them in like three minutes too many." Bella smiled to herself, thinking back on a Tuesday night two months ago when she had a movie night with Edward as they waited for Emmett and Rose to come home. They'd watched Princess Mononoke (her suggestion) and Spirited Away (his demand), the latter one she only really watched half of because she was too busy hiding underneath the blankets. A coward Bella was. She's been scared of it for as long as she could remember, and though she told Edgar, he hadn't really believed her. It took her jumping in fright twice and crying once for him to shut off the movie. She wasn't the type of girl that used scary movies to hide in handsome men's shoulders; she was the kind to close all windows and open all doors and turn on all the lights to ward off evil spirits. Ridiculous? Maybe. Necessary for her mental health? Oh yeah.
"Do you cook? I've never seen you do it, but I've always wondered." Rose commented, pouring the bacon on a big plate that had a paper towel ready to start absorbing the fat.
Bella gave her a funny look.
"Didn't you try the strudel I made on Christmas? Emmett told me you liked it."
Rose's mouth fell open.
"That big idiot! He never told me you made it! Emmett polished it off before I could get home from a shift, but I know Edward managed to get a slice for himself. I'd asked him to swing by the apartment for some papers, and he found Em mid-bite and stole some. Then your brother swore up and down he'd tell you mother how good it was." Rose shook her head, exasperated.
Bella laughed, picturing the duo perfectly.
"I'll make some again just for you. Humbleness aside, I'm a great cook. I don't do it much though because I hate washing the dishes." She grabbed a piece of bacon. "But keep it a secret from Emmett, or I'll have to make a double batch."
She chuckled, pouring scrambled eggs on Bella's plate as well.
"You and your brother have the definition of a love-hate relationship," Rose noted, something Bella couldn't deny.
"We love each other fiercely though," Bella mumbled, shoving food into her mouth already. "Even if he can be a dick."
Rose tried not to laugh too much.
"What're your plans for today?"
"School. I get in at noon, and get out at four. I'll probably swing by the gym though; I've been eating too much this weekend."
Rose lit up with a brilliant idea.
"Oh! Why don't you accompany Edward? He's also going to the gym today, and I need someone to check he's actually going. He's been getting real lazy lately, and he's starting to get a love handle."
If Edward Cullen has a love handle, I have a loaf.
"Sure," Bella agreed easily enough. "Although I'm not sure we go to the same gym."
Ok, that might be an issue.
"Which gym do you go to?"
"The YMCA by my college."
Instantly, Rose lit up again.
"Oh! That's also the one Edward goes to, because it's also near the hospital. He usually goes in the morning, but he slept in today." Something about the whole 'take care of the hurting girl then confess to your best friend' had taken a toll on him. Again, somewhere in the hospital, Edward sneezed. "Can you pick him up at the hospital after your last class? He took an Uber, and he always leaves his gym bag in the hospital's lockers. I'll tell him."
Something occurred to Bella.
"Won't it be awkward for you, seeing him today?"
Rose sat down in front of Bella to eat. Shuffling around the scrambled eggs, she then poured herself some orange juice before answering.
"We met in kindergarten. We went to the same elementary, secondary and high school. We got into the same college, and even the same med school, though he got in later. We work in the same hospital." Rose swallowed down half a glass of juice. "We've been together for so long, I can't ever imagine avoiding him or feeling awkward with him. We've seen each other at our worst and at our best; yesterday was just about him finally saying in words what his actions have always shown."
Still, there was something Bella couldn't understand.
"But... How come you didn't outright reject him years ago? Don't you think you could've spared him a lot of heartache? Spared him from having to see you and Em while having feelings for you?" Bella asked, and her voice had been dangerously close to reaching insolent levels. But she was just so weirdly protective of Edward; maybe it had to do with the fact that he'd been so amazing with her pretty much since they met. She wished she could've saved the man from heartbreak.
Rose swallowed down some bacon before answering.
"It wasn't my place to bring it up. I would've been pushing him. Maybe for some guys that could've been the answer, but with Edward... he's someone who doesn't like being pushed with his feelings. I knew he'd tell me in time, and he did. I wish he'd done it years ago, but he didn't. He hadn't had the right incentive. As for seeing me with Em... I tried my best to not rub it in his face. However, after a while, I realized something. I also deserved to be happy. I'd been sparing Edward's feelings for nearly seven years that I'd been aware of, and I love your brother so much, Bella. I had a choice: Edward's comfort or your brother's feelings. Edward would've been hurt no matter what I did. Your brother would've grown to resent my best friend, and I wanted them to get along, despite everything. I decided I loved Emmett enough to make my best friend my second priority —but he never stopped being one." Rose sighed, done with her breakfast. It sort of amazed Bella; she hadn't seen Rose eat. "So yeah. On one hand I felt it wasn't my place to bring it up. On the other hand, obvious as Edward was, to have closure I knew he'd need to verbalize his feelings by himself."
The young girl processed the doctor's words.
She got hung up on a specific thing.
"So which was the incentive?"
Rose shoved more bacon in her mouth, then asked the young girl to repeat herself.
"What incentive? You said he hadn't said anything because he hadn't had the right incentive; obviously, now he does. Which is it?"
You and your big mouth, Rosalie. It's definitely too early for that.
"Um, I think that's something you'd have to ask Edward." She coughed, dabbing at her lips with a napkin.
Bella quirked up an eyebrow.
"Why are you so elusive? Is it a secret?"
Dozens of scenarios flittered by Bella's mind.
Rose tried to brush it off, but she wasn't as subtle as she thought she was. After a few minutes of awkward excuses, none of which Bella bought, Rose's phone rang.
Staggering with relief, she answered. It was Emmett.
"Hi baby."
"Hi Em," Rose grinned, blushing a bit at the generic pet name. She couldn't help it; she still found it cute.
"Is my sister up?"
"Yeah," Rose answered, nodding easily at the teen when she motioned that she was going to go get changed. Once she was turned, Rose rolled her eyes; this girl clearly wanted to escape doing the dishes.
"How is she?"
"She looks well," Rose said, thinking that despite the groggy voice and puffy eyes, Bella seemed to be fairing better than Edward had implied. "Although I noticed she hasn't mentioned Jasper once. I guess she'll only speak about him to Edward."
"How are you?"
Rose smiled to herself, thankful he'd remembered to ask amidst his worry for his little sister.
"As good as I can be. I'm sad I hurt Edward so much for so long. I'm also glad he's finally let it out. Mostly, I'm nervous about how it'll be between us from now on."
"Well, haven't you been friends for long enough to figure it out naturally?"
"Yeah, but it's just different this time, you know? There was a time period during which we didn't speak at all, and when we finally did, it took some adjusting. We'd become different people. I just... I'm scared we won't adjust twice."
"Both of you care too much about your friendship to let it flush down the drain. You'll adjust. I promise." Emmett's confidence overwhelmed Rose for a moment, and she let out a shaky breath. Don't cry.
"Thank you," Rose whispered, then heard a toilet flush. "Emmett Swan, were you listening to my woes while pooping?"
"Hey! It's the only place where I could be assured some privacy." Em defended himself. "I also really needed to—"
"Spare me the details," Rose growled, and laughing, they resumed easy conversation.
Rose didn't know that Bella could hear everything from the guest's room.
You're such a liar, Rose. You said you weren't worried about your friendship with Edward.
Bella wiped some tears that had leaked; this was a valuable woman. She had told Bella what was her business to know, and had been honest with her brother about her worries. She'd told a white lie (really, a half truth), and because of it, Bella somehow knew that Rose wasn't capable of being two-faced like May. May wouldn't have been able to spare her feelings in such a way without outright lying. It brought her full acceptance of Rosalie Hale, as well as peace with her brother's breakup. Everything happened for a reason, and in this case, Bella really hopped the reason was that Emmett was meant to find his soul mate in Rose.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Excuse me, can I borrow Dr. Cullen for a moment?" Rose asked with an apologetic smile, tearing away her best friend from a nurse. Nurse Cheney nodded, and after casting one last fluttering glance at her favorite doctor, went to check on a patient.
"Hey," Edward smiled, standing tall as ever next to his friend. They were both tall people, and to people outside, they might've looked like the perfect couple. Too perfect. "What's up?"
Rose returned his smile, relief pulsing through her. He wasn't avoiding her.
"Oh, I just..." she bit her lip, looking everywhere in a very non-subtle way that threatened to dizzy Edward.
"Out with it, woman."
Alright.
"I sort of pimped you out." Rose flinched at the immediate scowl that overtook her friend's handsome face.
"What do you mean?"
Alright.
"You've got a gym date with Bella today." She blurted out, and the scowl became a look of surprise.
"What?"
Time to elaborate.
"I mean, it's not quite a date." Scowl. "She's picking you up at four thirty." Deeper scowl. "But I roped her into spotting you at the gym today, sort of. And she'll pick you up and drop you off." That scowl really wasn't letting up. "So I figured you could... start charming her pants off now." She finished in a mumble, looking everywhere but at Edward and pursing her lips.
"And I'm supposed to make her see me as a potential candidate while we're both sweating and tired?"
"You look really good when you're sweating." Rose pointed out, making Edward's lip twitch in amusement. She really was trying to play matchmaker the day after he told her he'd loved her for almost two decades.
He wasn't really annoyed by that.
"I doubt she'll feel the same. I distinctly remember her saying that exercise brought out the worst in her." He pointed out, thinking back to the one time he'd suggested going to the gym together. This was after the holiday season, when both had gained about six pounds each and needed to burn them off. Bella had almost bit his head off at the suggestion of exercise with him; two days later, when she'd calmed down, she'd explained that she didn't want to be reminded of how much her physical condition sucked, which would be visible with him next to her.
He hadn't thought to tell her he'd just be far away from her, then.
"No it doesn't," Rose rolled her eyes. "Em told me Bella's just competitive, and whatever you do she'll attempt to do, too, which isn't all that wise if you're doing weights or running too fast for her."
That was another very likely explanation.
"Also..."
He didn't like how small her voice was getting. Crossing his arms over his chest, Edgar waited, looking way too imposing. For a moment, Rose overlapped the man in front of her with the little six year old that ate his own boogers, and she wanted very badly to snort, but held herself back. Not the time.
"What is it, Rosalie?"
She gave him her best smile.
"You know I love you, right?"
"Rose."
"I told her about yesterday, alright?" Rose sighed, squeezing her eyes shut.
"What?"
"I mean, she asked me where you were, and then she asked me why my eyes were all puffy, and I didn't know how to lie to her, ok? So I told her you and I aired out our dirty laundry and that everything's fine between us now." She spoke quickly, eyes still slammed shut, wanting the verbal lashing to be over already.
Silence.
More silence.
Still absolute silence.
After almost two minutes (she counted) had gone by and still no answer, Rose unscrewed one eye open, only to find Edward to be giving her the most scathing glare he'd ever given her.
"Did you tell her why I finally told you?"
She gulped.
"I didn't. I just told her that something changed for you, and that's it. I figured the rest was up to you." When his glare only lessened minimally, Rose hurried to defend herself. "Look, someone needed to tell her, alright? And if she still thinks you like me, then she'll never let herself feel more for you. She won't go for an unrequited love when she needs to feel love again, alright? And you're kidding yourself if you think you would've told her in the foreseeable future. I just... gave you a push, ok?" Rose looked down at her shoes, mumbling again. "Sorry."
To yell or not to yell?
On one hand, Edward knew his best friend only had his best interests in mind. On the other hand, it wasn't her place to say. Worse yet, what if Bella asked him why he'd finally come clean, he couldn't tell her it was because he was interested in her. Not yet. It would be too much for her to handle, and he didn't want to overwhelm her.
Finally, after deliberating for a few more seconds, he relaxed his stance. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and let himself loosen up.
"Fine. What's done is done. But I'll stitch your mouth closed if you tell her anything more about that." He glared, and for a moment, Rose wondered if he was serious. He didn't seem to be joking, but... He wouldn't really stitch my lips shut, would he?
She decided to be safe and agreed. She was going to say something else but was cut off by the loudspeakers that were paging Dr. Hale. Grinning sheepishly, Rose waved goodbye and hurried off.
Edward got a text, which he checked as he walked to meet one of his patients. It was from Bella.
I'll pick u up at 4:30 by the ER exit. Don't be late.
"Dr. Cullen! Careful with the—"
Bam!
"Wall."
-.-.-.-.-.-
"What happened to you?" Bella gaped, not even trying to hold back her laughter. Edward had appeared at 4:30 pm sharp in the ER's exit, gym bag in hand with a giant red bump on his forehead. She was going to just pick him up and keep going, but had been forced to stop to admire the handiwork of the wall.
"Would you believe me if I said—"
"No. Tell me the truth."
He sulked.
"I ran into a wall."
After five minutes of watching Bella gasp for air, he finally asked her why it was so funny.
"Because that's karma for you!" She gasped out, referencing the shoe-on-nose incident. When she started spilling tears and wheezing, Edward finally allowed himself to laugh along with her. Maybe then she'd stop.
No such luck.
Two minutes later, the two of them were trying to compose themselves enough to hit the road, but Bella's infectious laughter made it kind of impossible.
She really enjoyed his misery way too much.
"Ah," Bella let out the last of her laughter, wiping away her tears. "Thanks for that. It'd been a while since I laughed so hard."
Chuckling, Edgar shook his head.
"Anything to amuse you." He helped her back on the bike, which she'd fallen out of during minute one of incessant laughter.
"Good. I might keep you around longer, then." She threw him a wink, handed him a helmet and put hers on. "Hang on tight."
Scoffing, Edward held onto her for dear life. He'd let her give him a ride twice, and those two times had threatened to shorten his life. The first time, when she'd given him a ride home, he'd fallen to his knees and thanked God he had luck on his side.
Bella hadn't been amused.
"I feel like you've got bigger balls than me." Edward mumbled, adjusting himself before takeoff.
Bella rolled her eyes.
"I've got something better. I've got ovaries."
Somehow, Edward felt like they spoke too much of Bella's reproductive system.
When they finally arrived at the gym, Bella entered confidently, while Edward walked in on shaky legs and trying his best to conceal his bumpy forehead. He needed the guy from the drinks shop to keep thinking he was hot so he could keep scoring free water.
God gave him a nice face for a reason. He figured it was a fair trade; the guy got to stare at his face past what was socially acceptable and he got free water.
"I saw that," Bella commented when she came out of the locker room, finding one young doctor approaching her with a cool water bottle in hand.
"Saw what?" He asked innocently.
"You, pimping out your face for a cheap water bottle." Bella sighed dramatically. "You should've aimed bigger. Gone for two cheap water bottles."
Coulda woulda shoulda.
"I'll keep that in mind," Edward answered solemnly, unscrewing the water bottle's cap. Unbidden, Bella's eyes trailed the flexing muscle.
"Did he find your five-dimensional forehead hot?" Bella smirked.
"Five dimensional?"
"It was already 3D, so it wouldn't have made sense if I said that. I know it's not 5D either, but seeing as you've got extra dimension to your forehead, I figured it was appropriate," Bella explained, then sulked. "I can't believe you made me explain the joke to you."
Edward shrugged.
"I want to bring you down a notch with your teasing. You have way too much fun at my expense."
Bella couldn't deny that.
"But it's just so easy!" She whined. "You're always doing something that warrants my wicked quick wit. I wouldn't be helping anybody by neglecting my duties."
"You'd be helping my self-esteem." He pointed out, making the teenager scoff. They were by the treadmill, so Edward assumed they'd start there.
She scoffed.
"You didn't see yourself flirting out there. Nobody can touch that." True enough, he supposed. "Are you ready to start?"
He remembered then Rose talking about Bella's competitiveness.
"Actually, I'll start with the weights," Edward made a move to go to that side of the gym, but stopped when Bella started after him. "Weren't you gonna start with the treadmill?" He asked nervously.
Bella narrowed her eyes.
"Someone told you I was competitive, didn't they? Was it Rose? I bet it was Emmett, that ass." Bella grumbled furiously. "One time I tried to outrun him, and he won't let it go. He tells everyone I'm competitive! I was nine and didn't know any better. Jesus Christ," Bella scoffed, glaring with all her might at the handsome man.
"Sorry," Edward grinned sheepishly.
She pouted.
"Go away. Leave me to my running."
"Sorry, Bella. I'll run with you, really."
But she wasn't having it anymore, and after threatening to chew him out, sent him away to do his weights.
"Everything ok over here?"
Bella kept running.
"Bella, everything ok?" The gym's trainer put his hand on her elbow, shocking her enough that she almost tripped over her feet. Thankfully, though, the trainer caught her before she could stumble more.
"Ow, Riley, what the hell? You don't scare people when they're running!" Bella scowled, ripping off her earphones.
Riley rolled his eyes.
"I didn't try to. If you didn't feel the need to deafen yourself with the loud volume of your music, you would've heard me the first time." He saw the speed at which she was going. "You normally go a bit faster. Everything alright?"
Great, even my trainer knows something's up with me.
"Yeah, I just ate too much this weekend, and the new fat's making it a little hard to burn the old one," Bella smiled, letting Riley know everything was fine.
He smiled, shaking his head amicably.
"You and your food. I can still remember when you came here, looking like a little panda," he teased, earning himself a slap on the shoulder. Laughing, he shook it off. "Oh, come on. We can laugh now, can't we?"
Bella glared.
"Only I can laugh at my previous obesity. You can't, you asshole." She retorted, miffed. "Although I admit I might've resembled a panda a little bit."
Riley snorted.
"Please, you even had the bags under your eyes to complete the look."
True enough; back when she'd started coming to the gym, there had been many sleepless nights that consisted of her fighting with herself over the urge to eat… and finishing one last manga chapter.
"You're very mean, did you know that?" Bella pouted. "I might switch you over for Larry," she warned, waving at the muscular man that was shouting at a poor, unfit pre-teen boy.
"Please, Larry doesn't know what to say to motivate you." Riley scoffed, adding a bit of speed to Bella's run.
"Oh yeah, how's Kate? I haven't seen her around here in a while."
Kate was Riley's magnificent girlfriend.
"Knocked up." He replied easily enough, amused when Bella just turned her head towards him, jaw wide open and eyes peeled back. "You look like a goldfish."
"You knocked her up?"
"No, my brother did," Riley deadpanned, for a moment sounding so serious Bella questioned what he said. Then she remembered Riley was an only child.
"How long?" Bella asked, reducing the speed Riley had added on.
"Three months. It was a rough start, so the doctor said no exercise." He explained, adding again some more speed. She could handle it.
"How come you hadn't mentioned any of this?" Bella asked, a little wounded. They'd known each other for two years now, and she considered him a good friend.
"You've been coming at real irregular times lately, and when you do, I'm usually super busy with another member."
True enough.
"Well, congrats. You'll be a great dad," Bella said, and she meant it, too.
He smiled bashfully.
"Thanks. What's up with you? How's Whitlock?"
Bella did her best to not cry.
"We broke up." Riley's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Yeah, on Wednesday. Life sort of got in the way," she gave her trainer a pained smile. He patted her hand.
"You were too hot for him, anyways," Riley joked, startling Bella into letting out a loud, boisterous laugh that reminded her of her brother's.
It was loud enough Bella catch Edward's attention. He stopped focusing on the weights, and instead turned to see that Bella was chatting with one of the trainers. Leaving his things behind, Edward headed over to them, cleaning his neck sweat with a towel.
Riley saw him first.
"Cullen! Good to see you around here," Riley smiled, clapping the handsome man's shoulder before turning slightly so he was facing both of the gym members.
"Biers," Edward nodded back. "Are you hitting on Bella?"
Riley's eyebrows climbed up into his hairline.
"You two know each other?"
"Yeah, Bella's brother is Rose's boyfriend." Edward explained, and understanding illuminated the trainer's face.
"No way. Really?" The duo nodded, and Riley chuckled. "I never would've guessed. I mean, I never thought Rose's Emmett was Bella's Emmett. Small world, huh?"
Bella looked between the two men.
"Rose trains here?"
Riley shook his head.
"Nah, but I've gone out for beers once or twice with the hotshot doctors. She also happens to be Kate's best friend from college." Riley checked his watch. "Shoot, I've gotta call her, or she'll come here to find me. It was great seeing you two. Swing by more often, ok?" Riley said the last part for Bella, who whistled and looked away.
"I'll drag her if I have to," Edward promised, chuckling at Bella's silliness.
Riley bid adieu with a bro hug to Edward, but leaned in close to say one more thing.
"You might want to be a bit more subtle about wanting to bang her dude," Riley whispered, and the sheer surprise and outrage over his words left Edward paralyzed as he watched the trainer dance away.
"Hey Edward," Bella heaved out, startling Edward back into reality. "Close your mouth, or a merry family of flies will colonize your mouth."
He shut his mouth.
"What did he say?" Bella asked, amused by the man's shock.
He was a trained liar.
"He, uh, said something lewd."
Not a good one though.
"Right," Bella rolled her eyes, disbelieving even though Edward's lie wasn't all that far fetched.
"You're mean to me," Edward pointed out once more, and this time Bella actually felt a tinge of guilt. He was right; he was always helping her up, and she often tried bringing him down. Her attitude towards him wasn't the nicest, and she really had to get a hang of it. Especially because, if she thought about it, she didn't want to drive him away. However, all these months something inside of her had urged her to be cautious and keep him at an arm's length.
Maybe I don't need to anymore.
The thought startled her enough to send her flying off the treadmill.
"My tummy," Bella moaned, lying on Edward's couch.
After the treadmill fiasco, Bella had to endure Edward laughing at her for some solid five minutes. At one point, he was laughing so hard that he fell on his back next to her, wheezing. Not amused, and still lying face down in front of the treadmill, she poked at the bump on his forehead, instantly making him howl in pain. After glaring at her for a while, he finally did the doctor-y thing and carried her to a nearby bench in the back so he could quickly check her out. The problem was her stomach that had already starting spotting some blood on her shirt, but when Edward made to lift her shirt, Bella had grabbed his wrist with incredible strength.
"No."
And he'd understood. Too many eyes, too self-conscious. Nodding, he'd helped gather her things and told her he'd drive them to his apartment. She only put up a fight for a little while, truthfully too worn out to drive back. She rather liked hugging Edward's back on the way to his apartment, thinking it was broad and strong without being massive. Jasper was always too skinny, something that both amused her and made her feel self-conscious. Does he think I have too much flesh on me? Bella had tried alluding to it once, but the glare Jasper had thrown her had been so intense she'd shut right up, promising him not to say it again. She had body issues; Jasper had them too about his thinness, though not being very vocal about them, she'd never given them much thought. Perhaps she should've.
There were many things she probably should've done.
Then again, shoulda coulda woulda.
"I know," Edward pulled her back to reality. "That's why I need you to lift your shirt. I need to check it out."
"No."
"Woman, do you see anyone here?" Bella gave him a pointed stare. "Besides me. I'm a doctor."
Like that justified everything.
"I think you just want to see my abs," Bella pointed out, flinching when she accidentally brushed a hand over her stomach. This just made Edward give her the 'told you so' face that adults were so good at dishing.
"You're hurt. I need to treat you; you could get infected and scar."
Bella looked away from his face.
"I've already got enough scars. A few more won't make a difference."
He flicked her forehead.
"Ow! What the fuck? I'm injured!" Bella held a hand to her forehead, scowling fiercely. Unfortunately, it didn't stick, because her lip started twitching. The bump was hilarious.
"Your forehead isn't connected to your stomach." Edward rolled his eyes, crouching so he sat on the low marble table. "Show me."
"No."
"Show me, or I'll find the video footage of you flying off the treadmill and show it at Rose and Emmett's future wedding," he threatened.
"You wouldn't."
"Wanna test me?" Edward narrowed his eyes. He himself wasn't sure he was bluffing (it would've been pretty hilarious to watch the scene again, now that he saw she hadn't sustained significant damage), and Bella must've seen that. Quietly, she lifted her shirt up to her sports bra. Not that she really needed it; she was a B cup, because God was unfair and despite the weight gain none of it went to her boobs. However, she liked the bra. It was purple.
As Edward assessed the damage, Bella watched him.
"What?"
"You spoke of Rose and Emmett's wedding very naturally." She pointed out, breathing in and out deeply. "How's that going?"
He concentrated on the damage.
It wasn't that much, though he'd definitely need to disinfect it. What drew his attention was the stretch marks; she'd been right. There were a lot, and the difference in skin was obvious. It was shinier, more delicate. Lighter.
"Edgar?"
"Huh?" He looked up, meeting her eyes. She looked sad.
"They're hideous, aren't they?" She asked quietly. "They're evidence of my lack of self-control. I think that's what hurts the most; they remind me of what I let myself become."
Without replying, Edward stood up. He lifted his shirt.
There was about a dozen little scars below his ribs on his left side. One scar was particularly bad, running down about three inches.
Her eyes flickered up to meet his, but he was looking down at his scars.
Pointedly, Bella avoided drooling over his six-pack.
Girl, your priorities are all over the place.
"We all have scars. This one's my reminder of the time I lacked self-control. I was drunk and high, and I fell on a broken bottle. The smaller scars are from the shards that were scattered; the bigger one is from a particularly large shard that got imbedded in there. I had to go to the ER; that's when my parents found out about my drinking problem." He pulled down his shirt. "You and I have physical scars that can be hidden by clothes. Some women endure daily physical abuse and their faces bear the marks; some people have lost limbs and they can see the gnarly scar from the amputation. Some people, like Rose, carry their scars in their heart. She was kidnapped in Africa during the first days of her stay, and she still refuses to talk about the experience. Like they say, just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there." Edward sat down again, pulling on his lap the first aid kit. "Scars are important. They mean you survived."
Bella closed her eyes.
"They also mean you almost died." She wanted to say, but couldn't. It felt somehow wrong, and petulant. He was telling her not to be ashamed, but he wasn't telling her to love them. They were a reminder of her mistakes.
"I always try," Bella replied, not opening her eyes as Edward started treating the wounds. "I see the marks, and then I see my body, and I try to tell myself they're just history. I'm different; better. Then I remember I still can't wear crop tops, because everyone will see my stretch marks. Then I tell myself to tell them to go fuck themselves if they stare, because that's my skin and my scars. It's a constant battle between wanting to feel good about myself and needing to criticize myself."
Edward chanced a look at her face, and he saw closed eyes as well as a relaxed face.
"You always act so confident," Edward noted. "I never would've guessed you had these kinds of thoughts."
Bella shrugged.
"I don't always think that way. Most days I feel great. Some days I want to hide. I'm always trying to diminish the bad days, and that's what counts, isn't it? To keep trying." Bella mumbled, flinching a bit at a particularly sore spot. "Every once in a while it's ok to feel bad for yourself, so long as you aren't making anyone miserable."
"You're making yourself miserable."
"Yeah," Bella acknowledged. "I am."
Edward decided to say what was on his mind.
"The stretch marks don't make you less beautiful." He told her, completely honest. "I won't lie and tell you I can't see them. But I won't lie and tell you they tainted you, either."
He didn't look up to see her expression.
He should've; she was smiling as she looked at him, watery eyes grateful.
Love me. These are like 1000 extra words. Also, I know it hasn't been a week since my last update, but I just want to bring you all up to speed as quickly as I can (without posting everything at once). I've got like two more chapters done, but until I've finished or am like a chapter away from done I won't post it all (or else I'll run out of stuff to post until God knows when). Anyways. Hope you had some happy holidays, and that you have a very wonderful New Years!
Leah.
P. S. As always, your reviews warm my heart. There was one that said I'd made their day better, which in turn made my day that much happier. Hopefully, you're as giddy to read my story as I am to make it. :))