Saturday, March 1st, dawned clear and sunny. By mid-morning, temperatures hovered in the low forties and winds were light. Lincoln Loud woke later than usual, rising at half past eight. It was well-known in the Loud house that Saturday breakfast was on the table before eight-thirty, and if you missed it, well, that was your fault. Lincoln didn't particularly care if he missed breakfast: He'd been looking forward to today's date with Leni since she brought it up last week. They'd only been on one date before, and Lincoln enjoyed it immensely: They saw a movie, had dinner in a little Italian restaurant (a candle lit dinner...it was pretty romantic), and walked home through downtown Royal Woods as the sunset painted the sky soft pink and purple. It was a perfect day.

In the bathroom, he showered, enjoying the way the hot water warmed his cold skin. Because of heating costs, Mom and Dad kept the house at a steady 62. Sometimes, Lincoln was certain he could almost see his breath.

When he was done, he wrapped his towel around his waist and then went to his room. Luan appeared at the top of the stairs before he could slip in, and her eyes narrowed. "Nice dress, Linc."

"It's not a dress and you know it," he deflected with a little half-smile.

She shrugged. "I guess Leni's already started the transformation...pretty soon you'll be wearing guyliner and designer jeans."

"You're funny," Lincoln said and went into his room. He locked the door, ripped his towel off and, naked, rummaged through his drawers for something to wear. He wanted to look nice, but he didn't want to look like he was going on a date. After all, it was just a walk in the park (and lunch) with his sister. Nothing more, Mom and Dad.

Not for the first time, Lincoln wondered how his parents would react if they found out about him and Leni. He'd imagined everything from happiness and indifference to rage and disgust. He couldn't honestly say how they would take it, and he didn't intend to find out.

He finally settled for a pair of jeans and an orange polo shirt. Downstairs, Lori was doing the breakfast dishes while Leni wiped down the table with a Clorox wipe. Lucy was in the living room dusting while Lana was emptying Cliff's litterbox. Right. He had to take out the trash. He total forgot.

"Morning, Lincy!" Leni said happily.

"Morning," he said.

"You missed breakfast," Leni said seriously. "Are you hungry?"

"No," he said, crossing the kitchen. "I just wanna take the trash out so we can go. When you're done, of course."

Leni smiled brightly. "Okay. I just need to vacuum the living room."

While she did that, Lincoln took the kitchen trash out, then went back inside and caught the trash in the bathroom and in the laundry room. The one good thing about trash patrol, as he liked to call it, was the workout his arms got. Once upon a time they looked like frail, uncooked pasta noodles. Now they looked like...well, slightly bigger pasta noodles. If this kept up, he might be able to lift a jug of milk by the time he was in high school.

Done, he plopped down onto the couch in-between Luna and Luan while Leni guided the vacuum across the carpet. When she got close, they put their feet up on the coffee table and she bent slightly to vacuum under them. "Thank you!" she said as she glided off. "Where are you guys going?" Luan asked, slapping Lincoln's chest with the back of her hand.

"To the park," he said. "Then somewhere for lunch."

"That's nice," Luan said, and looked sad for a moment. Before Lincoln could say anything, she brightened. "Hey, did you hear about the guy who sent ten puns to his local newspaper's pun contest?"

"No," Lincoln said, playing along. "What about him?"

"He was hoping at least one would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did."

Lincoln laughed. "Okay, that was good."

"Thanks!"

Leni was done now, kneeling next to the vacuum and winding the cord up. "Well, if you ladies will excuse me..."

"Have fun, bro," Luna said.

Luan watched him go. He helped Leni get the vacuum into the closet off the living room, then held the front door for her while she shrugged into her coat. "Thank you, Lincy," she said, stooping down and kissing him on the tip of his nose. "You're such a gentleman." Luan sighed and looked down at her hands. She deleted her dating profile this morning. When she woke up and checked it, her heart bursting with hope, she saw that she had fifteen private messages. Fifteen! Wow! But of them, seven were pictures of...well...and the rest were either "You look too young to be on this site" or "Hey, baby, wanna hook up?" Only the latter messages weren't put so nicely. It was hopeless. She was destined to sit alone on the sidelines while her siblings found love one-by-one. What kind of cat would she have?

At least the frozen dinners for one were getting more and more appetizing by the year.

She drew a deep breath.

"You alright?" Luna asked. "You been kinda down lately."

Luan shook her head. "No, I'm fine," she lied. She got up and went upstairs. She'd look up jokes online, that always made her feel better...

Ronnie Ann Santiago woke just before dawn from a nightmare she couldn't remember. The sheets were twisted around her and soaked in sweat. Her heart raced, her lung burst. She sat up, a shaft of moonlight falling across her drawn face and casting it in an eerie glow. She drew her knees to her chest and hugged them as she tried to remember the dream. It had to do with Lincoln, but beyond that, she couldn't recall, and while she didn't want to, she had to. What was it?

For a while she sat, her jackrabbit heart beating a frantic tempo against her breast. Bits and pieces came back to her: Lincoln's mouth turned down in a cruel sneer, everyone pointing and laughing at her, tears streaming down her face as she collapsed to the floor in a heap. By the time cold, amber sunlight began to creep into the room, she remembered all of it, every terrible second: She was trying to get Lincoln back, and for some reason she chose to profess her love for him in the cafeteria during lunch, when it was packed with kids. Her heart and soul was laid bare for all to see. "I don't want you," Lincoln said. "Go away."

His words and his hateful tone decimated her, but the mocking laughter of a thousand faces heightened her grief. She did not share her emotions easily. She did not want them to be seen. In this dream, everyone saw them, and how they laughed...she was certain she even saw her own brother slapping his knee. She grabbed her pillow and hugged it tightly to her chest. When she felt the urge to cry, she buried her face into it. She had to tell him how she felt, even if it killed her.

But could she do it? She hung her head in misery, because she didn't know. She didn't know if she could rip her heart open and let Lincoln see her innermost self, the scared, lonely little girl hiding beneath the aggression, the girl who secretly wanted the kind of romance she openly mocked...she would rather take her clothes off for him, because physical nakedness is one thing...but spiritual nakedness is another.

But she had to do it. She couldn't just let that bitch have him. He loved her first, and she loved him first. She was his and he was hers.

At breakfast, she absently ate and plotted. She smiled when Bobby mussed her hair, talked happily about her school life when her mother asked...outside she was bright and pretty and at ease, but inside she was cold and calculating. Some way, somehow, she was going to get Lincoln Loud back, even if it killed someone.

Jokes always made Luan feel better. Sitting in the middle of her bed, her laptop balanced precariously on her knobby knees, she searched the World Wide Web for laughs, snickers, chuckles, and even snorts. In her current mood, she just needed something.

Being a dedicated student of the humorous arts, she knew the places to look, and within fifteen minutes the desperation had been shoved to the back of her mind. She opened a Word document and copy/pasted her favorite jokes; she did this only with the best, the ones that she planned to work into either her routine or her daily life. There were close to a thousand jokes in that file, everything from one-liners to long, epic story-jokes that not even Lincoln, who always humored her, would sit through. It was these jokes, the real side-splitters, that inspired her to keep going. When she read a particularly good one, her chest would flood with a mixture of admiration, envy, and downright jealousy, and she would resolve to write one even better. She was keenly aware that she wasn't the best, but it's a process. You don't just drop out of the womb with a bowtie and a truckload of zingers, it takes years of practice.

Luan was eight when she knew she wanted to be a comedian. Up until then, she was nothing, just another kid in a class full of kids, a girl in a house full of girls (and one boy). She blended in, and was so lost even she couldn't pick herself out of a crowd. Then she saw a stand-up special on Comedy Central, and not only was it hysterical, but the comedian was so big. He stood on a stage in front of a crowd, a spotlight falling on him from the rafters, and whenever he spoke, the audience died. They, like Luan, hung on every word; for that half an hour, there was no one else in the world but him, the funny man everyone loved.

She genuinely loved comedy, but she couldn't lie: It was nice to stand out...to be noticed. When you have such a large family, attention wasn't easy to come by.

Presently, she looked up from the screen, her lips pursed. Is that why she wanted a boyfriend so badly? For attention? What kind of awful bitch was she?

She didn't think that was it, though. He didn't have to pay attention to her, she would pay attention to him. It wasn't about what she wanted to take, but about what she wanted to give. She had so much love and affection in her heart; all she wanted was a special someone to pour it all out on. She wanted what Leni had, and what Lincoln had: Someone to hold and cherish, a beautiful romance with someone who loved Luan Loud, despite her overbite and her often lame jokes. Attention be damned. She didn't need him looking at her night and day, just knowing that he was out there, silently loving her as she silently loved him, was enough.

Shaking her head, she opened another Word document and jotted down a few jokes she'd thought up since yesterday evening. They were hilarious, at least she thought they were. But she needed a second opinion.

Closing her laptop, she went out to get it.

In the living room, Luna was still sitting on the couch, her booted feet kicked up onto the coffee table. She was staring intently at the television set, where an eighties metal video played, the VH1 Classic logo in the bottom right corner. "Hey, Lune," she said, "wanna hear some jokes?"

"Yeah, in a minute," Luna replied, waving her hand. "Just...chill."

"Okay," Luan said, and went into the kitchen. Lucy, Lana, and Lola were sitting at the table, each one coloring a picture. Luan walked over and looked at each. Lana's was of a construction site, replete with dump truck, backhoe, and herself as foreman, holding a set of blue prints and yelling at a cringing underling. Lola's was of a fashion show: She stood on the edge of a catwalk, her hooked hands thrown into the air and an evil smile on her face. Lucy's was – surprise – of a vampire, his face blue and rotting and his eyes glowing yellow.

"Hey, guys, wanna hear a joke?"

"Uh, no," Lola said without looking up. "We're busy."

"Fix this mess or you're fired!" Lana yelled at her drawing. "I am sick of you messing up my jobsites! You're worse than the 3 Stooges!"

"Later," Lucy said. "Promise."

Luan's shoulders sagged. "Okay," she said sadly. She went back into the living room just as Lori came down the stairs. She brightened. "Hey, Lori...?"

"Can't, busy," Lori said, brushing past her. "Later."

Luan nodded, suddenly so sad she could cry. She didn't know why; this wasn't exactly the first time her sisters were too busy to listen to her jokes. Today, though...she didn't know. She didn't know anything anymore. Maybe she'd just go upstairs and take a nap. Then, later, she'd snag Lincoln. He always made time for her. It was easy to see why Leni would fall in love with him, but Leni...well...maybe Leni could look past the fact that he was her brother, but Luan could not. She was just starting up the stairs when a knock came at the door, halting her. She glanced at Luna, who was banging her head to an AC/DC video.

The knock came again.

Luan sighed. Fine. She'd get it. She turned, rolled her eyes, and went to the door. Please hurry so I can go be depressed.

She opened it, and Clyde McBride was there, a goofy smile on his face. "Hey, Luan!" he chirped before she even had a chance to fully register his presence. "Is Lincoln here?"

She blinked. "Uh, no. He's...out."

"Oh," Clyde said, his face falling. Luan felt bad for him. I know how you feel. No one has time for me either. "Well, I guess I'll go."

He started to turn, but Luan stopped him. Clyde liked her jokes! If her sisters couldn't be bothered to listen to them, she'd just tell them to him. "Hey, wait..." He stopped and looked at her. For some reason, she suddenly felt very nervous. She rubbed the back of her neck, her hand brushing the tip of her ponytail. "I, uh...I kind of need someone to listen to some new jokes and everyone here's too busy...you wanna hear them?"

For a moment he simply looked at her, and her heart sped up. Then he shrugged. "Sure, why not?"