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In November he brought them to the cemetery. It was time. The pain, though still sharp, was less raw. Just after Keith died, Lucas could never have imagined waking up one morning and not wishing desperately to fall asleep again, to be taken away from it all. But even in his sleep, his dreams had been haunted by memories, by Keith-like ghosts begging Lucas to save him, by the echo of a gunshot in a school hallway. Now, he knew that time healed all wounds. It was cliché, to be sure, and the pain never truly went away, but it was diminished. And Lucas could wake up each morning and find strength to open his eyes and get up. He found that strength in Molly's laugh, in Rebecca's quiet intelligence, in Jamie's maturity and how protective he was of his sisters. He found it in his nieces' dark honey locks and big, innocent eyes, in the determined set of Jamie's shoulders and the way his eyes twinkled when he smiled. To him, they were Haley, the girl he had loved like a little sister, maybe more.
"You loved her, didn't you?" Jamie asked. They were standing under the oak tree by Haley's grave. Rebecca and Molly were running around nearby, not understanding the significance of the empty, gated expanse of land, with its gentle, grassy hills and weathered headstones. One day they would, Lucas knew, although he hoped for their sakes that that day didn't some too soon. Lucas turned to Jamie, a question marked on his face. "My mother," added Jamie simply, knowingly. "You loved her."
Lucas paused, nodded. A tear slipped from his eye and he brushed it away. "She was my best friend. She was so caring, so understanding, she could find the good in anybody. You remind me of her, you know." Lucas smiled sadly. "When I lost her, when she left Tree Hill with you, I knew she was trying to make her own happiness away from a place that had held so much heartbreak. But it broke my heart, too, that day. I'm not sure I ever forgave her for it. Or myself, for not telling her how much I needed her." Lucas' voice cracked as he held back his tears.
"She knew." Jamie whispered. "That you loved her, I mean. And she loved you. I could hear it in her voice when she talked about you. But it was hard for her, to remember. It still hurt her so much."
"She'd be so proud of you, J. Luke. And your father would have been too. My brother Nathan."
Jamie nodded, and when he looked up again his eyes were shining with tears. "I wish I could have known him. I loved John like a father, and I miss him so much, but seeing him with Molly and Rebecca, I just wished I could have met my real father, just once."
"He was a great basketball player," said Lucas softly, contemplatively. "And he loved the game. But his father, your grandfather, invested everything in the game. For a while, so did your father. Your mother showed him the way out. She showed him there was more to life than basketball and she showed us all the man Nathan could be. He was strong, and brave, and he would have loved you more than anything, I know it."
"He left her, though." Jamie spoke bitterly. "She never told me why, but I overheard her talking about one night on the phone. He left us."
"He was scared," murmured Lucas. "We were seventeen years old, Jamie, and he was married, a baby on the way, and the only father he'd had to look up to was Dan. So he ran. I'm not making excuses for him, Jamie, but he didn't mean it, the leaving part. Don't hold it against him. He tried to come back, in the end, but a drunk driver hit him and killed him."
"That's why you were so angry when I was drunk after that party?" Jamie mumbled.
Lucas nodded. "One of the reasons."
"I'm sorry," whispered Jamie, and he was apologizing for much more than the party.
"I'm sorry, too," answered Luke, and wrapped an arm around Jamie's broad shoulders.
"Will it ever stop hurting?" Jamie asked softly.
Lucas sighed and hugged Jamie tighter. "There will be days when you can almost forget the pain. But there will be days when the pain is so sharp you can barely breathe. It's never entirely gone, but it gets better, J. Luke. You'll be able to think about them without wanting to cry. One day you'll remember something about them, a joke they used to tell, a fond memory, a scent, and you might even smile, or laugh."
"I don't know if that day will ever come for me, Uncle Luke." His chin was high but tears ran down his face.
"It will," Luke murmured confidently. "I promise."
Jamie nodded. "I'll…" he gulped back a sob. "I'll go get the girls, give you a minute alone."
Lucas smiled sadly. "Thank you, Jamie." He watched the boy walk away, saw the resolute set of his shoulders and tenderness with which he picked up Molly and swung her around, and knew that he would be okay. That they would be okay. It had been almost thirty years since that first day with Haley on the playground. I really did love you, he whispered into the chilly November air. I loved you, too. He heard her answer on the breeze as the fallen leaves danced and twirled, but it wasn't her voice. It was Jamie's, telling him a minute ago just how much Haley had loved him, missed him. What happened to us, he asked, but an answer didn't come. It was too late for that question. There were so many could have beens, so many what ifs, and only one what was, what is.
"Uncle Lucas, Uncle Lucas!" Rebecca's eager voice cut through his thoughts. "Can we go to the playground? Jamie told me he'd teach me to do the monkeybars!"
Turning towards his nieces and nephew, Lucas smiled. "That sounds like a great idea," he replied. He clasped Rebecca's hand in his as Jamie squatted down so Molly could clamber onto his back for a piggyback ride. Together, the family of four left behind the tears, the pain, the past. Haley, John and Nathan would always have a place in their hearts but now it was time to move on. It wouldn't always be easy. There would be tears, laughter, fights and joy. There would be moments when it would seem too hard to go on, but slowly, the fractures would heal and the fond memories would outweigh the bad. They would face the future together. After all, that was what family was for.