IM STILL ALIVE. I got hella busy, I'm sorry! But update, I've finished and PASSED my institute with awesome scores btwwww, and I start in the classroom in about a month! Until then I will continue to update for you as much as I can! Don't you worry, I will update Remember Me soon. I will not abandon my stories, pinky promise. This one was just easier to get back into because each chapter kind of stands alone. I need to go back over and re-read what I already wrote for Remember Me. But it will get done.

UM SIDE NOTE IF THEY HURT TOBY ANGELBABY BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY CAVANAUGH NEXT WEEK I'M FLYING TO LA AND BURNING SHIT. Don't even ask me what happened in this episode because ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THE PROMO FOR NEXT WEEK.

Chapter 6

June

Summer was the worst. But this summer might have been the worst of the worst. Going a month without Spencer, without his friends, was agony. But his dad decided that what their family needed after his mother's episode was a family vacation. A month in at the beach was nice, but it wasn't what they needed. He didn't know what his mom needed, but it clearly wasn't this.

As they drove into the outskirts of Rosewood he took in his mom's slumped shoulders and hung head with a frown. He didn't know what else he could do for her, but he had to keep trying. But as his phone vibrated on the seat next to him his mom all but left his mind.

He snatched it up and glanced at the text, a smile playing at his lips.

'I miss you. Hurry up! -S'

He typed out a quick response, telling her that he would be at her house the minute that he could escape. He couldn't wait to hold her. He couldn't wait to remember what it felt like to spend time with someone that he was sure would always be on his side. So the second they pulled up in front of his house he made some kind of poorly articulated excuse, jumped onto his motorcycle, and tore through the streets. He was driving like an idiot, but he was an excited teenager.

He stopped his motorcycle at the back of her long driveway and balanced it before striding up to their side door. He was prepared to fling the door open and tear through the house until he found her, but it wasn't necessary. She met him in the grass, barefoot and her hair thrown on top of her head in an adorable messy bun. They collided in the middle of the grass with a satisfying thunk. He managed to keep them upright, lifting her briefly off of her feet with the force of his hug. "I missed you," he whispered into her neck, relishing once again being lost in her scent. He loved her. God, he loved her.

"I missed you too!" She laughed into his neck. "You can't leave me for that long again."

He shook his head, nuzzling his nose into her hair. "I don't plan on it," he chuckled. "You don't leave me either."

She just shook her head as he lowered her back to her feet. "Come on. Let's go inside."

He hesitated, lacing their fingers together. "Can we actually go somewhere else? I'm not ready to be cooped back up."

She nodded. "Yeah, of course. Just let me change."

He rolled his eyes, tightening his hand around hers. "You look beautiful. Are you okay on my bike or do you want to drive?"

She led him in the direction of his motorcycle. "I never have a problem with your bike. It's kind of hot, actually."

He rolled his eyes again, handing her the helmet he kept for her. As an afterthought he slid out of his hoodie, handing it to her. Sometimes the fast air stung and her arms were bare. She climbed on, loosely wrapping her arms around him.

It just felt right having her pressed up against him, her arms tightening around his waist as they turned, her breath warming his neck, her legs rubbing against his. It was perfect. Everything was perfect.

He pulled into the parking lot, stopping in their normal spot, just down the path from where they liked to sit. "I missed you," he said softly, repeating himself. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

She smiled and slid off of his bike, stepping immediately into his ready arms. "I have an idea." She hesitated. "How is your mom? Is she doing better?"

He shrugged, not really wanting to lie to her, but also not really wanting to kill the mood. "I don't want to talk about it," he said softly. "Can we think about other things right now?"

She nodded. "Let's go get ice cream when we leave here. I haven't been able to do much this summer because of my classes at Hollis. I need a life again."

He smirked. She was always making him do that. "Will you actually let me buy it?"

She snorted. "Not a chance in hell." She did let him lead he down the path though, and as far as Spencer was concerned that was a massive sacrifice. He tugged her down onto her rock and finally felt himself relaxing as she backed against his chest. It was like everything was right in the world again. "I missed you," Spencer sighed, vocalizing his own thoughts.

He hummed in agreement. "Right there with you," he murmured into her hair.

It was a long time before they spoke again. Neither of them wanted to end their moment together. But nothing good lasted, not for him. He felt Spencer's breathing change, and he immediately knew that she was going to say something that he didn't necessarily want to hear. "Tell me what happened with your mom, Toby."

He cringed. "Spence-"

She shifted in his arms, turning around and cutting him of with a gentle brush of her lips. "You don't have to tell me anything, but I can see that you're holding something back. If it will help to talk to me I'm here to listen."

He kept his lips hovering just over hers for a moment before going in for one last soft kiss. "It started out fine," he whispered, willing himself not to get emotional. "Great, even. We didn't do much, mom wasn't up for leaving the room, but it was still nice. But that all went to hell like it always did."

"Marion I paid good money for this trip! You need to leave the room!"

She didn't even respond to his father. She put a pillow over her head and groaned. "Just leave me alone."

Toby didn't know if he should intervene or not. It would make his dad more angry, but he also didn't want him talking to his mom like that. Especially not after she was starting to act like herself again. His dad tugged at the pillow, yanking it up and off of her head. "Why won't you come outside?"

Marion curled up in herself, making a tight ball out of her body. "They're out there."

He had officially had enough. He would handle this with more grace than his dad would. "Mom, who's out there? What are you afraid of."

Her clammy hand latched around his wrist. "You have to stay in too, Toby. You're too good. They'll go after you first."

"Mom-"

She sat up so quickly that her back cracked audibly. "Toby," she said earnestly, tears clinging to her eyelashes. "promise me you won't go outside."

He didn't know what to do. "I promise," he said softly.

He didn't speak when he finished. What use would it be? He didn't have anything to say. He didn't know what to do. But he did know that if he trusted anyone to know what to do it would be Spencer. She was the smartest person that he had ever met.

She didn't speak either. Her gentle fingers ran up and down the exposed skin of his forearms. Up and down, up and down, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. It had only been about a month, but in that time he forgot what it felt like to be around someone who he knew loved him without conditions. His mom loved him, sure, but that was different. He had to talk care of her, to be on her side. But Spencer? She would unwaveringly be on his side. He knew that, and that's why he trusted her to give him the hard truths.

He kept his eyes on her face, knowing that she would talk when she had something to say. And when she began to chew on her bottom lip he knew that she was ready to talk. "What is it, Spence?" He brushed the back of his hand over her cheek.

"I just-" she hesitated, looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes. And for a moment she looked so outrageously adorable that he forgot what they were there for. She took one of his hands and pressed a purposeful kiss to each of his knuckles. "I wonder if she needs help."

"What do you mean?" He wasn't following her. "What kind of help?"

She looked at him so sadly that he thought that he might cry. Spencer took his other hand. "After everything that happened last year," she didn't need to elaborate, because he wouldn't soon be forgetting Spencer's desperation and tears, "I talked to Dr. Sullivan a lot. I know you remember. You drove me to more appointments than my parents did. And it helped a lot. I don't know if I would have got through it without her. Maybe your mom could use someone to talk to too."

He didn't want to talk about this anymore. Not when there wasn't anything he could do about it, and especially not when he was finally with Spencer again. Maybe it made him the worst son on the planet, but he didn't want to think about his mom anymore. He just wanted to be a teenager. He wanted to make out with his girlfriend and he wanted to see his friends. He wanted to forget that he was the freak with the messed up mom for just a minute.

So that's what he did.

He had no idea how long they had been at it, but as soon as he felt her shiver he tore his lips from hers. "Sorry. I'm sorry, I just got-"

She giggled, tucking her face into his neck. "Are you kidding? I was a more than willing participant," she laughed, her words slightly muffled by his skin. But her breath against his neck warmed him in more ways than one.

He wished that he had a jacket to give her, but he didn't. "Are you ready to go get that ice cream now? I about pulled away ten minutes ago. I wasn't sure if it was your stomach or an earthquake," he teased.

She let out an indigent gasp, which was what he was shooting for. "I think you were feeling your own hunger pains reflected back at you." She smacked his shoulder and stood up. "But yeah, let's go."

He pushed a low branch out of the way for her as they ducked down the uneven path. For some reason it felt even more isolated than usual. Maybe it was the fact that there wasn't a single car parked alongside his motorcycle, or maybe it was the fact that he was coming to realize that he could be completely alone in the world with Spencer and he would be fine. As long as he had her the rest didn't matter. And that thought both scared the hell out of him and exhilarated him. It was a dangerous thing, allowing your happiness and well-being to get so intricately intertwined with someone else's.

He popped open the small holding area on his bike and handed Spencer the sweatshirt he kept tucked away in there. He also handed her the helmet, caring significantly more about her safety than his own. She rolled her eyes, but she pulled the helmet on in the end, knowing from that he wasn't going to go anywhere until she complied. "Where am I going?"

"Just go to the Brew," she said, "unless you really have your heart set on ice cream. Iced coffee and a pastry sound way better to me now."

"You got it."

The drive wasn't long. He wished that it was longer, because there wasn't a thing in the world that he enjoyed more than the feeling of her arms around him. He wasn't confident about much, but he knew that whatever she was feeling was one of his physical strengths. Which meant that she could touch him there all day if she wanted too. But sadly, as they pulled up to the Brew she let him go and climbed off of the bike.

The grin on her face was nearly his undoing. She handed him back the helmet and wrapped her arms around him in a hug as soon as both of her hands were free. "You need to drive more often. Because that's-"

She blushed a little bit, showing him that she felt the same way about it all that he did. "I know," he murmured. "I'll take you home the long way."

She grinned. "I love you."

He took a small step forward, quickly closing the distance between the two of them. "I love you more than I can tell you, Spencer. More all the time."

Her fingers curled around his biceps, giving her leverage to reach up and kiss him, much too passionately for their very public setting. "You can't leave me for that long again," she whispered against his lips. "I don't know how I made it this long without you."

Guilt burned in his chest. All this time he was just thinking about himself, but this had to have been hard on her too. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "No," she whispered. "that's not what I meant, I just- when we're apart-"

He nodded. "I know. It's not good." He kissed her again. "I won't leave you, Spencer."

"You promise?" Her need for affirmation showed him that he was doing a terrible job of reminding her just how important she was to him.

"Spencer," he whispered, taking her face in his hands. "There isn't a single person on this planet that means more to me. I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded, wiping away a stray tear. She laughed a little bit. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm being like this."

"Hey," he kept his voice low. "you never have to apologize to me. I've told you that before. Never be afraid to tell me what you need."

She just took a step forward, into his waiting arms. "I love you," she repeated, more fervently this time.

He pressed his face into her hair, feeling positive that she was going to be the only thing to get him through whatever was to come. "I love you too," he whispered.