It's the longest chapter so far, but it needed to be longer than the rest to explain it properly, I hope it makes up for being a day late. I'm really sorry about that, but it was my birthday yesterday so I had no spare time. This is the last tape, so there'll probably only be another couple of chapters. I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think.

Cassette 3 side B

Rhys. Rhys, Rhys, Rhys. Why? You saw I was a vulnerable girl and you decided to put me in an even more vulnerable position.

Oh pur-lease. You weren't 'vulnerable'.

For those of you who don't know the whole story this is what happened. I was in a bad position, the rumours at school, my parents didn't trust me and I only had one person who I really liked, but they turned out to betray me, after the events on this tapes unfolded. I was in a bad place, it was obvious, anyone could see it. I drifted around the corridors, ignoring all the comments. There wasn't anything else I could do.

Move schools.

At this point, I had had a crush on Rhys since, well I can't even remember, but it was a while. I knew he was a jerk, sure I did, but by this point I wasn't thinking rationally. I just wanted someone I could turn to. So when Rhys came up to me and asked if he wanted to help set up for a party at his house later. He said he had noticed I was quiet and withdrawn at school and wanted to make sure I was okay.

Like anyone would care if you're okay. Especially not Rhys, why would one of the hottest most popular boys in the school want to talk to you?

Rhys, why would you say that? You knew it was the very thing that would get me to your house. I was hurting really bad and I needed someone. I loved you Rhys and you took advantage of that just to see if the rumours were true. You were the person that I let the rumours catch up with me. It happened in my new town too. But that's irrelevant now. You don't need to know about that.

I bet she's being melodramatic about that too. It was probably nothing like these tapes are.

I was so lonely that I agreed. I needed you Rhys, and you took advantage of that. You thought it was a laugh. Well guess what Rhys, it wasn't a joke. You messed up my whole life.

You didn't have to sleep with him. There's something called consent.

You messed up my whole life.

Her voice breaks here.

And your excuse, it was a laugh.

Maybe you need to grow up and take some responsibility Hannah.

A laugh.

You're telling us to think about our actions, but what about yours?

When I got to your house, about an hour before the party was due to start, you told your friends to finish up setting up the speakers in the garden and took me up to your room. We kind of sat there awkwardly for a few minutes. Until you finally bought out a bottle of whiskey and we took swigs from it and talked for a little bit. You then told me you liked me, really liked me. Then I told you I felt the same and we kissed. Then we kissed some more. Then I drank some more whiskey. I'll admit it, I did drink a bit too much, I was trying to drown all my doubts and fears in the fiery taste of the whiskey. But that was no excuse Rhys. No excuse.

Get on with it, come on.

And then you went over to your drawer and pulled out some pills.

"Want a little fun?" He asked.

"What are they?" I ask, I didn't want to end up high again.

"Relax, it's just contraception. I don't like condoms." At this point I was feeling slightly uncertain. I wasn't even sure where we would stand after the night was over.

"I'm not sure."

"Just relax Hannah." I pushed my worries aside, told myself to live a little. He popped one out and gave it to me.

Liar. You can't have used contraception or you wouldn't have got pregnant. You're trying to paint yourself in the best possible light.

The alcohol must have been really affecting my brain because I didn't realise at the time, but after I swallowed the pill I felt really drowsy. Now of course, I know it was some kind of sleeping drug. Then he pulled my clothes off and chucked his on the floor beside them.

Please don't go into detail.

I'm not going to say anything else about that because you can all figure out what happened, but you really didn't think through the plan properly though Rhys. Because that sleeping pill wasn't very effective. Didn't last very long. As soon as the effects started to wear off, I realised it was a mistake. I was drunk though. I tried to fight you off, but you just held my arms and kissed my neck.

There were over people there, you could have screamed.

When you finally let me go, I leaped off the bed and dressed hurriedly. I tried to keep myself together just until I left the party, but I couldn't. I started crying as I was about to leave the room.

"What's wrong you asked?"

At least he asked.

At this point I just went mental. I screamed at you. I don't know what I screamed, I just wanted to let all my anger and hurt out. Then I left, slamming your bedroom door behind you. I kept crying and screaming as I left your house, pushing past people, the party now in full swing.

If he raped you like you're saying, why didn't you go to the police?

After that I walked home and went straight up to my room before my parents could ask me what was wrong. I told them I was going to bed. I didn't sleep that night. I lay and wept. That was the first suicide ever entered my head.

If it was that long ago why did you wait until now to do it?

I wanted to know what I had done to deserve this. Why me? What had I ever done? It was the next day, when I saw Rhys in the corridor I realised the pill wasn't contraception. You ignored me that day, and I did to.

Why didn't you talk to someone?

A new rumour started up that day. I lost count of the amount of people who asked me if it was true. I refused to confirm or deny it, which only added fuel to their fire. Of course the rumours were true, I had slept with him, but not that willingly, and when I look back now, certainly not in a stable state of mind.

I missed my period after that. It just didn't come. I started to get concerned at this point. I hadn't told my parents at this point about Rhys. I was hoping I'd get lucky. But after my period hadn't come a week after it was due, I had to accept I might be pregnant. I went and bought three different pregnancy test and used them. All three showed up positive.

You only need one test to know if you're pregnant.

I broke down after that. I just had a complete meltdown. My parents found me, lying on the floor crying. They asked me what was wrong, I couldn't reply.

Maybe you should have checked it was actually contraception.

They saw the pregnancy tests lying on the floor. They asked me why I did it. I couldn't reply. I couldn't do anything but weep. They had heard rumours from people at school's parents, but they hadn't believed them. Now it was confirmed though. I had slept with a guy, not willingly though and now every single day of my life I would now be reminded of that night. Of Rhys.

You could have got an abortion.

A few days later I finally managed to explain to my parents what really happened. They didn't yell. They were just upset that I didn't trust them. But why should they have believed me after what happened with Isaac? They tried to persuade me to take Isaac to court. I said no. I wanted justice sure, but the police are useless. We had already had a few smashed windows by this point and the police weren't bothered. My parents kept pressing me about it. It just wasn't worth it though.

Why is he on this list then?

They finally agreed but said that once I had had the baby we were going to move out of town. Start somewhere fresh. Somewhere I could start again. Some of you might be going, Hannah why didn't you have an abortion? That may have been the sensible thing.

It would have been the sensible thing.

I don't agree with abortion. That's the simple answer. I see it as murder, I mean it wasn't the baby's fault I was raped, why should he/she pay the price? My mum said that when we moved town, she would look after the baby and raise he/she as my sibling so that I could still go to school and stuff. She said that when they were old enough to understand, we'd explain what really happened. We weren't going to keep it a secret exactly, but we didn't want any more rumours in our new town.

Well clearly that didn't work.

We tried to keep it secret for as long as possible, but people finally started to realise I wasn't just getting a bit fat. My parents had pulled me out of school by this point, but I still heard the rumours. Rumours flying around speculating who it could be, but Rhys made sure everyone knew it was him.

After that everyone knew who he was. Everyone. Even people older and younger than us knew he was. He was so popular.

Loads of people kept come up to me called me names. I'm not going to repeat them. I can't. Because the fact is, they weren't true. I was raped by someone and get pregnant so people immediately assume that I'm a -. No. I'm not saying that. Because it wasn't true.

It really was though.

Not a word of it. Sure, I liked Rhys. I didn't want to sleep with him right then though. I couldn't. I was just too messed up emotionally. I had just naïvely hoped that maybe he would see how badly I was hurting. Clearly not though. He just added to it.

You should have just relaxed more Hannah. Taken a chill pill.

So anyway, my teachers sent me work to complete and I just learnt at home while mum started looking at houses to move to. Of course it wasn't as peaceful as that because I sometimes had to go to the corner shop when I had cravings for chocolate and I bumped into people from school. And of course there were the eggs and the cracked windows.

They were hilarious. I thought of them up. So funny. I think someone filmed it as well.

There were complications though. My baby came prematurely. At 27 weeks I gave birth. I had a boy and I named him Río. It means river in Spanish. I thought it was a beautiful name. He was placed in intensive care as soon as he was born. He only lived a couple of hours though.

So the rumour about that was true.

We moved away and we tried to forget. My parents told me we could pretend none of it ever happened. We could go back to the way things used to be. I still had nightmares about that night with Rhys, but I started to heal. I made a new friend called Kat and my life was finally back on track.

My parents thought I was fine by this point. I had been back to normal for a while and they were busy with work. It wasn't their fault that they didn't notice my life going off track again. My mum was slightly concerned the first time a guy rang me in that town, but she wanted to give me freedom. I wish she hadn't though. It all started off with him. With that kiss. I thought that one was the first that mattered. It wasn't though. I realise that now. Rhys' was the first that mattered.

Don't tell me you're accusing Rhys of rape and you like him.

Not in that way. But that kiss was probably what sealed my fate. Suicide.

You said you got over what happened.

So now you know. That's why. That is why you are all on this list. This is why I am making this decision. And you are all to blame for this. At least a little.

Her voice catches again.

I'm so sorry.

Silence. What is she sorry about? Was all this supposed to make us feel guilty? Because I didn't do anything wrong. Nothing. Is she saying sorry because every time we do something we're supposed to think of what the impacts could be? Because no one could ever know that. No one ever should. Just before the tape clicks to the end I hear to more words.

Thank you.

Why is she thanking us? Is she being sarcastic? Did she just want someone to listen? Is she really that selfish? Yes. Making these tapes proved that. I take the cassette out and go back to my room and bundle them up. I can't be bothered to post them today. I'll go tomorrow, or maybe the day after. I'm not sure.

A girl, the reason I write about rape a lot is because it's a topic that I feel very strongly about and I don't feel that even today enough is being done to stop it, in some countries, married women can be stoned to death if they are raped they because they are 'committing adultery', and I don't see how under any circumstances this is right.