BEHIND BLUE EYES
By paperstylehearts
Warnings: Fiction Rated M – See FF for details.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or Gothika.
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Chapter Six
Marlboro Boy
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Through the glass window in the small room, Sebastian watched as Head Nurse Sylvester skillfully cleans and bandages Kurt's arm. Somewhere behind him, he can hear Nurse Beiste talking to Dr. Schuester about what's just happened but he's not sure if he's all really here right now. Everything since Kurt's accident came as a shock, and everything that's followed since Kurt woke up has been one surprise after another, but watching the scene in front of him makes Sebastian realize that he's not sure how much longer he can hold it all together - and he's always been someone who's held everything together perfectly.
He didn't plan to fall in love with Dr. Hummel. He didn't plan to fall in love with anyone actually - least of all a man who was in the process of separating from a very messy marriage. But that's the thing about love. You can't control who you're attracted too, or how it happens. All that is certain is that when you do find it, your life changes and there is no turning back or denying it.
"I'm so sorry - I looked away for a second!" Shannon said, "I know it's unacceptable but it won't happen again."
Before Sebastian met Kurt, his job was enough. It was all that he could ever see himself married to. He was the number one lawyer in all of Lima. He even outshone his father, as well as his father's main and toughest competition – The Anderson Firm.
Competing against the Anderson Firm had so far been the strongest move of Sebastian's career. They were stubborn and ruthless and fought tooth and nail - and they had a winning percentage that was nearing the nineties. Sebastian had almost turned down one of his biggest clients when he found out that the Anderson Firm was on the defense, but if he hadn't taken the case, he wouldn't be as renowned as he was now.
And he wouldn't have met Kurt.
"It's not your fault Shannon," Dr. Schue said quietly, placing an arm on her shoulder, "If it's what they want, patients always find a way to hurt themselves."
Shannon nodded, her eyes downcast, "I get it. I just never picked Kurt for a cutter, that's all."
Sebastian still remembers the first time he saw Kurt. It was just before the recess the judge had called was coming to a close. Sebastian had planned to go over and shake Roy Anderson's hand, prove he wasn't scared of losing the case, and discovered that Roy's son, Blaine, had stepped in for the interim and that he didn't have time to do something as trivial as shake Sebastian's hand because he was about to have coffee with his husband.
Or at least that's what Kurt had told him before Blaine had even had the opportunity to open his mouth. Sebastian was immediately hooked by his confidence.
He googled him, found he was making a name of himself in psychology, and the idea to work with him was planted.
The rest, as they say, is history.
Nurse Beiste glanced over at Sebastian and both she and Dr. Schue noticed him staring through the window, brokenly. They exchanged a sympathetic look with each other and when Shannon nodded, Will let go of her shoulder and walked over to where Sebastian was standing.
"You okay?" he asked.
Sebastian was trying to be professional. But he was only human after all. "What do you think?" he asked flatly.
Dr. Schue sighed. "Look, Sebastian, if this is too much, I understand. I mean I'd rather not, but I can call someone else to—"
"No," interrupted Sebastian, "No one else. It has to be me."
Schuester turned around to Beiste silently asking for help. They had already talked this through and she had the heads up with an idea of what she was going to say.
"Punkin, you're a mess. You're not eating or sleeping properly and you're being negligent of all your other clients. I know you have other lawyers from your firm helping you out with that but as for Kurt… you only minored in psychology. Perhaps it would be better to get someone in with a little more credit and maybe not someone so closely connected to Kurt."
"It's not an option," Sebastian argued, "I can do this."
The door behind them opened and Sue stood there, dusting her hands. "Well he's all yours, Timon. I'll have some orderlies escort him to his cell in five which means you have two minutes to quit your pity party and get your ass over there."
Sebastian said nothing and met no one's gaze as he strode out of the room. He had the feeling that they were all watching him go; he could feel their stares on the back of his head but he bit his tongue and did not turn around.
The atmosphere in Kurt's tiny cell is extremely tense. Both men are staring at each other silently and Sebastian doesn't want to be the first one to speak. In all honesty, he doesn't exactly know what to say.
"Did you mention to the cops that it was you I tried to call that night?" Kurt asks quietly.
"No," Sebastian says strained.
"Why?"
"I didn't think that would help you."
Kurt ponders silently but he is still a little lost. "What does that mean?"
Sebastian sighs. No one else is here. No one else can see them. This is a confidential, private session and damn it Sebastian has had enough.
He reaches for Kurt's hand.
"It means they wouldn't have let me treat you if they thought I had any kind of involvement in what happened."
His nerves suddenly get the better of him and he swiftly breaks their hold, apologizing.
Kurt doesn't react. "Did you have any involvement?"
Sebastian shakes his head. "No. You never made it to my place. We got disconnected and I tried to call you back but I couldn't get through. I waited for you all night."
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"
Sebastian wants to hug Kurt. He really does. But he's already slipped once and if he truly wants what's best for Kurt he has to remain professional.
"Because the only way you'll be able to accept these events is if you remember them on your own. My job is to assist you in processing that information because you're not in a frame of mind to do it by yourself."
Kurt can see right through what Sebastian is trying to do. "You're changing the subject."
"The subject is you don't trust me."
"Right now, I don't trust anyone."
Kurt stares at Sebastian. While he hasn't been able to be in control of all his memories, his escapades with the dashing lawyer are slowly coming back to him. A fancy dinner. A night at the theatres. A few nights in a hotel. Some at Sebastian's house. And it was all in secret. He was really important to me at one stage, Kurt thinks. He must have really meant a lot to me especially if I was going through something with Blaine.
Sebastian isn't staring back at Kurt. Well, not his face anyway. He has his eyes fixated on the bandage that has very tiny pinpricks of blood seeping through to the surface even if Sue had dexterously wound it on.
He points at Kurt's arm, "You want to talk about that?"
Kurt takes a resigned breath and slowly shakes his head. What he wants is to wake up from this goddamned nightmare.
"I want to talk to my lawyer," he tells Sebastian.
Sebastian raises an eyebrow before he shifts uncomfortably. "Kurt, do you even know who your lawyer is?"
The door opens up behind them and Nurse Sue is standing there. "Sorry kids, times up. I've got a strict schedule to stick to, and to ensure that these ladies get their fresh air on a daily basis, Porcelain needs to be in the hospital's garden as of… now."
When he gets to the garden, Kurt just wants to be alone. He finds a bench nearest to the fence and sits down with only the constant thwip of the sprinklers to distract him. He breathes in and out slowly. The patients seem relaxed here but Kurt isn't. Kurt is very on edge.
"You look like a Marlboro Boy."
Shielding the sun from his view, Kurt looks up to see a patient offering him a cigarette. She's got short blonde hair and is heavy on the eyeliner and unlike Sugar's botched dye job, this girl has a bright pink streak running through her hair.
"No thank you," Kurt says, "I don't smoke."
She looks surprised. "Could have fooled me. You really look like you could use one."
Kurt watches as she lights the cigarette with a match stick. He has an eye out on the entrance of the building, like he's keeping an eye out for someone, but it looks like he has a few spare minutes.
"You know what?" he says, "What the heck?"
He takes the offered cigarette and fills his lungs with the tobacco smoke. The girl takes out another one from her carton but doesn't have another match to spare so she uses Kurt's already lit one.
"They allow me one match at a time and pretend they're not watching but they're not very good at it. Check it out. Salivating homophobic goon number one at three o'clock, oh so-inconspicuous goon number two at five o'clock."
Kurt follows her gaze and sure enough two orderlies are closely watching them both. It doesn't take long for him to realize…
"So what did you set on fire to wind up here?"
She smiles. "Very perceptive, Doc. I burnt down a cop station. I left, no found, my—well, a—baby at a doorstep and called the cops but of course the assholes never showed."
Kurt doesn't know what to say. He turns to check the entrance building again and this time finds exactly who he is looking for. He stands up and turns back to the girl.
"Thanks for the cigarette… er…?"
"Quinn," she smiles.
"Sure. Thanks Quinn."
"See you round, Marlboro Boy."
Kurt ashes his cigarette and follows Dr. Schuester to where he is hurriedly walking to his car.
"Will!" he calls out.
Dr. Schue keeps walking, whether or not he hears Kurt is still undetermined and he seems in a rush. Kurt however is determined and so he calls out again.
"Will!"
This time Dr. Schue turns. His first instinct is to smile but he seems to check himself as though the small action is somehow now deemed inappropriate. He masks his face with the most professional look he can muster.
"Hello, Kurt."
"I was wondering if I could talk to you," Kurt says quickly.
"Of course," Schue begins to say but then when he looks at his watch, "…Actually, I'm about to—"
"Your staff meeting's done and Thursday's you don't schedule till the afternoon," Kurt interrupts, "This will only take a minute, I promise."
Dr. Schue is impressed that Kurt remembers his schedule so perfectly. "You know what? You're right. Although, I really don't have a lot of time. Sheriff Wes is waiting for me."
He points over to the parking lot. Through the fence, Kurt can see Wes' police car and the man himself waiting outside by the door. He turns back to Schue.
"It's about Sebastian."
"What about him?"
"I don't think he's the best person to be treating me."
Kurt knows that no one knew about him and Sebastian. They might have not been doing anything wrong but they had preferred to keep everything under wraps until Kurt's divorce had been finalized with Blaine. Kurt is almost in disbelief that even Schue didn't know; he saw the man as family. He has no intention to tell him now, even if he does think that will help him find another therapist, but he soon realizes that maybe he doesn't have to.
"Are you complaining about his methods or are you referring to the nature of your previous relations with him?"
Kurt is shocked. There is only one way that Schuester would have drawn this conclusion.
"He told you?" he says quietly.
"He explained that there might be a conflict of interest because he has feelings for you."
Kurt nods, still speaking softly, "And what did you tell him?"
"I told him that we're all adults here and that with all things considered I need him to treat you. Shannon disagrees with me, says he's not coping, saying his lawyer duties aren't to scratch because of it, but I disagree. He's got a brilliant team working for him and filling in for his absence. The fact of the matter is, with you in here, he's the best doctor I have on my staff. As such, and given the severity of the charges you face, I consider him the most qualified person to assist your recovery."
Schuester turns around to wave at Wes who is noticeably impatient so he turns back to Kurt. "I'm really sorry, but I don't have any more time. I have to go."
Kurt watches him leave, feeling a little bit like an idiot. Sebastian is smart – of course he would get to Schue first. He knows Kurt would have made this move so he had to do something. Again, Kurt is nerved that Sebastian knows him so well. Lost in his thoughts, he jumps when he turns around to see that Santana is standing right in front of him.
"Hello Lady Face," she says.
He sighs, "Hello Santana. To what do I owe this pleasure?"
She crosses her arms, unable to believe that she is going to admit this, "I need your help."
"Go on…"
"There is a homophobic bitch of an orderly who works here and who has it out for me because I'm as gay as the day you were born. She's making my life a living hell and I'm pretty sure her and her husband who unfortunately also works here are in league with the Devil."
For a second, Kurt actually thought he'd be able to have a normal conversation with Santana. And then she had to go and mention Satan. She seemed so serious about what she was saying though, as though she really believed that the Devil existed. It couldn't hurt to play along for a while.
"What do you need me to do? If they're homophobic, surely, they'll have it out for me also?"
But he has lost Santana already. She is running across the garden straight to an orderly and has thrown her against the floor and pinned her down. Kurt rushes over to where everyone is watching the scene unfold.
"Were you giving me the evil eye again, huh? You fucking voodoo witch, I'm onto you!"
Santana has the upper hand in this fight and she is abusing the shit out of this orderly. The only other orderly on site has disappeared, probably gone to get back up. It won't be long before he returns though.
"You think you can try to help me?" Santana argues, her voice filled with anger. "Why don't you suck my dick?"
Always ready to break up a fight, Beiste suddenly appears and pulls Santana off the orderly.
"That's enough, Lopez!"
Santana is kicking and screaming like an animal. She tries to break Beiste's hold and punch at the orderly some more who is already sporting a bloody lip.
"It's fine Shannon," the orderly says and Kurt notes that she too has a heavy Spanish accent, "She's okay."
Beiste disperses the crowd, ordering Santana away, and takes a quick look at the orderly's lip. "Well, you won't need stitches Consuela, but you got lucky. I told you not to go on duty when Lopez is out – I think she has it in for you."
Kurt leaves Beiste and Consuela to rush over and find Santana who is on the opposite end of the garden now. He needs some questions answered.
"What was all that about?" he asks her.
"You're welcome," Santana replies. "I did that for you more than I did that for me. Bitch shares the surname with the guy you hacked open."
Kurt shudders as the description but nods once, "Her name is Consuela Eristavi?"
"Yep. Her dick of a husband is Peter's brother. Now they be hating on us because of our sexuality. What is this? Am I wearing a fucking pink triangle?"
Kurt doesn't answer but Santana keeps talking anyway, "I don't care why you did what you did. I'm in no position to judge. I killed my cousin because he got what was coming to him and I'm sure you axed Peter because he probably had what was coming to him too, right? What I do care about is that his asshole brother and sister-in-law are suddenly hating on all us gays because of the beef between you and Peter. And the fucking Devil is in league with them. It's not right Lady-Face. It's just not right."
Kurt stares around at their bleak surroundings when something suddenly catches his eyes. He looks up to see Sebastian staring at him from an office window but when he notices Kurt he slides the curtain shut.
Nights are always the hardest. Kurt can't sleep. Again. He is sick of how many tears he has wasted over this place, especially in this cell, but that doesn't stop him from crying again freely. The wardens are on their rounds but Kurt isn't paying them any attention. He repositions himself on his stomach shutting his eyes, unaware that there is someone else keeping an exclusive eye on him, and him alone.
He doesn't know this but when the wardens leave, he is still being watched. A young boy, of eight years old, stays back and watches Kurt sleep.