I am SO sorry about the wait with this new chapter! I have been flat out and haven't had much of a chance to do anything.
However, 110 reviews for 5 chapters? You guys are so amazing! Please keep it up, I love hearing your thoughts and ideas!
Anyway…so because things can't always be happy.
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Chapter 6 – Saving the Would-Be Hero
Gabby crossed her arms over her chest, a soft smile coming to her face, a warm feeling coming over her with him standing in front of her, "Hey Matt, what are you doing here?" She was intrigued as to why he was there but she wasn't too upset about it, in fact it was comforting to know he was there. When she had been released from the hospital, she had sat in her living room just staring at the wall; her legs to her chest as the realisation that she really had almost fallen that day started to take over.
She thought about how terrified she had been, how scared Matt had sounded and how strong he had been to hold her, making her feel a little safer than she should have been considering she had been moments from falling to her death. She remembered moving to stand at the bottom of the building, looking up to the window Matt had shattered to pull her out from. It was high, there was no doubt she wouldn't have survived if she had fallen and if she had, she probably would have wished she hadn't.
Matt just smiled at her, part of him just happy to stare at her, just knowing that she was alive and safe. "I ah…I just wanted to come and check on you…" He stood with his hands behind his back, a little awkward because he was trying to restrain him self from pulling her into his arms and holding her forever.
"I'm alright. Doc said I just needed to rest for a couple of days, but I will be back next shift." There was something about the way he was standing was making her nervous, he was making her nervous, it seemed that he was always making her nervous. Deciding that something needed to happen, she moved from the doorway, letting him into her apartment.
Silence passed between them as they stood together, just watched the other, seeing what they would do. Matt tried to keep himself strong but the idea that she was injured because of him that was becoming too much. He dropped his head, not wanting to pretend anymore, he needed her to know he was sorry, needed to know that he was terrified of losing her. "Gabby…I'm so sorry about last shift. I shouldn't have let you get separated like that and I-"
But she was at his side in an instant, her hand on his cheek, bringing his eyes back to hers, "No Matt, it's not your fault, what happened wasn't your fault. Besides…you were there for me so that's all I care about." She reached for his hand squeezing it tightly to get him to understand that she didn't blame him but the look in his eyes was still worried.
"I know and I know that things can happen, it's just…when you were hanging there, when I felt you slipping from my grip I just…I was so terrified that I wasn't going to be able to hold you, that I was going to have to watch you fall." He looked down at their hands, feeling his shake in hers, "You had me really worried Gabby." His last words fell from his lips quietly, afraid that he would ruin the moment between them.
Gabby watched Matt for a moment, thinking about everything she had been thinking before he had turned up, thinking about all the things that she wanted to say but hadn't been able to and so all she did was lean forward, placing her lips onto his cheek softly, her hand resting on his opposite cheek, holding him close. "Thank you Matt." Was all she could say as she pulled away from him, keeping herself close though, hoping her body language would tell him more than she could.
Matt had always been able to read Gabby better than most people could, better than anyone could actually and so when her lips touched his cheek, not far from his own lips and her body was inches from hers, he hoped he was reading her right and what she wanted, he wanted because god did he want to wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her.
Their eyes locked, his eyes flicking down to her lips and then back up, his cheeks reddening slightly knowing he had been caught looking at her lips but something had changed on her eyes when he found them again, they had darkened slightly, a look he had come to know very well from her, it was the look she got in her eyes when he had told her he loved her, when he had run his hands up and down her skin, it was a look of more than just lust or desire, it was a look of longing and want.
Swallowing deeply, Mat jumped headfirst towards something that could very easily backfire on him. His hand slipped up to rest gently on Gabby's cheek, his thumb brushing the skin he found there for a moment before he leaned his head down slowly, giving her a chance to pull away or push him away but she didn't, she just blinked and waited for him to come to her, a little worried that if she moved, he would snap out of what he was doing and push her away.
Her eyes slipped closed slowly at the thought of Matt kissing her again, her need for him taken over as her breath hitched even before his lips touched hers. She felt him pause for a moment just before his lips touched hers, she could even feel his breath against her lips but her stomach dropped, she didn't know if she could handle it if he pulled away now, if he decided that this wasn't a good idea.
Part of her felt like she wasn't allowed to want this, to want him. She had been the one that had left, she had given up on their relationship, although it wasn't easy and they had both been having trouble, she had been the one to leave. She felt as though wanting this was not fair to him, that she was being selfish but she wanted him, she had known that leaving that night was the worst decision she had ever made, she had regretted it the moment she had turned her back to Matt that night.
Matt watched as her eyes closed, her lips parting slightly as she waited, he knew she wanted him to kiss her, knew that she was waiting for him to make the choice, he just hoped he was making the right choice. The moment his lips touched hers it was like his whole world made sense, everything he had wanted and needed was in his arms. Her lips were soft against his, their movements minimal, just testing each other out, toeing the line to see how the other would react.
But that changed the moment Matt ran his hand into Gabby's hair, holding the back of her head gently as he tilted his head a little more, deepening the kiss, wanting more of her, needing her to know how he felt when he wasn't able to tell her with words. He finally had her back in his arms, willing and wanting, he wasn't going to ley her go this time.
Gabby brought her hands up to Matt's face, tangling one in his hair while the other rested against his cheek, holding him to her like her life depended on it and at the moment, it did. She never thought she would be standing here, with matt kissing her, wanting her, needing her. Because right now, she could feel his need for her and it only grew when she brushed against him, her hips rocking against his in want. But it all started to fall apart not long after it started.
She moaned as she pulled away, not wanting to but it had to happen and she had to laugh when she heard him groan as she took a step way from his, her hands falling from him, her lips parting, "I'm sorry...that-"
But Matt cut her off, pulling her back to him, his lips crushing against hers this time, "Was amazing…Gabby..." He whispered between kisses, feeling her resolve crumbling, "...I was so scared you were going to die..." That brought her back to reality, the huge crushing wave of reality.
That has to be all this was, fear, not want. That had to be it because there would be no way that Matt actually wanted to be with her after what she had done. After she had left. "Matt...please...no...I can't do this if that is all this is." She pushed herself away from him then, moving as far away from his as possible because she knew that she may not have been able to control herself otherwise.
Matt stood back confused for a moment before following her as she had moved to the other side of the room, "Gabby I don't understand, all what is?" He pulled on her hand when she turned away from him; she was finding it easier to feel like she was doing the right thing by pulling away from him when she wasn't looking at him. But now she didn't have a choice, he was forcing her to look at him, forcing her to turn and face this.
"This Matt. The 'fear that I was going to die'. I can't do this with you if it's just comfort. I just can't!" She was angry now, at herself for letting herself believe he could actually want her still, at him for making her feel the way she did and for coming to her that morning. Angry at the world for making this all so hard when it should have been easy for them, it was so easy for them at the start, but she had made it hard, he had made it hard and life had made it hard.
Matt stepped back, shocked, frustrated, he had always knows Gabby was thick and difficult but he thought that after they had started to spend more time together, had a couple of low key dates, she would be open to the idea of them getting back together. "Are you kidding? Is that what you think this is!" He couldn't stop his voice raising, he didn't care, he was angry now.
"What the hell else should I think huh Matt? You come here, talking about scared you were about me dying. What else do you expect me to think? Yeah we have been talking again and getting closer but you just come here, out of the blue and kiss me?" She had long crossed her arms over her chest, a stance she had always taken when she defensive.
"I came here to see if you were alright! I have spent all night going over in my mind the thought that I could have lost you forever yesterday and it terrified me! I didn't come here to kiss you but God I wanted to and I did!" He had turned his back to her now, his chest heaving with anger, face flushed. He couldn't believe she thought he just wanted comfort from him.
Gabby locked her jaw as she looked at him, she could tell he furious but so was she. He couldn't come to her home and act the way he was, it wasn't far to her, actually it wasn't far to either of them. They hadn't talked about what they wanted, hadn't talked about being together and so the kiss made it 100 times harder to work it all out. If it had been a slow lead up to the kiss, more than two small dates, conversations about what they wanted and then the kiss, that would have been fine but her life was a mess right now and that kiss with Matt had made it even worse.
In fact it scared her, through everything that had happened with her sister coming back into her life, Matt had been the constant she could rely on, the one she could fall back into if she needed it and she knew that was selfish, expecting him to be there for her like he used to be and now she was acting the way she was but her life had been turned upside with Anna coming back, she needed Matt to be by her side, needed to have him to turn to for help and now he wasn't going to be there, he wasn't going to be the one she could turn to.
Sighing, she dropped her head, shaking it a little, "Maybe you were right…" It was soft now, the polar opposite of how she had been moments ago but the anger was still there, her face, her eyes, still hardened by that anger.
Matt turned slowly, his eyes cold and harsh as he looked back at her, confused about what she was talking about, but he didn't have to ask, she explained moments later, "Maybe this is just too big for us Matt. We work together, that was the problem with us before. Nothing has changed with that. Maybe it would be best if we just left it as friends. Really try to move on from this…" She waved her hand in between them, motioning that she was talking about them both.
This set Matt right off, "So you're giving up again? You are walking away again?! How can you stand there and accuse me of wanting you for comfort and then say you think we should move on? I never wanted anyone but you Gabby, I still don't want anyone but you and it kills me to know you think so little of me!" He voice raised again, his hands clenching at his sides, he was trying not to put a whole through a wall, this was not his home.
"Don't you dare stand there and act like what happened was all my fault! I know I made bad decisions back then Matt! What happened that call, at the firehouse after, packing my bags…I knew it was wrong, I know it was wrong but don't stand there like you are innocent in all of that! I wanted to talk to you! I needed my fiancé to talk to after a hard day at work but you couldn't see past the lieutenant and candidate! You couldn't talk to me like an adult, you acted like a child just as much as I did!"
She had come to stand in front of him now, her face flush with anger at the thought that he was blaming her, that he thought he was innocent in the whole situation. She watched as he took a step closer, she was either going to push him away, hard or pull him to her and she really, really hoped it would be the former, but neither happened as there was a knock at the door, bringing Gabby back to reality and the memory that Anna was coming by for lunch.
Silence stretched between them, almost as though daring the other to bite next but it was Matt was decided what happened next, he turned on his heels, marched to the door, swung it open and brushed passed Anna, huffing angrily as he did.
Matt marched down to his truck, ripping the car door open before slamming it closed again. How could she think so little of him that he would go to her for comfort? How could she think that he did not want to be with her? Yes what she had said about him not being innocent was true, he had acted like a child, he wasn't able to separate his feelings at work and at home. He had known she wanted to talk to him about it, about what had happened that shift but he had been too angry to let it go and in in the end it had started the end for them, he was just to blind to see it.
In truth, had he been more open to her, more open to listening and talking to her honestly at the time, he would have fought for her, he would have done everything in his power to make sure she didn't leave him because in the end, he was nothing without her. But he hadn't, he had let his pride get in the way of what he should have done and she had felt like she had nowhere else to go but leave all together.
It was true, he had made some poor decisions towards the end of their relationship, going out all night with Severide was at the top…no actually, lying to her about where he had been that night and where his phone was, was at the top of that list. He hated that he had hurt her so much with that night, with his comments about 'it being too big for them'; he had seen the pain and fear in her eyes but he hadn't been able to help himself, he was just as frustrated with the situation as she was.
Pulling up outside his apartment, Matt thumped his way inside, his front door slamming as he went inside, he was still fuming at their argument, he didn't even notice Kelly sitting at the table, watching him intently with a spoon of cereal halfway to his lips. Matt walked straight past him, reaching for the fridge before slamming it closed again, "God that woman is infuriating!" He didn't know if Kelly even knew whom he was walking about but as he turned to face his friend, the smirk on his face told him that he understood.
"And that is why you love her man. She is the only one who has this affect on you…" Matt dropped his eyes to Kelly, a death stare sent his way, "…OK, ok. What happened?" He dropped his spoon in the bowl, waiting to hear what Matt had to say. Earlier that morning Matt had been pacing the living room, deciding if he should go and see Gabby or not, he had had a hard time making that decision until Kelly had thrown him his keys and told him to go, he had no idea what could have happened in the last hour to change his mood so.
Matt huffed, sitting down on the chair, his head in his hands. "I was there and it was fine, but then I couldn't help myself, I kissed her and she kissed me back…" Kelly raised his eyebrow, when Matt had come into the house like a tornado; he had no idea that the visit would have included a kiss. "…then she pulled away and accused me of just wanting comfort, that that was all the kiss was. I got angry, she got angry, we fought a little about what happened between us and then I left; more like stormed out and slammed the door. She just…" He dropped his head into his hands again, he was still shaking with anger, "…she just makes me so crazy!"
He never expected Kelly to say anything about this, he just needed to vent, needed to get it all off his chest, but Kelly smirked, "Man, look, I know when the two of you broke up I wasn't really the most supportive friend. I knew you loved her still and she loved you and I know you both still love each other; I just hated seeing you upset. But I know that you and Gabby have always had something between you. You two just need a bit more time, yes maybe the kiss was rushed, maybe you did need the comfort of knowing that she wasn't in any danger but you can't let this ruin it all."
Kelly stood up and moved to the chair by Matt, needing him to actually listen, knowing the closer he was to him, the harder if would be for Matt to ignore him, "I've seen the way she looks at you, and I heard her talking to Brett the other week, she is just protecting herself, she doesn't believe she has the right to want you still because she is the one that left, she is the one that hurt you and so she thinks that she isn't allowed to want you. She is scared of hurting you and losing you completely." He placed his hand on Matt's shoulder, his talked hadn't calmed him down much, he was still fuming but Matt had listened.
"You just gotta give her some time, show her that you will be with her, by her side no matter what. That it's more than just comfort and tell her that man. She isn't a mind reader!" He laughed as he pattered his shoulder again before moving towards the couch, letting it all sink in for Matt. He stayed in his seat, staring at the wall, he taken in what Kelly had said, he listened he just wasn't too sure what he was supposed to do with the information, how was he supposed to process it all now that he and Gabby would probably not be on speaking terms any time soon. Yes he needed to talk to her, but he didn't know if she even wanted to see him, let alone talk to him. He had two days to figure it out though because she was back on the next shift.
Gabby had sighed and dropped her head as she watched Matt storm from her home in a hurry, watching the confused look that Anna wore when she say him a) leaving Gabby's house and b) brushing past her in anger. She stepped in through the still open doorway, staring at her older sister, "Hey…you alright?" But Gabby just nodded, brushing her eyes quickly; she brought a smile to her face, sending it to Anna.
"Hey sorry about that. I'm glad you came." She made her way over to her sister, she was still wary of her sister and having her in her life but at the same time Gabby couldn't help but feel protective over her sister knowing that she was in a bad situation, she just couldn't help it but she would always be that step ahead, always watching her back. Gabby pulled her into a tight hug before closing the door, "How are you feeling?"
She turned back to Anna who has sat on the couch, the look on her face once of relaxation as her muscles relaxed into the cushions, "Oh man! This couch is amazing!" She laughed when Gabby came to her side, glancing at the clock, Anna was about 20 minutes late, not that she was surprise, her sister had never been on time for anything. "I'm good Gabs, really. How are you?" She raised her eyebrow at Gabby, clearly she was thinking about the guy who had just stormed from her house.
Sighing Gaby glanced at the door, "I'm alright, just had an argument. Nothing unusual really." She shrugged, not really sure how much she wanted to tell Anna.
"What was Matt doing here anyway?" Gabby raised her eyebrow at Anna, wondering how she knew his name but then Anna explained, "I spoke to him the other day at the firehouse. We had a little talk before I had to leave. I was coming to see you but I got caught up talking to him. What's going on between you?"
Gabby thought for a moment, she did remember Matt telling her that Anna had come looking for her but then had left, she just didn't know how long Matt had talked to her before she had left. This was also an opportunity to get some information out of Anna, "How about you tell me where you have been and I'll tell you about Matt?" She knew that pushing for information about what had happened that night was probably too much at that moment so she stuck with Anna's life, hoping she would be more open to talk about that, also Gabby felt she could actually handle talking about that to begin with.
Anna was silent for a second, she knew that she couldn't hide herself forever, Gabby was always going to ask about where she had been and it also allowed her get to know her sister a little better. Nodding she waited for Gabby to go first, she didn't want to be the first one to speak. Gabby smiled a little, knowing the silent look in Anna's eyes; she didn't want to talk first.
"I've known Matt for almost 7 years now, I've probably loved him just that long. We finally got together a couple of years ago and it was great. We were together for about 18 months, we were living together, engaged and it was amazing. Then I was accepted into the fire academy, it was hard on us at first but we worked through it, then I ended up a candidate on his truck at 51 and it all went down hill from there. It's been about a year since I lost my best friend and partner at a call. She died and I blamed, blame, myself."
Gabby shook her head, she knew she shouldn't blame herself for what happened to Shay but she did. She also realised then that she had never told Matt about that day, about switching places, about how she wished it were her that died, that it should have been her that died. "Things got harder after that, I did something I shouldn't have while on a call and he call me up on it, I tried to joke around with him about it but he wasn't having any of it. I know that what I did was stupid and dangerous, but it made home life harder."
She turned to face Anna now, who was listening intently, clearly wanting to know about this part of Gabby's life, "We fought more or just didn't talk. We promised each other that we wouldn't let the job get in the way of the relationship and the relationship in the way of the job and yet that's what happened. I was losing my best friend after losing my other best friend. Anyway a lot more happened as well before hand but I left, I was trying to make it easier on us, trying to show that the time apart would do us some good, but it didn't, for a while it was really hard but recently…"
She hated thinking about how they had been recently, knowing that she had probably ruined it now, "Recently we have been getting closer again, talking lots more like we used to, flirting more, we've had a couple of dates as well which were really nice but today, he kissed me and I guess I freaked out a little and then we argued and I yelled and he yelled and he left." Gabby waved towards the door, in a motion to say, well you saw the end of it, Anna just reached for Gabby's hand holding it tightly.
Gabby sniffed a little, it may have been the cliff notes version of her and Matt but she knew it was enough to settle Anna's curiosity. She raised her eyebrow at Anna, it was her turn now.
"Well I stayed in Chicago for about 6 months, just crashing at friends houses and stuff, nothing overly special. But then I was hooked up with this band that took me to LA. It was good for a while, they let me work for them, odd jobs, coffees and stuff, I got paid and it was good. Not great but it gave me food and I always had somewhere to sleep." Anna looked away, she knew it would be hard telling Gabby everything that had happened but she didn't know how she was going to react so she was becoming a little more worried with every word that she spoke that got her closer to her next sentence.
She looked down at her hand, still holding tightly onto Gabby's using that as strength to continue, Gabby had always been stronger than her. "It was good for a while but then they started on the drinking and the drugs, they pulled me into it, most days I don't remember, some days I wish I didn't. I was only 16…until I got arrest when I was 19 and a detective took pity on me, helped me clean up, I've been sober since then, he got a job in a diner; helped me work through some things."
She dared a glance at Gabby, fearing the hatred she assumed was on her face but instead she found sorrow and sadness. Sorrow for the young girl who grew up in such a world and sadness for the life that came from that. Anna was shocked silent for a moment, she wanted to cry, wanted to lay her head on her big sister's lap like she had done many times as a child, she had always admired her big sister, even if it didn't seem like it.
"I moved to New York when I turned 22, did a few odd jobs, anything I could get really, again enough to get me food and place to live and then I met Jeremy when I was out for drinks for my 23 birthday. He was working behind this bar one night, he was charming and nice and good-looking, we hit it off right away. We started dating almost a year later before he told me he had work lined up here in Chicago. I panicked at first, I never thought I would come back to this place but by the time we had planned the move, I had just found out I was about a month pregnant and I didn't have a choice."
She felt Gabby tighten her grip on her hand, needing her to know that it was alright to continue, "When we moved here, I was already 3 months along and I have spent every day for the last 3 months trying to find the courage to come and see you. To come and talk to you, because you know, it had been like 12 years since I had seen you last."
The girls were silent for a moment, the conversation was slightly superficial, both only skimming over the surface of their lives, not giving too much information, too concerned about what the other would think, so it was the bare minimum, the small amounts of information that would give an overview but nothing too in depth. That didn't surprise Gabby, she hadn't expected much different from Anna, considering she had given the same overview of her life.
"Tell me about Jeremy."
It was a simple question that could be taken many different ways but Anna understood what Gabby meant, she understood what she was asking. She took a deep breath, swallowing deeply, "He isn't a bad guy, he just gets angry and I guess that I am there ya know?" She looked back at Gabby who now wore a shocked face. She had heard that line many times before in domestic dispute calls but she never thought her own sister would be spurting it.
She sighed again, knowing that this topic was going to make Gabby angry, she just hoped she wouldn't be angry at her, "It started while we were still in New York. I had tried to leave him once before but he had found me and well lets just say I ended up coming back home. It started getting worse, that's why we left New York, he lost his job there and supposedly had one lined up here… I was going to leave him but I was, am, so scared to…and I'm pregnant, I don't know if I could look after myself on my own let alone a baby. So I stay and deal with it because I'm used to being alone." She shrugged again, letting a small tear fall down her cheek, "He says he doesn't mean it, that he is sorry after. I know he loves me…"
It sounded like she was trying convince herself more than anything and this was when Gabby broke, she hadn't said anything or moved since Anna had started talking but at this point she couldn't stop herself, she pulled her baby sister into her arms and held her close, the damn walls broke and Anna cried, heartbreaking sobs at how fucked up her life was, how she had fucked it up and how she didn't know how to fix it.
Gabby let her cry, her head resting on her lap, her hand running through Anna's hair, words of comfort falling from her lips as she continued to cry. It was obvious that the emotions she had had been building up for a long time and now, she finally had someone to listen, to cry on, to come to when she needed help. "You're not alone anymore Annie. I promise you that. But you can't stay with him. It's not safe for you or your baby. And I can help you…I want to help you…let me help you Annie."
Gabby was forceful in her words, she needed Anna to understand that she needed to leave Jeremy, needed to get away to keep herself safe. She had recently seen the physical side of his abuse, witnessed the emotional side when they were out having coffee, she needed to get her sister away from him, needed to keep her safe.
After a moment of silence, the only sounds were Anna's crying still echoing through the quiet apartment, she nodded against Gabby's lap, strangled cry falling from her lips.
"Yes…"
I hope you all liked this and again I'm sorry for the lateness! Please, please review!