((I just noticed I made a mistake on the spelling of JFK in the last chapter and I apologize))
Chapter Five
Clary's POV
In my dream I am walking along a beach, the water that laps at it pitch black. It licks at the beach with a hungry rhythm. Something about it feels sinister. A cold breeze tickles my neck, causing my hair to stand on edge.
A child is playing in the black surf, his white blond hair tugged on by the wind. I hesitate, feet squishing in the clammy grey sand. I feel like I know this boy.
As I approach, the child turns his head. He has a thin face and a turned down mouth. His eyes are pitch black.
"Mom?" He asks in a small sing-song voice. Stephen's voice. "Mommy what's wrong?"
The scream builds slowly, then erupts all at once. A high pitched, searing, terrified scream. This is not my son. This is not my little boy. It's a demon, a second Sebastian-
I jolt awake, breathing heavily. I am wrapped in my blankets, hair a wild tangle around me. Whiskers is a small ball of fluff at the end of my bed, but he is wide awake.
And hissing.
I make out a shadow at the end of my room, and prepare to call out to Magnus who is awake and reading just down the hall. Too quickly it moves. Blond hair flashes in the weak light coming from the window as a musclar body lands on mine, pinning me down in seconds.
I am shamefully out of practice and cannot fight my attacker off. For a moment my heart sinks. Sebastian has come to finish me off and there is nothing I can do.
Then I see a glint of gold and a chipped incisor.
I collect my fist and swing with all my might.
"Fuck!" Jace yells, but it is not loud enough. There are no sounds of foot steps in the hallway, no calls of questioning. I am trapped.
He rubs his face slowly, wincing when he wipes away a smear of blood. "What the hell was that for?"
I struggle to escape from underneath him, but it does nothing. His hips press my own into the bed, weight crushing me. I shoot him my best glare. "For attacking me, that's what! Get off me," I threaten under my breath. I am not sure why I am keeping quiet. It's not like I want this to go undiscovered.
"Not a chance," he shifts so some of his weight is off me. His skin is hot but wet, as if he's been running for a long time in the rain. Judging by his shallow breathes I'm probably right. "We need to talk."
"Actually we don't. I'm done speaking to you. Did I not make that clear five years ago?" A look of pain blossoms in his eyes and his mouth hardens. I've managed to make him mad. Great.
His eyes burn into mine. "Listen, Clary. I haven't seen you in years. For all I had known you were dead. I tried looking for you. Hell, I never stopped until Magnus told me to. But I never stopped..." he swallows, looking away.
"Never stopped what?" I ask, not cutting him a break. I am determined to feel no sympathy for him. Not after what he said.
"Loving you."
The words cut, and despite myself I suck in a breath. I had always thought that he had stopped caring when I left. I didn't know...
When I don't answer, he hesitantly reaches out, fingers barely touching my cheek. "Say something," he begs.
"I have nothing to say," I choke the words out.
He looks taken aback, but it doesn't stop him from doing what he does. After all, who can stop Jace Herondale? Aligning his body with mine, he lays down,pressing his mouth to mine.
I am exploded into a world of memories. Everything comes back to me, from the pressure of his lips to the gentle touch of his hand against my cheek. He kisses me slowly, as if savoring the moment.
And I...I kiss him back.
My mouth opens under his, body arching up to press against his. It's been so long since I've kissed anyone, so long since I've felt anything like this. I knot my fingers in his curls, which are damp with rain water.
When I finally pull away, I can barely breathe. Using what will power I have left, I push him away. He looks lost, eyes still consumed with a burning hunger. "Please leave," I whisper, looking away from him to the open window.
"Clary," he begs, voice breaking. "I'm sorry for how I acted. I just want-"
"Go home Jace." I repeat, more firm this time. His eyes meet mine, pleading. Begging. I can see then that his words are sincere. Somehow he still loves me.
And somehow I can't bring myself to let him stay. Because if I do I will want to kiss him until all the anger I've built surrounding him in the past years will melt away.
I'll feel what I can't afford to feel.
"If you want to find me you know where I am," he says in a broken voice, dangling his leg over the window sill. He pauses for a moment, something unspoken in his eyes. "Oh, Clary? One more thing."
I look up at him, feeling completely drained.
"I'd like to meet our son."