I got the BEST review from Call me Mad who probably wasn't expecting this kind of response, but let me explain. Angela and I are huge fans of a certain story called Klaine, As Told By David and Wes by Ultraviolet-Ink. The review said this: And is it just me, or is Jeff really pretty for a boy? Like, even more so than Kurt. (Any other fans of that story will most likely know where this is going right about now). In KATBDAW, in the second chapter, David and Wes are talking about Kurt and Blaine meeting for the first time and it's the POV of the Warblers waiting for Blaine to hurry up and get there for their performance of Teenage Dream. Jeff comes rushing in to tell them that Blaine is skipping around Dalton with a boy and Wes asks who he's with. Jeff's reply: "I dunno. Not anyone from here, he wasn't in uniform." He paused. "He was quite pretty. You know, for a guy."
You can see our delight. By the way, everybody go and read that story, it's a work of art.
So, our boys aren't doing so well after last chapter, are they? Let's hope things pick up for them.
"You're a freak of nature!"
Blaine cowered against the locker, instinctively raising his hands. "Please - please don't hurt me," he choked out, fighting furiously with the tears that were threatening to escape.
"Why shouldn't I? You're nothing but a worthless fag!" The boy raised a fist, and Blaine knew he couldn't move, couldn't back away, couldn't escape...
Blaine shot upright, gasping for breath. He clapped a hand over his mouth instantly as he remembered the other occupants of the room, but luckily nobody had woken up. Quietly, he untangled himself from the blankets - Kurt shifted a little, frowning, but didn't wake - and left the room. Outside, Blaine slumped against the wall for a second, trying to get the images out of his head. Of course he knew yesterday's events would have an effect on him, but he had hoped to be spared the bullying flashbacks. It seemed his subconscious had other ideas though. Sighing, Blaine stood and made his way out to the main deck, the cold air biting into his bare torso. The sky was still dark, and he glanced at his watch. 4:42. Great.
Blaine stepped right up to the front of the boat, gripping onto the railing and looking over the edge into the dark water below. Never, on any of his cruises, had he experienced anything like that - but he had never had a boyfriend before. And yes, he'd dealt with bullying, but he just knew things would only be worse from here on in because of Kurt. So, here came the important question: Is it worth it?
His automatic answer was yes, but Blaine made himself stop and think. Yes, he loved Kurt, more than he ever thought he could love someone as a seventeen year old boy. And Kurt loved him, that was clear. But were they both strong enough to endure the taunting, the harassment, the bullying? And could Blaine justify letting Kurt go through all of that simply because he loved him too much to let him go?
You're both gay. Either way, you're both going to have boyfriends at some point in time. So why not now?
Blaine rocked back on the railing before straightening up again. I love Kurt, he thought to himself, and Kurt's worth it. But Blaine still couldn't shake the feelings of foreboding, the feeling that he might not be strong enough to endure what was sure to come.
Quiet footsteps behind him alerted Blaine to someone else's presence. He didn't bother turning, pretty sure he knew who it was. Sure enough, Kurt stepped up to the railing beside him, staring into the horizon. "I woke up, and you were gone," he stated simply.
Blaine nodded. "I - needed to think," he murmured, before realizing that concealing the truth from Kurt wouldn't help anything. "Had a nightmare."
Kurt turned to him, frowning. "The bullying?"
"Yeah." Blaine hadn't shared a lot of his past with Kurt, but he knew now was the time to start opening up. "Just hearing those words yesterday... I was naive enough to think that being at Dalton meant I had escaped all of that. All the mental crap, the - the physical..."
Kurt's hand was covering his instantly. "Babe, you never told me..."
"I know. I guess I couldn't find the right way to say, 'By the way, the bullies at my old school treated me like a human punching bag,' without sounding ... well, crude." Blaine sighed, trying to ignore the invading memories. Kurt let go of his hand, wrapping it around Blaine's waist instead and pulling him in. Blaine leant against Kurt's shoulder, wrapping an arm around him in return.
"I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry."
Blaine nodded. "I know. It's alright, I know it's just a part of what we have to deal with if we want to be together." He lifted his head, turning to face Kurt fully. "Kurt?" He hated the way his voice sounded, but he needed to know.
"Yeah, Blaine?"
"Am I worth it?"
Kurt's face broke and he pulled Blaine against him, wrapping his arms around him tightly as Blaine buried his head into Kurt's shoulder. "Of course you're worth it. I love you, Blaine."
Blaine wished he didn't have to keep talking, but he needed to be sure that Kurt knew. "You love me enough to potentially put up with stuff like that every day? To be taunted, hated, to have people tell you that you're a disgusting person for even thinking of dating me?"
"Blaine, look at me." Blaine looked up to see Kurt staring at him angrily, and his heart dropped. "You think I haven't heard all of that all of my life anyway? And now I have the chance to actually be with someone, to have a - a justification for the taunting, and you think I should give it up because people are going to tease me some more?" Kurt's voice suddenly grew quiet. "Is this your way of saying you can't handle it?"
Blaine shook his head instantly. "No, Kurt, you're worth it. I just don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you as a result of being with - with me."
His voice cracked, and Kurt seemed to understand completely. "I know the risks, Blaine. But we're people who deserve to be happy, who deserve to be in love too. I want you to be happy, and I want to be happy. And we make each other happy. I find myself imagining things happening to you as a result of us being together, and it scares the hell out of me. But I can't let myself go down that road, because then I'd stay single forever. Love is worth it."
Blaine buried his head in Kurt's shoulder again. "You're too good for me," he mumbled.
"We're perfect for each other. I love you, Blaine."
"I love you too." Blaine raised his head, capturing Kurt's lips in a kiss that said more than any of their previous words could ever have. Kurt broke away a few seconds later, covering his mouth as he yawned and Blaine chuckled quietly. "Tired?"
"Just a bit. It is five in the morning, after all."
Blaine took Kurt's hands, pulling him over to the lounge chair Kurt had fallen asleep in a few nights back and settling them into the familiar position. "Sleep, babe."
"Mmkay," Kurt mumbled tiredly, resting his head into Blaine's chest. Blaine reached up and began stroking Kurt's hair idly, feeling his boyfriend succumb to his tiredness only a few minutes later. No matter how many times this happened, he didn't think he would ever tire of watching his boyfriend sleeping, especially when he was curled up in Blaine's lap.
Blaine himself was wide awake, so he continued to stare into the ocean, feeling much more at peace than he had when he first woke up. He now knew that he was willing to fight with everything he had against the people in the world who decided to tell him that his relationship was wrong. It still hurt him to know that people thought that way, but the pain from yesterday was settling into a dull ache instead of the sharpness he had felt earlier. In time, he knew it would fade into the background with the rest of his bullying, and for now he just needed to keep reminding himself that things were going to be okay.
As the horizon slowly lightened, Blaine continued to stare across the water, watching the sun rise. This was another thing he could never tire of, and he realized that tonight was their last night on the boat. What better way to go out than in style? he thought to himself, smiling slightly. The sun finally rose, casting patterns of light over the water. After a little while, Blaine could hear the sound of doors opening, then footsteps on the deck. A moment later, Wes was kneeling next to him. "Hey, you haven't been out here all night have you?"
"Only a few hours," Blaine murmured. "I had a nightmare, Kurt followed me."
Wes frowned sympathetically. "How are you all holding up? Did Nick and Jeff bunk with you guys?"
"Yeah, and I'm not sure. Kurt seems to be the strongest out of all of us, and once he wakes up I'll go see how the others are doing."
"I'm awake," Kurt murmured sleepily. He blinked a couple of times before opening his eyes fully, pushing off Blaine's chest. "We'd better go see how they are."
Kurt stood, swaying slightly from tiredness. Blaine quickly jumped up, wrapping an arm around his waist. "Sorry if we woke you, babe." Kurt shook his head blearily and Blaine shot an amused glance at Wes before leading his boyfriend towards their room. Just before they got there, Kurt pushed him against the wall and kissed him quickly.
"I may be the strongest, but you have the most courage," he whispered. Blaine simply shook his head, stealing another kiss before stepping away from the wall to knock lightly on the door.
"Come in," came the quiet response, and Blaine pushed open the door to see Nick and Jeff sitting on the edge of the bed, Jeff gently cupping Nick's injured hands. "We were wondering where you guys got to."
Blaine sat on his bed, pulling Kurt down next to him. "Yeah, I woke up early and Kurt apparently can't sleep without me here anymore." Kurt stuck his tongue out and he grinned before turning serious. "You guys okay?"
Nick sighed. "Not really. But we will be."
Blaine nodded, knowing that was all they could expect. After all, he and Kurt were pretty much the same. "Alright. The others are waking up now so we'd better get ready for the day."
"What's the plans?" Jeff asked quietly.
Blaine shrugged. "I think we'll just stay here. Let everyone decide what they're going to do."
Kurt had stood and was already rummaging through his bag, pulling out some clothes. "And as much as you guys might want to just hide away right now, it's not going to help," he said softly. "Take that from someone who's been there many times."
Jeff stood, pulling Nick up with him. "See you guys soon," he muttered before the two left.
Blaine immediately stood and walked over to where Kurt was, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. "What's this about?" Kurt asked, twisting in his arms so he could look into his face.
"I've decided to make the most of every chance I can get to just hold you and be with you," Blaine replied honestly.
Kurt sighed softly, leaning in to kiss him gently. "I have no problem with staying here forever, baby, but I hate what brought us to this point. We're out and proud, but people can still have this sort of affect on us because of their ignorance."
Blaine frowned. "I know." Kurt pulled out of his grasp, slipping into the bathroom and Blaine sighed. This time yesterday we were so happy. Now, because of the stupid comments of two people, they've managed to hurt four of us. But all Blaine could do was stick by his friends and his boyfriend and be himself. No matter how much the words were still ringing in his head, no matter how low his self esteem, he had to be strong. He could get through this, he knew that from experience.
He changed quickly before Kurt re-entered the room, taking his hand. "Ready to go?"
Kurt nodded. "If anybody looks at us with pity though, I can't be held responsible for my actions."
Blaine squeezed his hand lightly, knowing Kurt wasn't joking. If there was one thing his boyfriend couldn't stand, it was people looking at him like he was inferior or weak. But hopefully with the small group on board, they would have enough sense to treat them like normal.
Nick and Jeff met them in the hallway and Blaine stopped them. "Nick, your hands?" Nick sighed, holding them out in front of them. Blaine took them, bending each finger carefully and checking Nick's reactions. "Okay, I think you'll be alright. Jeff, just do everything for him today, alright?"
"I have no problem with being my boyfriend's slave." Jeff smirked at Nick who shook his head, smiling slightly. Blaine felt some of the tension leave his body at seeing the two boys slightly more cheerful - after all, he and Kurt had both dealt with this crap before. It was those two that he had really been worried about. And of course he knew they weren't okay yet, but they would be.
As they all walked in for breakfast, the rest of the Warbler group greeted them in their usual fashion. While they may have been slightly more welcoming than usual, Blaine was thankful to see that nobody was asking them questions or giving them strange looks. Everything was normal, and they were safe here.
Which is why it was a surprise when Jeff burst into tears and ran out of the room halfway through breakfast.
Nick was following him immediately, and Kurt gave Blaine a pain-filled glance before standing and walking out. Blaine deliberated for a second before standing and facing the rest of the room. "Okay, no point pretending anymore. Yesterday happened, and as you can see, we're still struggling with it. I'm sorry I don't have anything planned for today, I'm sorry if this ruins the cruise, I - I'm just sorry."
Blaine turned and left, ignoring Wes and David calling his name. He quickly headed down to his and Kurt's room first, finding it empty. Hoping for the best, he knocked quietly on Nick and Jeff's door. "Blaine?" came Kurt's voice.
"Yeah. Can I come in?"
The door opened and Kurt took his hand, pulling him gently into the room. Jeff was curled into a ball on one of the beds with Nick sitting beside him. Blaine sat on the other side and pulled Kurt into his lap. "Want to talk about it?" he offered hesitantly.
Jeff sighed, his breath catching slightly. "I don't know. I just felt like I was going to explode. I don't know how to deal with these kinds of feelings."
"It takes awhile," Kurt said quietly. "Unfortunately it takes practice and I wish it could just roll off your back from the start, but it will get easier. I also wish you didn't have to experience it ever again, but I won't lie. You will."
Nick nodded, stroking Jeff's hair. "We know."
Jeff pulled himself up into a sitting position, wiping his eyes and leaning against Nick's shoulder. Blaine took his hand and squeezed it lightly. "And we're here for you guys."
Nothing else needed to be said. The four boys sat in silence for a few minutes before a knock came on the door. Kurt rose and walked over to answer it, talking to whoever was there for a moment before turning back. "Are you guys ready to come out? The others want to say something to us."
Blaine shrugged, turning to the others. Jeff nodded and stood, Nick stopping him before he could leave the room and pulling him into a hug. Blaine followed Kurt out of the room to give them a moment of privacy. "What's this about?"
"Not sure," Kurt said. "Wes just came by and said they wanted us on the top deck if we were ready." Nick and Jeff exited the room at that point and the four boys made their way to the top deck. Blaine couldn't be sure, but since there were four Warblers and a Songbird - Jessica performed lead in the Crawford girls show choir - he had a bit of an idea of what might be waiting for them.
Sure enough, the group was standing on the deck with Wes and Jessica out the front. "Guys, we can't change what happened yesterday," said Wes, stepping forward, "no matter how much we want to. We can't change what will happen in the future. All we can do is try to give you some hope, and some important truths." And for the first time Blaine could ever remember, Wes began to sing with no accompaniment, no backing vocals. He had heard his friend sing before, but never quite like this.
"When you feel all alone,
And the world has turned its back on you,
Give me a moment please,
To tame your wild, wild heart,"
Kurt was already smiling, leaning against Blaine's shoulder. Blaine leant over to kiss his temple quickly as Jessica stepped up beside her boyfriend, twining their hands together.
"I know you feel,
Like the walls are closing in on you,
It's hard to find relief,
And people can be so cold,"
Understatement of the century, Blaine thought to himself. But he knew what his friends were doing and, judging by the look on Jeff and Nick's faces, it was working. And it was true - all they really needed right now was to know that they were loved.
"When darkness is upon your door,
And you feel like you can't take anymore,"
Wes and Jessica's voices melded together perfectly and Blaine saw them share a smile before they split, stepping apart as the other three boys stepped forward.
"Let me be the one you call,
If you jump, I'll break your fall,
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night,
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn, you're not alone."
Blaine felt Kurt shiver at the power of the five combined voices and realized Kurt had never heard them do a performance in this way before. He was used to the entire group doing their harmonies instead of all five singing together. And Blaine had to admit that it was powerful, especially combined with the words they were singing.
Nick and Jeff were both smiling and Blaine could see them itching to join in. To be honest, he wanted to join them as well, but Wes and Jessica were singing again and he held back.
"When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find,
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head,
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day,"
Blaine glanced at the other three and nodded. In unison they all untangled themselves from their significant other and stepped forward, joining in the chorus.
"Let me be the one you call,
If you jump, I'll break your fall,
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night,"
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart,
If you need to crash then crash and burn, you're not alone."
There was a moment of silence, then Thad piped up. "Blaine, you are what we call a solo hog. That performance was for you, in case you didn't realize."
That was all it took to break any of the remaining tension. Jeff was hugging Wes as Nick pretended to be jealous; Kurt had been swept up by Thad and David - somehow his boyfriend had managed to completely charm the Council in a way nobody else could. Blaine just stood back, watching it all and smiling.
The world sucks, he decided, but when you've got friends like these idiots, it really doesn't matter.
After the performance from the rest of the group, the plan for the day had been simple. "Just relax," Blaine ordered, "because you're not getting back on here until next Summer at the earliest." Naturally his proclamation was met with loud groans, but nobody seemed to have a problem with just chilling out.
Kurt spent most of his day, to his surprise, with Jessica. It had started with fashion and... well, hadn't ended for quite some time. Shopping plans were made for once they were off the boat, and Kurt knew he had made at least a new ally in fashion, if not a new friend. Blaine, Wes and David were making the most of their time to just hang out and Kurt couldn't help but smile as he watched his boyfriend goof around with his two best friends, and the rest of the Warblers when they joined in.
Finally, the sun began to set and everybody made their way down for dinner as per usual. Kurt found himself wondering whether it wasn't a bit of an anti-climatic way to spend their last day on the boat before shooting a glance at Blaine and realizing that his boyfriend clearly had something planned, which was mostly given away the second Blaine jumped up on his chair and called for quiet. "Everybody go to your rooms, grab a pillow and blanket and meet me back on the main deck."
By now, everybody was used to Blaine's random announcements, so they all filed out obediently. Kurt waited until everybody was gone before pulling Blaine back down and kissing him. Blaine hummed happily into his lips, deepening the kiss a little before pulling away. "Not that I mind at all, but what was that for? You know, so I can do it more often?"
Kurt laughed as he stood. "Just for being you."
"Wait, I'm me all the time. Shouldn't our lips be, like, permanently attached?" Blaine followed him out of the room, their hands linked lightly. Kurt simply shook his head and tugged Blaine's hand so they were walking side-by-side. "Tell you what, I'll go grab our blankets and stuff. You go and reserve that chair that you're so fond of falling asleep on."
Kurt stuck out his tongue but released his hand and walked over to the chair, sitting on the edge of it. He had a pretty good idea of what Blaine had planned, and was actually pretty excited, not that he'd admit to anybody but Blaine. Kurt hadn't slept outside in years, and the idea of being curled up with his boyfriend on a boat, looking up at the night sky... it was almost too romantic to handle.
No matter how far they had come in their relationship, Kurt knew romance would always come first for him. But he also knew that having a physical relationship didn't mean the romance was gone. And with Blaine, it added to the romance. To be able to kiss him whenever he wanted but to know how much every single kiss meant, what they were saying without words every time, it was romantic. It was everything Kurt had ever wanted.
Wes and Jessica arrived back on the deck first, setting themselves up on one of the chairs across from Kurt. Jessica gave him a small but genuine smile which Kurt returned. In his opinion, the girl had definitely redeemed herself for her previous attitude. Besides, the girl had good fashion sense and Kurt could definitely see her as a potential shopping partner. Nick and Jeff also chose the chair option, sitting down next to Kurt.
Thad was the first to set up on the ground, loudly proclaiming that chairs were 'for the weak.' Cameron and David followed suit, and their blankets were sprawled in the middle of the pseudo-circle that had been created by the chairs. "Face it guys," David announced. "We're just tougher than you."
"Excuse me for wanting to cuddle with my boyfriend," Blaine said as he reappeared with not only their blankets but a strange device that looked like a grill(1). "Face it, you're all just alone." He handed the blankets to a smirking Kurt before setting up the object in the middle of the group, shoving David sideways to do so. "Just let me get the marshmallows. Kurt, don't let any of them touch that, especially Cameron."
Of course the second Kurt left, Cameron was poking the object. "What is it?"
"Clearly we're simulating a campfire. Cameron, don't touch that." Kurt leant over and hit the boy in the back of the head. "You heard Blaine."
Cameron pouted but stopped poking it just as Blaine reappeared with bags of marshmallows and skewers. "I think you've all figured out what happens now." He put the bags down and sat on the edge of the chair, Kurt sliding next to him. "Every time I go on a cruise with my parents, I spend the last night sleeping out here. I'd do it every night but you really don't sleep all that much. And, anyway, I just thought it would be a nice way to finish things off, especially since I managed to hide some of the marshmallows from Thad."
Apart from Thad's indignant glare, everybody looked happy with the turn of events. As the others began to tear into the marshmallows, David turning on the grill, Kurt slipped his arms around Blaine's waist, leaning his head on his shoulder. Blaine pulled him closer, wrapping an arm around him in turn. "I love it when you're cuddly," he murmured quietly.
Kurt turned his head, looking up into Blaine's eyes. "I just love you. Oh, and can you cook a marshmallow for me?"
"The ulterior motive comes out!" Blaine shook his head, laughing. "Only you." But he obediently grabbed a couple of skewers, stacking them up with marshmallows. Kurt glanced around the group as Blaine cooked his food, watching Wes try and smear marshmallow on a laughing Jessica, Thad and Cameron having their usual stuff-your-face competition... Kurt couldn't stop himself from smiling as he watched them all. No matter how much he missed his New Directions family, this group had a special place in his heart.
Blaine handed over the marshmallows and Kurt wrinkled his nose. "This is so bad for my skin," he said, ignoring Blaine's incredulous look. "And I'm only doing it because you wouldn't stop bugging me if I didn't."
Blaine simply raised an eyebrow and waited. It only took the first bite for Kurt to realize why. "This should not work. It shouldn't taste better melted." Blaine was grinning far too happily for Kurt's liking so Kurt simply huffed and moved further away from his boyfriend.
A minute later, Blaine was wrapped around him again. "You're not really mad at me. I know you better than that."
"You're such a leech," Kurt said, glaring lightly at his boyfriend. But he could feel his resolve cracking as Blaine continued to pout. "Okay, fine, I still love you."
Blaine simply smiled happily and started eating his marshmallows. Kurt felt the lack of response niggle at him for a second before pushing it away - so what if Blaine didn't say it all the time?
But as the night went on, Kurt's mind kept going back to those three words. Do I say it too much? he wondered, thinking about all the times he had told Blaine he loved him offhandedly. Is it losing meaning? And after all, he was the one who had slipped it out accidentally as he was falling asleep, maybe he had given Blaine the impression that the words didn't mean as much to him as they clearly did to Blaine.
Glancing around the circle, Kurt saw Nick and Jeff were already fast asleep, curled up in the chair together. He spent a moment watching them and trying not to squeal at how cute they were before checking the others. Wes and Jessica had relocated to the floor and were lying on their backs, staring up at the sky. David and Thad were both snoring lightly on the ground and Cameron had stolen the free chair, sprawled across it half asleep.
"So, are you coming to join me or not?"
Kurt turned to see that Blaine had moved while he was distracted, leaning back in the chair with his hands resting behind his head. Kurt immediately moved back beside him, lying on his side with his head on Blaine's chest. Their arms wrapped around each other instinctively and Kurt nuzzled in tighter, taking in the feeling of his boyfriend. He knew this was the last night they would be able to sleep together considering he was back to Lima the next day.
Blaine nudged at him lightly, getting his attention. "I want you to know that even though I don't say it a lot, I really do love you."
Kurt blinked a couple of times, then felt himself blush. "You - noticed?"
"I did." Blaine pressed their foreheads together, staring down at him seriously. "And I'm sorry. But apart from my family, you're the first person I've told that I love them."
"Seriously?" Kurt frowned. "None of your friends?"
Blaine shook his head. "Wes and David know I love them but it's always been unspoken for fear of making things awkward. And I've never had any close girl friends who I could say it to like I've seen you and Mercedes do. So.. I guess it's a big deal when I say it, and I'm still working on making it natural. But I mean it."
Kurt angled his head to kiss him, letting the touch linger before pulling away. "Show me in other ways until then," he said simply, watching the smile cross Blaine's face before attaching their lips again. They always did say that actions speak louder than words...
And for a long time they stayed that way, kissing softly and languidly, their legs twined together. Kurt knew they could take things further, become more passionate if they wanted to, but he also knew that slow and sweet and gentle was just what they both wanted right now. There was plenty of time for everything else later, after all - right now he just wanted to make the most of having Blaine with him.
Kurt didn't know what was coming in the future. He didn't know whether he and Blaine would break up next week or last well into old age together, or anything in between. But all he knew and cared about right now was that Blaine was here, and Blaine was his. No matter what happened down the track, Blaine would always be his first love.
(1) My dad has one of these for 4WDing trips. We haven't toasted marshmallows over them though...
First loves are... well, put it this way, no matter how much my first love broke my heart, I still smile when I think of him. My second love, however... (this is the part where Angela would raise her machete threateningly)