Chapter Six
"Incoming wormhole!"
Hammond entered the control room, frowning. "Do we have a signal yet?"
"Not yet sir," Harriman replied. He paused. "Yes, sir, it's SG-1."
"That was quick," Hammond commented. "They just left almost an hour ago. Open the iris."
Harriman complied, and he and Hammond watched as SG-1 and their three tag-alongs emerged from the wormhole. Sam and Teal'c walked down the ramp first, their expressions revealing little. Sloane, Preston, and Andrews arrived next with curious little smirks on their faces. Bringing up the rear were Jack and Daniel. Jack looked decidedly less than pleased about something, and Daniel . . . the look of guilt on Daniel's face was so potent even from a distance that Hammond couldn't help but wonder what the young man could have possibly done to warrant such an expression.
The general leaned over the microphone. "SG-1, go get cleared and report back to the briefing room immediately."
"Yes, sir," Jack called back with a little wave. The lack of a flippant comment was enough to send a red flag up in Hammond's mind.
"I wonder if what happened has to do with the rumors that are starting to go around the base," Harriman commented in a low voice to the general as SG-1 exited the 'gate room.
Hammond looked down at him. "Rumors, Sergeant? Anything I should know about?"
Harriman hesitated. "Possibly, sir."
"Then by all means, why don't you debrief me while I wait for SG-1 to return?" Hammond suggested.
Harriman stood. "Yes sir, but sir? I can't say if the rumors are true or not; I have no evidence. However, some people are starting to believe them."
Hammond heaved a weary sigh. "That's how rumors usually work, Sergeant. After you."
The mood in the briefing room was a somber one as the members of SG-1, Sloane, Preston, and Andrews filtered into the room and took seats around the table. Hammond watched them surreptitiously from the corner of his eye as he pretended to review some paperwork, his mind processing what Harriman had told him. Hammond couldn't say for certain whether or not he believed the rumors of Daniel being harassed, but as he thought back on the young linguist's behavior over the last few days, he had to admit that something was obviously troubling him. Hammond silently vowed to keep a closer eye on things and see if he could get to the bottom of the situation.
In the meantime . . .
SG-1 and the three newest additions had all claimed seats around the table, Daniel managing to wrangle a seat between Jack and Hammond's chair this time. The young man was staring intently at the tabletop, ignoring the concerned gazes that his teammates were casting him every so often. Curiosity burning, Hammond finally entered the room, waving everyone back into their chairs as they jumped to their feet.
"All right, SG-1," Hammond said, sitting down. "I can see for myself that everyone made it back without so much as a hangnail. Can anyone tell me why you came back so soon?"
"Yes sir," Jack spoke up.
Hammond listened carefully as Jack outline the assignments he had given his team on the planet, and as he informed Hammond of what everyone had said and done in regards to the villagers. The general was careful to listen for any subtext in Jack's report, but his 2IC was very careful and precise in his wording. Hammond couldn't derive any hidden meanings within Jack's words. He wasn't terribly surprised; Jack was very good at not revealing something he wanted kept hidden. The man had served most of his career in top secret assignments, after all.
Left with little more than Jack's report, Hammond went to his back-up plan; watching Daniel. Whereas Jack was very careful not to reveal certain details, Hammond could always pick up on where the obfuscations happened by watching the play of emotions across Daniel's face. Hammond suspected that Jack was aware of this and was trying to teach the young man to school his expression; Daniel's face had been less and less revealing as time wore on, but Daniel was so distracted by this particular mission that his expressions were like an open book.
When Jack mentioned the accidental destruction of a couple of- did he say agua?- Hammond noticed a slight coloring of Daniel's cheeks and a flash of guilt chase itself across the young face. Further down the table, Sloane, Preston, and Andrews' blank expressions turned slightly smug. Interesting.
Once Jack had finished, Hammond focused his attention on the rest of the team. "I see. Is there anything else you all would like to add?"
Daniel reluctantly looked up. "Sir-."
"Daniel." A warning from Jack.
"Jack." A returned protest from Daniel.
"No."
"But-."
"Nope."
"You can't just-."
"Can so."
"Cannot."
"Can too."
"Says who?"
"Uh- me?"
Daniel shook his head and turned guilt-laden eyes to Hammond. "Sir, it was my fault."
Hammond frowned in confusion. He didn't doubt Daniel felt responsible for whatever had really happened, but he did doubt that Daniel actually was responsible. "What was your fault, son?"
"Nothing, General," Jack interjected.
"I might have been able to convince them to ally with us if I hadn't accidentally destroyed their ogavas," Daniel pressed on.
"They were dead set on kicking us out whether or not you squished some of those stupid pumpkins," Jack argued. "They were telling us to leave before that."
"It certainly didn't help," Daniel pointed out.
"So there's no chance of obtaining any Naquada from the planet?" Hammond asked.
Daniel's eyes fell to the table.
"No, sir," Jack answered quietly.
Hammond nodded, mostly to himself. "All right then. I can't say I'm not disappointed at the loss of a potentially valuable resource and ally, but what's done is done. Captain Carter, have Sergeant Harriman flag the 'gate address for the future; we'll give the villagers a chance to cool down and try again after some time has passed. For now, please type up your reports and have them on my desk before you go home for the evening. Dismissed."
SG-1 and the three new recruits stood again, waiting for Hammond to retreat to his office before scattering to their respective offices. Jack hung back, waiting for everyone to leave until only he and Daniel were left. Daniel avoided Jack's eyes. He knew Jack wanted to speak with him, but he simply didn't feel up to it at that moment. He'd been doing some thinking over the past few days about what he'd been hearing around the base. He had arrived at an unpleasant conclusion, but had tried to convince himself that it was unnecessary. Now, after this mission, he couldn't help but wonder if that conclusion didn't hold some merit.
"Daniel?" Jack asked.
Daniel looked up. "Jack?"
"Let's move to my office; it's closer."
Daniel reluctantly trailed after Jack in the hall, keeping his gaze pointed at his feet as he walked. Even in the relatively short distance from the briefing room to Jack's office, snatches of conversations from passing airmen and marines reached his ears.
" . . . cost us all that Naquada . . ."
" . . . clumsy geek . . ."
" . . . can't even stand on his own two feet, how can he protect his team?"
Apparently Sloane and his two friends had already started spreading the news of what happened on the planet around the overactive rumor mill. Surely those were looks of disgust were aimed his way?
Daniel kept his head ducked low, following Jack into his office. Only when Jack had shut the door behind them did Daniel heave a sigh of relief and look up.
"All right, Daniel, out with it," Jack stated.
"Out with what?" Daniel asked.
Jack fixed him with a knowing look. "Don't play innocent with me, Daniel. I know something's been bugging you. You gonna tell me what it is?"
Daniel shrugged. "Don't know what you're talking about."
"You don't huh?" Jack replied. "Okay, how about we start with what really happened on that planet? You might be a little clumsy here and there, but I refuse to believe you trampled those stupid vegetables on accident."
"I didn't do it on purpose!" Daniel protested.
Jack looked at him. "Okay, let me rephrase that. I don't think you trampled those stupid vegetables on your own. What happened?"
Daniel glanced to the side, his eyes gliding over some of the framed certificates and plaques that decorated the wall. "You saw. I tripped."
Jack studied his friend's face, then sighed. "Danny, you know if you ever wanted to talk, you could come to me, right?"
Daniel smiled faintly at Jack. "I know, Jack."
Jack held his eyes for a moment longer, then nodded. "Okay then. Beat it. Go write up your report. Fill it with lots of big words that makes Hammond pull out three dictionaries just to be able to read it."
He got the smile from Daniel that he was hoping for; the only problem was it didn't reach all the way to Daniel's eyes.
Daniel walked slowly back down the hall toward the elevator that would take him to his office. His mind was swirling with the events of not only that day, but of the past few days.
Daniel was used to criticism. He was used to receiving it on a daily basis. In fact, he still received the occasional email from a former colleague that would belittle his theories, or read an article where his ideas were referenced in jest. A lifetime of more criticisms than compliments had inured Daniel to the opinions of others; he knew in his heart the right path to take, and made peace with the fact that he was doing the right thing even if he did it alone.
However, working at the SGC for the past year, and living with Sha're and her people the year before that had taught Daniel that there were still people out there that valued him and his work. He had begun to feel as though he was making a difference in people's lives; that he was doing a job that meant something. That was like the meaning of life. Sure he made careless errors; insisting he bring an object back that ended up impaling Jack to the wall in the 'gate room for one. That one bothered him for a long time.
Then there was the time he ignored Teal'c in the Land of Light and tried to rescue Melosha. He had placed himself in danger, and had left Teal'c alone to get the blood samples to save the SGC. He had placed his friends at risk as well with that decision.
He had almost refused to destroy Thor's hammer on Cimmeria, which would have left Teal'c trapped in the labyrinth. That was a selfish act, especially considering all of the good Teal'c had done for Earth since then. His reasoning for that had been understandable, but selfish.
Heliopolis. God. Daniel closed his eyes briefly at that memory. Almost sacrificing himself and Jack to a life imprisoned in that deteriorating castle was a memory that still burdened him, and all for what? So that he could just know something? Even if it were the meaning of life, he doubted Jack would have appreciated knowing it. Knowing the meaning of life and being unable to share it would have been a hell in and of itself.
Pushing Jack into attacking Apophis on the Nox homeworld was bad enough. Memories of helping Hathor create new Goa'uld were worse; even if the Nishta was affecting him.
More memories, more mistakes, swirled around in Daniel's mind. Was everyone right? Was he more of a liability? How many times did he nearly kill Sam? Kill Teal'c? God, kill Jack? Could he live with himself if the next time he went offworld, his actions led to the final, permanent deaths of his friends; his family? The only family he had left in the world now?
Jack, Sam, and Teal'c were all more than capable soldiers. Excellent warriors. Did Daniel really fancy himself as being able to take care of them the way they looked out for him?
When put like that, Daniel knew there was only one thing he could do.
Turning slowly, he began to walk back towards General Hammond's office, his heart growing heavier with each step.
A knock on his office door tore Hammond's attention away from the file on his desk. Relieved for an excuse to take a break, he straightened in his seat. "Come in."
The door opened. Hammond's eyebrows raised as Daniel walked into the office. "Dr. Jackson. What can I do for you, son? I'm afraid I haven't had the chance to look over your personnel requests just yet."
Daniel closed the door behind him and moved to stand in front of Hammond's desk. It was apparent to the general that the young man was nervous about something. "Er . . . no, sir, General. That's not why I'm here. I'm here . . . I'm here because I want to request a transfer off of SG-1."
To say Hammond was shocked was an understatement. "Transfer? I have to say, Dr. Jackson, that I didn't expect that. I wasn't aware that there was any problem with SG-1."
"There isn't," Daniel rushed to assure him. "The problem isn't with SG-1, sir. The problem . . . it's with me."
Hammond leaned back, gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk. "Have a seat, son. What problem are you talking about?"
Daniel sank into a chair, but his posture remained tense and nervous. "General . . . I joined SG-1 to get Sha're back. I appreciate being allowed that chance, more than you'll ever know. But . . . she's still missing."
Hammond nodded slowly. "Well, we have all of our teams with orders to be on the lookout for her. She's out there, son; we'll find her."
Daniel ducked his head. "I just think . . . SG-1 will do a better job of that if I wasn't in their way."
Stunned silence filled the small office. Hammond wasn't quite sure what to say to Daniel's statement, but it was painfully obvious to the older man that Daniel believed himself to be a liability.
"What makes you think you are in their way?" Hammond asked, hoping to draw more out of Daniel.
"Sir, I'm not a soldier," Daniel replied frankly. "I don't want to be, and I'm never going to be. The fact that I don't have the same training as Jack, Sam, and even Teal'c has to be a hindrance."
Hammond's light blue eyes narrowed shrewdly. "And the fact that there are some of these new soldiers giving you a hard time has nothing to do with this?"
Daniel nearly fell over in shock, but recovered quickly. His expression shuttered. "I have no idea what you're talking about, sir."
Hammond studied Daniel for a long moment, holding the young man's gaze. "You know their comments are completely unfounded, don't you son? You are one of the most valuable assets to this entire program. Don't let their jealousy take from you your accomplishments."
"General, whatever may or may not have been said has no influence on my decision to leave the team," Daniel stated firmly. "Jack, Sam, and Teal'c deserve a fourth who can support them and protect them the way they deserve; the way they need to be. The way I can't. I won't hold them back anymore, and I won't put their lives in danger with my comparative inexperience. Please, sir. I'll do better in my office than in the field."
Hammond heaved a deep sigh. "All right, Dr. Jackson. I'll agree to the transfer. However, if you ever change your mind, you'll be put back with your team in a heartbeat."
Daniel stood. "Thank you, sir. And could you please tell Jack? I tried to talk to him, but . . ."
Hammond nodded, a small smile on his face. "I can imagine how your announcement went over with the Colonel. I'll take care of it, Dr. Jackson."
"Thank you, sir." Daniel turned to leave.
"And Dr. Jackson?"
Daniel paused and turned back.
Hammond made sure he held Daniel's gaze before speaking. "For what it's worth, son, I believe the reason SG-1 is such a successful team is standing right here in my office. I meant what I said; anytime you want to come back, my door is always open."
Color rose in Daniel's cheeks. He nodded mutely, then turned and left without another word.
Hammond leaned forward over his desk and sighed, rubbing a weary hand over his face. What a mess. And the general had the nasty feeling that it was only going to get worse before it got better, starting with his next step. He picked up his phone and dialed.
"Walter? Please have Colonel O'Neill report to my office."
A/N: Okay, I know some of you won't like it, that Daniel wouldn't give up that easily. Remember; I like the insecure version of Daniel. And also; there is a method to my madness. All shall be revealed by the end. :)