South Park: An Old yet New Face
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or any of its characters besides OCs.
Chapter 6: I Have A What?
Author: First, let me say, this is MY OWN CHAPTER! THIS IS NOT BASED OFF AN EPISODE! A new character will be added to my story and is my own OC. Yes, OCs can still be submitted. Just PM me or tell me in the review box.
Update: I'm in North Carolina right now until Tuesday and I'm back in New York. So, I'll be working on Chapter 7 and find what episode it should be based off of. So for now, enjoy!
Damn, it's so loud in my house, and I'm outside! Me and my friends were playing street hockey again and our Dads were watching the basketball game in the living room. They were screaming at the TV if a foul was called and all that crap.
WHAP!
"OW! What the fuck, Cartman?!" I yelled at the obese kid, who just threw the puck at me.
He rolled his eyes, "Pay attention, Blondie. This is hockey!" I picked the puck up and threw it back at him, but he dodged it. "HA!" Gracie then nailed him in the nuts. "OW! AH!" Kyle laughed and Stan shook his head.
"Wow. Your girl saved the day yet again, Jake." Kenny says as he patted my back. I glared at him before Stan approached me.
"Speaking of girl, remember that bet?" He smirked at me. "Look, don't be a pussy, dude. Just ask Gracie out and this all will be over." I laughed before flipping him off. Can't you let this slide for only one more day, Stan? Today isn't a good day….for you if you keep it up. His eyes narrowed at me. "Fine, but I'll make you ask her out."
"Are we playing or what?" Kyle asked, standing between me and Stan.
"There's only thirty seconds left." Jensen stated. "Then after this we'll go to Shaky's. My treat."
"Where'd you get that type of money?" I asked, my eyebrows raised.
He shrugged. "Some rich guy dropped it."
"Cartman?"
"Cartman."
"AY! That was my allowance, asshole!" Cartman exclaimed after checking his pockets to realize it was his money.
"Oh please, what do you do to get an allowance?" Kalel asked with a smirk.
"Probably eating so the government can test out if humans can go past 12 tons." Stan chuckled, making us all laugh and Cartman turn red from anger and embarrassment.
Stan won't shut the fuck up about the bet. He's been calling me names and stuff every step we took. I was so close to punching him in the face, but then Gracie wouldn't like me anymore. Yeah, should've thought about that. Anyway, we were inside Shaky's, at our table, and Stan keeps giving me this look. He'll look at me, then Gracie, then me again and raise his eyebrows in a perverted way.
"Stan, stop that. It's creeping us out." Kyle pointed out the look on his friend's face. Thanks, Kyle.
That didn't stop Stan from looking at me. "Stop daydreaming about Jake and find what to eat!" Kenny snapped.
"That's a first." Jon said to Kenny. "I've never heard you like that before, Ken."
Our waiter finally arrives. "So what can I get you kids today?"
Stan cleared his throat before glancing up at me. "I'll get the blonde pussy and the side of a bet is a bet?"
I growled before raising my hand, getting the waiter's attention. "Yeah. I'll get the depressed, wimpy bitch and a side of…" I slammed my hands on the table and glared at Stan. "FUCK YOU!?"
"You know what? Change my order." Stan demanded. "I'll get the shut up before I kick your ass and a side of kiss my ass!"
"Can you also get me a large can of whoop ass?!"
"Make that two!"
"And for dessert, you can suck my balls!"
"You wish!"
"That's enough, you two!" Kyle demanded, scowling at the both of us. "You're scaring us!"
There was an awkward silence between us all before Cartman decided to say something stupid. "I don't think that's on the menu."
"I'll have what they're having." A man said from the table behind us.
"I'm leaving." I stated before leaving our booth and walking out the diner. Gracie tried to come after me, but Kenny stopped her from doing so. Stupid bet. Stupid Stan. I'm done. I'm walking home and spending the rest of the night myself.
So, I guess there's tension going around my house too? I mean, my parents were sitting on the couch when I got home and they were silent. Were they shocked, I think? I don't know. My Dad had a slip of paper in his hand and stared at it for a while. My Mom was rubbing his back and Joey was playing with his toys on the floor.
"Brother's home!" Joey cheered, looking up from his toys. My parents looked at me, then back at the paper.
"What's going on?" I asked with concern.
Things were too intense that my Dad didn't even bother drinking the rest of his beer. Yeah, that's how intense it was. "Jake, please sit." My Dad motioned me to sit on the couch, and I obliged. "Jacob, you know how your mother always wanted a girl?"
"Yeah." I nodded, my voice filled with caution.
"Well, she's not pregnant." My Dad stated.
Oh, okay.
"But, Jake," My Mom fell silent before continuing. "You DO have an older sister."
"…"
"…"
"…What?" I decided to speak up. "How? Where? Who? What? When?"
"Las Vegas, I was drunk and this was before your mother, her name is Jordan, I found a girl and we had a relationship and I just found out, and yes she is your sister." My Dad concluded. Again, silence.
"I have sissy!" Joey cheered again.
"And you just found out?" I asked Dad, who nodded. "But, this makes no sense!"
"How? You have a sister." Mom said, pointing the obvious.
"Her mother died from a gangbang, okay son?" Dad said like I didn't mind that my sister's mom died from having sex. "She was a whore anyway. Hopefully your sister isn't like that."
"I…I need to lay down." I mumbled before walking up the steps.
"Oh, we gotta pick her up tomorrow, too! So no school!" Dad shouted before I closed my door.
Girl problems are the worst. You know how I said I have no girl problems in chapter 2? Well, this isn't a 'girl' problem, but it involves girls does it?
We were at the airport, me and my family, along with Kenny. He decided to check up on me after the whole incident at Shaky's. He said Stan was still pretty pissed at me, and so was I. So, I can't blame him. He also said Kyle was going to talk to him after school today.
So yes, Kenny ditched school yet again.
"She should be here." Mom said, re-reading the letter she got from the mail. "Gate four, right?"
"Sure as hell looks like it." Dad shrugged before gulping down another beer.
Kenny leaned closer to me and whispered, "Our Dads act alike."
"I know. Both are rednecks and love beer." I whispered back, making him nod in agreement.
I'm still really nervous about meeting my sister. I hope she's one of those sisters who care for you if you end up getting hurt or one of those pretty sisters who easily introduces her older friends to you. Yeah, that would be awesome! Only if Kenny doesn't drool all over her.
"I think I see her." Dad said before waving his hand in the air.
"Oh…" Me and Kenny looked in surprise at my sister.
S-She's...
…
…Pretty.
She was tall and had long, dark blonde hair that reached to the middle of her back. She was skinny too, which was good. She had blue eyes and wore a long sleeved, belly shirt and a pair of jeans with white shoes and a white, flat baseball hat. From her looks, she looks about 18, maybe 19.
"…She's so hot!"
"Dude!" I yelled at Kenny with disgust, who kept staring at my sister.
When she stopped in front of us, she stared at my Dad for a while before embracing him with a hug. "Hey, Dad. I hoped to see you earlier than this."
"It's alright, Jordan." Dad returned the hug before pointing at my Mom. "This here is my wife, Lily." Mom said hello before kissing her on the cheek. "And this here is your youngest brother, Joey."
"Hey there, little man." Jordan smiled down at my bro, who gave her a cheesy smile.
"And this is Jacob, your other younger brother."
"Sup there, Jake?" She playfully punched my arm. "Looks like I'm staying with y'all for a while. Hope I don't embarrass you in front of your friends." I glanced at Kenny, who was now daydreaming about my sister from the look on his face. Noticing his look, Jordan frowned before pointing at him. "Is he with us too?"
"Sorry, sis, this is Kenny. One of my friends." I introduced my perverted friend before slapping him, waking him from his daydream.
Jordan only chuckled. "I see." She then pinched his cheek. "You still have ten more years, buddy."
"EW!" I exclaimed.
"I'm kidding!" She laughed and I sighed in relief.
"Sorry to interrupt the party," Mom said, approaching us and carrying Joey. "But we have to be on our way. I'm sure Jake and Kenny have lots of homework to do!"
"How do you know we have homework?" Kenny demanded.
"Because I'm right here, stupid!" Mr. Garrison exclaimed from behind us before exiting the airport.
Yeah, just going to ignore that right now.
How should I put this? I love having an older sister, but every time I walk past her room, I smell hair spray and nail polish. It just burns my nostrils! But, she does have a lot in common with me. We both like rap, we both like basketball, and we both have friends who act just like Kenny.
"TOUCHDOWN!" Kyle cheered after running across my lawn with a football in his hands.
Stan and Jensen cheered along while me and Kenny shook our heads at them. "Nice going, assholes!" Cartman glared at us. "You let them have a touchdown!"
I glared back. "You didn't even RUN when they had the ball!"
"Yeah stupid!" Jon shouted from the sidelines.
"Shut the fuck up!" Cartman snapped at Jon.
"No thanks!"
"Cartman, just shut up and play!" Gracie ordered. Kalel nodded in agreement and Cartman soon found himself on the defense line, ready to tackle the Jewish boy.
My front door opened revealed my sister walking out the door with her purse over her shoulder. "I'll be back!" She said to my Dad before shutting the door behind her. "Hey guys. I'm running to the store and I'll be right back."
"Sure/sure toots." Me and Kenny replied in unison.
"Shut up, Kenny!" I yelled.
"Who's that?" Kyle asked, in the same state Kenny was when he first met Jordan.
Ew! Why is everyone hitting on my sister?
"That's Jordan. She's my sister." I replied to my confused friends.
"…What?" They all asked dumbfounded at the news.
I rolled my eyes. "She's my sister, she's from Las Vegas…"
"Where all the skanks live." Cartman pointed out.
WHAM!
"OW! MMMMMMMMEEEEEEEHHHHH!" He wailed after I nailed him with the football and Kenny smacked in the arm. He ran home, still screaming, until it died down.
"Wow, your sister's…." Gracie couldn't choose what words to come out.
So Jensen decided to say it for her. "Hot." A scowl from Kalel finally decided to change his opinion. "I mean, pretty! Not hot, but pretty!" He concluded nervously.
"That's true." Stan says.
"Why're you here?" I demanded, my eyes narrowed at my 'friend'.
"Oh geez, if you two won't stop fighting, then I'm leaving." Kyle warned us, but to no avail.
"Your dad invited me here!" He replied, pointing at me.
"Oh, MY dad invited you? How lovely is that?!" I shouted, laughing a bit like I'm insane.
Kyle stomped on the ground. "That's it! I'm done! We're leaving!" Him, Kenny, Jon, Kalel, and Jensen finally had enough of our fighting and left. All that remained were me, Stan, and Gracie, who watched us awkwardly from the sidelines.
"This was all your fault!" I pointed angrily at him. "If it weren't for that stupid bet…"
"Stupid bet?!" He cut me off with disbelief. "A bet is a bet and you lost fair and square! I was trying to help you anyway!"
"Can you two please stop?" Came Gracie's voice, which calmed me down a bit. "This fighting isn't getting us nowhere. Just do the bet and ignore this whole thing!"
"Listen to her, dude!"
I couldn't get the right words to slip out of my mouth and shook my head. "Sorry Gracie, but this is personal."
Me and Stan walked closer to each other and took our gloves off. "Let's settle this." He stated, taking his last glove off. "Let this be our first and final battle."
I spat my last glove out of my mouth and our fists were up, ready to strike. "FIGHT!" We sprinted towards each other and did our very best to slap each other in the face, but only ended up slap fighting each other. We were too fast for human sight! Too fast that the speed of light wish it were faster than us! So fast that we ended up the next three blocks somehow!
"What the hell are they doing?" A man asked his friend, who shrugged when they walked past our fight. When we reached near a building, I shoved Stan into the wall and got the advantage. Until he turned around and shoved me against the wall. Again, we turned around only to collide with a nearby window and break through it.
"Not again." A store clerk rolled his eyes at us as we continued our epic fight around the store: Shoving each other against walls and shelves and food. Weird thing was that Gracie was following us everywhere we went.
"Ow. Asshole." Stan grunted when I landed a slap to his cheek.
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!" My sister broke apart the fight, separating me and Stan. "What the fuck are you two doing?! Fighting in public! Explain yourselves!"
Me and Stan gulped for air from our extreme, epic fight. "We…" I said, "…He started calling me names every time I didn't do the bet!"
"Hey! I won and you promised to do this bet!" He argued.
Jordan rose an eyebrow, "Wait. The two of you were fighting because of a bet?" We both nodded. She was silent for a moment before bursting into laughter. What? What's so funny? Isn't it normal for people to fight over a bet? "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" she exclaimed between giggles.
"What?" Me and Stan looked at her in confusion.
She finished her fits of giggles before explaining. "Look, people fight all the time. But over a bet? Guys, a bet is a bet." Stan flashed me an 'I told you so' look. "But that doesn't mean to make fun of the guy for not doing it. Give them some time." This time, I flashed him that look. "What was the bet anyway?"
"I bet if I win the slap contest, which I did," Stan said. "That Jake would have to ask Gracie out in secret." My jaw hung low as Stan slapped his hand over his mouth.
Gracie approached me with a blush on her face. "Is that true?"
I nervously nodded with a blush on my face. "Yeah."
All of us fell silent again before she….hugged me? "That's okay if you can wait. To be honest, I'm not ready either."
Jordan nodded to herself with a smile on her face. "My work here is done."
"How much for an oral?" Some guy asked my sister, his eyes averted to his crotch. My eyes widened before Jordan punched the guy square in the face, knocking a few of his teeth out during the process.
She grabbed a nearby toothbrush and threw it on the floor next to him. "Here, an Oral-b toothbrush. Two sixty nine."
"Sweet." Stan muttered.
"Yeah, we should go before the cops come." Jordan and us ran from the store and into the night.
I love my sister.