Just recently read the latest chapter of Bleach and bcause of that, I need to tweak this plotline just a little bit. Can't believe this, though. Anyway, some reviewers correctly guessed what I was writing about this chapter and I didn't even give out any clues! I was still writing ahead, though!
Breaking the Twilight by Boogermeister
Chapter 6- Better To Have Loved And Lost
The first week confirmed it. I was pregnant with Aizen's second child, as I went into initial fever-like symptoms. I was too ill to care for Tensa, who was puzzled at my condition. Luckily, Starrk was there to help me, since I didn't want that bastard to come by. Through my rests, I would often wake up to see Tensa sleeping next to me. That cheered me up for a while, until I had the urge to vomit. Coughing and spitting out rest of the bile into a small pail, I groaned tiredly as I sat up from the cold bathroom floor.
"Ichigo-sama, are you all right?" I glanced behind my shoulder, and Starrk was already there.
". . . . Yeah, a little," I mumbled, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Out of generosity, he helped me to stand up. "Thanks, Starrk."
". . . . Are you well enough to eat, Ichigo-sama?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah," I replied. "I have some urges for apples . . . ." Nodding his head, Starrk quickly disappeared. I sighed heavily as I walked out of the bathroom, my hand placed over my stomach that was flat for now. The child was already inside of me, there was nothing I can do about it. Except to be awared that I would love it when it comes into this dark world. Aizen was obviously right. I can't hate an innocent person because of its evil father. Walking back to my bed, I laid back down and cuddled close to Tensa.
"Mmnneh . . . ." he muttered in his sleep, as I ran my fingers through his hair. I wondered how he would behave once his new sibling is born. Probably a little envious since I might pay more attention to the newborn. I rubbed at my stomach again, and bit my bottom lip. Maybe . . . . just maybe I should try to love the unborn child now. I can't really have bad feelings for it, like I did with Tensa.
"Hmm . . . ." I sighed deeply, feeling tired again as I closed my eyes.
"Ichigo-sama . . . .?" I opened my eyes and saw Starrk holding a plate of sliced apples with one hand.
"Sorry . . . . feel like going back to sleep now," I muttered.
"Give me a break, Ichigo-sama . . . ." he frowned. I felt a little sorry for him, sending him to do errands seemed to make him a little grouchy. Guess I was taking out a lot of his naptime.
Tensa seemed to notice a change in me in the past several weeks. I don't blame him, my stomach was getting bigger and bigger rather quickly. He would stare at it and tried to understand what was happening to me. "Mama . . . . wha?" he muttered, reaching up to touch at my stomach when I was sitting down on my bed. "Wha . . . . dis?"
"What is this, you asked?" I questioned, and he nodded. "It's . . . . a baby." Once again, he doesn't understand what I was saying as he fowned at me. "I have a baby in my stomach, Tensa," I answered. "I had you in my stomach before."
"Huh?" he frowned again. He was still too young to get it, but touch at my stomach anyway. I wasn't sure if I should be happy at the warm scene in front of me. It would be better if I wasn't held against my will, but I put on a small smile as Tensa smiled at me. His fifth tooth already came out as a sixth one struggled to peek through the upper gum.
"Are you ready to go out?" I smiled.
"Yah, Mama!" he smiled, clapping his hands.
"All right, let me get up first." It was a bit difficult to move around with the growing stomach, I huffed out in discomfort as I stood up and walked towards the door. "Come on, let's go," I muttered, nudging him out into the hallways. Tensa toddled off before I could go after him, but it was fortunate that Starrk was already there to stop him.
"Th-arrk! Hi!" he smiled. Starrk merely nodded at him before glancing at me.
"How are you feeling, Ichigo-sama?" he asked quietly.
"I'm fine, Starrk . . . ." I replied as we started walking. I noticed the Primera shot a glance at my stomach but said nothing, I believed he felt a little uncomfortable about my new pregnancy. He wasn't told about it until Aizen broke the news to him first before anyone else. Right now it felt a little awkward to the both of us, I was having another child and his protecting role was getting bigger because of it.
"Mama," Tensa muttered, reaching up for me to carry him.
"Oh, I can't do that right now, Tensa," I replied, glancing down at him. "I told you that I'm having a baby." But he didn't care about that, he wanted me to carry him now.
"Mama . . . ." he frowned, grasping at my hakama. I groaned, I didn't want to do this but it was getting irritating for me to get annoyed by him. Maybe it had to do with the hormones eating inside of me.
". . . . Want me to carry him for you, Ichigo-sama?" suggested Starrk.
"Please do so," I sighed heavily. Starrk picked him up into his arm, Tensa was a bit surprised about the ordeal but was happy anyway.
"Th-arrk," he smiled, poking at his broken mask. The sharp bones didn't really hurt him, but his attention was quickly turned to the man's face and touched his chin. "Th-arrk . . . . mee, like."
"Hm? What are you saying, my prince?" asked Starrk.
"Mee . . . . like Th-arrk," chided Tensa, now touching at his nose.
"You like me, my prince?" Starrk questioned in mild surprise. I blinked in surprise, as well. I knew that the Primera cared about Tensa, but I didn't know that my son cared about him just the same. ". . . . It's an honor to be appreciated by you, my prince," Starrk smiled a little. Tensa simply giggled at him, hiding his face playfully into the Espada's shoulder.
I shrugged and couldn't help but smile, Tensa didn't care that Starrk was a Hollow. He only saw him as a friend. Because of that, Starrk finally decided to play with Tensa once we reached the greenery. Frowning uncomfortably, I struggled to sit down against a tree but soon relaxed as I gazed at my son cheerfully chased after Starrk, who was lazily walking in long strides. Looking at the Primera now was completely different from the same person I met when I was kidnapped.
He didn't acknowledge me at first, mostly because he was asleep almost all the time. Only after a few months after having Tensa, he was assigned to look after us though he still slept a lot then. The next thing I knew, I was grardually getting used to his presence and slowly gained his trust. Gazing at the two, Starrk simply turned his direction when Tensa nearly caught him.
"Tah-ahh! Th-arrk!" Tensa squealed in slight frustration.
"Try to keep up with me, my prince," Starrk replied quietly. Tensa tried to go after him again, but the distance was pretty clear. "Get closer, try to catch me," he encouraged, walking slower.
"Uhn!" Tensa huffed. He forced his little legs to go faster but he tripped onto the grassy ground. Starrk stiffened as I did, and he walked back to him. "Ow . . . .!" whimpered Tensa, sitting up.
"Are you all right, my prince?" Starrk questioned concernedly, kneeling down to eye any damage on him.
"Ow . . . ." Tensa whimpered, touching at the palm of his hand.
". . . . There's no cuts or bruises on you," concluded Starrk.
"Is he all right, Starrk?" I asked.
"The prince's hand was barely harmed but nothing serious," Starrk replied.
"Oh . . . . guess it's all right," I sighed, rubbing soothingly at my stomach. I hated being stressed, even with the pregnancy. It would make me feel sick sometimes. Tensa quickly went back to playing with Starrk, trying to climb onto his back. Starrk didn't seem to mind when his hair was painfully tugged, though he slightly frowned in pain when Tensa pulled harder. "Tensa, don't do that," I called out scoldingly.
"It's all right, I don't mind the roughness," muttered Starrk. I sighed and glanced down at my stomach, in the second month I appeared to be in the fifth or sixth month. Sighing again, I was about to rest my eyes when I felt the dull kick.
"Ah . . . ." I gasped softly.
"Something wrong, Ichigo-sama?" asked Starrk, by now Tensa climbed over his shoulder but the Primera settled him onto his lap.
"Nothing, it's just that I felt the baby kicking me," I replied quietly.
". . . . Is that a good thing?" he asked.
"Of course," I muttered, rubbing at my stomach. I felt it again, and I sighed in subtle happiness. I was trying to love it as much as I can right now. The child was a part of me, but it was a part of Aizen also. Regardless, I would try harder to keep it as well as Tensa away from Aizen's diabotical plan. 'It', I wasn't sure what sex my child is. It might be another boy. It seemed logical, considering that both of its parents are male. I rested my eyes as the baby kicked again. It felt very lively now, maybe once it comes out it would grow up into an energetic kid.
"Are you feeling all right, Ichigo?" asked Aizen, kissing at my cheek when he came across us after we left the fake outdoor. I frowned slightly from his touch but held my tongue as he placed his hand over my stomach. "Has the child been kicking recently?"
". . . . Yes, Aizen-sama," I muttered quietly, glancing away.
"Dada . . . ." smiled Tensa, waving at his father.
"And how are you doing, my precious heir?" smiled Aizen as he bent down to pick him up. "Soon, your mother will give you a new sibling. Aren't you excited about it, Tensa?" Tensa just glanced at him with a confused look on his face. "Hmm, guess you don't understand it yet," he smirked, gently caressing at his face.
"Ahh . . . ." Tensa mumbled, mimicking him as he touched at his face.
"I think you will like having a new sibling, Tensa," he replied, as he then gazed at me. "As much as your mother will love having a new child in his arms." I slightly clenched my jaws but I didn't say nothing. I already learned my lesson, I can't let my resistance get the best of me again. Suddenly, I felt a little woozy from the constant stress. It kept happening for over the past week.
". . . . May I go back to my room, Aizen-sama?" I muttered tiredly.
"Yes, I was going to see you two later anyway," replied Aizen, handing Tensa to Starrk.
"Aizen-sama . . . ." nodded Starrk. The ex-Captain finally left us, as we walked through a few hallways. Aizen coming across me didn't make my stress any better, but I tried to calm myself as I caressed at my stomach. "Ichigo-sama . . . . are you all right?" Starrk questioned.
"Yeah . . . . I just need to rest, that's all," I muttered.
"But you had already slept a few moments ago," he pointed out, but I ignored it. The only thing I can think of right now was to get out of this weird illness I was feeling. Whatever it was, I can't let it take over me because of my pregnancy.
"Uhh . . . ." I groaned slightly, just before I suddenly threw up.
"Ichigo-sama . . . .?" Starrk gasped as he immediately came to my side. "Are you okay?" I couldn't answer him when I threw up again, the bile splattered onto the floor. Tensa was just as concerned, but was confused of what was happening to me. "Are you still ill, Ichigo-sama?" questioned Starrk.
"I think so . . . ." I grumbled. I couldn't understand why, but the illness was still there. I thought it would end after two weeks. "Just . . . . just take me to my room, Starrk."
"But Ichigo-sama, I think it might be something else," argued Starrk. "I think we should go to see if--" I suddenly yelled out in pain; I fell to my knees and clutched at my stomach as I felt the sharpness inside of me.
"Argh!" I yelled. Fear was taking over me, my unborn child could be in trouble.
"Ichigo-sama . . . .!" gasped Starrk. I doubled over in pain and I threw up once more, but it was different. I vomited out blood.
"Wh-what . . . .?!" I gasped in horror; it wasn't long until I felt the sharp pain in my stomach once again and I suddenly blacked out.
All I can think of was those shadows covering my unknown child.
I groaned tiredly. My eyelids felt terribly heavy but I forced them to open. I wasn't sure if I was in my room, but it was too dark to know. "S-Starrk . . . ." I muttered tiredly as I glanced around.
"I'm right here, Ichigo-sama . . . ." I glanced to my right and saw the Primera just as he put on a small light and he was standing over me. His expression was grave and somber, and his tone of voice was full of grief. ". . . . I am so terribly sorry, Ichigo-sama," he muttered softly. I frowned slightly in confusion and tried to sit up but I suddenly realized that my body felt different. It felt heavy and yet it wasn't.
"Starrk . . . . what happened?" I muttered. He glanced away from me, his lips tightened painfully. "Starrk . . . . please tell me," I demanded, as fear and anxiety rose inside of me. "Did something happen to me and to the baby?"
"Yes . . . ." he replied mournfully, glancing back at me. "The womb inside of you somehow got infected, and it caused internal bleeding for you. Luckily, the eighth Espada saved your life, Ichigo-sama."
"But what about the baby?" I questioned anxiously. "Is the baby okay?" He didn't answer me. My heart was beating erratically as I forced my hands to remove the thick bedsheet that was covering me. My eyes widened in absolute horror; there was a bandage wrapped around my abdomen. And my stomach, it was smaller now. "Starrk . . . .! Where's the baby?!" I gasped, my eyes began to water as I stared at him.
". . . . The child had to be taken out to save you, Ichigo-sama," he muttered with so much regret. "But . . . . she only survived for a few hours--"
"It was a girl?!" I gasped sharply, sitting up despite the dull pain in my abdomen. Starrk nodded silently as he glanced away. "But . . . . she's really . . . ."
"Yes . . . . I'm so sorry, Ichigo-sama," he muttered. My heart immediately shattered. I had a girl but she was now gone. My throat knotted up just before I let out a small whimper as tears fell from my eyes. That dream came true, I had a feeling that something horrific might happen.
". . . . Where is she?" I whimpered.
"Ichigo-sama?" questioned Starrk.
"Where's my baby? I want to see her!" I demanded.
". . . . I don't think I can let you do that, Ichigo-sama," he replied with regret.
"Why not?! I don't care if she's dead, I want to see my own child for myself!" I cried in a mix of anger and grief as I glared at him. "Please, let me see her, Starrk!"
"But, Ichigo-sama--"
"Let me see her, Starrk! Now!" He was disturbed by my demand but reluctantly nodded as he sonido'd from my sight. I could nothing but sob, I felt angry yet grief-stricken by the news of my dead child. It was too much to me, a person that I loved was gone. Just like my mother.
"Ichigo-sama . . . ." I tearfully glanced up and saw Starrk holding a bundle.
"Let me see her . . . ." I whimpered. With slight reluctance, he gave her to me. She felt small and fragile, I noticed that in my arms. Hesitantly, I pushed the blanket away and more tears fell as I gazed at her seemingly sleeping face. ". . . . She's beautiful . . . ." I muttered sadly. Her hair was smooth and soft, and it was a dusky auburn color. I touched at her smooth skin, it was disturbingly cold but it looked warm under the light. "Why . . . .? Why does this have to happen?"
"I'm sorry about this, Ichigo-sama . . . ." muttered Starrk. "If there is anything I can do . . "
". . . . You can't bring her back," I whimpered, gently cradling my deceased daughter. "You can't . . . . there's nothing you can do, Starrk." I stared dejectedly at her innocent face, I didn't even think of a name for her yet. ". . . . She reminds me of my mother."
"What . . . .?"
"She . . . . kind of looks like my late mother," I mumbled. "I guess . . . . I would have named her . . . . Masaki. If she had lived . . . ." I wiped my flowing tears away and touched at her soft hair. "Yeah . . . . Masaki, my mother's name . . . ." Starrk seemed sympathetic for me; how strange, a Hollow like him was being sad for me.
"Ichigo-sama . . . ." he muttered quietly, slowly he reached out to take Masaki, my newly named infant, out of my arms. Immediately, I started sobbing again. I let my body dropped back into the mattress and muffled my crying with a pillow.
"Ichigo . . . ." I froze momentarily before resumed crying, I didn't want to look at Aizen as I heard him walking up to my bed. "You shouldn't have shown him the child, Starrk," he muttered quietly.
"He insisted of seeing her, regardless of the death, Aizen-sama . . . ." Starrk replied quietly.
"Be that as it may, take the child back to Szayel Aporro--"
"Bury her," I whimpered, glancing tearfully at the two men. "I want Masaki to be buried properly. Not to be discarded like some trash . . . ." Aizen gazed down at me then back at Starrk.
"Do what he says, Starrk," he ordered. Starrk nodded in response before disappearing. Still sobbing, I curled up tightly into a ball as I buried my head with a pillow. "Ichigo . . . . it's terrible that our child died so tragically," Aizen muttered quietly as he sat down on the bed, rubbing at my back soothingly. But I didn't want him to comfort me, his touch was nothing to me.
". . . . You named her Masaki?" he asked, almost in a perplexed tone.
"Yes . . . . her face and hair looked similar to my late mother's," I whimpered.
"But . . . . what was the point of naming a deceased child, Ichigo?" questioned Aizen, caressing at my shoulders. I continued sobbing; I can't believe this cold-hearted bastard would question what was very precious to me. "There's no reason to continue grieving like this, Ichigo . . . ." he muttered. "After you're completely healed, we can try again soon--"
"No!" I cried out, glaring at him with such hatred. I hated so much right now. He was the reason why I became like this. He was the reason why my daughter was dead. All because he wanted power and control. "I'm tired of this!" I cried. "I don't want anything from you! No more, I can't take it anymore!" Aizen was slightly taken aback by my sudden outburst, but I didn't care. I wanted him to leave me alone right now.
"Ichigo . . . . I understand that you're delicate right now," he replied quietly. "But you must get over this death soon, so you can care for Tensa."
"Tensa . . . .?! So you can take him away from me like before?!" I yelled out. The anger was overriding my grief for Masaki as my glare hardened even more. "Just leave me alone! I'm tired of your fucking games! I'm tired of being your goddamn prisoner!"
"What?" Aizen frowned at me in slight agitation. "But, Ichigo--" I just lost it. My clenched fist suddenly punched him hard across the face. For once in my miserable life in here, I felt sastified for hurting him. Aizen, however, was mildly shocked by my action and stared at me with his eyes glinted dangerously. For a second, I thought I was in trouble for punching him but his expression relaxed as he stood up.
". . . . Sorry for pushing you too hard," he muttered quietly. But I didn't truly believe his honesty, I doubt he was ever sorry in his life. "Just get better so you can take care of our only child for now." I tearfully glowered at him as he finally left, I choked out a sob and clenched at my aching heart. My rage was now mixing with the grief for my dead infant girl. It was getting too painful for me.
"Masaki . . . ." I sobbed, my mind fogged into my inner world. It was torrential, with the heavy rain whipping sideways and black clouds loomed over me. I couldn't take this feeling anymore . . . . Suddenly, I felt a throbbing pain in my left eye. I quickly went back to reality and realized that my left vision was blurred with darkness. "What . . . .?" I whimpered. This can't be happening to me, it would happen whenever my inner hollow would try to take over.
But I hadn't felt this since I was trapped here in Las Noches. My feelings was actually eating at my heart, like an actual Hollow.
(Third person POV)
"Aizen-sama . . . . did something happen?" asked Starrk, as Aizen walked into the Octavo's laboratory with a bruise on his cheek.
"I said something offhandedly, and Ichigo became furious," Aizen muttered quietly. He gazed at the dead infant on the examination table, still wrapped in a blanket, and frowned slightly. "Still, I really don't understand this . . . . he named the child as if she was alive."
". . . . You should try to consider Ichigo-sama's feelings, Aizen-sama," muttered Starrk. "He had just lost your heiress, and broke down completely at the devastating news. Not to mention that his body is still young but--"
"Are you debating against my actions, Starrk?" Aizen questioned.
"I am not, Aizen-sama," the Primera replied. "It's just that . . . ." he gazed at the infant before back at him. "It's just that, when Ichigo-sama was violently in pain and the child had to be taken out, couldn't anyone try to save her life? Even you, Aizen-sama . . . . it was your child, you could have figured out a way for Ichigo-sama's sake." Aizen narrowed his bronze eyes at him and stepped forward.
"Not even I can save the child, Starrk," he muttered. "It was far too soon for her to be born, it was obvious that she couldn't survive at all. Besides . . . . why does this concern you so much, Primera? Your role was to look after Ichigo and Tensa, and that's it. But it seems that you have attachment for the two. Tell me, why is that?"
". . . . It is as you said, Aizen-sama," Starrk muttered quietly. "My role is to look after Ichigo-sama and the prince. It is my duty . . . ."
"That's right, it's just your duty . . . . and nothing else, Starrk," Aizen frowned, turning to leave. "Fulfill Ichigo's wish, and bury the child somewhere."
"Yes, Aizen-sama . . . ." the first Espada nodded, his stormy grey eyes glinted in slight resentment behind his superior's back.
Don't hurt me! *Runs away from mob with torches* Ah, guess the next chapter would be interesting!
Read, review, and no flames.
I'll update ASAP!!